A Space For The Unsaid (Personal Diary)
Uh hello if anyone is reading this! 😀
I have no idea why I'm even creating this thread but i just feel it will be nice to have a place to share some thoughts or even these images on the internet that i always keep saving for myself because i relate too much but cannot share it with anyone because yes haha
I'm okay with replies here so feel free to drop by anytime ❤️
Just please be kind and respectful if your replying to my posts.
I feel so ... idk how I feel... conflicted? Upset? Confused? Lonely? Scared? Annoyed? Overwhelmed Idk there's so many emotions at once and I just can't keep a track anymore .... I don't like being an empath sometimes :/ it is hard to distinguish my own feelings from another's.... prioritizing my own emotions, needs, opinions etc never makes it to the list :( how do I even blame someone else for not considering me a human with feelings ... when I sometimes forget that myself :(
it is stupid to expect of poeple to not hurt me when i allow them to.... even repeatedly ... like there's NO effing sense of self here ... when i don't even do anything about it ...a lot of times they dont know they are bothering me in so many ways because I don't tell them ... and it is certainly my fault .. so I guess this pain is well deserved because what else to expect ...
some days it is extra hard ... everything is! and I hate being so vulnerable ;(
a lot of times just the idea of disappearing seems helpful ... not that it would matter anyway xD
invisible cloak as a gift for new year.. anyone? :o
new year hmmm it is a whole lot of different stress .... just the calender change? Not that much about life changes anyway .. time is ticking and I cant keep up anymore.. struggling to function any more... what even is functioning smh I dont even know :/
- rant over 😅
hi... sorry me again :') I can't get through these couple of hours before I can fall asleep alone anymore ... they are so hard and overwhelming ... lots of meanie thoughts and I dont want ... :( ... sharing here feels really scary and uncomfy ... I don't like being so vulnerable and miserable .... 😔 ... but I cant risk someone finding my persona journal ... so I need a safer space for the thoughts :/ how weird does that sound smh
it's true whomever said that people closest to us hurt us the most ... this year has been so hard ... I really am just surviving and making through even when sometimes I don't want to (I'm safe💕) ... it is exhausting to keep trying sometimes :/ same effing sh!t everyday .... someone a really close friend ... closest even... shared this post on social media recently compiling pictures and videos from this year with the caption best year yet ... and I'm nowhere in that?? it is so easy to forget me ... there's feeling lonely and then there's feeling lonely when you are with someone ... the latter is always worse ... i feel so heartbroken rn idk what to even feel .... I'm happy they had the bestest year yet .. but I cant help wondering how come it is so different ... than mine... I just?? and how I wasn't even part of their bestest year when my stupid self here had like a couple of good moments this year and they were mostly with this person ... is it too trivial to cry over? idk but I just feel so hurt
also why can't people text first ... I don't like random calls ... they make me feel so anxious 😖 an old kinda friend? with whom i haven't really been in touch with over a year just randomly called and i think it was for catching up/ meeting sometime ..how do I explain people that it isn't easy for me to to cope with their randomness ... I cant do impromptu plans :( or talk on call when I've lost comfort .... I feel so anxious still because it definitely makes me a bad person for "ignoring" ... that's what they think anyway... I wish it was easy to pick calls ... meet people ... talk in person ... be a normal functioning human??? 😵
and now I'm going to feel cringe about this post also ....😀😶 so fun :') I'll poof before I think about backspace... thanks for tolerating my weirdness ...
Just be direct. Lots of people hate randomness, struggle with anxiousness, and dislike phone calls without warning. Just let your friend know what you need. People are more aware about mental health since the pandemic. They should understand.
@GoldenNest2727
I wish it was as simple or maybe I was as confident as you :( to say it as directly as that :') idk Golden ... I don't think they'll be understanding in a kind way ... they'll become more passive aggressive , from what I can remember in our past experiences... so I really dont know what to do here .. also not sure if telling someone I don't want to talk or meet is an ok thing? I don't want to sound rude or anything 🤕
Thanks for replying <3 how is new year's going for you?
@Optimisticempath
That's valid, Empath. You know your friend better than I do, and you're obviously a better judge of how they'll react. We'd all like to think that our friends and family will understand and respect our needs when we communicate them; but sadly, that doesn't always happen. Still, your wants and needs are valid and shouldn't go unfulfilled. You should be comfortable in your interactions and comfortable in your own skin. My hope for you is to find a way to assert your boundaries and communicate your wishes to others. It can be done diplomatically. You're such a special person, Empath. I hope you can find peace.
I hope the new year is more kind to everyone 💕 thankyou for being such a beautiful part of my 2022, some of you here really made the horrible times feel less horrible and I'm so grateful for you 💕
*hugs 🤗🤗🤗*
@Optimisticempath I hope this year is good to you Opti ❤️ Thank you for being you and thank you for being my friend 😊❤️
*sending hugs and good vibes to you* ❤️
@mytwistedsoul aww this means a lot to me Soul 🥺 thank you more for being my friend ... you've truly made it better for me in many ways and I appreciate you so so much for being you also 💕❤
thankyouu I'm lowkey very scared to hope for things too but I do hope it's better 🥺
I hope you have a good year also, you deserve it so much 🥰
I absolutely luv the gif 🦄 🥰
*sending big huggles* 🤗🤗
how is 2023 treating you so far Soul??
@Optimisticempath I wish I could tell you not to be scared to hope but I know how slippery and fragile hope is. I think you're brave though Opti very brave 😊 ❤️
Thank you So far this year hasn't been horrible. It hasn't been too cold out this winter so far - that's a big plus in my book. How has the year been for you so far?
You like unicorns too? 😊
*sends back big hugs to you too😊❤️* *sends strength too and peace and some super good vibes and some cookies and ice cream and an apple too because we're eating too many sweets lol😁* Last but not least *sends much love* ❤️
@mytwistedsoul
Thanks for validating the slipperiness with hope .. it is what scares me, there's just so much risk of getting hurt and disappointed over and over again 😖 I don't see it tbh Soul but I appreciate you for telling that i am 🥺💕
ah I remember you said about preparing for winters, has it been going ok? I'm glad it isn't too cold and hope the weather continues to be in your favor 😮
is it the anxious part of our brain that anticipates something bad to happen ?😅maybe we become so used to being alert that its uneasy when things seem "normal" idk just letting thoughts wander a lil 🥲 I'm happy the year hasn't been horrible so far and I reallly really hope it stays that way 💕 a break from all the horribleness is deffo needed 🤗
it has been rather uneventful and not horrible for me too and I guess that's ok, still taking it one day at a time *hugs you*
yes you too? I love them 💕I am not sure why but I just do! 
Lol the apple to balance the sweets I love this 😁 *noms everything* ThankYou for the yummm foods and the super good vibes with peace, strength and love-- I need them all the time I think and have to admit miserably also xD 🥲
me is sending so much love, hugs, strength and peace to you also 🤗💕❤ also lots of sunshine and more warm hugs in case it gets too cold 🥶
@Optimisticempath Tbh - Idk if we can see our own bravery. I think it's kind of something that other people see in us. And it doesn't have to be anything huge or earth shattering. It is scary - taking that risk. Especially if you've been hurt and disappointed over and over. Some people that's all they have to offer - it's them - not you. They probably won't change - especially if they don't see themselves doing it. *my experience is that it's often family that's like that but I know it's not limited to family* There will be people though who won't hurt you. There will be people who will love and cherish you for who you are ❤️❤️
Lol it's snowing this morning 😂 it's not real cold though so it won't stick around
I think anxiety plays a pretty big part in it. Plus our brains are kind of hard wired to focus on negative things. Especially if there's past experiences where its happened again and again. We get used to catastrophizing things and of course we ruminate on the bad things too. Cognitive distortions - add to all of this 😕 The problem is we can be so focused on worrying about that bad that might come - we miss any good things that did come. Hopefully this makes alittle sense 😬
I'm not sure why I like them either tbh lol. They're kind of cool and magical. Like the pegasus - I like those too 😊
Lol! Apples are the answer to alot of things. If all else fails you can throw them at people 😯😁😂
It's ok to need those things Opti. It makes you human and its nothing to be ashamed of. But they can sure be hard to ask for can't they?
Thank you 😊 Thank you for the love - hugs - peace and strength *tucks the warm hugs into a pocket to keep the cold away*
You are a good person Opti. It shows in the kindness and gentleness you show people. You deserve those things too ❤
Looks like a power hug lol 😂
Be gentle with yourself today and your thoughts? Tell brain to hush - Soul is right 😉😊❤️
@Optimisticempath
Sending you good vibes and much love Opti ❤️😊
@mytwistedsoul *jumps at hugs right away 🥺🤗🤗 hugs are always needed, thankyou for always sending them Soul ❤
It makes me feel so nice and cared for that you think of me and send your gentle love my way 🤧 *sending lots of love and bestest vibes to you also ❤
how are you doing? we are closer to the weekend D: how has the week been for you?
I missed talking to you ❤ please share anything you want to 😊
@Optimisticempath You're welcome OptiBear. There's allways a hug here for you anytime you need or want one 😊
I've missed talking with you too - I try not to be too much or wear out my welcome. I know alot of people say I'm not but it's allways in the back of my mind 😅 Anxiety and depression are awesome aren't they? *smh nope nope*
Its hard to believe January is halfway! Most of the week has been a blur tbh. How was your week? Anything fun planned for the weekend?
Those are some strong vibes Opti! 😊😁❤️ They come when you least expect it lol
Be gentle with yourself ok? Or try to - that's all anyone can ever ask ❤️
@mytwistedsoul
aw thanks for the comfiest hugs always, me loves hugging chu 🤗 *huggles*
Other people also right Soul, you are never too much or anything else meanie brain says ... I always love seeing your tags and being hugged by you ❤ you make being at 7 cups better for me I'm not even exaggerating!
*yeets anxiety and depression 😔 yes they horrible and makes us think alot of things that maybe not true ... in this case definitely not true and so they been yeeted D:
ikr so fast ... I relate with you, it's blurry for me too .. idk haha time just seems to go by idk what is even happening around anymore I guess ... no plans 😮 guess just sleeping and more sleeping ... how about you?
I love the gif 😁😁 they strong vibes hahah
thanks for always reminding Soul 😢 silly brain always needs some reminders 🤡 .... "or try to" ❤❤❤ always so kind, gentle and patient 🥰 hope you remind it to you also.. sending powerful vibes filled with kindness and love! 🤗
@Optimisticempath Thank you Opti 😊 ❤️ It would be great if we could just yeet things away. Things that aren't good for us or have no purpose anymore - thoughts and feelings just yeeted away. We need a catapult so we can yeet things super far away 😁 its a bird - a plane - it's super yeeted anxiety lol There is a no yeeting yourself clause too
They are the biggest liars. They seem to know exactly what words to whisper to get to think that way. I'm sorry you deal with them and their whispers too 😞
Sleep sounds good! I won't and don't much lol but it allways sounds good. You're OptiBear too and bears hibernate 😊 ❤️ I'm actually going out to dinner this weekend *gasp!* 😅 kind of excited - kind of not lol
Aww that's ok. We can give brain as many reminders as needed ok? Repetition creates long term memory 😊 ❤️
*sits down and holds on* ready for those vibes! And sending some back
*many hugs and much love to you OptiBear* ❤️❤️
@mytwistedsoul
yes we need something that helps yeet unhelpful things vvvv far away 😔
how did you know we needed a clause for "no yeeting yourself clause too" 🤣
oh nu does soul have trouble with sleep? me hopes you get enough rest and some nice self care from brainy thoughts... sometimes I sleep to avoid life xD it's self care hack 🤡
dinner sounds good, I get the mixed feelings aww... how did it go? you had fun and some nice things to nom nomm?😁
hmmm yes 🥺 thank you for the reminders ❤
*lots of good vibes to swim in 😄🥰
*hugs tight and continues hugging 🤗🤗🤗
sometimes I can be a little silent 😅 but I always appreciate you here Soul and you always make my day ... so please never think twice before sharing anything you want to or dropping hugs , anything from you is special to me and means a lot to me 💖
Self care hack lol - made me think of those follow me for more tips things you see 😂
There was so many people at this dinner. 😅 some people were rude but the food was delicious and there was ice cream with strawberries at the end for dessert 😊
Aww that's ok Opti silent I can understand. Tbh - when I'm not invading people's spaces here on Cups I don't talk much anymore 😕 I do like dropping hugs off though ❤️
@mytwistedsoul
oops haha no loopholes smh 😅 I'm glad there's the clause then 🥺 no yeeting soul ❤
yes 😂 exactly like those tips xD
oh no people are rude everywhere it's just sad like let one eat in peace smh ... glad the food was delicious and yum ice cream with strawberries 🥰 ... you managed with so many people Soul .. I'm proud of you 🤗 ... people are usually a no, so many people are certainly a no xD
aw why no talk much? 😕 is something bothering you? you can always count on me 🤗
funny you say 'invade'... I say it Soul being kind, being thoughtful and letting people know they in someone's thoughts... the hugs always make it more magical 💕 so please continue "invading" I love having you here *tight hugs* 🤗
Is it still cold at your place? hope the snow is not being very bothersome :(
@Optimisticempath Hey you 😊 ❤️ yep definitely need to make sure all the loopholes are covered
Ugh yeah for sure too many people. Was alittle overwhelmed and super anxious afterwards. But I'm trying to go out in public more for some crazy reason 😬 lol
Quiet for lots of reasons I guess. Anxiety - depression. No words to explain what I'm thinking or feeling. Idk it seems like a pretty long list of reasons I have. And you? What keeps OptiBear quiet? No pressure to answer of course ok? 😊❤️
They're magical hugs 😊 they travel anywhere they need to be Its nice to be in someone's thoughts - to know that somewhere in the world someone cares *hugs OptiBear back tightly* ❤️❤️
It snowed this morning. Big big flakes at first - it looked peaceful out. Has it been cold in your part of the world?
@Optimisticempath ive never said quite a few things myself, so i will be sharing a few here every now and then if you dont mind. My first is: i never actually felt better when i said i did. I simply decided its better for everyone around me if i just 'get better'. Just bc i got clean doesnt mean im no longer depressed or anxious. But i act like it and its exhausting. I feel like a lot of people dont realise that moderate anxiety and depression can be present in high functioning people too. So nobody even bothers to question things when you lie and say you are fine. Ive been doing it for 6 months now. And im tired.
hi @Blueberry102
I'm happy you felt comfortable enough to share here today, it is ok but as NoneTheWiser suggested if you would like more people to reply or talk to and a more comfortable space all to yourself then it may help to have your own personal diary like this in the forums 💕
you said what i feel too... it is very relatable 😅 only thing in my case sometimes I rather not let some people see how broken I really am ... some caring people might feel bad and I don't want to cause any unnecessary stress to anyone .... everyone's got something of their own I guess, don't want to add more :/ and some not caring people would just make it worse so it feels better to stay shush sometimes :') .. a lot of times tho i blank out when someone asks how i am or whatever... like I don't know either so it is also ok? just existing idk 🤡
you're right tho it gets exhausting after a while.. lying and having to pretend that all is good or things are getting better 😔 I wish you could have some comfy space where you can be honest about your feelings and don't have to pretend to be better
I agree with Jess and hope too that you find that support in 7 cups , so many of us here feel safer... as compared to off cups life / people certainly.. and you deserve that kind company also 💕
feeling empty .... idk it's so hard lately to figure what's worse ... feeling overwhelmed or feeling empty and struggling to understand emotions let alone manage it or whatever
I thought I'd feel more calmer on the opposite side of feeling anxious, overwhelmed or on edge but this almost numbing thing is not calming either ... it's sort of scary even ... I never wanted to find the darkness feel so comfortable ... but I guess I'm just stuck for now and idk what to do :')
@Optimisticempath *sits with you* Don't mean to pounce ❤️ I was actually sitting here to begin with contemplating dropping off a hug :)
*no reply needed ok? Was just thinking of you* ❤️
@mytwistedsoul awww Soul 🥺 thankyou! you might not realise how much this means to me ..... thankyou for being so so kind always and for keeping me in your thoughts... it feels nice to belong somewhere without being a bother 💕
*huggles tight❤ you in my thoughts also 🥺
@Optimisticempath *hugs tight* You're welcome Opti and Thank you too ❤️
You're never ever a bother Opti - never. You have my word on that 😊
@mytwistedsoul
*hugs tight* 💕💕💕
you really are ❤ best treasure ever and I wish all the love and nice things in world for you always Soul 🤗
@mytwistedsoul Soul 🥺🥺 always so sweet 💕
It's only tuesday but how is your week going?🤗🤗
@Optimisticempath It's going. Now it's Wednesday lol
How is OptiBear? ❤️
