Hall of Fame (TW)

Let people know, and they don't care, nor make an attempt to do so.

So be it.

Never found what I was looking for. Perhaps I shall once I leave, or perhaps that is the fantasy of leaving.

Sometimes I'm alright, sometimes I don't know.

Sleeping on the floor, I don't need a bed anyways I guess.

Forsaken and forlorn. What have I done?

Wipe the blood of your hands.

Sua Sponte

Of one's own accord.

Don't trust in others, there's no one listening. Make way for yourself.

2021

Clap

Wonder how I'll manage this year

Poor plan is going into action.

This won't really affect literally anyone, seeing as the state of my wellbeing has no bearing on anyone in this world.

I'll try not to die, and hey, I might even have a few good times.

Farewell for now.

Likely my last post.

Leaving tomorrow, farewell to all.

@xelimious- I have followed your thread- am trying to read into this farewell- whether it is a cry for help- or a lliteral done with posting- just wanted you to know someone has been listening- and to acknowledge your value in this world.

@barncat

Thank you, that does mean a lot.

I said that it's my last post as I'm running away tomorrow, and more likely than not I won't have availability to log in and post.

Much appreciated, do not know how long I may be gone for but will try to figure something out.

A lot has happened in a short period of time.

I was in a temporary group home environment, awaiting placement to either a more permanent group home or a foster home. I got placement in a foster home. Right now I would definitely prefer a group home and I'm considering doing something incredibly stupid in order to move to a group home instead. I do not care if I'll have less freedom.

They wish for me to go into therapy. I am unsure how to respond to this, though I have agreed for now and am awaiting that I guess, I do not see how it could help. Apparently I am very detatched, but how could they possibly know?

'They' as in the agency, I also do not appreciate how they just changed my agency and I therefore got a new case planner. I did not want that to happen. I kind of just want to go back to the group home environment I was in a few days ago. Easier. Structured.

I am contemplating an incredibly stupid action in order to enact change.

I have waited far too long. Wish me luck.

Try again tonight. Do not falter.

I did it. I successfully ran away to NYC, and after about a year of living in psychiatric wards and foster homes I'm now in a group home, and it's all right. I'm 18 now but still under the child protection agency, when I first came here I experienced a sexual assault and hence all the mental issues the past year. I feel better now although I've only been out of the hospital and in the group home for a week now, I applied for a few jobs and applied to volunteer at a few local hospitals.

Looking over this thread I can see how my mindset has changed over time. It is surreal to be able to recognize this and I never thought having a diary would bring such reward. I will now use it to give life updates and possibly other miscellaneous topics.

Sometimes I feel like somewhat of a failure, seeing as I have so much free time on my hands and I'm not doing anything with that time. I have recently tried to rectify this by applying to volunteer at two local hospitals and applied for a job, now I just have to await a response.

One of the hospitals have reached out asking for my employment/volunteer experience and once I told them they didn't contact me back, either they're reviewing or they don't want me. Time will tell I suppose.

I have the opportunity to speak with a Rabbi tomorrow and on the 7th regarding my conversion.

Looking forward to moving forward.

It's a shame this site doesn't have more Hebrew support available.

אהבה באה?

Probably not, time will tell I suppose.