In The Gloaming TW *just in case*
With the tragic loss of the feed and after much debate and discussion. It's been decided to create a new thread. Soul space so to speak. A journal of sorts.
A place where I can dump some of the nonsense that goes on in my head.
While replies are welcome - they aren't necessary.
Type - delete. I need some sleep - even looked at listeners lol
I must be desperate
@mytwistedsoul- sorry i missed this post- but it was wonderful how many rallied to help shield you for next night's sleep. I hope the visualization was useful. your imagery was impressive. May today be more peaceful for you.
@barncat Hey - How are you?
Thank you - there's nothing to be sorry for though :)
They are a wonderful group of people. There's no words to express just how grateful I am to each and everyone of them.
While it didn't work that night - last night I actually went to bed feeling calm - maybe it just need to charge up. Although it could have just been exhaustion - lol!
Sleep well :) 😴Imagining a protective bubble - watching it form and gain strength from all the positive vibes. It's an amazing sight to see
Kick ass wizard Teddy bears are writing protective signals across the surface - ninja cats are stationed strategically with their ninja pizza friends and there's super fast - scarf wearing elephants guarding the doors witlh lightsaber wielding Limes
Working on keeping the breathing nice and steady - I can feel it lurking but it's alittle intimidated by the army surrounding it.
Even of it doesnt work - it was fun to imagine all this
Thank you for all the good positive vibes. - you're all awesome and I am so grateful to have met you all
@mytwistedsoul
I miss the times when we would go in warrior modes with ninjacat and I woukd take out my woofs or my Bobba Fett mandalorian armor...I am glad you feel better Soul and am truly sorry the woofs could not be by your side in need...😔😔😔
@GreenAndRedBoat Thank you - I'm glad to see you back. It sounds as though the woofs had battles of their own to contend with and while they may not have been part of the imagery they were there in spirit
@mytwistedsoul
Heroes have spuls and troubles too and my battles are on 3 levels, the easiest is external, her in this "reality", the hardest is inside me woth daemons and darkness and horrid things and the meanest is above them all, with whomever, whatever put me in this neverending torture...
Like Optimus Prime said, now I'm coming after you...battling "cteators"
I am grateful my loved ones that you are understanding with me...
@lazyKatz
@mytwistedsoul
Likewise :)
@mytwistedsoul
😁😁😁 made me laugh Soul, sense of humour even if you are in dark places...😔
Woofs are with you this time 🐾🐾.
I like your new profile pic alot too 😊.
🤗🤗🤗 hugs you in dark places, you are not alone...
@mytwistedsoul- your creative ability to put a voice to how we are feeling is unbelievable. I just signed up again for my online therapist- and of course came back to check out this site. THANK YOU so much- many of the phrases are tied for first place. I so needed that laugh.
@barncat Hey How are you? I'm glad you came back to check out the site. There's alot of really nice people here.
Lol! I'm glad you got a laugh - Tbh it's alot of why I do it - it usually resonates some how and I've found it helps sometimes with anxiety - gives me something else to focus on - instead of just freaking out lol
@mytwistedsoul- i have been obsessively following 7 cups through the pandemenic- some days i regret how much time i spend- then i find your hilarious photos and captions. I cant decide which ones i like the best- all hit home. You are so creative.
@mytwistedsoul
Heyyy, niiice 🤗😀😀😀. I put up the super moon for you but I am glad you feel a bit better😶...
Always liked your theme pictures😊. I hope you are alright my dear friend...
@GreenAndRedBoat Thank you - for your moon and you're words
Tbh - I'm angry - But I'm not letting it - Idk - I'm just not letting it -
It's nice to see you - thank you for the woofs
@mytwistedsoul
I am warm in my soul that you grew stronger myfreind...
Your picture melted me down right now 😶...even if you are not alright you always think of others and chose a beautiful picture that I like alot...
(Anger is a way for me to control my physical chronic pain or panic and anxiety attacks since everything failed over the years yet I am bound to hold it in check...)
I liked your cascade and the one "if I am the only calm in the room, we are screwed" reminded me of what my friends and colleagues used to say about me : " when cosmin smiles than s...t is about to hit the fan in a very bad way..."
Tgank you for the woof and butterflee my dear friend and hope the worst wave has passed and you feel a bit better 🤗😊 I am so grateful to have you...
Foolish we are. Lulled into a false sense of security. Laughable, because when have we ever truely known security? She always finds a way.
There's a sense, a feeling of hopelessness and despair. Trapped and you think....
I can't breath. Why can't I ever fucking breath?
@mytwistedsoul
Sitting with you and sending clean air
We can survive the Queens and beat them together 🐾🐾
Cool air from the North, the North knows...
We all crave freedom...
She - called the cops - again. A danger to myself and possible others. She's done it before - called in a well fare check. Liar - god she's so good at it
Three cop cars and an ambulance - triggers out the a**
There's a restraining order against her and a few others - but she finds a way - she allways find something
Anonymous they said - Phone calls - more phone calls and then even more - I hate the phone. LOL who uses the phone to call people? Text - yeah - games - yeah - surf the wed - yeah. Actually use it what it's meant for - no
There was - fear - anger - frustration. Alot of dissociation - alot of just shutting down - pulling inward - hiding. Left us feeling - hopeless. Thousands of miles were put between her and home. She moved - lol - go figure. Since we lived with the grand parents she knew where we were. We were reminded that once for a few months - she didn't know. Noone did - a runaway - a lostboy on the streets making the way from there to here. Those thoughts came again - runaway. Maybe just slip into the woods and disappear - I believe we could do it. I'm allmost positive we could. But - the dogs - worried about the dogs - Idk - they're older with some health problems - both of them. Tazzer with her liver and Kodie with her joints. The idea of leaving them behind - too painful
My hands shake today - everything sort of does. Even teeth hurt - from having jaws clenched. Muscles sore from being too tense
I didn't harm though - I wanted to - god I did. It's still a thought tbh - but - Idk - given some thoughts - does it prove her right? Because ther's times when I think - her or me - one of us has to go. I - just want this to stop - she needs to stop. IDk why she gets so much pleasure out of tormenting people - why she feels she has to skirt the laws and just make life hell
Idk - I can feel a sadness creeping in - under the numb - the tendrils of darkness - slipping through the cracks. Idk - it's ok though - I feel maybe we can be sad about all this. There's still anger - alot of it - it's smouldering right now maybe - IDk tbh. I just know it's there - thats ok too - I think thats ok - given what happened
@mytwistedsoul
You are so strong Soul, I admire you for the will to not hurt! 🤗😊
Reading your torment and turmoild I realised we are so much alike in so many ways and I always said it will be me or my so called "parents" and only if I win I can live again...😔
She did tgat police and ambulace thing on me too...
I do nlt have a nice soothing signature like you Soul but I just am very sad that you have to go through this and people do not leave you alone in peace...I know how increddibly maddening that is...
Hugs with compassion 🤗🐾🐾
@ThePizza @NoneTheWiser @ GreenandRedBoat
Thank you for sitting with me - for sending the air - for your words
It was nice to imagine you all here - Thank you. I don't think I'll ever be able to express how grateful and appreciative I am of you all
@mytwistedsoul
I am so glad that you thought of us around you 🤗😊. Whenever I was abused or had it very tough, I imagined superheroes and robots gathering around me and it made me feel good.
I hope that it doesn't bother you me referencing my own things but it is my way to identify and connect...😶 if it is not ok just tell me please...
🐾🐾🐭🐁🐀
@GreenAndRedBoat It doesn't bother me at all - you're right it is away to relate and connect with other people. And it helps to know that we're not alone.
I'm sorry to hear that you had your's do the same thing to you and I can't help but ask - if it's ok - how did you deal with it? Tbh - I thought restraining orders and stuff covered everything but - I know how easy it can be to get burner phones and calling cards
Thank you Bones - Maybe one day we'll both find our peace and our freedom
Be gentle with yourself and your thoughts
@mytwistedsoul
I will not enter into details because this thread is about you. As everytime in my life I had to deal with it alone, they beat me up, corrupt policeme and construction workers and put me in a mental institution...In yourcountry, the law is respected, in my country there is always underlying corruption and my so called "father" was afraid of my accusations of abuse and other horrid things I know about him and wanted to have me declared insane and institutionalised for life...But I survived in the mental institution and was lucky tger was a mixed vomission of doctors, could not all be corruted and they let me go, having found nothing wrong with me...
I am proud of you Soul tgat you stayed strong and did not hurt ypurself and become a double victim and let her win twice....I wish I had your will and strength...
This type of actions are harrasment, eroding at our peace of mind and soul...maddenning and testing any normal person's patience, of course we feel angry...
Thank you Soul for your wish, I would be happy if at least you make it to peace and tranquility and happyness in life, than at least one of us won😉🤗😶...🐾🐾
@mytwistedsoul
😁😁😁
