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My little disability space [TW]

AvyIsKing December 16th, 2023

Hi! My name is Avy. I'm 15 years old. Basically I am going to use this space to rant about pain, the affects of my disability, and weird little things about it no one notices. 

Let me explain my story a little bit:

So in 2021 I was playing soccer and I got stepped on, and then stepped on again early 2022. I went to my doctor and she sent me to an orthopedic doctor. That was when the surgeon said he was surprised I hadn't been to see him sooner. Because of my injury I ended up with severe tendinitis and arthritis in my foot. I was sent to physical therapy. Through months of intense physical therapy 4 times a week and going to the surgeon every 3 weeks, he figured this out. I have naturally high arches, it runs in my family. But for some reason the tendons in my foot stopped growing when I was about 7. Which explains why my feet have always hurt. As I'm getting older and taller it's getting worse and one day the tendons in my feet will snap. I also have tri-pod foot (that's what he called it) from my heels being misaligned. Basically only 3 really small points on my feet ever touch the ground. Not even my toes 😨. I've gone through 2 pairs of inserts, I do physical therapy every dang day, and nothings working. Basically now my only option is surgery. Since I've been limping for 2 years my knee has been affected and so has my hips. This whole process has been really isolating and discouraging. I kind of just want it over. 

Anyway lots of weird things happen so I'll share them here!

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AvyIsKing OP April 7th

I woke up in the worst pain I've had in a long time. I keep thinking "it can't get worse" but it can. And it did. I feel like I got hit by a truck (at first this said bit by a truck 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭) my knee turned purple the other day, and my foot is barely functioning anymore. It just sucks, so bad. I'm counting down the days til my test, til July, when I have my surgery, and I just.... I know it's so far away. It's really hard. I can't just say i need to stay in bed today. Even though I do. I don't have that choice. Between my mental health and all my pain I'm just so tired. I wish the doctors would hurry up all ready 😞😞

2 replies
Tinywhisper11 April 7th

@AvyIsKing cries with you 😭😭 I'm a sorry sweetie, pain is incredibly draining physically and mentally. It just sucks😟 and why their taking so long to help you is really bad😢 hugs you tightly ❤

1 reply
AvyIsKing OP April 7th

@Tinywhisper11

Hugs

I made a deal with my body. So far it isn't working very well

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AvyIsKing OP April 11th

TWWWW- im not in a crisis, dont mean to come across that way (: also mentions of sledgehammers, surgery, neglect 

so i went to my grandmas yesterday, she used to work at a doctors office and was like a nurse / pa, i don't really remember what specifically she did. she looked at my knee for a bit and listened to my symptoms and was like honey you either tore your meniscus or some other form of cartilage. this is bad. she then made me sit and rest, even though she full well knows that i cant stop and rest at home. things have gotten so bad. i was cleaning my room and told my mom "alright, im almost done but i just need to sit down" and she said, no you don't need too, you want too. and i just looked her dead in the eyes as my literal foot was numb. that happened before too, i was watching a show and she was about to leave and asked me why i was still sitting down and i said, my foot is numb, im waiting for it to pass. she said sure mhm okay, say hi to your friends for me. im so freaking sick and tired of being neglected and taken advantage of. not sure if this next sentence is allowed on cups but im seriously thinking about applying for emancipation. i just wanna get out of here. i fell into the rabbit hole of WebMD last night, and i saw that if you start to develop arthritis in your knee, or if your knee issues are caused by a genetic condition / other chronic issue, and you are young, your doctor might recommend a knee replacement. I've seen many videos of that surgery. it involves sledgehammers. 

is it so much to ask for, to ask God or whoever is out there, to give me a break? i have no clue what i did wrong. maybe i was a serial killer in a past life (explains a lot.... xD), and im just being punished. 

3 replies
Tinywhisper11 April 12th

@AvyIsKing no sweetie God loved you ❤ one day you will see that he does ❤ I know grandma's ill. But is there any way you can go stay with her for a while?? I mean something needs to happen, where you can be safe and looked after properly. The extra damage your mum is causing to your disability, is terrible😥 I really feel for you, I'm so sorry life is soooo bad right now. But it won't be forever, it will get better, I promise. Just please keep going strong, your incredibly amazing and awsome, and a great friend, I love you ❤ it will get better. It really will. Blows a protective bubble around you ❤ and hugs you tightly ❤

3 replies
AvyIsKing OP April 12th

@Tinywhisper11

I love you too ❤❤ big hugs ❤❤ I really needed to hear this today 🥺 

I'm trying to Work on a way to become a legal adult without letting the government know we are abused so my sister can stay here 

3 replies
Tinywhisper11 April 12th

@AvyIsKing 😟 it's a terrible situation your in 😞 I really wish I had the power to be able to help you, but I dont. I hate that your suffering so badly, and it's been made so much worse because of your mum. It's truly heartbreaking. I don't blame you for wanting to get away from your mum. Gives you a huge hug ❤ wipes away your tears, I love you ❤ you are loved by many here, we are like one big family. And I'll always be right here for you ❤

3 replies
AvyIsKing OP April 12th

@Tinywhisper11

lola you are helping so much. you listen to me and support me. one day it will all be better. and ill be okay. its just hard to wait. i love you so much <3 i don't know what id do without my cups family

3 replies
Tinywhisper11 April 12th

@AvyIsKing yes it will be all better one day, and you will have a amazing life. ❤❤ waiting for change for a break can seem like a long time, but your doing so well ❤ it's all gonna be ok ❤ hugs you tightly ❤❤

3 replies
AvyIsKing OP April 12th

@Tinywhisper11

Huge hugs ❤❤ I had band so I'm feeling a little better, just in so much pain 

3 replies
Tinywhisper11 April 13th

@AvyIsKing aww how was band?? It's a nice way of taking your mind if things for a while. I hope oneday I'll hear you play. Dw when your rich and famous I'll get to hear all your music, and play it constantly on repeat ❤❤ hugs your pain away ❤❤

3 replies
AvyIsKing OP April 13th

@Tinywhisper11

big big hugs. Band was good, just painful. 

And maybe just maybe ill figure out a way to send you some music i play 🥺🥺 tis the least i can do, youve done so much for me, i love you so much

3 replies
Tinywhisper11 April 13th

@AvyIsKing awww your so sweet ❤❤ you've always been there for me too ❤❤ that's what friends do ❤ I hope you can relax a bit today, stay of your leg. Hugs you tightly ❤

3 replies
AvyIsKing OP April 13th

@Tinywhisper11

my best friend came to visit me yesterday, she lives in ohio (its like a 10 hour driveeeeeeee) and today we are going to the park. ive already let her know my limitations and how ill try but im just not as strong as i used to be, doesnt mean im not going to climb a tree. i love you <3

2 replies
Tinywhisper11 April 14th

@AvyIsKing climb a tree😂😂 have fun ❤❤

1 reply
AvyIsKing OP April 14th

@Tinywhisper11

i sort of jumped out of the tree, fell, scraping my good knee and spraining my bad ankle 😭

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AvyIsKing OP April 14th

My mom is going to call the doctor for my knee tomorrow 

18 replies
Tinywhisper11 April 15th

@AvyIsKing you jumped out of a tree 😂😂 ohhhh! No! What are we gonna do with you😂😂 did you at least have fun with your friend??!

and yaaaay! It's about time she phoned the doctors. Please let me know how it goes. Gives you a giant tiny hug ❤❤



17 replies
AvyIsKing OP April 15th

@Tinywhisper11

yess! We were running from a lady who was... scary to say the least 😅😅 tmr we are going to a town to walk around!

16 replies
Tinywhisper11 April 15th

@AvyIsKing oh no a crazy lady😂😂😂 have fun looking around town ❤ just avoid scary people and trees ❤❤

15 replies
AvyIsKing OP April 15th

@Tinywhisper11

We went to an aquarium!!!! I got to see the stingrays which are my favorite animal like ever and they make me so happy and my mom paid for me to feed them and I am just so happy right nowwwww

Hurting but happpyyyy

14 replies
Tinywhisper11 April 16th

@AvyIsKing awwww aquariums look like their fun ❤ what's a stingray?? I'll look it up. Did you see seahorses?? I'm glad your happy, and having fun ❤ I wish you weren't in pain though.

10 replies
AvyIsKing OP April 16th

@Tinywhisper11

stingrays are my favorite animal!!!!! Also i did see seahorses (: they are funky! My mum forgot to call the dr yesterday but remembered to do something not important for my sister so I'm just kind of done (:

stingray-magical.gif

9 replies
Tinywhisper11 April 17th

@AvyIsKing wow😍 is that a type of fish??? Ok get a bunch of post it notes. Write "ring the doctor" and stick them everywhere around the house, and one in your mum's forehead. How are you feeling??

8 replies
AvyIsKing OP April 17th

@Tinywhisper11

she called and left a message. Im in a lot of pain and i was having a nerve issue and she blew it off, said i was sitting weird. I wasnt 

7 replies
Tinywhisper11 April 17th

@AvyIsKing 😟how long does it normally take for the doctor to get back to you??

6 replies
AvyIsKing OP April 17th

@Tinywhisper11

i dont know ): usually a week sometimes less, but the doctor is unavailable on Wednesdays because that's when hes in surgery so i probably won't here back until atleast tomorrow

also yeah a stingray is a fish! Its more closely related to sharks :0

5 replies
AvyIsKing OP April 17th

they called, appointment is tuesdayyyyy

4 replies
Tinywhisper11 April 18th

@AvyIsKing yaaaay! Ok that's good. Make sure you tell your doctor, how unbearable the pain gets ❤❤

1 reply
AvyIsKing OP April 18th

@Tinywhisper11

i plan on it. Im seeing the surgeon, not a nurse and I'm gonna tell him like im so jist tired of all of this 😅

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MistyMagic April 18th

@AvyIsKing Good luck! When I go to an appointment I try and write out notes of what I want to say and any questions I want to ask, that way if I need to I can always give them the notes so they understand.

 

Listening - One Step At A Time! - Written with no AI!

1 reply
AvyIsKing OP April 18th

@MistyMagic

i usually try and do that, but they never believe what i say for some reason 😞

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MistyMagic April 16th

@AvyIsKing that is awesome, what a treat! Have you seen this https://www.national-aquarium.co.uk/secrets-of-the-aquarium/  they did a tv program in the Uk so not sure if you can see it but they have stingrays and they show them in close up detail.

 

Listening - One Step At A Time! - Written with no AI!

2 replies
AvyIsKing OP April 16th

@MistyMagic

:0 I will totally definetly have to watch that :0 they are so fascinating and they are my favorite animal and im just a mild bit obsessed with them ahehehe thank you so much :0 and if i cant access it, ill use a VPN changer 

1 reply
MistyMagic April 16th

@AvyIsKing maybe try You Tube too?


 

Listening - One Step At A Time! - Written with no AI!

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Tinywhisper11 April 19th

@AvyIsKing I'm so glad your seeing him ❤❤ I don't need to be in any more pain, but just do a few star jumps, in the morning before you see him😁 have fun in band tonight ❤❤ hugs you tightly ❤

5 replies
AvyIsKing OP April 19th

@Tinywhisper11

hmmm I will probably do that, i just want help 😅

i will. Not in the greatest place mentally but my comfort person is there so i can have a hug

4 replies
Tinywhisper11 April 19th

@AvyIsKing awww I wish I could give you a hug too ❤ and please don't really do the star jumps😂😂 hopefully band will help you feel a bit better mentally, I'm right here if you ever need to talk or vent ❤

3 replies
AvyIsKing OP April 19th

@Tinywhisper11

I'm ok, just thinking 😅 i love you ❤️

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2 replies
Tinywhisper11 April 19th

@AvyIsKing nooooo! Don't think. It's bad for your health!!!!!!

Hugs you back ❤

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1 reply
AvyIsKing OP April 19th

@Tinywhisper11

I try not to think, just, I dunno 

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AvyIsKing OP April 20th

My knee turned purple.

My mom blamed me. 

My friends wanna know why im so thin. Why i always lool over my shoulder. Why i shudder when someone talks to me

why i always look like i wanna cry

my friend most likely has a tumor she needs removed

why is my life this way? Im just a kid

10 replies
Tinywhisper11 April 20th

@AvyIsKing you are just a kid, and you should be slowed to be living like a kid. It's very sad that this is your situation😥  it's like your being forced to grow up way to early😞 it's heartbreaking. I'm so sorry this is all happening to you.

but guess what! Being a adult, doesn't mean you have to grow up and loose the child in you. Did you have a good time in band?? Are you nervous about your doctor appointment??

hugs you tightly ❤❤ it's all gonna be ok ❤

9 replies
AvyIsKing OP April 20th

@Tinywhisper11

band was band. I got a hug from my friend. Idk it just was. Im not nervous for my doctor's appointment, i just genuinely just need help

8 replies
Tinywhisper11 April 21st

@AvyIsKing I really hope they will hurry up and help you. Your really struggling mentally right now, I know 😥 it's hard, it's a challenge, but it's nothing you can't get through. You've already gone through the worst part of life, and your still going strong. It's all gonna be ok ❤ ❤ I love you ❤

7 replies
AvyIsKing OP April 21st

@Tinywhisper11

i love you too ❤️ i guess im just having a rough week? Maybe things will get better (: i got 2 days until my doctors appointment, i get to see my grandma tomorrow (not the sick one, the really nice one, my moms mom) two fridays from now is my band concert which means i can have my mom drop me off at the church super early and not pick me up til after, meaning it will just be me and my friends all day, which will be really relaxing. 

The only thing i wish was that i wasnt alone. Like in real life. i was in a really bad crisis two nights ago and I messaged all my people at like 11:30 being like hey i cant be alone rn can you stay awake with me for a bit? No one messaged, except my one friend who an hour later said sorry cant help. These sre people ive stayed up for, people ive put myself in harms way for, people who said they loved me. It wasn't just one person, it was 5. I just wish someone cared

6 replies
Tinywhisper11 April 22nd

@AvyIsKing awww sweetie 😟 I'm so sorry, it seems like most people only think of themselves. But not everyone does, some people are genuinely good people, like you ❤❤ is your mum and sister gonna watch your concert. If I was there I'd embarrass you, by crying with pride and occasionally shouting "I know that girl, she's my frien d, woohooogo avvvvyyyy " 😁 I hope you have fun seeing your nic e grandma. If she offers money, take it!!😁 I love you ❤ and your right it's just a bad week, better times are coming, you'll see ❤❤ stay safe sweetie ❤

5 replies
AvyIsKing OP April 22nd

@Tinywhisper11

awwwww 🥺🥺 yes my mum ane sister are going, might convince my friend to go as well. Im super excited 🥺 also you can't embarrass meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee i dont get embarrassed (: id love to have you there. We are playing 7 peices which is a new record for me 😭 its a lot of work and pressure because i now play a higher part but im so excited

i love you so much lola ❤️❤️❤️❤️

4 replies
Tinywhisper11 April 22nd

@AvyIsKing your gonna be amazing, have wish I could be there to hear you ❤❤ must be quite nerve wracking though. Your very brave, a star 🌟 goodluck at the doctors tommorow. Let me know how it goes ❤❤ tell them what the pain is like when it's at its worst ❤

3 replies
AvyIsKing OP April 22nd

@Tinywhisper11

im never worried before a concert unless i have a solo. this one is going to be sad because its my last with a few people i love dearly. <3 and i totally will, im more scared for that. my knee hasn't been hurting much the last day or 2 and im scared they are going to say its no big deal and just be like ur fine go home 

2 replies
Tinywhisper11 April 22nd

@AvyIsKing yep! They will. My carers tell me you gotta tell the doctors how you are on the worst day, and make sure they know it's more bad than it is good. They need to see you at your worst, that way they will help you quicker ❤❤

1 reply
AvyIsKing OP April 22nd

@Tinywhisper11

thats what my plan is, but if its not super bad or they offer like some insane test my mom is gonna be like 

oh no she fine it doesn't even bother her anymore, even though last night it was swollen

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AvyIsKing OP April 23rd

Woooo!!! Doctors appointment in a few!

Im nervous and scared but hopeful!

Imma do squats til it hurts 😭

1 reply
AvyIsKing OP April 23rd

So

i tore something in my knee but i missed what the dr said xD its healing naturally and is almost done so no worries there 

hOwEvEr my knee cap is mis-aligned so it shifts wayyyyy to the outside whenever i bend it.

so im going back to physical therapy

the dr said i have more issues but they'd have to do an MRI to see what said issues are and im having a test done in like 3 weeks so just do that instead 

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AvyIsKing OP April 23rd

its been a while so i thought id update my diagnosis (: just wanted a general post of all of the things out there. if its marked old its from before i made this post originally in December! new is after that post xD

plantar fasciitis (old)

tendonitis of the plantar fascia (old)

cavus foot deformity in right foot (old)

tripod of the right foot (old)



arthritis of the foot (new)

severe cavus deformity in both feet (updated old diagnosis)

severe chronic pain (new)

unsteady gait (new)

pigeon toed (don't know the correct term for thisssssss) 

anddddd patella-tracking disorder :D

im so broken TvT 

AvyIsKing OP April 26th

PT is working

that pisses me off and scares me

i went to pt when the issue started and if i couldve fixed it then , i will have been in pain for 2 YEARS for nothing

also what if the pain goes away then comes back

like my foot tendon doesnt feel like a rock rn but what if it does

I don't wanna be in pt til i d!e

or what if we decide this worked and stop doing all the dr stuff and it comes back and i have the start over and just 

1 reply
Tinywhisper11 April 26th

@AvyIsKing hey you ❤❤ don't worry you won't have to start all over again, they will fix you ❤ and if they don't well I'll come down there and sort them out. I cringed reading about your knee cap, ewwww! And owwwwww! 2 years is a very long time😥 but physical therapy is a good thing, and the test in a few weeks. See things are moving, slowly, but their moving. Gives you a giant tiny hug ❤❤ how are you doing today?

1 reply
AvyIsKing OP April 26th

@Tinywhisper11

what if the doctors decide this worked and cancel the test and then it stops working and i have to start all over? i don't think i can do this all over again. my knee isn't that bad, it just hurts a lot. My physical therapist is working a lot on my foot and my tendons more than my knee, because my foot caused my knee. im really sore and really tired and she gave me blood blisters. but i have band today. how are you doing love?

1 reply
Tinywhisper11 April 26th

@AvyIsKing it's only worked and helped so much. So their not just gonna put this off. I mean your knee out of place, your poor foot, they can't just let you suffer. Especially considering your age. They will make you better ❤ so don't worry ❤❤ hugs you tightly ❤

1 reply
AvyIsKing OP April 26th

@Tinywhisper11

Hugs ❤❤ I'm so scared I'm going to suffer more 

1 reply
tearstruck April 27th

@AvyIsKing 😔❤❤ sending love <3 it'll be ok

1 reply
AvyIsKing OP April 27th

@tearstruck

I hope so

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Tinywhisper11 April 27th

@AvyIsKing I know sweetie, pain is just the hardest thing to have to deal with😥 but don't be scared, they know how bad you are, and their gonna help you, it's all gonna be ok ❤❤ hugs you tightly ❤ try not to worry, it will be ok ❤

1 reply
AvyIsKing OP April 27th

@Tinywhisper11

pain is all I've ever known

i dont want to hurt forever but im also scared to not hurt. THe pain stops the thinking

1 reply
Tinywhisper11 April 27th

@AvyIsKing I know sweetie😥 I can sympathise with you there. But let's stop the physical pain, and then I can try help you with mental pain ❤ my arms will always be open to hug you, and wipe away your tears, things will get better, life will start getting good for you ❤ and until it does you have me and all your other friends here, to pick you up when things get hard ❤❤ I love you ❤

1 reply
AvyIsKing OP April 27th

@Tinywhisper11

I love you too <3 im so scared that if the pain goes away ill start doing bad stuff again. is it weird that all i want in life is also the thing i fear most?

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AvyIsKing OP April 28th

There is something so enraging about my sister having a lil ingrown toenail and it being infected and my mom taking care of her and her screaming and crying and I have the exact same issue and my mom let's me suffer. It happens all the time. I'm in pain and I'm forced to do work and function but the second my sister has a lil boo boo it's like her life is so terrible and my mom needs to coddle her. I wish I had that care

 I wish my mom held me when I was sad and scared and hurting and let me take time to heal and rest 

AvyIsKing OP April 28th

She just said 

I'm always in pain and there is nothing I can do about it and it's so FRUSTRATING but its fine.

She's never had pain in her life. Like she doesn't. Oh her toenail hurts because she's in dance. Bull crap. She does it to herself. And awwww her teeth hurt because they are a lik crooked. I've literally had to pull my teeth I the correct place and I have impacted wisdom teeth that I can't get pulled because of insurance that my Dr is URGING me to get removed 


My sister is so selfish it's so dumb. U get it everyone's pain is valid but she gets a lil cut and she's crying or she takes Tylenol for every lik headache and I can't do that and it's so angering 

13 replies
Tinywhisper11 April 28th

@AvyIsKing I'm so sorry sweetie😞 you deserve to be loved and looked after properly, by someone who actually cares and loves you. It's very sad that you don't have that😥 it must be so hard to see your mum favour your little sister like that😞 and it shouldn't be happening.

if your pain stops or eases, then that's a blessing in disguise ❤ but it won't sort out the fact that you have theese disabilities, they are still there, so if they can help you, like with surgery, then they will. Don't be afraid ❤❤ I'm here with you, always ❤ it's all gonna be ok, and soon ❤ hugs you tightly ❤

12 replies
AvyIsKing OP April 28th

@Tinywhisper11

its really sad and crushing to see

i did get some good news at band yesterday and ill say more about it Friday eheh

11 replies
Tinywhisper11 April 28th

@AvyIsKing hugs you tightly ❤❤ I love and care about you ❤ and good news!?! Ok when's Friday🤔🤔 wait it's only  Sunday😮😮 fine I'll be patient😁

10 replies
AvyIsKing OP April 28th

@Tinywhisper11

actually I'll tell u now

so my band director gave me a massive solo in band

one ofthe things my band does is we dedicate solos to people before hand, or certain songs. Its a weird thing. Like my friemd is playing a solo peice because shes graduating and its for her youth leader

anyway imma dedicate my solo to you because u are amazing and just yeah 🥺 anyway its just a lil like thing, some girls pray, it helps take the nerves away

9 replies
Tinywhisper11 April 28th

@AvyIsKing your gonna dedicate a solo piece to me? Me? I'm speechless, you've actually done the impossible and made me shut up. Avy I love you so so much, this is the sweetest, kindest gift anyone could ever give me ❤❤ I'm so honoured to just be your friend, and then you go do something like this, your just the best friend anyone could ever wish for ❤ and congratulations in getting the solo, you are very talented and instructor can clearly see that ❤❤ I'm so proud of you ❤ and still speechless ❤❤ I love you ❤

8 replies
AvyIsKing OP April 28th

@Tinywhisper11

I love you too ❤️❤️ its supposed to be a person we love, someone we owe the world to, someone that we know will never be disappointed, even if we mess up. ANd the best part is my solo will be allllll made up on the spot so its 100% original work 🥺

7 replies
Tinywhisper11 April 28th

@AvyIsKing 😭😭😭😭😭😭 your gonna make it up on the spot. I just know with all the love and kindness that's in your heart, it will be the best song ever ❤❤❤ hugs you and gets you wet with happy tears 😭😭😁😁😭😁 and nope your stick with me, there's nothing you could do to make me stop living you ❤❤ thank you sweetie, thank you so so sooooo much ❤

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6 replies
AvyIsKing OP April 28th

@Tinywhisper11

yeahhhh improvational jazz solos are stressful but fun! And its in a nice pitch so I just go nuts and i make it sound fun and cool!!! Lola i love you so much. And good i wanna be stuck with you forever 

needy-clingy.gif

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Tinywhisper11 April 29th

@AvyIsKing 😁❤

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Tinywhisper11 April 29th

@Tinywhisper11 that's right even our farts are love 😁😂😂

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AvyIsKing OP April 29th

@Tinywhisper11

xD you are too much sometimes lola! kidding, never change sweetie <3

poke-hug.gif

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Tinywhisper11 April 30th

@AvyIsKing 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁 how are you feeling today?

1 reply
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