Milestones or Steps Completed! Share and Celebrate Here :)
Congratulations! You made it to the next level on your growth path. Share with us the #1 thing you learned on this leg of your journey!
FH:4
I learned that heartbreak truely isn't easy at all. That no matter how you're feeling you'll think of things that happed or feel sad but it's all normal and everyone feels it so you're no alone. When we're sad we tend to look at the bad before even realizing there might be good. To dream is to wish but asleep not only dreams mean we should or do want something. We feel pain to become better and to learn. In heart break that pain is there to someday do better and to learn from the relationship. No matter tha pain and it's intensity the pain is only there to show us something we might not be able to see when love blinded our eyes or something else.
@GlenM
not everything is my fault
Doing little steps each day on 7cups, little by litttle, moving forward, makes me feel so upbeat empowered and motivated! God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Each little action in 7 cups helps rebalance, recalibrate my brain, and gives me the satisfaction that I am taking tiny steps... actively working on improving my lfie and taking action!
Oh we fell apart take me back to the start
Babe
This is all there is left
And your touch was all there was left
Oh, we fell apart take me back to the start
And you took my heart
For me, sanity and peace and healing, means connecting to my higher power, God, and learning to rely on God instead of continually searching for perfection in people, because we are just all flawed, no matter how hard we may try. I too sometimes have the best intentions, and have things end up completely opposite of my intention. By relying on God, I no longer need to force the people around me to the person I want or need them to be. I can be me, and they can be themselves, just as God intended, and we can each lean on God, instead of trying to change the other person into what we need (Been there done that!)
Keep trying
Just locked myself out of my car tonight and not sure if I locked the key in the car or lost it outside in the grass. Decided to go back tomorrow in daylight. What I learned is that what I say to myself is making all the difference.
I used to freak out and beat myself up unrelentlessly. I'm telling myself that no one is hurt or maimed and this is an inconvenience and hassle and maybe costly. Or it looks like I can drive using the manual key until I hopefully find my fob key. I'm telling myself... I can handle this.
I'm doing deep breaths and tried to do the mindfulness, but was distracted. I tried the deep breathing and am still struggling. I'm thinking I need one of those cute animal clips or a comedy, so this pit in the center of my stomach will go. I'm thinking "Oh man! On Christmas!" ".... and other not so helpful thoughts, and I am telling myself... take it easy, forgive yourself... it could be much worse. I got a ride home, and didn't have to stand in the cold, or wait for hours for triple A.... My family was relatively nice and understanding about it... I have been praying for faith... so here I go! I get to work on my faith. Faith that I can do this. This thing called life that can be messy and imperfect. I can manage this. And I can use the tools I've learned in 7cups. I can also use RAIN.. Recognize I'm slightly annoyed and disappointed I lost or misplaced my key. Accept the reality as it is, and my emotions about it. And my son's annoyance about it. Investigate what I can do. I looked up how much it would cost to replace the key. I also looked if I could disable the alarm so I could drive with the valet key until I found my FOB key. N is for non-judgement and non-identifying. I don't have to give myself harsh labels. I lost or misplaced my key tonight. Don't need to make huge conjectures or labels or assasinate my own character!! Thanks 7cups.. this helped to share this! phew... Fingers crossed I get a cute clip in my path....
Now...just to remember to breathe.... 
@Flowingstreams P.S. ... What's this RAIN thing? I've not seen it before...
R=recognise (what exactly?)
A=accept ... ?
I=investigate...?
N= ??
Please teach me when you have a spare moment, thanks. Looks interesting :-)
@azureBalloon6704
Hi azureBalloon! Thank you so much for your kindness and your very encouraging messages...lol...
RAIN is a Cognitive Behavioral technique I have been working on. The acronym comes from Tara Brach and is derrived from buddhist and daoist philosophy. you have Insight Timer on your phone or ipad or even an android, I think she does a free meditation using RAIN. In the mindfulness area, there is also a post on RAIN for teenagers. I'll see if I can find it... and post it after this one.
It has been so useful in many situations.... truly helped me from spinning out and staying present emotionally... and totally de-escalates... emotions. I struggled until like 3am and then finally fell asleep, staying with the techniques in RAIN and 7cups... boy did I make giant leaps on my 7cups path! LOL...
R is to recognize. To recognize what is happening like from a factual observation level. It also includes, recognizing my emotions and the emotions of people around me.
A is for Allow. I allow myself to have the feelings I have. I allow the other people to have whatever feelings they feel. This helps when there is a conflict... I also allow reality to be what it is. It is what it is. Just because I don't like reality, doesn't mean it doesn't exist! So I let go and allow life on life's terms.
I is to investigate. I investigate all the possibilities of how I can act and choose the best path for me. I ask myself 3 questions. 1) What do I need? 2) What do I want? 3) What's my priority? Then I can choose what I think serves me best.
I - is for non-identification and non-judgment. Meaning I don't say things that label myself or another person by an action taking place in a moment. It's like I am refusing to type cast someone for something in this moment. I just keep my observations to this moment and don't make sweeping generalizations about my own or another person's character. I don't "typecast".... so there is no labeling or judging of myself or others. I don't label a person with a mistake they or I am making in a moment of time.
Hope this helps you as much as it has helped me! I try to practice on things that are small incidences several times a day, so that it kicks in when challenging things happen! Thanks for asking, this was fun to recap and remember and good practice for me too! :)
@azureBalloon6704
RAIN is also described in greater detail by a post from Karrot called "Mindfulness Rain Technique" under the Mindfulness community
Here's the link:
Having a rough night tonight after misplacing car keys on Xmas. I am using the tools I learned not to go into black or white thinking or catastrophic thinking.
The night isn't ruined. I had a great time at dinner with my extended family.
It was challenging looking for the keys in the cold and in the grass. And I felt annoyed at myself and did my best not to beat myself up.
My family tonight was kind and patient.
I got a ride home and didn't have to stay in the cold.
So the forum is teaching me not to fly off into extreme emotions.
By talking to myself calmly and gently, I am learning how to stop myself from escalating into a panic attack.
It wasn't the best way to end the evening, but I am okay and my son is okay.
There were good things that happened tonight, and things that I would have preferred went another way....
I also spent a long time on 7cups and that is keeping me rational and goal driven rather than an emotional mess...
hey, seriously, @Flowingstreams, you did really well! you stopped yourself from spinning out. you became the master in the moment :-) you slowed the inner clock and moved the pieces in ways to better suit your health, your Being, and subsequently indirectly nurtured your son's wellbeing and that of your extended family as well. Good work! and what you like that you've done once, you can repeat until it becomes second nature. thanks for posting.
@azureBalloon6704
Thanks again for your kindness. I found my missing car FOB key by putting into practice my solutions I came up with in the "Investigate" part of RAIN. I woke up, got a ride, used my valet key, used the info I learned on line to deactivate my alarm, and found my key wedged on the side of the car between a seat and wall. I also had a backup plan if I didn't find the key--to use the valet key and not alarm my car until I could get a replacement! Whew!!! Thanks for your support!
Having several plans and focusing on staying with my plan helped prevent panic from overtaking me like it did in the past. It was challenging but exciting to be able to put in to practice Thanks for your positivity. I do hope the RAIN and the positive thinking continue to grow and become stronger in me! I can definitely feel such a difference!
My adrenaline was through the roof... so I just gave time for my body to re-normalize. The great part was, my mind was talking myself off the ledge rather than adding to things with more drama, black-and-white thinking, and trauma montages. Yay! 
Step 600 of my Growth Path! I'm dealing with a lot of stuff during these last days, but I'm trying my best not to fall back into what felt like depression.
I'm trying to start some routines to address the mountain of work due by May. The doctor I speak to for my therapy appointments has been trying to help me come up with a way to schedule all of it without letting myself get burned out. I'm learning, or relearning, how to plan my schedule in blocks of time that I can dedicate to one project or another, but leave enough wiggle room for the things life throws at me. And also allow for me time!
