A place for my thoughts (and yours) as I cycle through life
I think I will use this spot as a brain dump when needed....I'm having a hard time navigating the forums. I'm not sure where to put things, don't know if there is a way to be notified if someone comments back on my threads but I'm sure I'm missing somebfood stuff, and when it tells me I'm tagged get lost trying to find it....I find I do better navigating the site from my laptop on the web than I do from the android app on the phone so most of my thought dumps will be from the computer, when I actually have time to log in amd type.... I also hate trying to type on my phone....I have the fat finger issue and a lot of times my words are wrong or spell check puts some crazy crap in there that I don't catch and it comes out as nonsense....anyway...if anyone else reads this and wants to be part of my brain dumps, feel free...I'm always open to, but don't always listen to advice, comments and constructive criticism....sooooo to anyone reading, welcome to my world....
Monday 23 September 2024
Our weekend get away was nice....Even though it rained, things worked out and we had a great time. Things in life, being status quo, seem to be at a higher level of status quo, if that makes sense. I wouldn't go as far as saying I'm happy and content with life, but things don't seem to be as "bad" as they have been in the past....to I'm going to call say I'm in a state of "status quo +" lol.....
Things will be busy the next couple of weeks due to the soccer schedule, taking time off from work for adventures, and life in general. While the time off for adventure will be fun, work will be slightly more stressful making sure things are all set when I take those long weekends....you have to take the good with the bad, and balance them out the best you can....
@CyclingThroughLife
Status Quo+ I love that.
I'm glad you had a good weekend. Thanks a bunch for sharing. 😀
I also like the term "status quo +".
Seems like you're in a better headspace, at least for now. Here's hoping you can stay there for a while.
Tuesday 24 September 2024
Just when I'm feeling "status quo+" life hits me with a less than desirable day at work.....isn't that how things always go? Its like that Nickleback song.....''Cause something's gotta go wrong.....
'Cause I'm feelin' way too damn good".......That seems be the story of my life.....the story of most of our lives.....Anyway....just wanted to write this real quick so its here for me to come back to later.....I'm off to soccer....
@CyclingThroughLife
Sorry man, it's super weird how that happens. it does to me too. Hang in there and know your next status quo+ is around the corner again..... you 'll get it again. Be well today 🙂
I have actually pondered this phenomenon from a philosophical and supernatural point of view. 🤔
You will have to share your pondering at some point....please...
@CyclingThroughLife
I'll be glad to. I guess to start with; it would be important to understand that I have a non-commitable perspective in regards to any one higher power or another beyond our human perception or provability.
What's that said, nature is always in balance.
Is that a good starting point?
@IsayUncle
That is a great starting point....I'm listening....
@CyclingThroughLife
Just so you know, this is just how I think about or deal with things that are beyond my control.
I do believe in a higher power than myself even if I can't put my finger on it and I absolutely believe others have the right to believe and in their own higher power. That's important because my thought process about this involves 3 elements.
1) A higher power. 2)The balance of nature. 3) Human frailty
The balance of nature sounds like a wonderful thing but in reality, it is quite harsh. If our planet burns up, our human frailty will suffer and cry like a baby but in reality the burned up planet can just be feeding things into the universe to keep the phisical universe balanced. Nature is never out of balance. We say it is because of our human frailty.
That kind of sets the basis for me about how we automatically view things when they go wrong. There's a bit more to it than just that though.
Thursday 26 Sept 2024
I slept like dog crap. I was up tossing and turning since about 1am, looking at the clock, thinking about work, life problems, analyzing every decision I have made in the last few years regarding all of it, and hating myself and the life I have put myself in. I have a great paying job that offers a great retirement in a couple of years, a roof over my head, i am not lacking for food or much of anything for that matter so shouldn't feel this way yet I do...I flirt with the option of a real therapy session....professionals...maybe it's time to just do it....but there are obstacles to that also....timing....insurance issues, distance...I'll talk about those more this afternoon after work....right now I need to buck up and just get this day over with.
@CyclingThroughLife
I'm Curious.... I know you've you've been questioning your retirement plan since last year in regards to what age you want to retire.
This year it sounds like you decided on a 2 year deadline. if I remember correctly from past posts that is something that you can financially live with comfortably; and retire kind of young.
Am I correct or is there still a lot of uncertainty about your retirement deadline? Only if you want to share.
I'm really sorry that your work is grabbing a hold of your world and shaking it up like a freaking milkshake. What's happening this week that's making it so crazy again?
@IsayUncle
If I can hold out until March of 2027, when I'm 55, I can retire what I consider comfortably as long as I don't take on any more debt between now and then, and based on my sons college decisions.....he will graduate in May 2026. I have a couple of different paths I'm putting together to chose from, but if I stay until then, while I will still work after retirement, I figured I could get by working partime only for my "extra" and "fun" cash at that time.....If I have to stay at my current job for some reason after I turn 55, while my mental health will continue to suffer, the end result only gets better because my retirement will go up by approximately $1500 to $2000 a year, each year I stay after 55. With all that said, I can actually retire now, but I will be losing a large chunk of money....the retirement I will get if I leave now will cover my mortgage and car payment and that is about it.....I will still have medical insurance which is huge, but the magic number to get what I need is 55 years old......
This weeks happenenings at work are just like any other week.....whats especially hard this week is short staffing....as a supervisor, I have a lot of administrative things to do, and being the end of the month, I have a bunch of reports to run, compile data for, etc. Being short staffed means I have to work the floor so I don't have time to get all my other duties done on time, add to that the stress of working with inmates and some "at home family" things, I feel super overwhelmed.
@CyclingThroughLife When life gets rough, I always remember a saying I learned decades ago:
"This, too, will pass."
@CyclingThroughLife
The reason I asked is because if you are Firm and mostly assured that's your plan..... That is powerful. It effects everything in a positive manner.
I know things can change of course; but if you do retire in two years..... What would the actual date be?
You know the older we get, the faster time flies.... It might not help much with the current hard week your dealing with but when you realize that's another one over the cliff and behind you..... eventually and soon the balance of hope will return to you.
You've been strong this many years. You want to do it right. YOU GOT THIS!
Who knows.... Maybe when you reach your target date, you might feel strong enough to bump it for another 6 months... but won't have to if you don't want. 😄
@CyclingThroughLife You're a 3rd shift guy, then? (It's about 0400 over here) I did a couple night shift jobs, on between a lot of 2nd-shift ones...gotta love security work.
Given the fact that you found this site precisely because of the issues you listed, a therapist might be a good idea. Even if you only see him/her once or twice.
@slowdecline48
I work an off shift....0415am to 1230pm. I like having most of the afternoon to get things done or to myself before my girlfriend gets home from work, but usually I don't get off work on time.....I try to schedule my workouts during this time....I set aside a block of 1:30pm to 3:30 pm to get it done and can usually get a workout in during that time....which is nice....
I will discuss therapy in my evening post in this thread if you are interested.
Sure, if you're okay with blogging about it here...I'd like to see if the therapist is worth a d*mn, for starters.
Thursday 26 Sept 2024
I keep getting an error when posting my original post so I'm going attempt to break it down and find out what the "catch" words are.....I didn't think there were any but the error is there....
Part 1
Formal Therapy.....there are many things to consider for me when doing therapy. The first is timing and location. The nearest therapist that will take my insurance is a 40 min drive away. Then I figure an hour for the session. I always show up 10 min early to all my appointments...a habit I learned in the military. Total time for a therapy session.....lets just say 2 hrs and 30 min...... now I need to find a time to incorporate this into my week......it sounds small, but for me, that is a lot of time out of my day.....for something that may or may not work or that I may or may not like......although this may only be once a week, or once a month, I really am not looking forward to spending that much time out of my day for something so unsure....
I have a another whole paragraph typed out that keeps getting the error code. I tried and tried but cannot seem to find what word or phrase is causing the error....I'm frustrated so I'm leaving it as is right now and I'll revisit it tomorrow.....
@CyclingThroughLife Welcome to online life, where the host server &/or one or more of the programs on it sometimes have a seizure, leaving us mystified as to why...
@CyclingThroughLife
This sounds like it falls into that category of stuff that we were talking about. There's something you wanna get done and it is important and for no apparent reason everything goes South.
(For me to recognize these moments drastically helps me not to anguish over them for long periods of time.) Before they had the power to significantly cloud my brain enough to ruin my day... seriously.
BTW.... I've had that happen to me a few times and it was so frustrating because it seemed like it came at a point that I really wanted to express an important or strong feeling to me or for someone else.
I figured out a workaround. 😁. I opened up a text box In Word document. I typed my thoughts in the text box. Still in the Word document program, I right clicked on the completed text box, copied it, and then pasted it back on the same page as a picture. I then enlarged the picture, copied the picture version and pasted it into the seven cups reply box. 😊
Hope it helps, sometimes faster than chasing a errored phrase ghost.
@IsayUncle
I found the phrase that was causing the error.....in all honesty, it should have been let through....it wasn't a trigger warning, swearing, or anything to do with anything in my opinion.....
Video
Chat
Online
....once I deleted that phrase it let me post....
@CyclingThroughLife
That makes sense though, they don't want Video Chats to be availble because they can become very personal, sexual and abusive.
And thanks for sharing the information.... so I know now too.
I was trying to say that during covid I was doing therapy that way....
@CyclingThroughLife
yea, i get it.... but the program don't sometimes. 😒
@CyclingThroughLife The suppression algorithm here is particularly hamfisted. It will stop you from posting things but it's easily fooled. I discovered that soon after I first joined this community, when I mentioned how I used to have accounts with Inst∆.gram & Fakebook, but don't have them anymore because (anti)social media is addictive as well as toxic these days. The algo also blocks certain images, as I found out when I had a "hobby journal" here...that component wasn't as easy to fool.
Therapy part 2
As far as the therapy itself, I tried professional therapy once....during covid and everything was done remotely. I did three sessions, one a week, and never went back....some of the advice I got just wouldn't work in the setting I work in.... in all three sessions, he suggested that I "talk" to individuals who were adding to my stress and explain to them how their actions are bothering me....it doesn't just doesn't work that way in my field.... I felt he didn't understand the environment and culture that I worked in.....I guess I just have to find the right therapist.....I started looking for one on line, reading qualifications, reviews ect....couldn't fine any that I felt met what I was looking for, got frustrated and gave up....
There is one therapist only a 10 min drive I can go to but doesn't accept
my insurance....I can always pay out of pocket but like I said, it will be a
waste of money if things turn out like the last time...at 150 bucks for the first visit and 125 there after I am having trouble justifying it......but then again, I won't know unless I try it....
Am I being petty, probably....but its how I feel....
Friday 27 Sept 2024
I took today off work because I could. In all honesty, I shouldn't have because I am backed up on administrative duties and having enough staff working today, I probably could have gotten some of that done. Yet the way it usually works, if we have enough staff in my area, they pull one of them to work somewhere else to prevent having overtime in that area so I'm stuck working the floor anyway....but whatever, another "it is what it is" thing....
I have been taking a lot of unscheduled days off when I can....there will be a day in conjunction with my weekend where we have enough staff so I just take it off last minute. I already have tomorrow off...I put in for it back in March because I'm going to an event with B.....Its nice having enough time in the bank to do this, but really, I'm wasting it....just because I don't want to be there or want a day off from the stress....is it helpful to my mental health....I'm not sure....again, it is what it is....
For todays day off activities, I will get in a workout, piddle around the house getting odds n ends done, go to my eye doctor appt, and then get a few things at the market.....
Sounds like another day in the life.
Sunday 29 Sept 2024
Had a good outing yesterday with B. We went to a bingo fundraiser for the Shriners. This was the largest bingo thing I've ever been to. There had to be close to people in attendance. Winnings as large as $2500 for blackout games....we didn't win anything but it was a lot of fun.......
My headspace this morning is back to status quo. I'm hoping to have a good week at work despite volunteering to help administer the physical fitness test to staff....while I"m not certified yet, I can work under someone who is....its not hard to count push ups, sit ups, and run a stop watch....I'll be there 2 to 2.5 hrs Tuesday, Wed, Thurs, and Friday after my regular shift to help do this...its an easy comp time earn and I like doing it so I'm hoping it will be a win......which brings me to my next paragraph.....
This week I also started an online course to get my National Academy of Sports Medicine Certified Personal Trainer certification. I was a PT instructor for years in the military, love working out, biking is my true love, hence my user name...so getting NASM CPT certified made sense as something I can do and pursue when I retire......why it took me this long to sign up and make it official, I have no idea....I hear the course is hard but I'm going to get it done.....
@CyclingThroughLife
First of all, glad to see you made it back up to status quo. 😀. But that other stuff is like..... WOW and SUPER WOW! Good for you man..... Perfect flow from a varity of perspectives. Yea, Good Stuff!
@CyclingThroughLife You have a clear plan for working after you get out of corrections. Awesome. That, along with your retirement bennies, will leave you & B. all set.
Monday 30 September 2024
Regular Day off.....for those who don't know, my regular days off are Sunday/Monday. Like I mentioned in one of the posts above, I have been taking a lot of Saturdays off. My whole career in corrections, which I started in 1997, 2 different states, 2 different facilities, I've never had a true "weekend" as regular days off. I've also had to work most holidays.....at 52 years old, I am more than ready for that. There may be a position coming up at work that has a "true weekend and holidays" off....if it opens up, I will put in for it....I don't want to get my hopes up but it is something I would really like....here's hoping the stars line up correctly and the universe says it's my time....it would be a great thing to take me into retirement.....
Back to my regular day off....I will get in a strength workout in the garage gym.....I will work on my CPT class....I will do my finances and balance my check book, I will start cleaning the garage and making room for the outdoor furniture and things because it won't be long before they have to be put away....and I will drag the snowblower from the back of the garage, check it over and run it because if there is something wrong, I will have some time to get it fixed.....not wishing for snow at all this year, but I like to be prepared because it will happen.....sounds like a lot, and it is....If I don't get to it all today, I will tell myself it is ok....but I'm going to try to accomplish it all.....
@CyclingThroughLife If you don't get all that done today, it is okay. These are household chores, man!...you're not doing maintenance on a nuclear reactor's cooling system, facryinoutloud. If you get even half of all that done today, it is achievement enough.
@slowdecline48
"facryinoutloud" LOLOL I'm stealing that one facryinoutloud 🤣😁😂🤣😁😂
@IsayUncle 😄 Go ahead, I stole it from somewhere too. I forgot where or who, it's been so long... 👴🏻
Monday 30 September 2024
Strength workout - Check
Finished chapter 1 of the CPT class- Check
Finances and checkbook balanced - Check
Pulled out the snow blower...spent way too much time on it....first, there was a puddle of what looked like oil under the left wheel....I couldn't find the correct socket to open the bottom.....once I did, the good news was it was only grease from the axle that I assume got too hot sitting in the garage this summer and turned to drips and ended up on my floor because there are no leaks anywhere.....Next, I attempted to start it....it wouldn't start....after messing around with it a while, checking the spark plug, trying the electric start, I figured it out....
And that completely stumped me....because I know I had gas in it when I put it away in April because I put fuel stabilizer in it.....but anyway....I put fuel in it, she started right up, and ran for a while...no issues.....
By this time, I was done for the day....I'm on the couch watching re-runs of one of my favorite shows....JAG.....
I'll move and clean things in the garage later this week.....
@CyclingThroughLife D**n. Dontcha hate it when that happens?...
Wednesday 2 October 2024
Its been a long week and I've only worked 2 days. I've had two long days, busy days. According to my Garmin, I've managed over 16,200 steps each day. And the rest of the week isn't going to be any better. I've got an extended work day tomorrow and Friday. I do have Saturday off. Pre planned day. Taking my son to a professional MLS game. We try to hit at least one a year. That will be a long night. But I'm sure it will be a fun night. But to get there, I need to make it through this week.
@CyclingThroughLife
you can do it.
where you gotta drive to for the game.... Massachusetts?
@IsayUncle
Yes, Gilette....its about a 2.5 hr drive....its a 7:30pm game....figure about 2 hrs for the game....going with another hour just to get out of the lot onto the road....that has me leaving the stadium at 10:30ish....putting me home somewhere around 1 am....if things go without issue.....
for the guy who is in bed between 7:30 and 8pm and up by 3am most days, this will be a tough one for me.....
Thursday 3 October 2024
Another busy day at work....I hit my 10,000 step goal by 0930hrs this morning....I am at 16,445 right now at 1635 hrs.....I may get another 1 or 2 hundred in before I lay down but I don't plan on doing much of anything else for the day......Tomorrow will be much of the same....I'm off on Saturday which is nice....
I'm maintaining a status quo state at work. I think this is mainly because I'm so busy I don't have time to think about much else other than what I'm doing at the moment......I'm actually working and living in the moment this week while I'm there instead of thinking about what may happen or could come up.....maybe busywork at work is the answer....I'm not sure.....
@CyclingThroughLife Busywork is better than mentally chasing your tail in a rat-run of unproductive thoughts.
