Depression Community - How do you actually feel today?
I feel restless, tired and alone. I've been living in a state of fear every day for no reason, and have had major anxiety attacks every single day for the past month or two. The depression and anxiety have gone on for over 2 years, and at 17 I don't know how I'm going to get through the next year of if I even want to. I wish my mind would just stop thinking for even one minute, so I wouldn't feel on edge. I desperately just want everything to stop.
I can see you feel very low, @Tai98. I'm sorry there's no rest for you, that you are feeling constantly anxious. It must so tiring and overwhelming. You are so strong for fighting such a long time. You are invincible to keep pushing through hardships, day after day after day. You are doing such a great job, despite the depth of despair that lurks near you. You are brave, and wonderful, and lovely. I'm so happy that you reached out.
Let me run the distance of continents and oceans and hug you tightly. Let me bring you soft pillows and a blanket. Let me bake you cookies. Let me give you a bright night sky to admire stars. Let me sing you a lullaby, so your anxiety would get sleepy and yawn cutely, like a kitten. It will just lay down quietly beside you, looking so innocent and vulnerable. It won't bother you, it will dream about life without fears and heartaches.
Anxiety can be really terrified by this universe, it will scream and kick and bite, feeling trapped. But you are stronger and wiser than you fluffy, panicky friend. You know that you can overcome anything, because you did overcome everything so far. You know how to breathe to feel connected to your world, how to self-care and reward every little daily achievements.
You are wonderful and capable of making it through. And I'm around here to witness your success ^^
Sending you hugs and good thoughts!
Like everything I want is untouchable. That happiness is only temporary. That no matter how hard I try, I don't feel like I'm living my potential and I hurt. I don't want to leave my bed anymore. I am wasting away. I gave up on my art...my music...I have been told my whole life I am wasting my time. It seems quite accurate. Consider it a miracle I'm alive and breathing right now because I don't have much to live for. I'm a nobody...I will never amount to anything.
You are a miracle, @LoneWolfAshes96, did you know that? You are literally made from a stardust. Every particle in your body was made in the hearts of distant hearts. You are a walking universe. Isn't it amazing?
Everything in this reality is temporary, including our pain. Everything will pass eventually, everything will crumble, and more beautiful things will grow out in the fields of ashes. We don't have to push ourselves to be good, we are already enough. We are enough simply by breathing this world's air. Our worth is measured by the beatings of our hearts, by our longings, and dreams, and love. We are never a wasted things. This universe gave us its own molecules, so we could admire its wonders - how could you consider that a waste? Isn't that worth a living, despite all ours heartaches?
You are striving for so much. You want to be the best version of yourself, to fulfill your potential, and I admire that. But how will you know you attained your limit? How will you know you reached the horizon, when horizon is constantly moving farther and farther away? I am seeing a kind soul in so much pain, who wants to run, but I can see that every move hurts you. Take it gently, my friend. I know how it is to be disappointed in yourself. But we are feeling that way, because we are forcing upon ourselves an unattainable template of goals to achieve. If it only make us feel more pain, why are we insisting on holding onto it? It doesn't seem logical, I'm afraid.
Life is messy, and painful, and complicated. But I believe we are unknowns in this vicious circle, we have choices and unlimited potentials to make an impact. And there are millions ways to make a difference in this world. You can make someone laugh. You can listen and hug away their sufferings. And you can use your art to just express yourself. You don't have to push yourself to immediately create ART. Art rarely happens that way. Often artists just want to embody an idea, a feeling, a memory. And it's a role of humanity to stop working, admire their piece, and decide that the world is a bit better thanks to their action*.
My lovely, please learn how to self-care. Learn how to be patient and kinder towards yourself. You need to focus on your body and mind. Start slowly and just keep going. You are doing so great so far, you don't have to be hard on yourself.
Sending all my lovin' for you, as the Beatles adviced! ^^
*You can trust me on this one. I have a degree in art history, so I know what I'm talking about ^^
I feel lonely and scared. I just want to sleep for as long as possible.
@Inlove19, sorry to hear that. Loneliness is dreadful, so it's great of you that you reached out to us. Could you allow yourself some time to sleep? Sometimes it's better to dream through our pain.
Sending my love to you, lovely!
Scared, going out of my head with worry. All I keep doing is crying because I honestly don't know what else to do. My eyes are so sore and my mind is filled with doubt, negative thoughts, that only the worst will happen. I want to scream until my voice gives out... I'm so lost.
@Jessica797, I'm here for you, if you'd like to talk. There are worries on your mind which overwhelms you. I'm not a listener, but still I care about you. I've seen you around here, in forums, and when I do - your lovely petals in all of the shades of pink - I smile, because I recognize you. My "twin of the soul " (as @imaginativeDrum once put it), struggling with the same hardships, as I do.
Would you mind me hugging you closely and completely, shielding you from all the pain and despair? You're kind and lovely, and you don't deserve this darkness. Let yourself cry, you are feeling awful, and that's okay. Let every tear take with its your fear and heartaches and frustration and loneliness.
You are wonderful, supporting others in this community. Let us repay your kindness. We are here for you, we will listen.
Sending my love and strength!
Thank you very much. It's so nice to know that people actually to care. I'm very grateful for your hugs... Even a virtual hug is as equally as comforting as as any real one. Your kindness is appropriated in such a difficult time, truly, I thank you.
I used to think I was okay, or at least that I thought was going to be.
I really want to put myself to sleep. Forever that is.
I considered suicide for months now.
I want to tell everyone but its a little hard to talk when you want to kill yourself.
I cant move my lips, I cant make the words come out.
Its killing me but im worried for everyone else.
TW: suicide
@wafflebeluga, you're right - reaching out in times of despair is hard. But you have already done it. It is hard, but you still managed to do it and it was courageous of you, and I'm so proud! You can overcome anything. You can reach out, trust me. Or trust yourself, trust your voice and your past. You are fighting for so long, you are stronger than you believe. But you don't have to show inhuman persistence anymore. You can ask for help, you can receive it, and you can recover. You really don't have to suffer.
You said you have suicide thoughts, and it's an important warning. Even if you didn't follow them, even if you were just contemplating, even if you feel stronger now and think you will never go through with your plans, it's a big red flag that something is really wrong. These thoughts are signalizing that you are looking for a way to outlet your pain. No living creature wants to die, we instinctively do everything to help us cope with a given situation. But depression is sneaky and mostly uses our own brain against us.
I really urge you to visit a doctor. I think it will make a big difference to your well-being. Just go like when you're going to the dentist with a toothache - it's the same thing, just foolishly stigmatized by our society. You really don't have to suffer in silence. Asking for help is difficult, but it is worth it. Oh, how it is worth! From my own experience, I can say that it was a turning point for me. I'm still struggling, but I'm not in agony, like before. I know how to fight, and what is the name of my foe. It's a wretched life, to live with an untreated depression, and you don't deserve it, my lovely friend. Getting any kind of treatment is a difference you will feel immediately.
Please go visit your doctor. Or go to this website and make a simple call. Or if you don't like to call, chat in here. There are a lot of people who can help. Here, in this community, we can listen to you, but sometimes it's not enough.
You don't deserve this pain. You deserve to live you life, and not merely to exist. You are wonderful. I care about you.
Please take a good care of yourself. Sending my strength and hope to you, lovely!
I feel worthless. I am not strong enough either to live or to die. i need someone to talk to
I can see you feel awful, @fran12199, but everything is okay. We are here to listen. I encourage you to connect with a listener - either click a button "Need support immediatelly?" or choose a specific listener.
Unfortunately, I'm not a listener, merely a member, but I care about you and I'd be privileged to be able to listen to your worries. Regardless of your choice, we are here for you, lovely. When you don't have any energy left to keep running away, just lay down and rest, and we will take care of you. We will stay with you.
Lots of love from me to you, pretty soul ^^
Help me because I don't know how much more I can take...
Lovely @OceanMermaid, I'm so sad to hear you are in such pain. It must be awfully hard for you to keep trying. But here you are, reaching out to us and fighting every day. You are brave. I am so proud of you.
I encourage you to connect with a listener - either click a button "Need support immediatelly?" or choose a specific listener. You can then talk about your worries and your struggles. And sometimes to be heard is enough for the bad tide passes.
Sending you lots of hugs!
I feel a lot. Not just today but everyday. I feel like i need to self harm more, i feel hopeless, worthless, alone, and i feel like i need to get away from everything.
TW: self-harm
@thegymnast, you sound distressed. I can sense you feel overwhelmed by feeling this whirlwind of emotions. It's okay, all of your emotions are valid. You don't have to push yourself. I'm so sorry you feel this urges, but I'm amazed of your strength. You are fighting everyday and it's exhausting, and seems like a never-ending battle, but you are doing it. You are a great warrior, did anyone told you that?
I encourage you to connect with a listener - venting can bring a relief, even if temporarily. What's important that every good thing, even small, counts. I also recommend you to visit this and this site - you can find there some great ideas about distracting you from self-harm.
You are already strong, even if you don't feel like it. You are trying and that's great of you! You are doing so well. I am proud of you.
Please, if you don't mind, tell me how are you feeling now. I'd love to hear from you.
*hugs*
All I ever do is scream and cry at night which leads to me hyperventilating. I have a constant headache. I'm constantly tired. I don't ever go to bed before 3 am. Theres nothing I want more than to end my life. Nothing is looking up from me. Everyone wants me to fail. I just moved to a different state so I know no one. Theres no one I can talk to. I'm so alone.
@Kayla000K, my dearest, I'm so sorry to hear you are in so much pain. Not being able to sleep is so cruel and exhausting. You are struggling every minute of every day, and I admire you so much! You are doing a great job! When the world around burns, surviving is enough. I am proud of you, lovely. You are amazing.
Can I make somehow this passing minutes in a middle of a night a bit better for you? Would you like some kind of a distraction? Maybe soothing sounds? Show? A sudoku puzzle? Or a song? ? A cute live animal feed? A game? A relaxing video? Comforting words from the stars above us? Or would you like to talk to me? I'm not a listener, but still I care about you. I'd love to ease your heartaches. You are worth so much more than this darkness around you. You deserve a good rest, and no anxious thoughts, no pain. You are lovely and wonderful, and I'm here for you. I care.
I wish I could take away all the pain away from you. Fortunately there are people in this world who have such skills. I hope you will talk to one of them about your struggle. You don't deserve a life in such pain. You don't deserve to suffer.
Sending you a million of hugs!
I'm in pain 24/7 and all i want to do is cry but that only makes the pain worse. I can't sleep because of my anxiety and that just frustrates me. I just want the pain to stop once and for all. My pain meds are making me itchy but aren't actually helping with the pain. I need it all to stop, I can't take it any more.
Dear @Lex2526, I am so sorry to hear that. How are you feeling now?
Can I help you somehow? Maybe this soft pillows and a warm blanket will help you sleep better? Or this warm tea, so comforting in a touch and taste? Or this ocean, with a relaxing sound of waves, which slowly come and go, just like your anxiety pass? Or maybe this adorable kitten, yawning sleepy and nestling to your side?
Let me tell how are you feeling now. I'd love to hear from you.
*hugs*