I wish I could tell everybody that...

That needing support is something that everyone will experience in their lives, and that I find it disconcerting and disturbing that so many people consider needing support, or a cry for help, as simply "attention-seeking". I wish I could tell the world, scream at it, that more compassion between humanity is necessary, that people are suffering unnecessarily due to the status quo of callousness and the societal importance of "having it together" at all times.

That putting people down for needing support causes further withdrawal, decreasing the likelihood of that person seeking proper help, or from reaching out to connect with friends for fear of being derided for needing help again.

That this year has opened my eyes to things I wish they could have been kept blind to, in regards to who out of the people I know are in it for the long haul, and who are fair-weather friends, as well as the lengths people are willing to go to in order to maintain their need to be "right" in all situations regardless of how much harm they cause in the process.

I also wish I could tell everyone that I find it reprehensible that mental illness, as well as invisible physical illnesses and disabilities, is looked down upon by so many, especially governments, as non-issues. That it's awful that so many regard people suffering from these things as simply lazy, or unwilling to work if they're unable to.

I wish I could scream from the rooftops that every human is valuable regardless of their ability to be "productive" (read: profitable, rich or a good little cog in the societal machine) and should be treated as such.

I wish I had someone that really understood what I was going through and would let me be anxious and call them at 3 am asking for them to come sit with me

I am in too much pain that i cant hold any more :)

Life isn't what people make it out to be. It's not easy and it's not always worth it. You loose people you love and you are never satisfied with who you are. There will always be people who dislike you but that's okay because there are people who love you dearly. Sometimes i feel like cutting and ending my life and I wish I could tell people that. I find it so much easier to push people away than to trust them and let them in. Over my life I have lost so many friends and I still don't know why. I wish I could tell people I'm not okay and people keep telling me it's going to get better but in reality it won't because i don't trust people enough and I'm not brave enough to speak out to loved ones. I wish I could tell my mum I'm sorry for all my mistakes and how she has a failure of a daughter and I wish people understood but nobody does so I just have to stay quite and act like I'm fine when really I'm slowly giving up.

How I really felt.

My boyfriend might be controling me by guilting me for how little time we get to talk since we are long distance.

I'm not a bad person I'm just mean when it has to do with him. I'm sorry and I'm trying to change that please give me a chance to grow.

I need support I need help and I'm not actuall fine. Stop believing me when I say I'm fine.

Normal and perfect is defined differently by everyone so instead of worrying about what others think maybe we can focus on just being and feeling our experiences. If you acknowledge the rise and fall of your chest do you still feel as immersed in that moment by what someone has said or implied by expression? Now if only you could change your focus for longer...the possibilities...

that every time when i think about myself, i dont quite understand because all the emotions that i feel inside never reflects the person i see outside. its like me, really ME, is something more than a physical existence but i cant go beyond that because this life as aperson is too much of a burden to try or bother with. its like my skin has threaded my very being into misery and loss. and that every time someone saus that im smart, they dont actually know how much it hurts because they wont listen to me, they wont understand that i dont care because all that i want is purpose. a way in life. a meaning. and that someone could just know that im not ok and im suffering from this physical me, this prison of infiltration and nothingness.

that everyone knew that i am not ok. i havent been since i was nine. i dont know what changed or who did it, but feeling like you are someone completely different is insane.

that they knew about my suicidal thoughts, my reoccuring self harm, my on going from bulimia and that ive relapsed back to binge eating.

im not ok and i need someone to tell me that oneday everything will make sense and be ok.

but im not ok and i dont know why im still here....