In The Gloaming TW *just in case*

On my mind - Anxiety and frustration. Ask questions - get accused of trying to start fights. Oh the higher ups will talk to the suck ups. They'll acknowledge them. But not the wave makers. Not that I'm really trying to make waves. I just don't understand why they want to make it seem like our opinions matter now.

Some of these people claim they are long term listeners - with the name calling and inconsideration. So much for caring about people. That's your compassion? That's your understanding? No wonder I had such a hard time finding a good listener.

It festers like a gaping wound. The place created to be heard simply doesn't want to listen unless you agree with the establishment. You are either with or against. Oh you will be praised if you have nice things to say. You will be acknowledged and thanked. Disagree and you will be ignored. Given the silent treatment or called out by others for being too sensitive.

This re-enforces what some of us already knew. What some of us already feel. We are unworthy. We're unworthy of being heard, unworthy of compassion. Most of us are already uncertain of using our voices because we've been told to be quiet too many times. So we swallow our words until they threaten to drown us and we choke on them. No one want to hear what we have to say anyway. There is no comfort.

@NoneTheWiser @jennysunrise8

Um - pardon me - but I would actually like to take this time to point out that my comment was about well - the a$$ ki$$ers here. The people who are being bullies and making fun of the people who are complaining. The people who have called others insensitive snowflakes - the people who are having a hard time making the adjustment to change. And the fact that Glen won't even acknowledge them - us. But he will listen to the ones who give that atta boy - we love you sentiment. To me the idea of offering criticism in the form of a sandwich is bullsh*t. It's just a way to disguise the fact that it still liver. I hate liver. I can't give good - bad - good.

The point I was making - I guess - is that - everyone needs to be heard regardless - the good - the bad and the ugly. And unless we're saying something good - no one wants to hear it. That much was made clear by the like it or leave comment.

Tbh - the length of a post has alot of meaning. There's alot of thought and emotion that goes into those kinds of posts. There are alot of things that can be gleaned from it. There's alot of information to be found. Plus in reading it covers the thoughts for everything that has happened here in the past week and a half. I actually commend that person to be able to hold that train of thought as long as they did. I know I probably couldn't have - at least not today.

Now um - theres a good chance I totally missed the boat here and have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about.

The decisions, the rules, the features - can always be discussed further and changed... but communication and trust - sometimes we only get one chance at that. <------- The line here - spoke volumes

Ok I'll be under my rock now

Why do revelations come out of no where? I did have someone remind me though and as much as I hate to admit it - she's right.

So I figure since I did it here - I may as well admit it here. I'm sorry -

I've become a real judgemental a**hole these past almost 2 weeks. OMG - I am not any better then the people Who hurt me with their judgement. And a part of me want to justify it by saying they started it with their name calling and bullying. But it's no excuse. How did ths happen? I have no right to judge - I'm always hoping people don't judge me. Man I am so pissed at myself. And I've been so vocal about it. D*mn - way to go J. You are awesome - keep up the good work!

Coffee's cold - means I'm missing some time.
Anxious and aggressive
Feeling sick to my stomach
My head feels like it want to explode

Need to calm this down

Don't expect anyone to approve of these or even understand why I picked them. But I am wondering now how many you can pack into one post - lol

So hours spent looking for things to see how many I can do in one post. Keep in mind - they aren't meant to be inspiring necessarily. These are the ones that "spoke" to me last night- I stuck with the same size I used yesterday so - let's see shall we?

I think this is 50 lol - I'm making myself nervous so - we'll stop here

Over whelmed- not sure what I should do. Everything I feel says to just leave. You've darkened enough doors J. People getting into trouble. For stepping in - me not being clear enough. Idk - I'm sorry. This is why - There's a reason I've been isolated for so long. Given the labels I have been - called the names I have. There's a sad truth to it. I am no good.

No replies please - it's not worth it

On my mind - holes in the soul - cement makes it too heavy - hard to move

No words - isolate

Idk - leave it alone J