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Poetrylover14
9,002 M Pacing Forward
PathStep 108 Compassion hearts60 Forum posts96 Forum upvotes107 Current upvotes107 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2016 Member sinceFebruary 4, 2015
Recent forum posts
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Personality Disorders Support / by Poetrylover14
Last post
 September 6th, 2015
...See more Hi.. So I've been dealing with Borderline Personality disorder for a while and am becoming more aware of struggles I'm dealing with and am not sure if they are related or even what they are at all. So for example, earlier tonight I was at a party and I felt really withdrawn and felt like I was watching a movie and I wasn't in it. I wasn't watching myself as if I was dissociating though. I have weird experiences and thoughts like that often. I just feel like I look at the world through really different eyes. I also cannot seem to shake the urge to want to sleep with whatever guy I come across. I've been down that road before and its never pleasant but I keep wanting to go back. And I want to drink often but have already gotten a DUI so i can't. When I "live life by the rules" i guess you could say I feel really confined and bored like I'm not being myself which triggers all the urges. Life externally is going amazing for me right now but I still have really intense urges including the ones above and self harm and suicide... I guess I'm just really confused as to why this keeps happening! I have all the skills and use them and they don't help right now. It gets to the point where it almost isn't possible to use skills. I'm just so sick of this pattern. Does anyone have any suggestions, thoughts, connections in all this? ....Thanks for responding in advance!
Shame and confusion
Relationship Stress / by Poetrylover14
Last post
 July 24th, 2015
...See more I don't know what's wrong with me. I have had sex with more men in a year than some people do ever. I'm so shameful. I feel like a slut. I've been called one and also compared to a prostitute by my ex boyfriend. He tells me I'm basically one except I do it for free but eventually I might get desperate enough I'll become one. But the thing is, i don't know why I sleep with anyone at all. I mean my ex boyfriend, well, i loved him. But all the other guys, I have no idea. I liked to blame it on alcohol because most times i would refuse to do it unless they gave me alcohol but that doesn't complete the answer. I go through phases where I'm so desperate (for what though? I still don't know) that I will put myself in very dangerous situations for sex. But I usually hate doing it but I can't stop myself. Anyways, if anyone has any input on where this might be coming from or how to control it helpful comments are always appreciated! Thanks. Shame and confusion have consumed my mind over this issue.
Ups. downs. Relapse. Neverending
Personality Disorders Support / by Poetrylover14
Last post
 March 2nd, 2015
...See more It seems that my problems are a never ending cycle. I think I'm doing well one minute and crash the next... Literally. My constant problems right now is wanting to go back to my ex but knowing I can't so then I want to find a random guy to be with for the night.. I want to drink a lot of the time. Want to self harm to not drink. And now I just don't want to be here. I don't want to go through all this again it seems pointless and is incredibly painful. This specific cycle has been going on for like a year and a half and I want it to be over. Maybe someone has input or can relate
Was over him
Relationship Stress / by Poetrylover14
Last post
 February 26th, 2015
...See more So my ex keeps coming back into my life and I keep letting him.. I am finally facing the fact the he has been using me for sex especially since we have broken up. He doesn't care about anyone but himself and I am disgusted with myself for ever letting him into my life. I feel used abandoned and like garbage.. Uck. I don't know how I didn't face it or see it sooner in the past two years of this mess... I feel like our relationship was almost emotionally abusive. Abuse is a big word and it's scary using it but I feel pretty sure he was that.. I don't know how to get through these first few tough nights dealing with the break up
No end
Depression Support / by Poetrylover14
Last post
 February 9th, 2015
...See more No one is there for me today that I need. I feel alone. And I can't cope alone. I worked SO hard all weekend to make it to today when I thought I would have more support... But nope, they don't seem to see how much I'm struggling and how important it is I have help. My ex contacted me over the weekend(horrible situation) I'm worried I could be pregnant. I have lots of self harm urges and racing thoughts and am trying to make my relationship with my new boyfriend work. I can't eat or keep food down at least for unknown reason. I can't relax.. Help
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