Depression Community - How do you actually feel today?

Today was actually a pretty chill day. I still don't feel all that great, but it was better. I laughed a lot today..I gave a hug to one of my friends I don't usually hug. Ever. All my classes today were pretty chill. Nothing too stressful. But I can already feel myself slipping into a bad mood again...and I've literally no one to talk to about it.

the earlier part of my day was very calm but a recent argument has upset me. i really hate how out of control of my emotions I usually am

Well I have 30,days left at work then I'm redundant,I have mixed feelings on that,I did volunteer,as I have a bad back,so I was very quiet today,but feeling like I could explode anytime,also just recently after 2 years to this month,I got in touch with a girl who I met on Ig,we had a mad time on Kik,sending vids,pics ,talking for hours on Kik,only thing I am married,I didn't tell her,trouble is,I really do have feelings for her,and I hurt her Alot,everyday I thought about her,even looking at pics of her,it's not that I don't love my wife,I know sounds stupid,but the connection was very strong,and it's come back,well for me,she started with the pics again also,very explicit,that's confusing,I didn't ask,she just sent them,so my head is in bits,I'm on verge of breaking down AGAIN,or exploding and lashing out,so that's my mood

I feel like my head is stuck on the topic of not existing and i don't really care

I feel like I have chronic depression or something. I'm constantly feeling sad and worthless but then there are the few days where I feel like amazing and can do anything I feel like doing but that usually is followed by sadness and the realization that all of that is not true. I am 19 years old, I went through a traumatic situation when I was younger that has affected me greatly growing up, although I've gotten past the fact that it happened and I can't change what has been done I have been left with insecurities of being able to defend myself and it's something I've never quite been able to do. I don't feel as though I could stand up for myself or be able to stop something from happening. The situation has also left me afraid of not having anyone there. I remember when I was in elementary-high school I would cry whenever I had to call someone to pick me up if I was sick because I would get this bottomless pit feeling in my stomach and this feeling of whoever I was calling would not be there for me and the tears would just come. Recently I have just felt like I'm slowly losing everything. I've been so stressed out and everything seems to bother me and I just want to disappear. I'm not motivated whatsoever to do anything and I've been really lacking in school and it's affecting how I feel. I don't have the urge to succeed as much as I used to. I have no drive anymore. A few days ago I think I just wanted to give up, so I resorted to drugs. To keep a long story short my body did not react well with the drugs I ingested and I went into a paranoid, lost, confused and state of not even being here, I ended up in the hospital twice, no one knew about this, no one knew why I had done what I did, my parents found out at 1am when I was in the hospital, I almost died. The drug stayed in my system for about 4 days after I would say because I still felt as though I wasn't living until recently I know and feel that what's happening is real. I don't remember that day clearly. I remember being afraid, and not wanting to be alone. I remember seeing my boyfriends face at 1am and not being able to speak. I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now and I love him, I really do. I will be honest and say that he was part of the reason I decided to do what I did and at the time of doing it I did not think of the consequences or cared for them. He doesn't know he was a reason. I feel like he's too controlling of who I talk to and what I do, and the constant arguing and shaming had just gotten to be too much and I just gave up everything. Now that he knows what I did I feel like he trusts me less than he already did. The arguing continues, me apologizing for nothing continues, and me being sad continues. I don't know what to do anymore. Please, help.

When I read this post..I felt lyk m reading about me..dis is exactly how I feel..m still going through worse..each day I feel lyk shit..bt still there is a hope that d next day ll be beautiful..js wanna tell u dnt feel lonely..u r not alone..try to be happy

Just all around sad..I don't feel like being pretty today... Tho at the same time I kinda want to. I've two tests today.. Bank ti back.. One of my special shirts was ripped I'm assuming from either the washer or dryer. Now one of the letters is nearly clean off. *sigh* I had a dream with my ex in it. He scares the living sh*t outta me. In the dream I just casually walked past him...which I'm forced to do almost everyday because we attend the same school. This time he spoke to me (in the dream) with his laughing voice thing he does..he called me a f*ck. Then started grabbing me..I screamed for him to let me go..and eventually got myself free. He's never abused me in a physical way..but I'm always afraid of what he could do. Though I'm a lot stronger. I guess its the fact he bullied me before we started dating and I let my emotions get me into something bad..I..I dunno...

I'm sorry..

Scared. That dream I had really freaked me out. and this morning at school my ex talked to me. he was telling me about this photography contest where his mom works...i was kind of interested...and i plan on entering..but i have to actually contact him in order to get all the details. When he speaks to me..i get really tense, my heart races and i just have to get away from him. like i said in a previous post...he's not stronger than me..he just has me so freaking scared of him that i fear every time i have to be in the same room as him. he sat next to me at lunch one day and i immediately got up and left. I don't enjoy this obviously..i just wanted to go about ym time in high school without having to worry about him constantly bothering me. seems to me that I can't escape him. and i most likely wont be able to until after I graduate. I sent him a text asking about the contest...and i really hope he doesn't think im going to talk to him on a daily basis after this...i just..

I just dont understand life sometimes. I am severely depressed right now to the point of wanting to committed to an institution just to be alone. I told my family that 7c helps me with depression and feeling appreciated and wanted. But i guess I have been doing it quite a bit so now I am getting reprimanded for using it. I am made feel ignored, i guess maybe i might be ignoring them but I know I still do things with them . I dont want to disable or leave 7c but what am i to do. I hate to have my family feel like i am ignoring them and for them to totally ignore me. I am so torn right now. I am totallyy depressed and confused. they leave me alone and do their own thing....

right now I do feel ignored, unwanted, unappreciated, alone. 7c gives me my company and the praise and happiness that I am looking for. what do i do when they do their own thing and I am left watching tv???

I hate this position. i will have to deacticate my accounts :(

@Destiny7575

that sound so unfair, sorry you feel down.

Perhaps it's best to privately do 7cups without them knowing how long your using it. They might have misunderstandings about what it is your actually doing and think it's like Facebook or MySpace.

Either way, you shouldn't feel guilty but maybe approach it more diplomatically like spend 1/2 hour each night just being with your family and talking then excuse yourself to be alone and do your 7 cups thing.

good luck

Like shit . I'm pretending to be okay when I am far from it. Lots of fake laughs and smiles....

I feel sick. Haven't slept at night for three or for days. My body aches all over and my brain's not functioning well. I feel like a failure to my parents because im not doing anything with my life and not feel like doing anything with my life. I feel lonely too. When I told my friends I have depression I don't think they understand that this is an illness, one of them said they don't relieve in depression. I'm having a rough time.

Not good tonight. Had a few good days last week just to be slammed by a very very rough week. I wish my mind wouldn't give me false hope of things getting better like that.

Been feeling mostly ok for a while now, but the sound of my roommate having a very loud fling in the next room over triggered an immense feeling of shame, sadness and "not belonging" given that I'm 25 years old and the only virgin among my friends.

I just feel unimportant. Last night I had a horrible headache. I am guessing I slept for a few hours...I honestly don't know. I found some Advil and got myself some water..it was about 10:30pm. I was planning on going to bed right after...but didn't really want to. Luckily one of my friends messaged me and needed my help. She claims I do actually help..and that I was there for her..but I'm only 16..she's a college student..I feel that what I say shouldn't be taken to heart because... What do I know?

Completely shitty. My grandfathers just died.. My siblings and mother didn't care about him when he was alive, and now they decide they care... No one cares until you're dead.

Today seemed to drag on a bit, but it worked out. Suicidal thoughts and mood didn't come out to play, so that was nice.

Pathetic.. I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday and I told them about everything..or some things that I went through from 6th grade up to now. I reflected heavily on it when I got home..crying and such. Today I was a struggle getting out of bed..I had no motivation..but my mom made me get up. There is no school tomorrow, for veteran's day, so we get s little break outta the week..I just remembered I didn't eat last night. I was so upset..

Ugh..I'm sorry

Lonely.

Better than yesterday, but that doesn't really say much. At the very least I was able to make it to school today.

I feel like I'm stuck in a snow globe.

I feel a little better. but i still want to go home. got a hug from a friend today, doesn't last long but i like his touch. i feel weird about a person not speaking to me...but his argument about fear...i took offense

Not coping to well with the anti depressants.

Just feel like crying most of the time.

Plus I've just found out my son is being evicted yet again, and he's totally ignoring me.

Not feeling good. Don't feel as if I've got any fight left in me, or strength.

@Dailycoffee I'm so sorry. Seeing that someone is struggling so much yet refusing help is very tough to deal with. I know things like that may be little consolation, but sometimes it helps to hear something like that. So, it's going to be okay. In the end, things will be happy, and if things aren't happy, it isn't the end. So keep on pushing, it doesn't have to consume your life, but try instead to make a few small efforts every day, to better your life. I am 100% sure that you can do this <3

@Monarda thank you for your kind words x

@Dailycoffee not a problem at all :)

That should say without anti depressants. Not with!

I honestly don't know how I haven't cracked yet. I have like no control of my thoughts anymore. I pay more attention to what I've been thinking and hearing that I haven't spoken in a while. Whenever I do speak, it's a surprise because I forgot what it sounds like. Everything in my life is no longer in my control and I get anxious every. single. day.

It's just a struggle having to lose hours of sleep because there's always multiple things I'm either scared of or constantly thinking about. Obsessed about. I'm so done with this.

I felt pretty alone earlier. But now idk what it is... But I'm enjoying a nice conversation with a friend of mine. My head hurts a bit but not as bad as earlier..I feel like I'm important when I talk to him. He's like one of my best friends..he literally scolds like a dad..I know he cares and I can be my 4 year old self with him. So now...I feel A LOT better!!

I was feeling pretty good, got plenty of compliments on my lovely outfit. one of my friends that i relate more closely too is still out of town, they should be back tomorrow. Lunch was empty without them there. Two people i strongly dislike have been coming outside with our whole table to eat. It makes me so uncomfortable. I don't mean this in like a super mean way, but they literally have no other friends. i don't feel bad for them though. They treated me like garbage..so i have no sympathy. Just everything about them makes me uncomfortable, i cant stand being around them..i almost left lunch early so i wouldn't have to be around them. I don't really know what stopped me today, but we still have 4 weeks until winter break. and about a week until thanksgiving break. so i get more time to get myself together. get used to being alone, entertaining myself and such. Hopefully by the time 2016 rolls around I'll be a lot better at managing my emotions and reactions to things

Just hopeless

I thought I was doing better. But not I just feel hopeless. Graduation is 3 semesters away..I have no motivation. I haven't been too elated about anything. If I could see my close friend again..on a regular basis and we just hang it'd be a lot better..but it wouldn't be the same cause he's in a relationship now..so I automatically back off. 3 people came back into my life..one of which I let back in. But I have figured its not healthy for me to have them in my life...but I feel incomplete without them..I know they say they want to make me happy..but I honestly think they don't see me as a person.. Least not anymore. I've been fooled before and was completely blind until someone else told me what was going on...i think I'm becoming more aware of people intentions with me. One guy will randomly text me and tell me about this problem he has..then goes to basically ignore my problems..so when he does ask what's wrong I know he just wants me to shut up. He says he understands what I've been through over the past 6 years..i asked him how..and never got a response. Another guy kept asking me for little things. I declined. He asked me what was wrong and I refused to tell him cause he was the problem at that moment. The last guy just wants to be my friend again. Just to put the past behind us and go back to the way things were..but clearly I'm not ready for any of that as I've expressed the them plenty...they just don't care.

Sending love to everyone here.

I see so many people struggling so much and it's sad. It really is. I know that it seems extremely hard, and guess what? It probably is. But, get the help you need. Confide in someone you trust. Tell someone that you know will help you. I know this seems like the end, but only a bad author would end a story with a main character dying so soon in their life.

I know you may think I'm lying, and that's okay, but it does get better. No matter how long it takes.

Considering it was a busy day and I can't sleep at the moment I actually feel pretty okay.

and had a eventful day I'm satisfied (:

Numb. Kinda tired. I woke up today thinking about some shitty things from a few years back and just sorta fixated on it. Just trying to distract myself atm...

I've been feeling so tired even though I get lots of sleep. School is really stressing me out, especially now at 17, because I'm supposed to be studying extra hard in order to get into college. But the mere thought of doing anything relating to school right now makes me sick. I barely study, I drag myself to school, and I put on a smile around people who I absolutely hate. Pretty cheerful life.

Feeling a little better today... Or better than I was yesterday, anyway.

Really not finding it easy, with college and stuff.
Like, what do I actually have to be depressed about? I haven't had anything bad happen to me recently, but everything i do seems to be lowering my confidence.

Yesterday, however, I felt bloody awful. I had a complete break down in school and didn't know what to do. I felt nervous meeting up with the person I love, who I basically work with. It's never been like that. I just didn't feel as though I had anything left in me.

Today is no where near being fantastic, but I've been talking to people today and feel a little less isolated.

I feel slightly better today. im still questioning the intentions of some of my male friends. i might just disappear for a week..im not sure. it's not like they'd really notice anyway. i was without my phone for nearly a month at one point and my ex girlfriend tried to tell me that she noticed. which is impossible because she hadn't tried to contact me at all. i don't talk to her anymore cause it seems im not important to her anymore..haven't been since we broke up. every time i would accuse her of not caring she would find a way to turn it back on me. she told me i could tell her anything. so i did. She complained that all i did was talk about myself....but she never really made any attempt to tell me what was going on with her,... its not like i would've just brushed it off and just continued about myself. but oh well. over this past week ive felt..like hardly anyone sees me as a person. they see me as a toy. and i know for a fact this is true because when i try to talk to them now..they just shut me out. it makes me feel alone..even more so. i thought i could still say they are my friends..but once i leave school i only have 2 friends...who really haven't been talking to me lately...*sigh* I'm so stupid..

Feeling more hopeful than I have in so long. After 7 long months of battling my depression and also a self harm issue, I have beginning to feel like there was nothing that would ever make it better. That hopelessness was exacerbated by living in a country where mental health services are basically non-existant. I finally realized that if I tried to stick it out here until June like I'd planned, I probably wouldn't live to see home again. I made the difficult decision to leave a job I love and move back home to the states so I can get the help I need. Knowing that help is now actually on the horizon helps me get through even my toughest days lately.

@mjiyn2010 I am so happy for you! Your mental heath always comes first, so I applaud you for doing something so difficult <3 I hope you can get the help you need soon!