My 7 Cups Dream Journal
Entry 1: The Boxes of Cats
It was a little strange but what I remember most is visiting a house that was in my old neighborhood that I’d recently moved from (it really wasn’t, so dream logic) but I came back to collect something I left or my mother left.
It was very sad and the people who were there now were sort of okay with me wandering around and looking. I kept noticing the signs that I’d once lived there (painted over places that still revealed chipped paint and stuff I recognized from my apartment).
Then I looked beneath a couch or table and found boxes full of kittens. Two boxes were full of meowing kittens in water that the new home owners had no idea were there, and one more box held a very dead cat that was an older one from a previous litter. All of the kittens were starving without their mother and I knew that it was the reason why the older one passed.
The new owners suddenly smelled the dead cat and I took it upon myself to get rid of it. When I came back an hour later all of the kittens were gone, and when I was walking past another house I could see all the kittens. They’d all grown up into adult cats!
Dreamt that the crawl space beneath my apartment was opened and filling with water from these pipes that were either broken or let to run as the repairmen left to go and get something else. No one turned off the water so I was horrified to see that my favorite stray (the one who doesn’t come around any more or is dead) coming closer to investigate the open space beneath the building. He got into the water and sort of started swimming but I still tried to get him out because the repairmen could come back anytime and close everything up, leaving him and the other cats who went there stuck in the water till they drowned.
I actually think that you did a good thing in telling your mom that your therapist suggested calling someone about elder mistreatment. It was exactly what your mom needed to hear from an outside source. Your therapist isn't someone who is intimately involved with the situation. When you say "Mom you need to make her leave because she is abusing you" your mom is going to dismiss you as just a family member with a history with your sister. When your objective therapist says the same thing then your mom might stand up and take notice. That might take a few days for your mom to think through it, but it puts her on a better road to making the right decisions.
I am glad that you got to go out and get cereal and see some dogs. Did you see any nice looking ones? Keep doing things like this so you are less overwhelmed.
I am sorry about the water and stray animal dream. That sounds like a hard one. Sending some more peaceful vibes for this evening's dreams.
I’m so tired of this.
I got back to my mom and she’s upset because the ex-boyfriend who was going to come over and give the dog a bath can’t now, either because of the recluse spider bite he has or that he’s fighting with his new girlfriend and wants to get back to rehab then leave everything behind and move out of state. No wonder considering how much trouble my sister has been and how my mom calls on him for everything.
My younger sister also showed up today weighed down by her 6 bags of stuff since she has no cart to drag it with. She argued with my mom again and it’s made my mom feel awful but she refuses to go into more detail. Just that the manager or her neighbors are mad.
I went against my rule and told her that if she was okay with the idea I could come over and give the dog a bath since he needs one so badly. She said no, obviously and I regret offering.
My mom also broke her improvised leash and is going to go to the supermarket to try and get a new one. The poor dog is having awful diarrhea so I hope she gets something now so she can safely walk him. I told her to cook rice for him because it’ll settle his stomach but I don’t think she did it or she kept giving him his usual feed with a small amount of rice.
This dream was a two parter.
I first dreamt that an upstairs neighbor that I don’t have in real life was so upset at me that the made a mess of the back of our property that had become a yard…they left me a message written with piles of poop, literally saying that I’d better do a better job at cleaning the property. I was horrified by the mess and the neighbor was arrested within seconds.
The second one was about me being stuck at home waiting for my mother. I wasn’t feeling well and I waited as long as I could but went to the hospital without confirming what happened to my mom. I made it to the hospital and was being seen by a few drs who left after a brief examination and then didn’t come back. I got upset with myself and wanted to go back home, so I hopped off the gurney and started walking to my bus stop. I didn’t make it far when an intercom started to call my name to get me back in there.
I went back and saw the drs again but as soon as I was back they started forcing me to remain in place. One had to get a decent grip on me to use a needle to either inject something into my throat or draw blood. I couldn’t tell which. I started to feel very sick and they got so mad at me when I said I’d taken my MS shot later than I should and we’re talking about how I’d have to stay for awhile possibly overnight because of what they’d given me.
I began sobbing because they kept suggesting that someone could pick me up since I wouldn’t be in any state to get myself home, and I told them that my mom can’t because I can’t find her.
Ugh.
Ok, well you can see the tension in your dreams as I am sure you are well aware. I am sorry for that.
Your notes have also become all focused on your mom and sister again. It would help you to step back from their drama as much as you can for a bit. You really can't do anything about it.
Rebuild your place of strength by focusing on you. You haven't really mentioned yourself in a couple of days. From past messages, I know when you stop doing that then you aren't really caring for yourself or moving your own life forward. You simply get too exhausted.
Do you have a bit more money to eat now? How is the job hunt going? Is there something good that you have seen or read in the last few days?
It’s been very hard for me to step away from this stuff with my mom and sister. There’s always this hint that something terrible could happen, and of course I’d never find out unless a third party said anything. I’m so worried about my mother dying, or losing her dumb apartment, or my younger sister ruining everything that I have to keep contact. Everything feels dangerous now as my mom just continues to wave away what I’m saying as it all continues to escalate.
I’m doing the bare minimum for myself. I was able to go shopping today because my food stamps came in. I applied for three jobs yesterday after my Zoom appointment.
I’m tired all the time. I watch Netflix. And I’ve been dealing with how horribly hot it is.
I totally get where all those worries are and your fears are legitimate. But you aren't going to be able to force your mom or your sister to make better decisions. When you put it all on yourself like that the only one who loses out is you because you are living in a world of just tension.
What I am suggesting is really, really hard. You are trying to do it in getting the food and doing the job interviews. Both of those are successes. As much as you can focus on them.
What exactly are you eating? Options that are slightly healthier may give you more energy to deal with everything else. I know that comfort foods are probably go to foods at the moment, but do think about what will give you the most strength to deal with your mom and sister.
What are you watching on Netflix? Are you choosing some "feel good" options where people are kind to one another or you can watch animals?
You can do this. Things are going to get better.
My mom’s phone isn’t allowing her to make calls out or accept calls from me because they immediately go to voicemail. I’ve tried to give her advice about what the issue might be told her how she could fix it and she’s not answering me any more. The most she did was say okay when I texted her about how hot it was and that she and the dog should keep nice and cool.
Finally I ended up just texting that we obviously weren’t going to be talking today so I’d schedule the next call for two weeks later. That if she fixed her phone by then, great. If she didn’t we could still try to text or email.
I’m just so stressed out. I’ve been getting plenty of comfort foods, but today I also picked up a nice tri tip that I’ll cook on my cast iron pan in the oven.
I’ll go to the store very early to get the vegetables I’ll want to pair with it and the marinade I’ll be making (a basic marinade but I’ll use cilantro and lime to swap out the lemon juice and Italian seasoning from my recipe) it’s the most ambitious thing I’ve considered in awhile. I also want some salad.
I’m experiencing so much tension that I’m almost grateful for this break in communication from my mom. It means I didn’t have to have a difficult conversation with her about me wanting to take a step back. I’m way too invested in her decisions and worry all the time about her safety.
I’m going to try and not focus on this for the moment. I’ll give my aunts and my older sister the update, then I’m out for awhile.
I’ve been watching How I Met Your Mother, The Umbrella Academy, and Call The Midwife. I’ve also been going outside for walks or errands and get plenty of chances to interact with the dogs getting walks. One even inquisitively booped my on the leg with its nose after I complimented the owner for how cute and sweet the dog was, but I had to keep walking and didn’t give the dog the pat on the head it clearly wanted.
You are actually doing pretty well from an outsider's perspective.
You recognize the stress and are taking a step back from it. That step back may be forced because your mom's phone isn't working properly and she doesn't want to fix it, but that is actually good, just as you highlighted. You can communicate but only in text or email. That is enough for a bit.
I love the idea of the vegetables and steak marinated together. Lime and cilantro are a nice combination. I am going to buy them both tomorrow myself for a recipe that involves roasted chickpeas, a cilantro pesto, and tortillas. We will see how it turns out.
I also like your show choices. I am about to start the next season of Call the Midwife and I am in the middle of the first episode of Umbrella Academy. That one can get a little weird sometimes. I also just finished the baking show around the theme of American fairs that was kind of fun.
The best part is the walks which help to ground you even if you are walking to do errands. You have got this. @integrityblues
My mom finally called. She had accidentally blocked everyone on her phone and a texting app my sister added was causing additional problems.
I told her that I wanted to step back and she seemed okay with just calling every two weeks and some texting.
I’m so worn out from the heat. My stomach is bothering me a little bit so I might not eat the steak tonight. I think I’ll just have a salad.
I have to get up and preheat my oven with the windows and front door cracked open. Then sear the steak in my cast iron before getting it in the oven to cook.
The two week plan is perfect. You will get all the vital stuff via text.
Sorry that it has been so hot. It has been hot here too. Last week involved tons of rain as well. Now it is a little drier but still pretty unbearable out.
The salad without the steak tonight sounds like a good option. I thought about you today as I was shopping. I need one lime for my recipe and all they had were bags of around 8 limes or so. I guess I am going to be eating lots of recipes with limes for the next few weeks. But the chickpea tacos were pretty good.
I’m glad your recipe went well.
If you have too many limes for just recipes you could always add lime wedges to your water for extra flavor. The peels can also work in a pinch to refresh your garbage disposal, though I prefer orange or lemon peels for that.
The steak came out very tender and had a good flavor. I skimped on the cilantro and needed maybe another lime because the one I got was small.
The temperature was awful today so I did very little. I’m preparing for the Zoom call I’ll have tomorrow morning.
I am sure that I will come up with something for the limes. Maybe some lime chicken in the crockpot for next week and then something else the week after that. They will last a while. I am constantly using up some ingredient. It keeps things interesting.
Do you have any fans in your apartment? I know that they do help a bit when the heat gets too much. Does the library where you might do the games group have air conditioning? It might be good to go for that reason alone. Actually any library air conditioning can help.
Glad to hear that dinner for you tasted good and that you are getting ready for a Zoom call.
Sending peace and cool breezes this evening.
Lime chicken sounds like a good plan.
I have a noisy ceiling fan and a brand new fan my aunt sent me a month or two ago. I have it on almost all day because it’s been so very humid along with the heat. It only goes off when I’m in the shower or when I’m out of the house.
My job developer completely forgot about our appointment so I had to push the meeting from 10:30 to 12:30. I spoke with my friend before the appointment and we discussed lots of stuff about me stepping away from my mother and the drama related to her so I can focus on myself.
My job developer was having technical issues on Zoom so we did a FaceTime instead.
I had my meeting and we discussed how there is more success for job seekers who are applying for food jobs and retail and less success for those with degrees. That I wasn’t selected for two of the three jobs I recently applied for. The third one is a CalCareers job but going off my most recent experience I could be waiting for a month to hear back. We discussed next steps and the next appointment will be for Thursday so no gaming group this week.
The gaming group is held at the same place I go for therapy appointments. I’ll try and go next week, hopefully it won’t be so hot then.
Had my last piece of tri tip for dinner and had the worst cold induced tooth pain as I was chewing. Yeah, the meat was cold because it’s so hot still that I couldn’t bring myself to heat it up. After I was done eating I used my water flosser for what felt like the first time in forever, then used my electric toothbrush. When I had a drink of cold water I experienced the same pain so I applied some Orajel. Thankfully next week I have a dentist appointment on Friday after my Tuesday MS appointment. I have my scheduled call with my mom that Friday too, so I hope nothing too painful is done.
This cold sensitivity is making me reconsider the ice cream I didn’t have the time or strong inclination to fetch in over 98 degree temperatures, but was thinking of getting tomorrow.
Instead of ice cream I’m think of getting Chex cereal because it’s on sale and will be easier to chew. If I start early I might have a chance to tidy up my apartment too.
You are doing a nice job in focusing on yourself here. I know not all of the day was pleasant, but I think it was easier than focusing on your mom's drama.
Sitting in front of a fan can really help so I am glad that you are doing that. Hopefully it will cool down soon. When you can find some air conditioned spots like libraries and work from there for an hour or two. It will make you less exhausted overall (coming from someone who lives in an area where air conditioning is basically a requirement).
Sorry that your job development appointment was late and not particularly helpful. You can't really do food or retail jobs so it is just going to take longer. But having that degree is really helpful because without it there would be even fewer opportunities. Maybe you can become a job developer like she is and work with people who are looking for work. I bet that you would do a nice job encouraging people. You could also do that remotely from home.
Someone else that I communicate with on here had a sister who spent nearly a year looking for work before finding a remote job recently. They are harder to come by, but jobs are out there. You will find something that works for you.
I would have eaten the steak cold too with those hot temperatures. Sorry for the sudden teeth pain. Sometimes that resolves itself on its own. I am going to hope for that in your case. The Chex cereal does sound easier to chew. Is it BoGo? Then you could get two different kinds and mix them. That would give you some variety at least. And I know tidying up your apartment is calming so I hope that you get a chance to do that too.
I had to eat at Starbucks tonight because I was working late. I haven't done it in a while so the Pink Drink was nice and refreshing, but probably not very healthy.
I got three: the sale was buy three and get each for $1.77 so I loved the idea of cheaper and easier to chew. I’m tempted to go to the library with my laptop but I’m also not as eager because the homeless people camp around the building for the shade and enter the building for air conditioning and access to bathrooms or computers. I’ll reconsider it.
I’m glad you got a nice Starbucks drink.
I totally get not wanting to run into homeless people also in search of air conditioning. May you get some rain soon to cool things down.
The Chex cereal sounds great. Maybe you can pick up some raisins and sunflower seeds to make a chex mix kind of thing. That would be awesome for snacking. I do like my snacks.
It was a very long day for me. Way too many meetings, readings and classes so I am pretty exhausted. I was at work 7:30-5 Monday, 7:30-6:30 Tuesday, 7:30-5 today, and I will be there 7:30-9 pm tomorrow for a lecture. I may not quite make it on to 7 Cups tomorrow night... @integrityblues
I got my Covid booster and flu shot today. Maybe not the wisest choice since I started my period yesterday and the cramps were vicious this morning, but I took the chance to get it over with because next week is going to be busy.
My friend’s package arrived while I was at the store, so they put a helpful sticker on my door with the order number and the message that it would be sent to nearby UPS pickup location. It’s a ten minute walk away and I’ll bring my wire shopping cart so I won’t hurt my arms dragging it home.
Now I’m washing a small load of clothes in my tiny washer.
I’m lucky that the most I’ve experienced from the vaccinations is arm pain. No fever yet!
I had a dream about loaning my neighbor my vacuum cleaner.
I wasn’t doing very well today. The symptoms from the shots and the period hit me a lot harder, but I still made sure to take my medicine and go outside to move trash cans and sweep everything while listening to an audiobook. I had to drag out the hose while I still had the energy because my arm was hurting and one of the lymph nodes was swollen.
I went back inside and took a nap but was woken up by a call from my therapist saying that she had to cancel our upcoming appointment because she has to go out of town. I sleepily agreed and got up long enough to go outside and move the empty recycle bins.
I was able to schedule a package for delivery to my home again instead of going all the way to another spot and dragging it home in my current state.
Bur best of all was when my neighbor texted that he’d seen the cat I called Lil Boy, the one I saw get hit by the car in May and thought had returned a month later but hadn’t. I went outside and saw the cat. He came to me once I crouched and offered my hand. Same markings, same cut ear, same meow. I was so very happy to see him again but there was a fight going on on the street and he ran off.
I confirmed with my neighbor and he said he’d get the cat some food. He just texted to say that he still prefers his Meow Mix dry food and fancy filtered water.
It wouldn’t surprise me if I have a cat dream tonight. I want to be hopeful about this sighting. I’m trying to not focus on how he could just disappear again or get hurt and die.
He’s back for now and it should be enough. He belongs to the world and is the darling of the block.
