A place for my thoughts (and yours) as I cycle through life

I've had one heck of a busy work week.  On Wed and Thursday, I had 19,000+ and 21,000+ steps recorded on my device respectively, and that was just my work day.  Friday I was able to get out early and get in a 25 mile bike ride.  That was a good decompression for me.  Thursday evening, I looked at the calendar at work, and no one had put in to take today off, so I jumped on it.  Last night I was asleep by 745pm.  This morning, it was nice to sleep until my body woke me up, without an alarm, at 550am, and have coffee on the porch listening to the birds while the sun was rising, instead of drinking it on the go, a sip here and there, when I could while at work.  What I look forward to most on my days off is my morning "relaxing coffee time" while everyone in the house is still asleep.  Since I was able to take today off, I'm decompressing even more by going to float around in the kayak with my girlfriend and have a picnic lunch at a lake we have yet to visit....

Monday 22 July 2024

Regular day off work today.....I was awake at 0115 this morning, laying in bed, my mind going here there and everywhere, worrying about what I have to get done this upcoming week, things going on at work, things at home.....it is amazing the lies  your mind will tell you about a simple situation that has no real value, and turn it into such a big stressful deal, at that hour of the morning....by 0330, I decided to just get up and have my coffee, since I'm up on work days at that time anyway....I'm going to be super tired today, which will probably set the tone for my week....

I have a busy week despite the fact I'm only working 2 days.  I go on my yearly trip to see my kids and grandkids Saturday, so I've got to do all the prep things for that.  I'm kinda excited but kinda not.  As I get older, it seems that leaving the house for a week for "rest, relaxation and adventure" is more stressful than just staying home on a "staycation" and doing a day trip or one or two night weekender here and there. This year, though is different.  Instead of getting my usual air bnb where they live and visiting for the week, we are meeting them at Myrtle Beach and spending our time together there.  We all have rooms at the same resort so I'm hoping once there, it will be just beach and pool....while there is a lot of things there to do, I really am not looking forward to "doing" a lot of things.....sounds selfish but its how I feel....

I am hoping this get away will give me the time away from work to reset and put me in the mindset to tolerate another 4 or 5 months until I can get another extended period off.....granted I can get long weekends quite regularly, but they don't really reset or refresh me as far as work.....counting the days to retirement is all I can do right now....

Speaking of retirement, I contacted the retirement board, and I technically can retire right now....I'd lose a large percentage though if I do.....I'm talking retiring now with 48 percent of my base pay vs retiring with 60 percent of my base pay if I manage to stay until March 2027, when I turn 55....full retirement at 65 is 85 percent of my base pay.....but I will NEVER make that.....my family and friends say its a no brainer....to stay another 2 and half years.....but my brain says different a lot of days.....so I guess I'm just riding it out for now, doing the best I can each day.....I am trying to do one day, no....one hour, at a time each day....but sometimes it is hard....I will continue to push forward the best I can....

Tuesday 23 July 2024

Not looking forward to today. Only working two days this week so I should be happy but I'm not. I have a lot to do to prepare the team for when I'm off. I'm more stressed out about this vacation than it's worth I think.

Busy week almost to an end.  Pack the car and head out tomorrow morning.  How early depends on how early I wake up and get my coffee in me. I love not having to wake up to an alarm, at 3am especially..... While I like driving, I'm dreading this ride.  I hate i-95....but its the quickest most direct route.  I'm hoping this trip will help me to decompress and forget about work for a bit.  I have been saying this for a while now, but I really need to find a way to tolerate work for the next two years or just bite the bullet and move on.  I do have some early retirement options, but none of them are as good monetarily, as if I was to stay until March 2027....I'm talking like 6 or 7 thousand dollars a year difference......Its not that far off, but in a day to day environment that you really don't like, it is that far off.....Fear is the factor here.....fear of what will be if I retire early.....will I be able to make up the money I am losing?  Will I be able to find a job I like?  I mean, I dislike what I'm doing now so much anything could be better, right?.....maybe not....I always go back to the old "the grass isn't always greener" saying.....as well as "its better to deal with the stresser you know how to somewhat deal with than the one you don't....."  Indecision and fear....my biggest enemies in this time during my life.  Anyway, I'm going to hit the gym, finish packing the car, and doing all the things one does to prepare their home for when they are away for a week......

Saturday 28 July 2024

Leg one of our drive to Myrtle beach is complete. Originally, when we left home the GPS said 7.5 hours to our just over halfway of the trip hotel. It took is 9 hours....I95 sucks...we spent a lot of time doing stop and go, 25 to 30 mph..... going home, I will take a longer route if it means staying off this road. I was miserable by hour 6, tired of the stop and go stuff.

Moving on to other things, I have a 7cups request. I've said it before in a suggestion post hoping it would make it to the right folks, but it seemed to fall by the wayside. I think there should be a way to see who upvoted or hearted your posts. If there is a way to see, I've yet to find it. I get notifications that certain people upvote my post, but when I tap the notification, it doesn't bring me to the actual post that was upvoted, only the thread it is in. It should work along the same line as the "likes" on other social media sites....I can click in it and see who upvoted or liked my response. On a website that preaches help and support, it would be nice to actually see WHO is supporting you if they don't actually type out a response.....Just my opinion.

Sunday 28 July 2024 0515 hrs

Part 1

Sleep is escaping me.  I travel enough to know that the beds in no way meet the standard of my adjustable at home.  I also travel enough to know that the stupid coffee pod machine in the rooms don't give you a quality cup of coffee...man this cup of coffee stinks......I did bring my coffee maker and my own coffee from home for when we get to the final destination, but it is too much work to pull it out for the one nighter here.....or is it?  Depends on how bad I want that quality cup of joe.....evidently, not bad enough because I left it in the car last night.....moving forward, it will come in with me even on the one nighters.....Its amazing how we let something as simple as a good cup of coffee dictate how our day goes.....I mean caffeine is caffeine....how you get it shouldn't matter...but a sucky cup of coffee is just that....and it ruins my day.....anyway, I'm tired, and I'm feeling the miserables coming on....I'm hoping the drive is good because I can feel that "bad attitude" in me already this morning.....its amazing how a little lack of sleep and caffeine can effect my overall disposition.   I'm going to walk to the hotel lobby to see if they have anything there resembling real coffee at the free breakfast.....it probably isn't set up yet....anyway....I'll share part 2 of the ride when we get there.....

Monday 29 July 2024

Sitting on my balcony having a coffee looking at the ocean is a nice way to start the day.  Not much planned today but hanging out on the beach and pool.  Sleep was interesting.  Tossing and turning was the norm last night.  The bed wasn't at all comfortable in my opinion, (I say this about every hotel we stay in because nothing compares to my split king adjustable) and the little sheet and bed spread didn't keep me warm at all.  B and I are total opposites.  She has to have the room arctic to sleep, which she did last night, (I think the air was set at like 50 lol) while I"m not a fan of the cold.  At home she keeps the bed room A/C on Ice but have extra blankets on my side of the bed. I didn't have that option here at the hotel.  I will ask for extra blankets today.

Tuesday July 30 2024

It is Tuesday?  I've kinda lost track of all the days of the week.  All time in general.  I am really enjoying my trip and experience with really "doing nothing".  I am learning some things about my kids during this trip though.  I realize we have not lived near each other in many, many years.  Although I see them in person at least twice a year and regularly talk, text, video etc, any influence of my thoughts and ways of doing things is completely gone.  Its nice to see your kids grow up to be their own people, but when they are more like their mother, whom you divorced in 2001 for a reason, it kinda hits a nerve.  But their mother is a major part of their life, more than I am, so I shouldn't be surprised.  Yesterday, my son brought the baby (1yr old) down to our room to have breakfast with us while everyone else was asleep.  I almost lost it when he gave the baby some of his starbucks.  When I said that he shouldn't be giving the boy coffee, my son said "he loves coffee".....The trip is turning out to be what my girlfriend calls "a lesson in learning to let go, you can't control how they raise their kids".......and she is correct...when I"m not around them, and I don't know what is going on, I don't think about it....but when I see things in front of me that I feel should be done different, I mention it, then get myself worked up and angry when my kids give me excuses and reasons as to why they do what they do....so.....as hard as it is, I'm letting go.......it is what it is I guess......

Anyway, I am rambling on about little thing that shouldn't even bother me.  But they do so getting them on paper does help.....till next time.....

Wednesday July 31 2024

I know I'm not supposed to be thinking about work while on this vacation, and for the most part I haven't....my boss and co-workers have been texting me and talking to me randomly about some of the photos I've shared on the other social media site but they haven't brought up work once.  I did, however, have a thought last night that flashed through my head as I climbed into bed at 10:30pm.....that thought was, I'm going to be miserable if I don't start trying to get back into my normal routine.  I've been sleeping until 5:30am or later each morning and going to bed between 10 and 11pm.....my normal routine is awake at 3am for work and asleep by 7:30pm....on my days off, sleeping in is usually 4:30 or 5am.....the last few days I've fallen into this late night, late wake up thing and now my brain is playing with me, telling me how miserable I will be when I go back to work next week.....these are the types of thoughts that creep in and cause me grief.....I can forget about them for a while, but in the end they are real and always in the back of my brain, buried somewhere.....

Thursday 1 August 2024

Last full day here at Myrtle Beach.  My "do nothing" is coming to an end.  I can't say that I'm upset though.....I like to get away, but I think I'd rather "do nothing" or "do what I want" at home.  But wouldn't we all?  I'm dreading the drive home but I will make the best of it.  I am ready for my own bed, my reclining chair for my "relaxation coffee", and my normal routines.  I did leave myself 2 days to "recover" from this trip before I go back to work.  I'll be home Saturday evening and don't go back to work on Tuesday.  But during that time, laundry needs to get washed, my hills need to get mowed, grocery shopped for, and all the usual adult living things.  It is what it is.....during that time, I will write out my workout and food plan for the week like usual, except for this week because we were away.  B and I need to attempt to get more on the same page when it comes to healthy diet.  She eats pretty good and I am a garbage disposal.....she is always telling me about my eating habits and I think one of my goals moving forward is to follow her advice and try to eat more healthy.  I don't eat terrible....not a lot of fast food, or junk food, just a lot of carbs, red meat and processed foods, while she is more of a salad and veggie girl.  Anyway.....I'm ready to enjoy my last day here, hit the road in the am and be home the day after that.  With that said, these longer posts here will probably come to an abrupt stop since during my work week I don't really have time to sit and write.  Back to a few lines here and there from the phone to the app rather than a keyboard and laptop website....again....it is what it is.....