I wish I could tell everybody that...

I don't mean to act the way I do. I'm making the best effort I can at living everyday and sometimes it's a good effort and sometimes it's not. I haven't done anything I was supposed to for the last month. I had an argument with my mother and it crumbled me. Forget about all the progress and awesome days I had, I just felt so small and silly for even trying because it'll always be like this and I'll always be that sister/daughter/friend. I real started to hate life again and to hate my footsteps and the sound of my voice again and wonder why I always had to do dumb stuff, and wonder why I'm like this, why can't I be normal. I tried so hard to just be positive and be happy and kiss the morning with my personal joy and excitement every morning and I failed. I was really, really mad and disappointed and disappointed that I was disappointed. I just want to be consistent again, to have some sense of normalcy and calm. I'm always caught up in some rough tide or flood waters because I'm self destructive because deep down inside I don't believe I deserve this life, as a matter of fact I've really hated this life. I want to be grateful on these horrible days but I have to force it, I do it but it never feels right. So I ask myself why do I suffer so much internally? It doesn't seem "normal" to be happy all the time either, so I'll take balance. I can curse the day because I'm angry for the moment but deep down inside I know that it's a blessing. I choose to feel balanced

I'm not being bitchy or mean when I ask for space and time alone. I'm always the go to person that sometimes I need time to myself.

God loves you unconditionally even when the world turns its back on you

i'm bisexual without being judged by everyone

I've been in a cult for five years. I married a woman I met in that cult, and she physically and emotionally abused me. She also... raped me.

i'm not a girl, and i never will be.

That I need help and support. That I can't handle this alone anymore.

I feel helpless and powerless and REALLY need a break from whatever is my existence right now.

Im not anyone's slave. Just because I dont argue very much and I do favors that doesn't mean that im inferior so stop making me feel like if i was. That makes me really bad.

I feel lonely a lot....