Depression Community - How do you actually feel today?
Like I've lost control on all my thoughts of hurting myself and I don't care about myself anymore
This past few years i have been on a sort of "autopilot," I cant stop focusing on the past, and with everything thats happening in the present it's becoming harder and harder to move on.
I'm sure there are people in more need of help than i, but i'mkind of scared of what i might do to myself if i continue living like i am.
"Auto-pilot" is a great way to describe it actually. I get you to some degree. Just gliding through a routine that's slowly eating at you? That's about how it feels to me. I know one thing though. This is the perfect place to come and talk about it. I found the site last week and was so glad to have done so. It's filled with a bunch of wonderful, caring people.
I have always had issueswith depression. Not a day goes by where i don't hate myself. For me happiness is an illusion.
I don't want to live this way. Hell sometimes i don't even want to live. Why am i like this?
All I can say is that nothing feels real anymore. Like even when good things happen to me, I can't feel satisfied or happy. I try to act joyful, especially it around this time of year, but it's pointless because I end up crying almost every night.I manage to screw everything up just by thinking things, likewondering about killing people, wanting to blow up buildings. I want to do those things. I feel like I deserve the punishment I'd recieve if I did those things. I hate myself. A lot. I wish I could just die. Painfully, how I deserve.
And the worst part is, I have no reason to be feeling this. I have a home and food and clothes. Not really any friends, but that's okay. I just don't want to exist anymore. And I can't find a reason not to kill myself.
Hello hellofriends (lol),
In my experience, those thoughts will disappear with time and then they'll probably reappear many times in the future. But try not to let that get you down. There is more to this world than good and bad, joy and sorrow, life and death, etc.
I feel like I am truly isolated in my experiences. No one I know understands that my depression can get so severe I stop taking care of myself. I want to be able to do the things I love again. I want to wake up each day with hope.
First time posting here.
Hi strawberrybutter25 (nice name ) usually feel like that too, almost everyday. I've lost many things, but you know what? I discovered that doing new activities, even if you don't feel like it, helps. I had a friend who took a bus to random places when he felt depressed, Or learning new things (It might be hard in this situation, but try something, like making music, discovering new music, cooking, etc) Things like that. Just a suggestion.
Stay strong
I really appreciate your response. I am trying to get back into my hobbies. I love to bake, do makeup, and knit. Its all about maintaining that motivation and that is the hard part.
How do I feel today? I wish I could go to Rapture and let lots of horrible things happen. Just me, the splicers and a wrench. Ha Ha.
Severly depressed and suicidal, exhausted and alone. Don't tell me to call suicide hotline. They are uncaring and just want to hospitalize you and since I'm uninsured after 72 h9urs ill be in same situtation (sry tablet broken)
Oops posted twice
No one cares anyway. Too late and im too stupid to get rpliez gere t
I feel hopeless
There's a war in my heart that I just can't win.
same old, same old.