Can we make a men’s issues community?
I’ve been trying really hard to find any avenue of support recently. I live in a major city and there are no men’s support groups where I am. There are few listeners on here that take men’s issues seriously. Finding a therapist where I am for men’s issues is extremely difficult with very few options. And I’ve attempted to post on here about what I’m dealing with just to hear crickets.
theres a women’s issues community and it’s not like men don’t go through their own trauma and their own challenges. I want to not feel like there’s zero places to turn to get help which is basically where I am right now.
I don't see why not, or at least a men's peer group. As long s people there don't abuse the intention.
In my experience I notice there's more women on the site, I can understand why men might want a space.
@CheeryMango
How would we be able to do it?
@aquaSpruce8551 CheeryMango is the admin who oversees the forums, which is why I tagged her. There's also a feedback form where you can share ideas https://www.7cups.com/forum/siteupdates/CommunitySurveys_2601/NewCommunityFeedbackProcess_264411/
By abusing the space, I mean posting hurtful things. Some of what is promoted as men's rights is just coded language for sexism. It's not something the majority of men on 7cups would do, but sexist issues have popped up on 7cups at times.
It’s not that I don’t believe you. I think you’re absolutely right. But I do think there needs to be a space where men can say the wrong thing and have other men with good intentions help them correct that. At the same time, I’m feeling a little dejected at how easy it is to go there. Like it’s the first concern brought up.
but I think sexism comes from a place of maybe ignorance, definitely abuse, maybe some other form of trauma. I’m just not convinced we need to bottle that up and throw it back at men that maybe actually do want help to become more inviting of other people and not feel so afraid as to belittle or abuse women or other men.
but ya I see why that’s tricky. I’m on the side of the group of men that was belittled and made to feel weak by other men. I see the risk.
@aquaSpruce8551 I do help on the site with forum moderation, so potential issues with new communities in general is something that pops up fairly quickly in my mind.
I do think it could be a beneficial community on the site!
Also what do you mean by abuse the intention?
@aquaSpruce8551 I think an abuse is assuming from the start that men _always_ have bad intentions. That kind of narrative constantly repeated is one of the reasons why I am considering leaving 7 Cups at all.
Can you elaborate on that? I really want to understand that better
@aquaSpruce8551 Maybe this is due to the fact that I was born in a communist country, and it didn't ever matter here if you were a man or a woman - you are a human being and a person.
I believe in equal rights. I'd prefer not elaborating on the subject. We are here to help people, things that divide us should always be treated as far secondary.
@aquaSpruce8551
OK, another thought on that: One of my therapists said that communication styles are of a great importance. You may talk differently to a highly educated person with a doctor's degree and to a factory worker from the poor suburbs. I believe women have their own way of communicating between them, and men have their own way, too.
I am just curious why anyone would claim to give yourself the right to tell the men how they could communicate with each other (apart from general ideas of not doing any harm).
I believe there was a lot of mistreatment of women in some cultures (unfortunately, American is the first one that comes to my mind). But also I believe there is no solution in claiming that every time a man opens his mouth, he talks "-isms". I mean we, men, deserve equal rights. And should not be treated as guilty too lightly.
I hear everything you’re saying. I think this is something that can be brought up with a group of people who have varying experiences and want to try and understand the pressures that show up with men better.
@jacek73 well in case you do see this again, I do want to say that I completely feel what you’re describing and it’s exactly what started to make me feel dejected from AffyAvo’s post. It’s hard to not feel like people think I’m dangerous, but I’m also negatively effected by misogyny in all the same was as everyone else… with a few extra “please don’t talk about your feelings” elements thrown in there. I really think this group needs a men’s community. I think the world could do better with much many more empathetic attempts to understand men. And I think this conversation we’re having right now is poking at that a bit which again I think is good.
@aquaSpruce8551
I am not sure what you meant, but just a side note: Misogyny is hatred and prejudice against women. I believe hatred and prejudice against men is misandry.
I’m talking about feeling like I can’t be trusted to express what I’m going through or like I don’t deserve to because someone has it worse.
and I think you’re technically right so sorry for the misuse of the word. I’ve heard it used before as a place holder for the problems between the dynamic between men and women. So I was just saying men are hurt by that dynamic also.
Hi, @aquaSpruce8551. I understand your frustration, and it’s crucial to create spaces that address the challenges men face. We can certainly consider trialing a support initiative to see how it fosters engagement and activity. However, as Affy has mentioned we need to be mindful of potential issues, especially concerning moderation around sexism and gender stereotyping. If we find it leads to significant problems, we may need to reevaluate or seek alternative solutions. I will discuss your suggestion with the admin team and see their thoughts and I will circle back to this thread to share what we have agreed upon.
@AffyAvo
I think this is a wonderful idea! Everyone should have a place where they can go to talk about what they’re going through and how they’re feeling.
Just FYI, I do accept chats about men’s issues, womens’s issues, parenting issues, and sexual health issues, in addition to a myriad of other issues. Please feel free to reach out and request an appt time to talk if interested ;-)
May your day be filled with light, love, and laughter ;-)
~E
@aquaSpruce8551 I will support this idea!!!! Where do I sign up?!
@XneedsHelp In the last monthly update we told it was going to happen, it's near the bottom of the first post https://www.7cups.com/forum/siteupdates/MonthlyCommunityUpdates_2602/November2024CommunityUpdate_339575/
I would love for this to happen. I'm in full support.
@aquaSpruce8551
That's interesting because so many big cities have Men's groups. Sometimes there held at places of worship. Sort of like AA meetings are commonly held there. If you have a local YMCA they can be held there too. Boston has several and they are held in a place of worship as an example. The group just looks for a safe space to hold meetings. Have you looked at other surrounding cities/ suburbs?
I don’t have a car. A lot of the ones I’ve found are a drivable distance out of the city proper and it’s infeasible for me to get there
Open to take men's issue listening requests!
Fantastic idea!