"I might be Ok, but I'm not fine at all" My little blog (This will contain triggers)
Heyyyyy guys, I have decided to make a little blog about me and my goal is to try and write in it everyday. This blog WILL have triggers scattered throughout it so sorry in advance
I will start with a little of my past and have a list of all my triggers i have identified so far.
TW sa, sh, su*c*de, eating disorder, abuse and probably alot more lol.
When I was in grade 3 I was sexually assaulted at school and I havn't been the same. I have been extremely careful on what I wear so it covers my body. I have tried to commit 4 times twice being the wrists, drowning and overdose for the other times. Mum is abusive because she doesn't know what happened at school so she don't know why I tried to commit. Today I also self harmed just a little bit but its still self harm and I am putting myself down for it. I dont even know why I self harm but I have been atlest once a year since my last su*c*de attempt. I have been getting awfull nightmares/flashbacks from this too so I havnt slept properly in a while lol. I am freaking out for Thursday aswell because I have a doctors appointment and I have lost so much weight its visible to me even and she some how allways can tell when I have lost weight. so I am not looking foward because mums going to be really mad after. Any way thats enough for now... See you next time and Hope u didnt get triggered. Down Bellow I have listed my triggers.
Sexual Assault
Self Harm
The colour Red
Also anyone can comment and support me! So feel free to do so!
@Listeningsarinn @Nightskypleasure @shinequeen001 @HelpfulDiamond @WarmLightXO @Londo
Also I cant get the song stick season out of my head XD such a catchy song lmao and a very random gif because I felt like it LMAO
That is one bizarre car š
OK sooooo rn I am terrified for later today... like super super scared. I want people to be happy, and I am like super scared. My therapist wants to discuss mondays session. 2 appointments in one week... She must be super desperate to know whats up with me.
I just want to be alone Not poof for good or anything, I just want to be left alone for a little bit more. I am NOT ready. But what if I'm never ready? What if I will never be able to have a family of my own. What if I do but mums way of raising me is embedded into me soooo what if I start treating them how mum did?
8 days free from doing bad now...
I have been writing again...
Sad poems, angry poems,
I am ok with sharing them just dont know if anyone one really wants to hear whats going on through my head.
There not really peoms, more like short stories.
Congratulations on your 8 days of no sh š It takes strength and courage to change our habits. It sounds like you've been through alot and at such a young age. I hope you can find some peace in your life @Swiftygirl13
Maybe try focusing on the here and now instead of worrying about what-ifs of the future.
@SweetPea321
Yeah My mind Just wanders a lot to distract me from things anddddd It often goes to that sooo its pretty annoying, Thank you. I am so happy I havnt harmed
How are things going for you now? Good, I hope.
Idk how I have pushed through for so long. I am so exhausted mentally and physically, I am scared tbh on how long I can fake again. I need time to be myself and nurses are concerned when I am myself. I am a mess, i am chaotic, loud, crazy, and mentally unstable. It's fun being me, but dangerous. I get harmful, on edge, and stupid
Hi. I'm new here and just read this. Ur poem is haunting and beautiful and reminds me of me when I was younger. We had similar experiences, but it was my dad who was abusive and cold, and I was assaulted at age 12 - kidnapped and so on. The pain and loneliness have definitely been unbearable at times. It is both instinctive and brave to share your soul. Thank you for being open. It helps me feel connected to the world, as I've pushed everyone away.
You are worthy of love, and u did nothing wrong. U r a warrior, and I'm so glad u're here to share ur story.
Taylor Swift: Karma Album: Midnights
Ask me what I learned from all those years: I have learnt so so much, yet so little. I have learnt it's ok not to be ok. I have learnt things will improve over time, but I have to work hard to get to that point. I still have so much to learn tho.
Ask me what I earned from all those tears: Its ok to cry those tears, I dont cry because i am weak or pathetic, but because I have been strong too long, I am not weak or pathetic. All those tears are because I am hurting and have been for a long time. It makes me human and sometimes it makes me feel good even.
Ask me why so many fade when I'm still here: some people don't have the support I have from cups, if it wasn't for cups I would have faded by now but I have you to help me.
(I'm still here, I'm still here)(I'm still here, I'm still here)(I'm still here, I'm still here)(I'm still here, I'm still here)(I'm still here, I'm still here)(I'm still here, I'm still here)(I'm still here, I'm still here)(I'm still here, I'm still here)(I'm still here, I'm still here)(I'm still here, I'm still here)(I'm still here, I'm still here)(I'm still here, I'm still here)(I'm still here, I'm still here) I AM STILL HERE, and not going anywhere
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1BB87ep9JbsDfzob0t75ryddeAWqzVqhKmKEF30pkEM4/edit?usp=sharing
I wanted to post this but it wouldnt let me idk why tho
@Swiftygirl13
@Listeningsarinn I miss u too, I have been thinking of u lately and hoping and praying u be ok. I miss ur little random pop ins to say hello and looking forwards to u getting atl again, I miss u very much and love u (friends way)
Hope u are ok and have listened to the full Midnights album by Taylor Swift (3am edition)
Aw, didnāt think that you would notice the edits to the bio super soon haha š
Iām okie love, no worries, and I hope so too, but it will most likely take quite a bit until I can get back my access to teenie side
love you too, and thinking of youš
take care of you for me please *~*
and yep, I haveeee xd, first day it was released! Given I have way too many Taylor swift fans in my friends
@Listeningsarinn
GOOD Sarinn, whats ur fav? mine is Anti-hero Karma snow on the beach and bejeweled
I want to balloon twist again, that was fun, I miss doing it. I havenāt harmed in 17-18 days. I just donāt see the point in hurting myself when already pain is bad. I have been put on a drip and have been high on pain killers lol that was funny tbh. I had an argument about pickles. They are green NOT pink and purple.
Trying is hard lately. But itās the best I can do so I have to keep trying, I canāt give up now, I have been through so much. Surely I can get over this stupid ED. I still have nurses in room with me at all times, but thatās mainly because I am physically too weak to get out of bed and I have been passing out/fainting quite a bit lately which isnāt good.
Dr been visiting daily and I have been having heaps of scans and tests and stuff done to me.
@swiftygirl13
*knock knock*
@Listeningsarinn
heyy sorry I havent been on for almost 2 weeks not been myself
Hey loveš nothing to be sorry about
you were just on my mind and I missed you
so wanted to poke you
how is you??
