I wish I could tell everybody that...

I'm so down. And I wish I could change but I can't. I've tried. I need someone there for me. No one seems to care, but I need someone...

You are so beautiful, and so amazing in your own way. That things are going to come your way, and you

Just that it's ok to die.

You are so beautiful, and so amazing in your own way. That things are going to come your way, and youre going to feel like you cant overcome them. But you CAN and you WILL because you are stronger than you realize. That youll experience the dreaded heartbreak, sorrow, losses, and hurt, but youll become a better person because of it, and also gain experience, because you WILL get through it. Dont ever think youre less than incredible.

dont be afraid

count your days of happiness.

dont dwell on the hate of the world.

Please keep your faith.

don't leave in the midst of it all.

stay there.

be there for your friends.

for your lover.

Stay sane, no matter how hard it is.

Remember that people love you, and that I love you.

I care for you. Others care about you.

I want you in my life, and others do too.

Be careful of the people that want to rob you of happiness.

I wish i could offer you more advice.

But the truth is, no one can be happy forever.

So when you feel happy, make it last.

Dont count the days, make the days count.

I dont know how else to say to you, other than everything I already have.

We are all damned to this world. So make your beautiful presence known.

And shine, shine bright my friend.

you will be okay. It may not seem like it now, it may not seem like it for a while, but one day, you will look back and say "thank gosh i was strong enough to get through that" It may seem cliche to say, but it's cliche because it's said a lot, and it's said a lot because it's true. You. Will. Be. Happy. Again.

I wish I could tell everyone that I am drowning.. That no matter how much I try, I can't keep my head above water. I am very good at telling people that I am ok, because honestly, most of the people that I can tell, either don't care or their problems are worse, so I need to stop complaining or just plain get over things. I have an amazing fiance' in my life.. and I wouldn't trade him for anything. To give you a little insight, he is completely paralyzed from the neck down (no movement at all ) and is on a ventilator (a machine that breathes for him). When we were little he was it by a car. When we got older we were together in high school, broke up and now we are together again about 8 years later. I love him with all my heart, however, sometimes I feel trapped. All my life, I wanted to travel and see the world. I just want to be able to jump on a plane and have an adventure,,, be spontaneous, but with is medical needs he is scared to try it, which is fine. but I can't just leave him and go on vacation. He has straight out told me that if I do that then he will go into a Adult family home again and look for a doctor that will take him of the ventilator (this will kill him). and everytime that I go out with him, its like I am helping him ever five minutes, I can't even look at something in the store because he needs some thing. And if there is a store that I wanted to look at that we did'n't plan for then he gets mad and says that he just wants to go home and complains untill I get pissed off and finally say f#$% it and just want to go home.. then he gets mad that I am mad. Being in a patient lift/hoyer to be transfered is uncomforable and I understand that but it be nice, once if it wasn't an argument getting ready to leave the house or coming back to the house. I can't leave without him because I have no help, we have been trying to get other CNA's to help us but we haven't found anything that are willing to work for us. It just seems like he allways needs me and I just cant sit down or start doing something without him calling for me. And like I said I feel really bad or think it , and truly he is a good man, but sometimes I just want to do my own thing and not have someone want me, or need me. I sometimes stay up at night because I know that he won't ask me for anything if he is sleeping, but the problem is that I am up all night and then I just want to sleep during the day. he gets pissed off. He gets mad when I have things to do and he needs my full undivided attention and its like Wes, I have things to do too. Even when I am talking to my sister, he will get mad, because there are things that he wants to get done and I am not there to help him do it. And when I tell him,, that hey there are things I want to do, he gets mad and says that its my job. Yes the government pays me as an ip to take care of him, like 40 hours a week, but because we don't have help then i am actually "working" 168 hours a week. but he doesn't see it like that.. and Its like I have to throw an abslolute melt down before he even things about seeing my side of the argument. And when he is on his computer he is always wanting my help, but it i tell him to hang on because i am doing something he gets mad because i am not helping him and then he just does it himself. Another problem that I am having is my depression.. it seems like nothing but work and its like there is no down time between him, the house, the medical things that I have to take care of (making appointments, getting supples, etc.) so its like there is no love anymore.. everytimes i lean over for a kiss or something he is like, "can you please do this,, or this,, or this,, and this,,, " its like really,, were is the love. and then when he is uncomfortable or something,, then he is just complains about it loud enough that i can hear him right when I told him to hang on.. then he just asks for suction, just so i get into the room when he doesn't need it.. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND I HAVE A WEEK OF THINGS TO DO IN JUST ONE DAY! another problem I have been having is with my anxiety,, I have a hard time being around alot of people,, and when I can't just get in or out of a place and have to be around alot of people or if i do something stupid I want to leave and just never come back.. but I have been trying more and more to go back to a place and just keep trying until I feel comfortable agian... He just thinks that I should be ok to go back at anytime and things will be fine... he even told me at one point that i should get over it. I can't really approache him about it because it starts arguments and then he wanting to leave and kill himself. Its very frustrating. We are working on it and he has gotten alot better. I know this was really long and I am sorry, but I do feel better, thank you

I'm just so tired...

I am tired of being nice to everyone. I have started hating myself for all reasons. I am not at all happy with my life

Its okay to feel sad, tired, frustated. Give one good cry and move on.

I need to be loved