A note I had writen, last night... Its all my fault
Its all my fault.
I'm sorry I was to afraid to call you.
I'm sorry I'm a failure.
I'm sorry I push you away.
I'm sorry I can't give more.
I'm sorry I can't fight anymore.
I'm sorry I'm depressing.
I'm sorry I'm not worth fight for.
I'm sorry I can't change.
I'm sorry I disappoint you.
I'm sorry I ruined everything.
I'm sorry I didn't know what to do.
I'm sorry I'm lazy.
I'm sorry I don't want to get out of bed.
I'm sorry I couldn't live up to your expectations.
I'm sorry I fell and couldn't get up.
I'm sorry I hurt you.
I'm sorry I'm hurting myself.
I'm sorry I don't know what to do.
I'm sorry I don't have any ambitions.
I'm sorry I'm not good at anything.
I'm sorry I'm not good enough.
I'm sorry I can't push harder.
I'm sorry I can't feel happy.
I'm sorry I'd been held back.
I'm sorry I'm stupid.
I'm sorry I'm not smart.
I'm sorry I'm not more patient.
I'm sorry I can't sit still.
I'm sorry I cried.
I'm sorry Its all my fault.
That doesnt solve anything. What it will do is cause more stress for your family. Your family loves you more than anything. Talk to someone about your problems. Tell them how you feel. Is this about a girl? Something happened?
No, no girl, Nothing "Happened", I was just sick of everything sick of being the failure everyone expects, sick of not being able to sleep, sick of being alone. so alone all the time. I have no one I can talk to. I can't talk with my parents, they are abusive and create a toxic enviroment. My only friend who lives out of state, was ocupied, and I had no one to talk with.
but the last few days weren't bad, not good. but even though it wasn't bad, I still felt terrible, I don't even know why I just feel terrible all the time, even when everything is alright, I just can't seem to find the joy others have, i cant find the love i once had for liveing and it just seems to hurt all the time.
EVERYDAY, IS A VOID DEEP, MEANINGLESS, ALL ENCOMPASSING PAIN.
I'm not a quiter, I wont kill myself but the thoughts still haunt me.
it will be okay dont worry and try to believe that life is beautiful and you deserve everything you want
Try to block out them feelings yes you may mess up but your not a mess up you may make mistakes but you are not a mistake if people expect you to fail or give up prove them wrong be the person they arent expecting to be be stronger than they think you are always hold you head up high and no matter what happens dont let your head fall face each day with your head high and anyone trys to stop you just tell them where to go doesnt matter who they are dont feel as the only escape in life is suicide and yes them thoughts may always haunt you but just push them away get help and be strong and you can beat everything like this x
its so hard to be strong when everyone, makes you weak.
Its so hard to Ignore the thoughts when they're so pervasive and loud.
I already feel so little, the only thing I feel anymore is the lonelinessand sadness.
I can't "prove them wrong" I've tried, so fucking hard I've tried so hard to not disappointeveryone, I CAN'T do anybetter this is my best. idk.
I'm to much of a coward to kill myself, I'm to afraid of dieing to afraid of failing to end it and waking up in a hospital.
My two cents' worth: Each time evil thoughts haunt you, say a little prayer. Jesus Christ is so powerful that He can cast it in the ocean. He paid for our sins and sufferings so why would we have to bear it?
In the end, wouldn't you want to see the better version of yourself?
I'm not worth gods help. I'm not Even going to bother him. he has more to do than help some winyloserIn America. I'm not worth the prayers. not a single one.
Blagfar, you are! He died for you, right? No matter what you do, you will not escape His love for you -- it is in you. I will pray with you, if you like.
The more i read this the more it does sound like I may havebroken up with someone, I wish I had someone that close that I could even have broken up with them. Its just that, I don'thave anyone and i never will, because its my fault.
So sorry you feel this way. I have a son I know is going through the same thing you are. It is so hard to reach out and help someone if they won't let you. It may sound crazy, but I think it is good you write your feelings down. You sound like a very sensitive, intelligentand talented person. Don't let this gift go. What is the best thing someone could say to you to make you feel just a little better? Write that down and post it here. It may help others and that is a good thing.
I feel so selfish writing this, but...
It's not your fault, I love you. even if you don't deserve it, even if you don't want it, I love you. I will never leave you, I will always be right here for you, when you need me, and when you don't want me. I don't know if I can make you feel better, but I will never leave your side when I know you need me there. You may push me away but I will pull you closer. I don't care how smart you are, I just want to spend time with you. I want to help you, even if it doesn't benefit me. I want to make things with you just to make them with you. I want to talk with you just as much as you do to me. Its alright, theirs no reason to be afraid anymore, I will be there to shoo away the dark things in your mind. I want to help you, even if that means pushing you, But I will never hurt you. I love you, and I will always be here for you. I will try as much as I can. But Its not your fault and theres nothing to fear anymore.
I'm sorry I feel so selfish writing this, so wrong for saying this.
That is so awesome and inspirational. You really have a talent. Continue writing. Thishas given me things to think about saying when talking with my son.This is a gift you have overlooked. Not everyone can put feelings in writing. Plus your words are very helpful for you and others. Never be sorry for this. Keep posting. Thank you again.
My soul is drowning, my head being pushed into the dark waters of that sub dermal cavern its being drowned by a darkness with a thousand faces and a million voices, each screaming for my soul to lie still and let it happen. Each screeching voice like nails on a chalk board. I won't lie there and "let" it happen. My soul struggles and fights. I manage to gasp a breath of air after so long of chugging water. My soul is weak, but its not dead yet. And thanks to you and others i'm not alone in my fight I have others now who fight with me. Light in the cavern, that burns away the darkness, its tendrils ever dragging and ever present, still hold sway around this cavern, and beneath the waves, but now i have a lantern that can burn it away, if only for a while.
Don't I want to pass, don't I want to graduate.
A Simple Question asked of me.
A complex pain stirred in me.
Why must you Berate?
I'm trying my hardest,
I'm giving my all.
But when i get up, I fall. I know i'm not the smartest.
But is all I deserve,
The pain n' sorrow,
I try to keep the good, conserve.
But i can't find anymore, could I barrow?
I knock but theres no answer.
I sit in the cold out the door.
On the hard earthen floor.
I feel like a cancer.
something to abhor,
no one loves me,
I'm an eye sore.
I want to be set free.
I'm sticking these to the underside of my desk, i hope no on finds them.
Don't hide these. You should check into publishing your writings. Some people may not understand. But believe me a lot more will. My ex father in lawwas an alcoholicand he use to write poems and little stories. Some were dark and some were of beauty. Some came from his darkest hours.I think this is how he fought his demons.But all were enlightening. He was sober for 11 years and passed at age 74. What a wise man he was. What comes from the soul onto paper is often wisdom that you don't even know you have. Try find the beauty from your soul. I know you have it in there. I think you are amazing.
I have depression. I attempted suicide a long while back. All I can say is that after reading all you've written, the poetry, I had tears in my eyes. I really did. It touched me. You have such a great gift of expression.
More often than not, life becomes very meaningless.I know how horrible that can feel. What I can tell you is that life keeps changing and along with it, we change as well. Maybe the change can be a sign that the pain and meaninglessness don't have to last forever.
I know that you don't know what you will or won't do. But just hang in there, please. I cannot assure you that life gets better, but maybe you'll get better.
You arenotalone in this. I would love to chat with you, so you can send me a PM anytime. I do understand what you're going through. And I really, really hope that you come out of this abyss.
Take care.
Someone told me, to write down how I feel, like start every sentence With, I feel like
I feel like an old tooth,
I feel like i'm not worth the effort,
I feel like I'm a leper,
I feel like I should never been born,
I feel like I can't get anything right,
I feel like all the light has been snuffed out,
I feel like I cant Find myself,
I feel like I died inside a long time ago,
I feel like My friend only hangs with me out of pity,
I feel like I'm alone,
I feel like I can't go on,
I feel like I don't deserve anyone,
I feel like I'm lost deep in the dark,
I feel like the mask I wear is wearing thin,
I feel like I'm not me,
I feel like I look in from hazy glass,
I feel like I took a wrong step somewhere,
I feel like its to late for me,
I feel like I'm just a burden on those around me,
I feel like I search for someone I used to be,
I feel like I killed the child I used to be,
I feel like a Child covering his eyes because hes frightened,
I feel like I have no one to stop me,
I feel like I want to die,
I feel like I can't bring myself,
I feel like a nuisance,
I feel like I want so much to find help,
I feel like I will never find it,
I feel like I'm to much of a coward to get it,
I feel like I'm always the butt of the joke,
I feel like a deep ocean of Anger and love Fight deep inside,
I feel like I'm straining to keep it dammed up,
I feel like I Shouldn't have to dam it up,
I feel like No one should have to help me,
I feel like I'm drifting away,
I feel like I hurt so much more than I can even begin to write down,
I feel like there are voices telling me to jump,
I feel like every word I type is a mistake,
I feel like every word They say is an edged blade aimed at me,
I feel like every thing is still my fault,
I feel like if i had never opened my mouth...
I feel like the tears are weakness,
I feel like the pain endured is strength,
I feel like the Fire is strength,
I feel like All I want to do Is end this,
I feel like I am broken,
I feel like No one cares,
I feel like I'm afraid of saying anything,
I feel like they'll just yell at me,
I feel like they'll just beat me,
I feel like they'll just Ignore me,
I feel like I don't deserve worrying them,
I feel like I'm not worth bothering them,
I feel like a soda bottle shaken but not stirred,
I feel like a water fall ever flowing never replenished,
I feel like My mind is Stuck on repeat,
I feel like I'm crazy,
I feel like no one around me understands,
I feel like I want to get injured seriously so I at least have a reason to be in pain,
I feel like I can't find my passions,
I feel like I Need to vent,
I feel like It does not help,
I feel like not lieing about being ok,
I feel like I'm not alright,
I feel like my mind is empty,
I feel like my mind is so filled with nothing,
I feel like my mind is so filled with HATE,
I feel like all the hate JUST AT ME,
I feel like a coward,
I feel like a failure,
I feel like I'm not Worth it.
And this did not help, does this actuallyhelp anyone?
This helped much more...
we walk a path in this life,
along a rock wall,
over seeing a cliff face,
we inch our way along,
some of us look back,
and see the fallen stones,
but looking back,
simply makes it harder,
to move forward,
the edge here is slim,
it gets difficult,
when the stone pushes out,
to not fall,
to let go,
but we cling on,
ever so slightly,
many have fallen,
but it gets more difficult,
before it gets easy,
I picture a wide open field of grass,
at the end of this edge,
that's what i'm clinging on for,
to sit in the meadow,
and feel the grass,
tickle at my toes,
my toes bloody,
and broken,
from clinging here,
so tight to this wall,
I will cling,
till i fall.
Again awesome. I understand you not wanting your parents or people you know to seeyour writings. They are personal and yours to share with who you want. I find them to be great. That is why I like this forum. No one has to know who we are only what we are. So never feel like a failure you have a god given talent and you are just not aware of it yet.
