My 7 Cups Dream Journal
Entry 1: The Boxes of Cats
It was a little strange but what I remember most is visiting a house that was in my old neighborhood that I’d recently moved from (it really wasn’t, so dream logic) but I came back to collect something I left or my mother left.
It was very sad and the people who were there now were sort of okay with me wandering around and looking. I kept noticing the signs that I’d once lived there (painted over places that still revealed chipped paint and stuff I recognized from my apartment).
Then I looked beneath a couch or table and found boxes full of kittens. Two boxes were full of meowing kittens in water that the new home owners had no idea were there, and one more box held a very dead cat that was an older one from a previous litter. All of the kittens were starving without their mother and I knew that it was the reason why the older one passed.
The new owners suddenly smelled the dead cat and I took it upon myself to get rid of it. When I came back an hour later all of the kittens were gone, and when I was walking past another house I could see all the kittens. They’d all grown up into adult cats!
I am so glad to hear about the cat. I remember how devastated you were! Now hopefully you can watch out for your purring friend again.
I am so sorry to have missed posting for the last two nights. 7 Cups keeps not loading for me and saying that the website is down. Hopefully that won't happen again.
I am glad that you got the shots, but sorry for the side effects. I am due to get mine in another two weeks. We all would dread the shots less if they didn't slow us down for a few days. But it does sound like you still got a bunch accomplished.
I understand. I’ve been in bed mostly because of how the shots have made me feel all sore and tired with a big headache. From what I remember you had quite the packed schedule for work this week, though it sucks that when you did try to log on the website wasn’t working. It happens at the worst times, doesn’t it?
My neighbor texted about the cat again. He was spotted relaxing beneath a car and was less skittish. I intended to go outside today but I’ve been waiting around for a package to be delivered again since it arrived while I wasn’t home last time and needed a signature. It arrived not long after that text: my best friend sent me a box of paperback books, a card, some stickers, and a Starbucks gift card! It was so sweet of her and I made sure to text and thank her.
Now I just have to handle a job development Zoom on Monday, an MS appointment on Tuesday, and a dentist appointment on Friday. I’d completely forgotten about the therapy appointment on Wednesday but made myself a note because the therapist called and cancelled it.
I dreamt that I found a homeless man in my apartment. He was stealing things from me while pretending he was just asking for my help, and when I found out I took my things back and I threw him out to frantically began cleaning. I was expecting guests for dinner so I had so much to do with cooking and preparations.
When everyone arrived I got the food out and mentioned the event. I’d just put served them bowls of what looked like chicken soup with thick egg noodles. They started swearing they could see white hairs from the homeless man’s beard in their soup. No matter how hard I looked and said it was fine and explained he didn’t get near the soup since I hadn’t made it yet my guests eventually got up and left.
Interesting dream. Maybe you shouldn't be making chicken soup any time soon.
It does sound like you continue to get yourself to a more steady position. That is good. All of those appointments sound worthwhile and you will hopefully see your feline friend soon. I love the idea of the books and stickers! That would have made my day if I had received them.
This week will be a little less exhausting than last week because I think I only have 3 late days in a row rather than 4. I am trying to not look down at the pile of work too much. I had a good trip with my husband this morning to the Asian market for some special flour (red soybean) and some gooseberries. I didn't find the gooseberries, but I will come up with something else to replace them for the recipe next week. It was fun just watching all the people standing in line. They always have such unexpected things.@integrityblues
I dreamt that I had a painful fake molar that shifted around as I spoke or tried to eat, but I had to pretend everything was okay and not draw attention to what was going on.
Is there anything that you are trying to keep quiet about at the moment? @integrityblues
Hmm, at the moment I’ve been trying to not say anything about feeling bad or feeling upset. This dream also is likely because I’m having reoccurring tooth sensitivity in one of my molars with a filling (I try not to drink cold water on that side of my mouth because it feels like an ice pick) and I’ve got my dentist appointment coming up.
I’m under stress financially and as I’m waiting for my travel check in the mail I’ve been thinking about just holding onto it till pay day so my SSDI check will take care of the amount I’m overdrawn ($48) and I’ll have the money ready to use on what’s important or just have some extra cash floating around because I have to renew my ID card next month.
My job development meeting wasn’t great. Because we’re finding no good new leads she suggested that I look for offices in my area so I can go in person with her and try to ask after jobs and apply. This makes me deeply uncomfortable and I didn’t even know how to look for offices in my city- I tried city of commerce to isolate businesses but got really frustrated. I ended up trying to find more places to apply from and got a Robert Half account so I could find positions but that was really frustrating too.
Sorry about the teeth, the money challenges and job hunting thing. Maybe for the job thing you could try looking for city directories, but chamber of commerce might work as well. You could also do a Google maps search. But take it slow. @integrityblues
Thanks.
I was stopped as I was running to catch a bus this morning by a homeless man asking me to call 911 because a propane tank beneath a construction truck had been hit by a car and was spewing fumes and was in danger of exploding.
I finally called 911 for him and because I couldn’t get speakerphone to work I just handed my phone over so he could talk to them about the problem. I followed him around as he was trying to direct traffic away from the propane tank to make sure that my phone wasn’t stolen or pocketed. I got to speak to the operator who said the fire truck was coming, covered my phone in hand sanitizer to clean it and wiped off the excess on my shirt , then hopped on a bus that had just rolled up so I wouldn’t have to run to my bus stop. I’d already missed my bus and had to wait for the next one.
I felt so disgusting but quietly rode the bus all the way to my drs appointment. I was thirty minutes late (I always try to be half an hour early because they request it and just in case there’s traffic) but was still able to be seen.
My blood pressure was excellent. I got my RX refills and have a new prescription for riboflavin so I can take it with magnesium for my headaches. I went home and it took long enough that I hit the store and got something for lunch then walked it home.
Once I was inside I took off the clothes I’d been wearing so I could wash them. I used a Lysol wipe to clean my phone. I took another shower and washed my hair so I could relax and feel clean.
After awhile I had a chat with my friend, had lunch, and watched Netflix.
Sorry that I didn't see this yesterday. It didn't make it clear that I had another new page with messages.
Your day sounds a little unclean but quite successful. It is great that you were able to help with the 911 call and then still have a successful doctor's appointment. I always feel good when I am able to do something that really helps the community like that, even if it is unexpected.
Getting clean, getting lunch and Netflix also sound like the makings of a good day overall. I hope that today was equally successful. @integrityblues
Thanks. Today didn’t feel very successful even though I got things done. I was just very tired, so I laid around for awhile until I had to get up to go shopping then haul the trash cans. I also rinsed and refilled my neighbor’s water bowl for the cats- he’d not been able to do it because he got a new job on Tuesday.
I’m preparing for my dentist appointment tomorrow, but I also have to fit in a trip to the pharmacy before that. I’ll have plenty of time to shove the trash cans off of the curb for pickup and the gardeners came by yesterday so everything looks pretty clean. I’ll get to take a nice shower tomorrow morning and have a decent but easy to make breakfast.
Now I have to force myself to floss, water floss, and brush my teeth so I can go to sleep knowing I’ve prepped for the appointment. I’ll be gentle with my teeth the morning of because I don’t want the cleaning to be more painful than necessary.
Last night I had an absurd dream about going outside and doing errands but suddenly realizing I wasn’t wearing anything. It’s probably about my anxiety or feeling vulnerable in response to this upcoming appointment.
Dental appointments are always rough going into them. They are usually easier once you get there. Keep reminding yourself of that. But I totally understand the anxiety and needing to prep yourself for the appointment.
Glad that you got some cleaning done and are now in charge of leaving water out for the cat. That sounds like a good assignment.
My day, my week, was pretty messy as they had to let some of my colleagues go because we have fewer students. I wasn't on the chopping block but could have been. But it was a sad day. @integrityblues
I’m sorry about the messy week. I hope you get plenty of rest this weekend.
My dentist appointment wasn’t great. I have three new cavities most likely because there was a month or two I didn’t brush my teeth as much or floss. The dentist was concerned about my wisdom teeth and asked for another X-ray to get a better look at them. Turns out my teeth are impacted like my baby teeth once were. The wisdom teeth are pushing against the rest, one of the four have erupted, so the dentist says it would be a good idea to remove them before I start getting cavities in them.
I told the dentist about my one sensitive tooth and they said I could see the orthodontist tomorrow for it and I agreed. Then I got a call confirming the appointment but they kept saying it was for braces which will do nothing for tooth sensitivity. When I explained to them that that wasn’t the point of the appointment and I’d like to have my tooth looked at or have some treatment so it doesn’t hurt when I drink cold water but they only asked if I wanted to cancel. So I did.
Aside from all of that they had to send my X-rays of my wisdom teeth to my insurance company to justify having any of them removed and have my insurance cover the cost. I should get a letter or a call from insurance but if I don’t hear from them in 2 weeks I should call the dentist and ask if anything has been approved.
If it’s approved I could be getting a deep cleaning, have my cavities drilled and filled, and get my wisdom teeth removed (I just don’t know about the order of anything).
I have never been more upset that my dental care was so terrible when I was a kid, so I walked a fine line while talking to my mom. I kept to the facts and didn’t point fingers because it’s pointless to blame her now when I’m just as responsible for how long it took me to go to the dentist myself and my lack of care the last few months.
My call was brief because my mom was busy filling out housing recertification paperwork and preparing for tomorrow’s yard sale. She told me about how my younger sister ran off to San Diego with her abusive boyfriend. That my sister had argued with her about being an adult and that she could go if she wanted, which is true. But my mom is sure that the boyfriend will hurt her or get her in trouble so she’s gotten in contact with a police detective and the sheriff in the area so she will be informed if my sister is harmed or arrested.
So I’m not feeling great. I’m just resting for now. I get to sleep in because that appointment was canceled. I’ll watch Netflix in the morning and try to wash some dishes.
I’d like to wash just enough dishes tonight so I can make grilled cheese sandwiches
My mom called yesterday to reveal that my younger sister was found. She’d been beaten up by her boyfriend who also stole her bag and id card. A stranger found her in a riverbed and called for help. So my sister was taken to the hospital. The most I know is that she’s sore and hurt, but not if theres any more damage.
My mom thought that she would have to go there to her to make sure that she goes to get mental health treatment but I said that it was better that she just stay here. That my sister is safe in the hospital.
I need to tell mom that I can’t deal with this anymore. When I reached out to my aunts with the news for support one didn’t answer and the other said she’d pray.
I texted my aunts that I loved them but I wouldn’t be sharing news about my mom and sister if I wasn’t going to get support. One aunt replied that she didn’t understand what I meant by support since there was nothing that could be done and I elaborated that I meant support for ME because I need to talk or vent or talk through something. The other said nothing so I’m leaving her alone.
I spoke to the aunt because she called and we went round and round about why my mother dumps this all on me and I said it’s because I’m all she’s got and I’m so tired.
My mom called and she said my sister left the hospital yesterday but she didn’t get the news till late last night.
I told her that this was all getting to be too much and I don’t want to hear about my sister anymore. My mom took it as I didn’t want to hear from her either and proclaimed that she’d just isolate herself from me and everything else so she could eventually move away where my sister won’t find her and only send the address to me and my older sister. When she started using it as a reason to not treat her COPD or talk with the home health nurse I snapped at her that it’s no excuse to stop taking care of herself. That even in the depth of my depression I still treat my illness.
at the end of the call I asked her to tell me if my sister passes away, that I’d still need to know that- not the continual escalation of jail and beatings from her boyfriend.
I shared the information one last time with my aunts and older sister, then tried to rest.
My other aunt called and proceeded to explain that she was very busy working overtime and being sick so she didn’t reply to my first text and was puzzled by my second.
That she didn’t even think to offer sympathy or offer to talk to any of the bad news texts I’ve sent, that she wasn’t trying to not support me.
Then we discussed what happened and she said that she didn’t say anything because there was nothing that could be done, as if I didn’t know that. But she continued to explain that like me she used to give 100% and eventually learned that she couldn’t do it, so she basically helps her children and focuses on them. That my mom shouldn’t expect anyone else to help my sister. That they’ve all tried in various ways and it hasn’t worked, as if I don’t know.
I stressed that I knew that but would have still appreciated some acknowledgment since I was being swallowed up by this mess and no one was even saying a word.
My aunt says I need more friends and shouldn’t be afraid of getting burnt again- I am so frustrated by this constant advice and don’t want to talk again later when she calls. If she remembers.
Sorry, my weekend wasn't much better than my week and last night I needed a night off. I apologize.
I am so sorry for the bad dental appointment. It can be tough when they seem to be ignoring the major issue of pain as the first thing to deal with. Did they offer any medication for pain or timeline to get rid of that? Have them focus on that first and then hopefully everything else will fall into place. It isn't easy to take good care of your teeth. Blaming yourself isn't going to help much. Just focus on the future and being pain free.
I am sorry that everything erupted with your mom and sister again as well. But I will admit that my first thought was it is better that your mom and sister are now apart so your mom can't get hurt.
You are absolutely correct to be completely tired of the dumping on you and for calling out your aunts for their lack of support of you. Good job asking for more help. They may not understand and they may do a bad job of it, but you asked. That is always a good starting point. Be really specific about what you would like from them - just having a sounding board (knowing that the only solution is your mom herself) allows you to have a release valve. So just ask them to listen and say that you are doing the best that you can. Which you are.
You also set some great boundaries with your mom. I really like how you told her that you still battle back against your depression and what is going on with your sister isn't an excuse for her to abandon caring for herself. You are right to ask for all the mini news reports to stop. If those mini reports on just your mom stop for a bit as well that is okay too. You deserve some rest.
Tomorrow is going to be better. Things are going to calm down a bit because your mom and aunts are clearer where you stand. There will be less drama. So take lots of deep breaths, eat and drink well and go put water in the cat's bowl. You have got this.
Thanks bestVase. I’m sorry your weekend wasn’t great.
my other aunt called me back and seemed to get how most of what she was saying wasn’t helpful to me as I was still reeling from my decision and the explanation I gave to her sister and wasn’t in the mood to have my decision not to make new friends picked at so she didn’t have to own up to her part in why I don’t feel supported, why I’m overwhelmed, and why I’ve just been getting by on survival mode for awhile.
I made chili today even though I didn’t really want to. I was glad I did so I had something filling to eat today and will have the last bit for breakfast or lunch.
I will have my Zoom call and handle it. I’ll check the water bowl for the cats tomorrow morning before I go on a short walk.
I dreamt that I was kidnapped by a serial killer who would steal people’s faces. I was allowed to go to the library with one of the killer’s men and tried to get him far enough away so I could try and get help.
First I made him wait in a chair while I stood in front of a malfunctioning computer meant to check patron holds and I was getting so frustrated because I incurred a massive fee of 125 dollars I couldn’t afford and kept being signed out of the account. Then the guy was lingering around me being threatening while I tried to select a book and I told him to stop drawing attention to us.
I’d taken a small pencil from the computer area and when I finally was alone and being seen by the one who would check out my book I spoke quietly and handed over the book and library card and before he could say more than hello I opened the book and began writing on the pages between the printed text: I’ve been kidnapped.
When the guy came back to start getting me to leave I began speaking as if we were talking about the book I was checking out, using little innocent sounding hints so the guy wouldn’t know I’d spilled the beans to the librarian. I took the book and was very worried that the guy or the serial killer was going to open it and see my message.
They didn’t and we went to a fancy dinner with his friends or family and because I was sure things were going to end badly I took this thing that looked like a long and thick popsicle stick that I’d eaten my meal with and snapped it in half before our plates were cleared. I hid my improvised weapon so I’d have something for the confrontation.
I woke up just as the fight started, and then I took my medicines and laid back down so I can ice my injection site.
I am glad that your other aunt listened better without offering too much advice. That is always a blessing.
And making some chili sounds like a good positive step for you. Walking and Zoom call are also positive.
What a vivid dream. It sounds like you were really fighting back for yourself. You have been doing a nice bit of that lately.
Things still stressful at my end with a sudden campus evacuation and course cancellation. Hopefully tomorrow will be easier.
Oh no, I hope things get better on your campus.
I ended up requesting during my Zoom call that I take a week long break as I’m trying to get out of survival mode. My next appointment is next Thursday.
Im hoping to get small tasks done and get things in order so I can really put my energy and focus into myself. Chores and rest and preparing for more job development.
My younger sister kept sending me reels on *** messenger so I finally muted her chat so I didn’t have to see it. It wouldn’t surprise me if my mom mentioned my decision and now my younger sister is attempting to connect with me to get me to say something.
That dream was pretty crazy and was probably powered by all my feelings of powerlessness and and being trapped my what I perceived to be my responsibilities.
I like the idea of taking a step back and focusing all the smaller tasks for a week to give you better grounding. Then you can get back to feeling like you are accomplishing stuff.
I also like the fact that you muted your sister. No need to be drawn back into her drama.
You are figuring this next part out. How are you doing on eating healthy and drinking liquids.
We are doing okay with the upcoming storm. It will mainly be flooding here and our house isn't in a flood zone. These things move like really slow stressful turtles. We won't even get hit until Thursday morning. Then it will hopefully just be a day of staying inside. It just gets hard to do them year after year. But we will survive. @integrityblues
i hate storms and flooding. I hope that that slow stressful turtle stays away from your house.
I didn’t have a great morning and sort of laid in bed after I got news that my account was overdrawn over 50 bucks (I must have miscalculated in my checkbook because I’d purposely only gone over by 48 or 49) so I had to take the travel funds check I’d stashed in a drawer to use next month and deposited it with my bank app so I won’t get massive fees.
I felt bad for awhile then remembered that I had other stuff to do.
I got out of bed and made a small breakfast then sorted my laundry. I’ve been doing laundry all afternoon; just sheets and pillowcases plus my throw blanket, then some towels, and finally a few shirts, some shorts, a couple face masks, and a bra so I could go outside in freshly washed clothes.
I’ve remade my bed, made lunch, and now I’m going to make a nice tuna melt.
I think tomorrow if I’m feeling okay I will go for a short walk. I’ll try and do more laundry too.
I am glad that you were able to get over the money moment to focus on doing a bunch of small things. Those things are really helpful in getting your brain back on track. I know how comforting laundry and a clean house is for you. So you had some clear successes.
We are still waiting on the storm. But I got some work done today, walked around a bit before the rains confine us to the house tomorrow, and made some nice cilantro lime rice for dinner (yes I am still using up the limes). @integrityblues
I did more laundry today. I’m almost done with what was in my hamper and added some of the larger pieces that should go to the laundromat because I can’t wash everything with my small washing machine. I want to vacuum the carpet and mop the kitchen and bathroom floors.
I’m so tired but glad I got so much done.
I even cooked breakfast for dinner. I made eggs in a basket!
Cilantro lime rice sounds very good.
I’m glad that you got to walk today before the rain comes.
I realized what was wrong with my bank account…I had two checks bounce. I miscalculated in my checkbook and the best my travel funds did was prevent a massive fee. When one check bounced the money was returned and got me out of the negative.
I felt so stupid and angry but I asked my aunts for help with money.
One answered during her lunch maybe, and she wanted to confirm how much I have in my account and how much the bill was and if I wanted the bill to be paid for me. I cringed, but clarified like she wanted me too, then I apologized again. She said that it was okay and I asked that she get her rest and hug her granddaughter.
I’ve had to rewash some sheets that I’d left to sit in the wash water when I got my bad news, then realized I’d put too much in the small washer and dumped one of the soaked sheets in the bathtub so I could redo the load one piece at a time.
If I continue and stay on track I’ll finish the sheets tonight, vacuum, and be prepared for tomorrow’s trash day chores.
It is easy to have checks bounce when you have limited funds. It is not your fault. You are trying. I am glad that you asked your aunt for help.
I also loved how much work that you have gotten done in the last day or so. That is lots of solid physical labor which really helps you feel like you accomplished something.
Today has been the storm day and it has been a doozy. I have rarely heard winds that hard. We are really lucky to still have electricity and not be flooded. But my work could really be flooded out. We won't know until tomorrow. And we aren't even near where it is due to make landfall. @integrityblues
I’m more than a little worn out from the stress and chores. I put on some Bengay and watched episodes of Call the Midwife between trips to check on the little washer or move clothes to my hanging dryer.
I do feel like I’m accomplishing something with these efforts, just going a little slower than I’d like but keeping at it so I’m not so stressed out that I stop.
I hope that everything goes okay during the rest of your storm. Flooding is awful, fingers crossed it isn’t so bad.
Tough day at my end. I know of multiple friends who lost their homes overnight to the storm. We are okay with electricity, sewer and flooding, but lots of sadness around. It also looks like we will be teaching online for another week, but the campus isn't too bad off we think.
I am glad that you were able to get some more good stuff done today even if it was at a slower pace.
I’m sorry. I had a reply days ago but 7 cups just wasn’t letting me post it.
I hope you’re doing okay.
I had a therapy appointment this morning. It was uncomfortable and stressful, mostly because I was talking about my mom and sister and my decision to not hear about my sister anymore and cutting back our calls to once a month. But we also talked about my efforts to get myself back together by resting and cleaning and she didn’t seem to understand my logic or think cleaning was self care if I accidentally give myself lower back pain in the process. She pressed me on my poor support system and asked why I wasn’t blocking off my Thursdays for gamers group. I told her that gamers group doesn’t feel like support and she plainly said that it could prepare me for social interactions that could be supportive. Ugh, I cried once I got to the part where I asked my aunts for help about a check I bounced and one said nothing and the other texted asking me if I wanted her to pay? It’s like they don’t read my texts or want to drag it out of me word for word. I was lucky that the 9 bucks left in my account allowed for the bounced payment to be retried so I don’t need their help paying for it and the late payment fee I was so worried about.
I’m just feeling empty. I’ve been feeling like this for awhile but after I cut my mom off to once a month it’s worse.
