ED Community Forum Discussion: Hunger
Let's talk about hunger!
What was once viewed as a simple biological mechanism of survival has become very complicated with societal body image pressures and our culture's deep investment in diet culture.
For those struggling with or recovering from an eating disorder, hunger can be conflicting, confusing, frustrating, scary, extreme, and can bring up a variety of other emotional responses.
We tend to view hunger as an enemy, something to conquer. Or we approach it with unfair skepticism: "Well, maybe I'm not ACTUALLY hungry, maybe I'm thirsty or tired or sad and shouldn't give my body what it thinks it wants"
Hunger is a completely normal, adaptive, and essential physical cue. When we try to override our hunger by ignoring it or tricking it through various methods, we are attempting to turn off a mechanism that keeps us alive and functioning. In recovery, you may notice at first that you "don't feel hungry"--your body has gotten so used to speaking up asking to be fed and being ignored and suppressed time and time again until it has quieted down--this does NOT mean you don't need food or need less food. This means, conversely, that your body is in such desperate need of food that it can't even accurately signal to you anymore. It is common as recovery continues, at any point in the journey, to experience increased hunger. Your body is thinking "yes yes yes! we are getting fed! let's eat as much as we can because we are so deprived and don't know when we'll be given permission to eat again." These feelings of increased hunger can be frustrating and scary, but are completely normal and adaptive--your body is doing everything it can to do its job and keep us alive. Restrictive/dieting mindsets can increase cravings and hunger even if you aren't actively restricting your intake or even if you are engaging in bingeing behaviors--our bodies are very smart, and they can hear us when we are plotting to deprive them.
Hunger is normal. We need and deserve to honor our hunger and fullness cues. It's okay to eat when we're hungry. It's okay to eat when we're NOT hungry. It's okay to eat past fullness at times. It's okay to eat to connect with others, to treat ourselves, to comfort ourselves. Food is not the enemy. Hunger is not the enemy.
This excerpt "Our Fear of Hunger" from Caroline Dooner helps us to think about our relationship with hunger, and how to befriend it:
Our bodies are wired to be afraid of hunger, hormonally. The hunger hormone ghrelin rises whenever you haven't eaten enough food, and it makes you extra hungry AND slows down your metabolism to conserve energy until you eat enough food. Your body is trying to guard you against eating less and [to keep you alive], so it wants you to fixate on eating as much as you can get your hands on. It NEEDS you to try and avoid long periods of hunger. That's how a species survives--prioritizing eating and satiation.
Hunger begins to feel like the enemy in so many ways. And, not for nothing, diet books and gurus also make it seem like hunger is an issue that we need to eradicate. "Hungry all the time? It's because you're eating the wrong foods! Eat the foods on my scientific pan and you'll literally never be hungry again!"
So now you associate hunger not ONLY with biological discomfort and panic, but also with bingeing and feeling like a failure.
Let's take a moment to remember that people who are not hungry are usually very sick. Lack of hunger is NOT a good sign. It means that something is wrong, and maybe your [body is shutting down]. Still, I cannot tell you how many diets I have read and followed where the promise was always some version of becoming cravingless and not hungry. The message was always that your HUNGER was sabotaging your attempts at health and beauty. This creates a major disconnect between you and your body. I mean, if you can't trust your body's signals, then what CAN you trust?
[...] Getting out of famine mode is the closest to "not hungry" you will ever get. Basically, get your body to a place where it's not SCARED that it won't get to eat. You'll still get hungry, it just won't feel so epic and out of control. Now I know that when I get hungry, I have the liberty and obligation to eat as much as I want and need.
If you have any sort of fear of hunger, you can cure it through consistent, simple eating. Surprise, surprise!
The more eating is expected, allowed, consistent, and rule-free, the more your body and mind will be allowed to calm down about it. The more you consistently let yourself eat, the more you will learn that hunger is just a completely normal and fixable part of the day.
When you are hungry you are supposed to, and allowed to, eat. You are also allowed to get full. And when you finish your food, and are still hungry, you didn't eat enough. It's that simple. And when you stuff yourself with food because of your past fears of not being allowed to eat, that's okay too. It's all learning. I know it sounds too simple to be true, but your compulsion to eat more than you actually want is a symptom of the old rules and fears that there won't be enough food, or that another diet is coming. So make your body sure that another diet is not coming. Hunger is not a failing on your end. The goal is not to eradicate hunger. The goal is to befriend it.
After years of believing that hunger was my actual mortal enemy, I am now hunger's good friend. Though, in a way, hunger IS a mortal enemy. It'll actually [hurt] you if you ignore it. So...stop ignoring it.
Discussion questions:
What is your relationship to hunger currently? How has it changed over time?
What do you think, fear, wish, judge about hunger?
What would it look like or feel like if you were able to honor your hunger unconditionally? Describe how a typical day might feel.
Share any other thoughts you have on hunger or ask any questions that are on your mind after reading about this topic
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@Shanna
What is your relationship to hunger currently? How has it changed over time?
So i used to get hungry but i dont really get hungry any more and if i do i just ignore it...
What do you think, fear, wish, judge about hunger?
I wish that on the days i do feel a little hungry that i didnt because it makes the nausea worse...
What would it look like or feel like if you were able to honor your hunger unconditionally? Describe how a typical day might feel.
If i could eat when i felt hungry well it would stop me feeling hungry but i fear then id get more and more hungry and eat and wont achieve my goal of seeing my bones.
Share any other thoughts you have on hunger or ask any questions that are on your mind after reading about this topic
I just wanna share that ive been restricting a lot lately skipping meals and i got so angry at myself for doing that today i binged and now i feel so gross i just wanna curl up and cry my life away
@Shanna
Thank you so much for typing all this out! It was incredible to read!
What is your relationship to hunger currently? How has it changed over time?
Currently, I'm working on respecting my body when I get hungry and not seeing it as something that I should ignore. Some days it's harder than others, but it's always a process.
What do you think, fear, wish, judge about hunger?
I fear that listening to my hunger will make me gain weight and that honoring my hunger will make me less worthy because I'm not "waiting until I really need food". I wish that it was just a simple, I'm hungry, let's eat! Diet culture also makes that hard because even people without EDs have judgments about hunger.
What would it look like or feel like if you were able to honor your hunger unconditionally? Describe how a typical day might feel.
I think I would be a lot more emotionally satisfied and energetic, but I think that there would also be more anxiety around the fact that I am fueling my body more than I might normally!
Share any other thoughts you have on hunger or ask any questions that are on your mind after reading about this topic
I just want to remind people that are starting off in recovery that at the beginning you may not be hungry- and that's okay. You can eat even when you're not hungry. That's okay, and perfectly allowed!
Tagging some people who I think may want to read Shanna's post! @greenfox3456 @understandingJet9497
@Shanna
Hey Shanna! I don't know if we've met before but thank you for posting this and it really hit me different to read that we should befriend hunger instead of eradicating it. Thank you for that truly.
What is your relationship to hunger currently? How has it changed over time?
So I actually first got into therapy because my doctor thought I might have an eating disorder but I actually don't, just have some weirdly difficult body image problems and bad under-eating habits. So it's definitely been a weird relationship with hunger and not allowing myself to eat sometimes but it has had it's highs and lows. Lately with family it's been more of at a low but a few months ago I was really comfortable with how I looked and therefore more comfortable with allowing myself to eat what I wanted.
What do you think, fear, wish, judge about hunger?
I really dislike hunger and I really don't like feeling hungry a lot because of my body image issues or whatever. :( :/
What would it look like or feel like if you were able to honor your hunger unconditionally? Describe how a typical day might feel. I think if I were to honor my hunger I would allow myself to eat what I wanted to eat more often and just be freer with my eating habits instead of it all being so restricted.
Share any other thoughts you have on hunger or ask any questions that are on your mind after reading about this topic I think I don't have a lot of thoughts on this besides that I've been trying to tell myself that I need to accept hunger in order to eat comfortability so that I'm healthy enough to do what I do and support who I need to support in my busy life.
What is your relationship to hunger currently? How has it changed over time?
Uh... not well. I still feel like failure when I am hungry, I fear that if I consume to much food my ballet instructors and directors will know and my career will be ruined, but I hope to change that! I cannot remember a time it has been different sadly, ballet culture is not kind no matter what age you are.
What do you think, fear, wish, judge about hunger?
I wish it would go away forever, and I wish I could change that wish.
What would it look like or feel like if you were able to honor your hunger unconditionally? Describe how a typical day might feel.
I would wake up of course, do a workout and stretch as usual. Hunger would begin around 9 am, and I would probably prepare a yogurt bowl or smoothie! During school I would be a little more alert, maybe my grades would go up a bit. For lunch I would have packed a stuffed avocado with veggies and mayonnaise in it, ricecakes and tofu fries. I would laugh and enjoy lunch with my friends, probably trade foods and have fun conversations! When dance comes along, I would have the energy to get through a full day of dance with no problems, I would be able to enhance my dancing because of the increase in physical energy and mental alertness. I could spend time cooking a fun dinner, I am not even sure what I would cook! Maybe an egg scramble? I am not sure how this would affect my sleep schedule, but Im sure I would sleep easier! I would definitely feel so much energized and yet relaxed at the same time throughout the day, both mentally and physically.
@Shanna
What is your relationship to hunger currently? How has it changed over time?
Well, right now I feel like you know not giving into it. I feel like I am already doing nothing-exercise and all and if just keep on stuffing food I will be more fat. Plus, idk why but I am more of a person who eats when she's bored and not when she's actually hungry. idk how it happened but that's when i eat the most which i am trying to change.
What do you think, fear, wish, judge about hunger?
I eat a lot. i eat when I am actually hungry and when I am bored. So I kinda don't want that, i guess.
@Shanna
What is your relationship to hunger currently? How has it changed over time?
For now I could say i am on a good level where I am trying to control it. Hunger would really interfere with my well being. With the increasing stress then I would have a few relapses but I am happy where I am at now. And I hope I get better at it
What do you think, fear, wish, judge about hunger?
I fear it taking control of me, I wish it doesn't cause me to relapse. I judged it is something powerful that could mess you up
@Shanna
What is your relationship to hunger currently? How has it changed over time?
So whenever I would get hungry I would ignore it and not eat, but now I'll eat something small and healthy like a grape.
What do you think, fear, wish, judge about hunger?
I think that everything has an impact on our hunger and how we perceive it.
What would it look like or feel like if you were able to honor your hunger unconditionally? Describe how a typical day might feel.
I feel like I would be fat if I honored my hunger unconditionally. That would mean eating every time I get s stomach twinge, and I just can't imagine eating that much food.
Share any other thoughts you have on hunger or ask any questions that are on your mind after reading about this topic
Hunger is something that I've learned to embrace over the years, as it used to be a sign of weakness for me. I've earned to accept it as it is and not try and shame my body for doing it's natural processes.
What is your relationship to hunger currently? How has it changed over time?
This is such an interesting thread. Years ago, I didn't care about hunger because I hardly felt it and just ate whenever others did. Then I started hating hunger. Then, when my ED crept up, I started to love hunger. It felt good, like it would produce a "high". For me, it actually eases some of the more intense feelings I have. It doesn't have a negative view in my mind at all, except when talking about people who are hungry because of poverty, homelessness, etc.
What do you think, fear, wish, judge about hunger?
I don't think hunger is a bad thing. I don't judge it either. I guess I view it, being able to sit with it, as a sign on discipline. Especially when people try to feed me. Saying no just feels like a win, and the hunger reinforces that win.
What would it look like or feel like if you were able to honor your hunger unconditionally? Describe how a typical day might feel.
Well I had been honoring my hunger and it looked like obsessing over food, and losing interest in food, and then obsessing over it again. Even if I was very full, I could still eat. Mental hunger, I guess. I don't want to be negative here but it felt horrible. It felt like binging. Now I'm not like that anymore. I might be relapsing. Regardless, I imagine that a typical day might feel like eating when I get signs of hunger, not letting others influence me, and then stopping when I feel comfortably full.
What is your relationship to hunger currently? How has it changed over time? - It's as you put up above., I get angry when I eat or feel hungry.
What do you think, fear, wish, judge about hunger? - I judge myself alot when I get hungry, Sometime I try not to give in to it but I do,
What would it look like or feel like if you were able to honor your hunger unconditionally? Describe how a typical day might feel. - I'd just want to eat all the fruits and veggies.
Share any other thoughts you have on hunger or ask any questions that are on your mind after reading about this topic - Thank you for writiting this, It help me understand what I am dealing with atm.
What is your relationship to hunger currently? How has it changed over time?
My relationship with hunger currently is in an okay place. It was a lot worse in high school - intentionally restricting so that I could fit into certain clothes and be a certain size. After reaching out, I am slowly starting to learn that even though I don't feel hungry, that doesn't mean I should go the day without eating and that without food, my body won't have the energy to function at its best or be present.
What do you think, fear, wish, judge about hunger?
I certainly think I used to fear feeling hungry and then not being able to stop myself from eating which is why I used to try so hard to restrict. Even now when I feel hungry, I have to tell myself to be mindful and present and to listen to my body rather than simply going through the motions.
What would it look like or feel like if you were able to honor your hunger unconditionally? Describe how a typical day might feel.
If I were to honor my hunger unconditionally, I could see not judging myself when I eat and not comparing myself to those I am around or what they are eating. I could see myself being more comfortable in my own skin and in having the energy to do the things I love doing.
