A Space For The Unsaid (Personal Diary)

*sends comfy beams to fallen tree* I heard you ❤

me woke up from an awful dream ... tried sleeping again but it came back ... or something very similar... was so descriptive and felt so real... loved one... hurt.... danger ..... loss... scary... very scaryyy..... lonely ...Idk..... hard .... feeling really anxious...meanie brain meanie meanie vvv ... more scary nuuuu 🥺🥺🥺🥺

please no scary .. I 😖

@Optimisticempath *offers coffee* may I sit with you? I'm sorry nightmares are bothering you 😞 getting rest shouldn't be so hard *hugs* ❤️ *sending good vibes and thoughts to to keep the fears away*

@mytwistedsoul *sits with you and hugs back tight* thankyou so much 🥺 ❤

@Optimisticempath You're welcome ❤️ How are you?

@mytwistedsoul I'm okie, better than that day thankyouu for being here ❤

how's you? ❤

@Optimisticempath I'm glad you're better - its ok to not be ok - ok? ❤️

This is a bad time of year - thank you for asking

I don't want you to feel you can't write here - if you want to that is. And you don't have to feel obligated to reply when I write either ok? Sometimes we just need that space and I understand that

*big hugs and good vibes to you OptiBear* ❤️

@Optimisticempath

aw thanks for the reminder can always use this one ❤

your so caring always and vvv gentle, I love it about you, thankyou for saying that ❤ I don't feel obligated or pressured in anyway to reply to you ❤ you're always kind to me and have a way of making my day so much better so I'm really just grateful I get to talk to you whenever we here ❤

If ok to ask, what makes this time bad? It must be so hard dealing with the same every year :( here for you too anytime you want to talk or share anything ❤ *big hugs and many good vibes back to you alsoo * 🤗

@Optimisticempath You're welcome ❤️ I guess I worry that I take up too much space in other people's space and I don't want to do that. Thank you - it's nice to know I can make your day better and that makes me smile *hugs* ❤️

There are trauma anniversaries around this time of year and they set off a bunch of things. Plus some SAD sets in - which adds to any depression. Just a hard time to be a twisted soul. Thank you - I appreciate it and you OptiBear ❤️ Be gentle with yourself and your thoughts ok? Got your helmet? 😉 Gotta keep that bean safe 😊❤️ *big hugs and good vibes on the way*

@mytwistedsoul

I Get that, it's so considerate of you ❤ you have full permission to take any space in my thread hehe anytime ❤

Aww *hugs back 🤗🤗

I'm so sorry to know it is an overall tough time for you with the anniversaries and depression hitting harder 🥺 please be vvvvvv gentle and patient with yourself too oki and take care of youuuu and remember me here wichuu 🥺❤ soul nuu alone and always welcome here

hehe yes me has helmet 😄 bean safe

*big huggies and good good vibes back*

@Optimisticempath Thank You ❤️ I hope you're being patient and gentle with yourself too 😊

@mytwistedsoul Me sweet? Nuuu , you sweet soul, you always sweet to everyone ❤❤❤

Thankyouu, there's ups and downs , some days better others eh ... magical powers are nice 🥺❤ appreciate you vv much

you being kind and gentle with yourself too hmm?

*huggles*

@Optimisticempath I haven't allways been nice. I have been thoughtless and inconsiderate at times in the past 😞 I'm trying to do better

@mytwistedsoul

Really? so you're a human too huh? 😁 hehehe sorry soul but really, you're a human and it is ok to have our own moments at times , I honestly don't feel anyone can be a certain "type" 247 it just seems impossible and very much not-genuine , what really matters is you acknowledging that you have had these times too and that you are trying to do better ❤ since I have never seen you be any of that ever since we talking - so it is really hard to believe but again imma give you the leverage of being human and I know it is not possible to be nice or thoughtful always [specially when people be testing hahah and boy they do that a lot so often it is 'they're problem that we still beat ourselves over for sadly 😕] and it may be possible that it hasn't been very long but still hehe I would say you're not just trying but acing this whole doing better thing and are already 100x better than where you may have started ❤

yes they bad 🥺 thankyou vvv much 🥺 magic hehe 🥰

Aww I know how difficult it can be despite our best efforts 🥺 specially during hard days , I am so proud of you for trying your best to be gentle ❤ *sending safety beams and loving vibes* you is safe, loved, appreciated and vv amazing ok?🤗

*biggest hugglesss*

@Optimisticempath I know right? I was surprised to find out that I'm human too! 😋 tbh - I just had a moment this early this morning with a listener *smh* People seem to forget this is a member account I guess 😕

@mytwistedsoul

aww hehe you is very much human, and an awesome one too 🤗

ah a moment with a listener? It's sad when listeners do the opposite of what they should be here for ... I am so sorry about that :( me here if you wanna talk about it or anything else too ❤

lmao I love this gif it is perfect haha, not too much xD gotta beat those negative thoughts away hehe

Yes yes we try our best 🥺❤

Aww you so sweet thankyouuu , I appreciate you so so much also 🥰 and ofcourse will happily remind you about it hehe ❤

@Optimisticempath Tbh - I got a pretty good laugh with the gif too 😁 and I would actually love to be able to do that with those negative thoughts

With the listener - it's just one of those things where you try to hold your boundaries but then they sort of berate you for doing so. And then they lash out if you get quiet. I try to explain that I have trouble sharing things sometimes and I have my reasons and it's nothing personal. It's not an all the time thing but the more I try to force the silence to break the harder it holds on - if that makes any sense at all. I actually spoke up and explained my concerns about something they suggested and then they got upset and said they can't handle it and decided on a break lol. Ok I'm not sure why they couldn't handle it - they were the ones that suggested it. - so confusing lol.

I allways got a kick out of this gif because it reminds me of the time I did actually get hit in the head by a bird lol! They need to watch where they're flying! Goofy little critters

*sending hugs back* ❤️ Made me think of magic alittle
Hope you're doing ok Opti ❤️

@mytwistedsoul

I see why xD it is awesome 😄 aw I hope you doooo, beat them haaaaarddd haha , they deserve it :')

I am really sorry it has been confusing, I get why tho :( I don't think it was nice of them either to first sort of 'coerce' into talking and then not even acknowledging your efforts and simply acting the way they did , the thing about silence makes sense ❤ some people push the wrong buttons lol it is just sad that they do it when we are in a vulnerable spot and well yeah it gets too much too soon 😞

Soul I am very proud of you for asserting your boundaries and trying hard to share , it is ok if there's things you don't want to share at the time you don't deserve to feel pushed or forced for it :( I think such behaviour just further closes us off lol ... I think I've faced something really similar with a friend irl recently 💀 and yeah lol we haven't been talking a while now ... it's an awkward vibe tbh..

umm you feel like ghosting/ not talking more with this listener? 😬 I mean I just didn't like that you have to be bothered with another person who should be there to help you in the first place ... it'll be valid if you need a break from them too 😅

A bird hit you omg??😮 not cool birdieee 🥺

Aww thankyou it is one magical gif hehe 🥰❤ *huggles*

Me trying to be okay 😅 hope you is also 🤗

(I am very annoyed at whatever is happening to this place lol , no reply buttons, when i upvote posts it goes back to 0, cant search for gifs too I am using the ones available haha , the count is endless for all the mess they made urgg😞)

@Optimisticempath I get myself into some messes lol. This listener is actually a friend of another listener who reached out to me a while back. They're both pretty nice when things are ok but if I get quiet for awhile - I get messages saying they can take a hint and how noone trusts them to tell them anything. I tried to explain that it takes time to warm up to feel comfortable sharing things and comments like that don't help much. Idk maybe I'm just overthinking it too much

@mytwistedsoul

Oh dear no, you're not overthinking tbh upon reading this my first thought was "listeners were supposed to support and not be the reason someone feels worse" Lol Idk it is very erratic how they behaving making you feel so much on the spot for non reason :(

You are allowed to share when you feel like not when they want you to share :( it is not even about them... feeling like no one could trust them etc? Like Dude no it is not about you! 🤡

Ofcourse the comments make you feel more hesitant , it doesn't feel emotionally safe anymore with such people :(

aw yes I see how complicated it is when it shouldn't have been oof some people just make it all messy , you did not deserve this :/ yep Haha just send them the song lol "we cant talk anymore like we used to do" 🤭

you so sweet Soul 🥺 thankyou 💖 me no know what is going eh... i feel that it may be needed to communicate with them but tbh I am scared of having those confrontational conversations or ones that involves talking about how I am feeling lol so I guess I just avoiding... not the best approach I guess :')

they a good friend so I miss them lots and would want things to be not so complicated but idk how it'll happen ... time here just feels like is increasing our emotional distance ☹

lmao 🤣 I am imagining xD

AWW 🥺 *receives strength* thankchu *sending strength and love and huggies to you* ❤

Yeah it is like every time I log in or try to do something here in forum or chat I find a new thing to smh for lolol 😭😂 ... they got so much feedback 😅 hope they consider or urgh this site will be another reason for a headache :')

Ikr tis cute , and I love this one too hehe 🥰

*big hugs back*

@Optimisticempath It can be really scary when you know you should talk about something - but there's some worry it might be confrontational. Idk if you're like me but the words just disappear and you just shut down? Maybe you could write a letter to them? Not necessarily to actually send but to help organize your thoughts and maybe it would help with talking about your feelings. I totally understand the avoiding it part and tbh - I took the easy route with the one listener 😬 I checked the box to not allow listeners to initiate chats. Because when they go on break like this one did - they can't message. And I wrote on a thread I have that they read. If they're gone they may as well stay gone. I mean I understand this other person is their friend but I don't want to be their whipping boy any more. Some of the last things they said - I mean they admitted it wasn't right or fair but that's just the way it is. Like ok but that doesn't mean I need to tolerate it. Maybe it sounds harsh

Really hope this isn't wrong to copy paste someone's words in chatroom here I just ... the words hit me too hard ... they were talking to someone else and this isnt for me but I relate lmao..... the depressive route they talking about?? The other person didnt take it but I did smh ... and I feel this is never ending and I am so stuck ... it makes my bad thoughts go insane and my brain gets more chances to be mean to me ... Idk anything anymore ... why is it so hardddddddddddddddddddddddddddd :/ :'(

But I also think that the worst mistake you could make would be to go the depressive route and simply do nothing

And then there are people who just shut down if they do the wrong things, who really NEED to figure it out in order to be functioning

It is that time again bwahaha 😛

@NoneTheWiser we can cry and laugh together 😭😭

lmao introvert brain be like that haha, hits home xD

*hugs Jess* how you been?❤ it is nice to see you

@NoneTheWiser glad you ok and thankyou so much 😊

@Optimisticempath When do we leave? Lol

@mytwistedsoul omg soul hahahah I am ready when you are 😁

@Optimisticempath

*singing row row row your boat* 😁

@mytwistedsoul ahahaha you find the best gifs LoL!😁😁 *sings together and rows forward*

@Optimisticempath Looks like something I'd do tbh 😁 I'm definitely not the most graceful being 😋

🤣🤣🤣if only this isn't me lol

The effing dilemma smh 💀

@Optimisticempath :O sometimes if nobody wakes me up.. I believe I can sleep for years and years and would still need more sleep after waking up :O

Hahaha @BlueDarkAurora this cracked me 🤣 because same xD :O to sleep>>>>

@Optimisticempath :O yes XDD

@BlueDarkAurora how is you beautiful self doing? <3

how was your weekend?

@Optimisticempath Aw you are so sweet <3 ^-^ Everything is going well. Hope you are doing fine *-*

Hope you are enjoying every chapter of your life and hope the story keeps getting better and better with every page you turn. Don't get too stuck if it's a little hard to read through, something tells me that so many beautiful things and people awaits you <3

@BlueDarkAurora

you have such nice and soothing words always <3 thanks so much for being so so kind always <3 it means a lot to me 🥺

hope you oki 🤗

never clicked on "upgrade" [did click on "fix bugs" tho, which is ofcourse not a priority💀] in the first place lol what is even happening here 😞