Crying
Crying
I imagine our tears flowing into a common sea.
"All the rivers flow into the sea"...
We are all together in this.
Our shared sorrow is there, it has been for generations and always will be, as an inherent part of our human condition.
Crying is frequent when we grieve. We might cry. A lot.
It is a way of releasing strong emotions, particularly sadness.
Crying expresses these intense emotions, contributes to processing our pain and, hopefully, might help us cope with grief by releasing some of its intensity.
Questions
- Do you cry from time to time? Rarely? Often? A little? A lot?
- What makes you cry?
- How do you feel after crying?
- How are you feeling these days?
These questions are optional. You can add any comments you wish, as they come to your mind.
I look forward to your answers!
And I wish you all the best!
Marcelo.
Image: "Crying Woman" Candido Portinari - 1955 - Crayon on paper. Portinari is the most renowned visual artist of Brazil, and South America. He has a series of "Crying Woman" drawings and paintings, some of which are "too expressive" to post here.
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This piece was first posted as the Grief & Loss Check-In of August 11, 2023
The BBQ I had the past Sunday, invitation to a family friend who lost their eldest daughter a decade ago to Leukemia. A week before their arrival, I had a wave of sadness. As I never really got any closure to her leaving us. She's about 10 years older than I, but ever since I was younger, our families often had sleepovers at their house and had seasonal parties with other families. I don't even remember that our family had been invited to her funeral.
The sadness though, I wasn't able to release it through tears, but I just felt depressed for about a week.
I find it difficult to cry from losses or for any other reasons. I usually tend to release my tears if I'm watching TV Dramas, when the story is sad. Since I only cry from watching dramas, there are no lingering feelings after. I might end up thinking about my own life, and comparing to what I saw and apply it, then be able to feel how sad my life would seem if what I saw happened to me in the real world. I would only get teary if I keep thinking about sad thoughts, but that tear will not be released. I think I had been so used to masking my emotions that things like tears are difficult to develop and let it be released.
There had been times where I had felt emotional at work, but those tears are just in the developing stage. It's weird.
@Jaeteuk
Hi, Jae!
Thank you for coming here to share your feelings and experiences!
It seems like you're still carrying a lot of grief about this girl's passing, even though it was a long time ago. Even though you didn't cry, your sadness manifested in other ways.
It's healthy to process those emotions.
You seem to do it through "catharsis", which is a way of vicariously experiencing emotions by watching a fictional story (or theatre play like in ancient Greek theatre where the term catharsis originates).
Crying from a story can be a healthy release.
Maybe you have a lack of emotional release in your real life. You might experience strong emotions, but they get bottled up. And that's totally normal, especially if you've been through a lot, if you're someone who grew up with a strong need to keep emotions in check or in a family culture that represses the expression of emotions.
Sometimes, depression is a sign that emotions are bottled up inside and you haven't processed them.
Watching dramas or reading sad novels might help. Also taking acting lessons, (and other performing arts) might be powerful ways to train ourselves in expressing our emotions.
You could also take some steps to express emotions in a more direct way. Practicing compassion through guided meditations and visualizations comes to my mind as a possible way, if it makes sense.
I hope some of these ideas might be helpful.
Thank you again for coming to this check-in to share your life experiences!
You have no idea how relatable this post is right now. I have crying episodes that last for days, the last one lasted for weeks even. I'm currently in one of them. It always comes when I least expect it. Tonight it hit hard, I'm trying to ground myself, to stay present, desperately try to hold on to something but it just goes down into darkness, sadness and depression.
I fear it when it comes, because my crying is excessive,. I had episodes when I couldn't stop crying until I got sick and threw up all night. I never want to go through that again.
I just miss him and his amazing voice so much. I'm not a believer but I like to imagine he sings to all the people that come to heaven.
@mish3l
Hi Mish!
Thank you for coming here to share your feelings and your experiences.
It's good that this post was in tune with your mood so that it might be helpful.
You sound really overwhelmed and exhausted, and the way you describe it is really intense. When crying becomes excessive like that, it's called "grief storm" and it can feel like the crying might never stop.
During a grief storm, you might feel extreme outbursts of emotions like anger, sadness, guilt, regret, loneliness, despair, etc.
Also things in your body, like fatigue, loss of appetite, difficulty sleeping, headaches, stomachaches, etc. and social withdrawal, and severe reduction in your performance at work or school.
What you are doing is the best first step for dealing with these episodes: grounding in the here and now. You already know it and you are doing it. Congratulations on that!
Just in case, here are a couple of lists of grounding techniques that you might check to expand your repertoire and try what works best for you: https://www.healthline.com/health/grounding-techniques
https://www.verywellmind.com/grounding-techniques-for-ptsd-2797300
After you are grounded, allow yourself to feel your emotions. Don't try to bottle them up. It's like swimming through a big wave. You dive deep to the bottom of the wave until it passes. If possible, do it sharing your emotions with someone you trust.
Also take care of your body. Eat healthy foods, get enough sleep, and exercise. Your body is your friend in dealing with this. As much as possible, don't push yourself to do too much. Take breaks when you need them.
Find ways to connect with others. Besides friends and family, coming to the different places that 7 Cups offers, might help you much.
Episodes of this intensity won't last forever, though it might feel like they will.
It is really touching and sweet that you like to imagine him bringing comfort to those who have gone on. Even if you're not a believer, it's a beautiful thought.
It's really touching to see how deeply you cared for him. His voice was a very distinctive characteristic of him, that made him so special and different from anyone else. When you heard his voice, it must have felt intensely that he was there with you.
He was a superb singer, no doubt about it.
You honor his memory by reminding all of us what an amazing singer he was.
Thank you again, Mish for coming here to share so honestly your feelings and life experiences!
May you feel better soon.
All the best in these difficult moments!
Marcelo.
@HealingTalk Hi, you can call me Mishel or Michaela.
You just described everything, it's amazing how you can understand and support, thank you 🙏 I sincerely hope you're right that it won't last forever and it won't get worse because I'm so exhausted. Sometimes it feels like I'm drowning.
Thank you for the links 🙏 they helped in the morning after, I'll store them for later. All those exercises are new and strange to me. The one thing that always helped me was the music. Music and sports were always enough, I didn't need anything else. Music got me through the worst years, saved my life. But it's the one thing I can't do right now, it hurts. Any music just hurts. It's like that since 2017 when he passed away to suicide but this year is the hardest since. Such a bad and long depression I haven't got in almost 20 years.
I imagine my grandma and aunt are listening up there. We weren't at the best terms when I lost them. I tried to make things up between us but they both didn't want to and then they passed away. I miss them. He sings to them and to all of my lost selves I need to find again.
@mish3l
Hi, Michaela!
Thank you so much for your very kind and reassuring words, that I could understand you well and it made you feel better supported!
You express your experiences and emotions very clearly, openly and honestly, which makes it possible to "connect" so to speak.
I can imagine how exhausting it might be feeling such an intense grief for so long. It won't last forever, but it might last too long. If this is the case, and you can afford it, reaching out for professional support from a therapist might be a good option.
There are many ways of losing loved ones, and some are tougher than others. Suicide is among the toughest, most traumatic. On top of the sadness and the loneliness we feel from the loss, it might make us feel guilty for not having prevented it in some way, for not having done enough, etc. And to ponder how much pain and hopelessness they might have felt to take such a drastic decision. It might even put into question all we believe about the meaning of life itself. All very traumatic.
In all traumatic emotional issues, that is, caused by a terrible, overwhelming event, intense emotions that had lessened long ago might resurface with full force at some point for no apparent reason.
"Grounding" techniques are the main tool for coping with trauma-related issues, like PTSD, so this is the main mental health area where they were developed. But they are very helpful for dealing with all sorts of emotional issues, from panic attacks to high anxiety, depression, self-harm and alcohol abuse urges, among many others.
The best is to try many grounding techniques and see which work best for you.
I am glad that you have found those websites useful. You might google for more "Grounding techniques", now that you know what and where to search. You can learn some that can be done instantaneously at any moment, like jumping or mental techniques, some you can do later like washing your face or touching ice, and others that require some preparation and a proper place, like visualizations. So you can ground in three increasingly effective phases if needed.
You seem to be a very sensitive person, with a rich internal spiritual life. I mean spiritual in the sense of cultivating compassion and love.
You also seem to have a great determination to learn better ways to cope. This is the key, I think. Finding ways to better cope, on your own and with the help of others.
I hope you can build a set of coping skills, habits, tools and even daily "rituals", as well as a strong "support network" that make you feel better, while at the same time keeping your beautiful, sensitive, loving, spiritual personality.
Thank you again for your kind words and your warm presence!
I hope to see you soon around here!
Marcelo.
So much understanding and acceptance, thank you ❤️
Yeah, there's a ton more going on, I never did therapy before but I'm doing it now since three weeks ago, I apparently need help. It helped me very much but I'm still new to everything.
After 20 years I finally found the reasons about my health issues, it was the heart. But I found out two weeks ago that the meds are making me extremely depressed, anxious, apathic and they are a catalyst for everything. Many Pandora boxes opening from the past. I have much common with his life, apart from drug and alcohol abuse I guess. And that's making everything even stronger, I can feel what he felt through the music and lyrics. The divorce when I was 5, sexual harrasment from a classmate during classes at 10, bullying, beating at school, social exclusion, I had to change elementary school twice. Poverty, my mom's untreated schizophrenia and paranoia, my past suicidal thoughts. It's all coming back with such a force. On top of that my chronic back pains.
I have a family, two children, a seemingly happy life now. I should be happy. He also had a large family that was making him happy. It's making me think he didn't make it, maybe it will get me one day too. I had suicidal thoughts two weeks ago. Not with a plan, but they were there. It's scary. That's when I stopped taking the heart meds.
@mish3l
Hi, Michaela!
It's very healthful that you reached out and shared all of this here. It takes a lot of courage to open up about those intense feelings and very tough experiences. You're dealing with a whole lot, but you have the strength to seek therapy and share your challenges.
The fact that you've started therapy is such a positive step, and it's great to hear that it's already helping you. Therapy can provide a safe space to process and navigate through your emotions, traumas, and challenges.
I am certain it will make a great difference in your life.
It's also understandable that discovering the reasons for your health issues and the impact of medication on your mental health has been overwhelming. You might tell in detail to your doctor, about these effects so they can explore alternative treatment options that may not have that bad impact on your mood.
Your connection to your loved one who passed away is very significant, and it's natural that remembering all you have in common and remembering his songs would trigger strong emotions. Grieving is a complex process, and it's okay to feel a mix of emotions when you're reminded of him.
The traumas you've experienced throughout your life have undoubtedly left deep scars, and it's understandable that they're resurfacing with such force. Healing from these wounds takes time, and therapy will be a valuable tool in addressing them. Also anything you can do to alleviate your chronic back pain will help a lot, as physical discomfort can contribute much to emotional distress.
Having a seemingly happy life on the surface doesn't mean that you're not allowed to struggle or have moments of darkness. It's important to validate your own feelings and not compare yourself to others. Your past experiences have shaped your perspective, and it's okay to have both happy and challenging moments.
Having suicidal thoughts is something you shouldn't have to face alone. Reach out to someone you trust, call your therapist immediately if these thoughts become intense impulses. Don't hesitate to call a crisis hotline, a friend, or a family member in those cases.
People in crisis hotlines, in particular, are caring and kind people who might calm you down. It's not necessary that your reach a real suicidal crisis. You can call them anytime you feel overwhelmed.
Doing therapy and coming here are great steps forward in your healing path. But healing and progress take time, and setbacks might be a natural part of the journey. Pe compassionate and patient to yourself.
It's always okay to ask for help when you need it, whether it's from your therapist, loved ones, or coming to 7 Cups. Your feelings and experiences are valid, and there are people who genuinely care and will support you even in the toughest of times.
I hope you feel better soon!
All the best!
Marcelo.
@HealingTalk 🙏🙏 Thank you Marcelo. Now I'm crying again 🙈 but thank you. You understand me more than I do.
I already stored the crysis hotline to my phone, just in case. I promised my therapist I would call if anything happens. Anyway I wouldn't be able to talk about it aloud. I seem like a radio here writing tons but in reality I hardly get one sentence out of me. The same issue with my cardiologist. I wrote an email but no response so far, so I'm stuck. I'm collecting all my courage to call them.
- Yes i do, i think its theraputic to cry especially after dealing with alot of different things
- Just thinking about my friends that have passed.
- I feel pretty good especially once i let it all out
- im feeling pretty good
@PhoenixButterfly97
I think that what you say is very insightful, Butterfly! In a very concise and to-the-point way.
Crying is cathartic, and it's very healthy. Sometimes, we just need to get things out. Crying releases tension, it helps us to process our emotions, and it even releases hormones called endorphins, that help to heal us and make us feel better.
It's very positive to have a strong emotional release through crying, especially when you're processing difficult and painful experiences such as the loss of friends.
Crying can indeed be therapeutic, as it allows you to express and release pent-up emotions.
It seems like you've found a healthy way to cope with your feelings and let your sadness out.
And you're so strong to allow yourself to cry and to let your emotions run their course. That takes a lot of strength and acceptance of your vulnerability.
It's great to hear that you've been feeling well recently and that allowing yourself to cry has been helping you.
I wish you continue to feel good. It seems to me that you have been making great progress processing your traumatic losses, while at the same time keeping connected to your emotions, and remembering and honoring your friends.
Thank you again, Butterfly, for coming here to share your wise thoughts, your emotions and your experiences.
All the best!
Marcelo.
@HealingTalk
Marcelo, thank you for sharing this powerful image and prompt. Also, thank you for sharing the artist's name so we could view some of the other images. Art has a way of capturing the soul, and grief is a powerful mystery of our connectedness as humans.
Love & Courage, Tas
@VioletVeritas
Thank you, Tas, for such appreciative words!
I agree. Grief is a part of life that we all humans share, and that elicits intense emotions, so it can be a powerful bond among us.
Concerning art, a drawing or painting might be an inspiration, and, without being triggering, convey the intended emotional tone and meaning of the message.
I am glad that you have found it interesting to know more about the artist. You seem to be an inquisitive and cultivated person, with a passion for beauty.
You are a professional writer, after all!
With love,
Marcelo.
@HealingTalk As I get older, it get harder to let the tears flow. Every so often when I feel completely defeated and useless, I just sit and stare at nothing. My mind is blank and I feel the complete loss of hope creep in. Sometimes I will shed a few tears. I have been accused of not having a personality. I learned at a young age to hide my emotions especially anger and sadness. I am not used to being happy. I've been learning how to show emotions to those around me to do my job, but I feel like a fake.
@NotAllHere713
Hi!
It sounds like you've had to grow up with a lot of restrictions on your ability to be authentic with your emotions.
Sometimes, people learn to hide their true selves, because it wasn't safe to be vulnerable.
It sounds like something like this might have happened in your case.
You had to hide things like anger and sadness, so it makes sense that it takes a lot of effort to show emotion to yourself and to others.
It's great that you're learning to do this.
It also makes sense that you feel fake, because you are not used to letting emotions surface and expressing them, so it might feel alien to you.
It might be real but it feels fake.
I hope that, if you persist in this path, at some point you can fully express your emotions, and that they feel totally real and authentic to you.
All the best!
Marcelo.
@HealingTalk
Hi, Marcelo,
Do you cry from time to time? Rarely? Often? A little? A lot? Yes, I have been crying a good bit again up until the time that I was contacted for an interview for a good job. I haven't heard from them again, so today I am crying.
- What makes you cry? Today I need a friend. I feel trapped inside. It's about 100 F outside so I don't think I want to be out in the weather. But I have laundry to go and do. I don't want to do the laundry here because the laundry room isn't good. I need love and I don't get it. My supposed friend in the UK has been acting strange all year. She doesn't really feel like a friend. The Hawaii fires shocked me and have me down. I feel like I can't help but I want to.
- How do you feel after crying? Many times I feel tired or exhausted.
- How are you feeling these days? This week has not been easy.
@purpleTree4652
Hi, Tree!
You have been through a lot, not just recently, but also from a long time ago.
It's not a wonder that you're having a really difficult time.
Losing out on that job opportunity, the weather, the loss of connections with your friend, worrying about the people who were hurt in the wildfires, and feeling like you don't have the support you need.
These are all very valid reasons to feel overwhelmed, and I'm very sorry to hear that you're going through all of this.
Sometimes when we cry a lot, we do feel exhausted.
Sometimes everything is too much.
Sometimes it's ok not to feel ok.
@HealingTalk
Thanks for understanding, Talk. I'm working on making a better life for myself. That's all I can do.
love and blessings, tree
@purpleTree4652
You are welcome, Tree!
You put in so much effort, you struggle so much!
You deserve that life gives you what you need, so you can reach a state of contentment and calm at some point.
I pray for your wellbeing.
With love,
Marcelo.
💜 💜 💜
@HealingTalk
Marcelo,
I got the job! It's the dream job at the university.
Thank you for your support and your friendship. You're so understanding.
God bless you.
-tree
@purpleTree4652
Oh, how good!
Congratulations!
This makes me so happy!
It will make a world of difference!
Finally, you met intelligent and perceptive people who have good judgment to appreciate your value.
Our prayers were heard that such people crossed your path!
This is a time for celebration!
Cheers to you, Tree! 🍸 🍸
All the best in your new job!
Life is getting better!
Let the good times roll!
Marcelo.
@HealingTalk
that's how i picture myself these days. people see me happy, people see me like nothing's wrong. But deep inside, I am crying a never endless tears. :(
@Jewelmoon17
Hi, Jewel!
We all have a social mask that helps us to get through the days and interact with others, even when there might be a lot of emotional turmoil inside.
It's understandable that you might have deep and complex emotions that are hidden from the surface.
It seems that there's a lot to process, and it can feel hard to deal with it when there's also the pressure to behave a certain way.
Coming here to tell your feelings might help much to release strong emotions.
I encourage you to post in this community as often as you wish.
I also encourage you to join 7 Cups activities like the Sharing Circles and other group chat support rooms to help process your emotions.
I hope that you feel comfortable enough in 7 Cups to do it.
And I also wish you that you find someone in real life to let down that social mask, and show how you're really feeling inside. Talking to someone you trust would be very healthy and healing.
Thank you for coming here to share your thoughts and feelings.
I hope to see you around here soon.
All the best!
Marcelo.
Marcelo, I wanted to post this here on this thread because of the compassion you demonstrate in your responses on this forum thread.
Would like to join please
@Veegee1
Hi!
Press the "Join" button to the right at the start of the Grief & Loss Community forum (from a computer) or through the 3-dot menu at the top right (in the phone app).
I would also suggest that you go to the start of this community forum (here: https://www.7cups.com/forum/grief/ ) and post a new thread to the Community telling us your experiences and feelings.
Press "Create new thread", write your message, and then press "Add thread" at the bottom (from a computer), or the arrow at the top right (in the phone app.)
You might join our Check-Ins too, where we meet and exchange ideas around a common topic.
We invite you to join now our current Check-in here.
I look forward to your thread and for you to join this Community!
All the best!
@HealingTalk
THE BOTTLE
@Paulrm
What a beautiful drawing, and such a powerful image!
Crying is often conceived as releasing our "bottled" emotions, a liberation of what's been held within, allowing our sadness to spill out and be acknowledged.
Most often only by ourselves. But that is enough for it to be healthy, I think.
This bottle is open, with an opening seemingly wide enough to get out.
It feels protective to me, allowing us to drop our armor and feel vulnerable, genuinely human. A shelter to enter and sit with our emotions.
And maybe cry.
The figure might represent our "bottled" emotions that stay protected inside but need to be acknowledged and eventually released.
Thank you, Paul, for your beautiful, meaningful and moving image!
@HealingTalk
@Paulrm
Wow!
Do you draw these yourself?
These are amazing drawings, and the transparency of glass is so subtle...
@HealingTal
these were doodles I did on my iPad, kind of just to get used to using electronica instead of paper and pencil.
it was supposed to be part of a larger collage style piece that I will try to finish and share
@Paulrm
Wow! You are a great artist!
Drawing with precision on a tablet is tricky. It's glass and a plastic point so it slides, very far from the precise control of graphite on paper.
A great achievement, and the drawings are beautiful and very meaningful.
I look forward to seeing your collage, please tag me in your post.
All the best!
Marcelo.