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LoneWolfAshes96
1 680 M Embraced 5
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts20 Forum posts88 Forum upvotes77 Current upvotes77 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2016 Member sinceAugust 27, 2015
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"Blurryface"
Personality Disorders Support / by LoneWolfAshes96
Last post
 October 20th, 2016
...See more So I suffer from the disorders PTSD, and Borderline Personality Disorder. My friends have given my "dark side" the name Blurryface which is the same name my friend Ty gave to his dark side. He/she is the mental embodiment of self doubt. My Blurryface comes out a lot more than it used to because I came from an abusive household. I hold in everything and eventually explode in anger and subsequently push the people I love away out of fear of abandonment. Yesterday was my 20th birthday and I'm so used to no one being there for me on my birthday so I set myself up to believe that no one one visit me. I started acting out and eventually fulfilled my own prophecy. No Blurryface isn't an outside voice, or a separate personality, he is just the name I have given myself when my BPD comes out. So Blurryface kept telling me that no one will care enough to come around so as a result I acted out so it wouldn't hurt as much if they didn't come. But it only made them not want to deal with me so they didn't visit or call or text. I don't know how to think positively anymore and I am constantly being told that I'm using my mental illness as a crutch. If I do, I don't realize it. I almost self harmed again yesterday and my trust has been worn more thin.
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BPD
Personality Disorders Support / by LoneWolfAshes96
Last post
 October 17th, 2016
...See more My name is Ashton, I'm 20 years old and I was diagnosed with Borderline when I was 14. I know it is unusual for adolescent patients to be diagnosed with this disorder but my symptoms were so profound that it wasn't difficult to diagnose. I also suffer from PTSD. My most common symptom is severe mood swings, fear of abandonment, and intense emotional personality. My emotional pain is exponentially worse than what a normal person would experience. It's a daily battle of self worth and fighting the urges of engaging in risky behaviors like self harm or self medicating. I used to self harm but have been clean for a year. I experience urges to medicate but I never have in my life. Both my mother and my father had/has BPD. My father is currently alive but my mother committed suicide 6 and a half years ago. I struggle with negative thoughts and severe anxiety/paranoia and a constant fear of crisis. And sometimes it becomes too much and I my anger explodes and I eventually push my friends and family away because I am afraid I am only going to keep hurting them. I just moved out from an abusive roommate and my anxiety is at its all time high and my flashbacks have been occurring more. My new roommate also has BPD and PTSD and I am scared I will hurt him because of my emotional sensitivity will cause my anger to be taken out on him. He does the same to me as well. How do I cope with this disorder?
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