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Weekly Prompt #35: How hard is it for you to set boundaries in your relationships?

ASilentObserver April 18th

Hello all, I hope you are all being easy on yourself this week.

Last week we discussed: What is one difficult life situation you are facing right now? Thank you to all who participated and shared their thoughts and questions for discussion. They were thought-provoking questions and thoughts. I hope you all did too. If you didn't share yours, please share them here and I look forward to reading and discussing them with you

This week's prompt: How hard is it for you to set boundaries in your relationships?


Setting boundaries in relationships can be a challenging task, and when you are also depressed, it can become even more daunting. The struggle to prioritize your own needs and well-being while navigating the complexities of interpersonal connections can feel overwhelming. So please share the challenges and difficulties that you encounter in your relationships while navigating depression. 

Note: I invite all to help me with creating these weekly prompt discussions so that we all can come together and discuss something related to depression every week. If you any interested in helping me out, please share your interest through this form and  I will reach out to you to guide and support you in creating the next discussion. 


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charmingSky5972 April 22nd

I truly struggle with boundaries because it seems even if you set boundaries and know what they are, other people don't always care, and they can walk all over you. 

2 replies
ASilentObserver OP April 24th

@charmingSky5972 That sounds like you've had difficult experiences with setting boundaries in the past. How did those experiences make you feel?


1 reply
charmingSky5972 April 24th

@ASilentObserver

not being good with boundaries has very negatively impacted me because then you feel like you are not respecting yourself 

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LovleyStarDust107 April 23rd

I have a hard time setting boundaries because I’m constantly thinking about the other person. I try my best not to cross someone else’s boundary for their sake, but when they cross mine I don’t say a word. This is mostly because I don’t want to embarrass them or make them feel uncomfortable or less valuable or something. So I just hope they don’t do it again. And if they consistently keep doing it then I have a bad habit of ghosting them. Do y’all know how to help me with situations like this? I know I should confront them but I don’t want to hurt their feelings….

3 replies
ASilentObserver OP April 24th

@LovleyStarDust107 I hear you, Star. I can understand how you struggle with setting boundaries due to a fear of hurting others' feelings. You want to avoid causing discomfort, so you often keep quiet or ghost people. How does this approach make you feel?


1 reply
LovleyStarDust107 April 24th

relationships tend to not last long since I avoid conflict.

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@LovleyStarDust107 i used to relate to this. and then i got so...twisted around inside by someone who revealed they agreed with me that i meant very little & my feelings meant very little, and i realized, i deserve to trust myself.

2 replies

This is inspiring. Thanks for sharing, I’m glad to hear I’m not asking on this 😅

1 reply

*im glad to hear I’m not the only one

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janewayalpha1 April 23rd

@ASilentObserver

To be very honest, I think it's very challenging for me to set boundaries within a relationship. I've never had a intimate relationship with anyone in the romantic sense, so I can't share anything regarding that, but as far as platonic relationships, friendships, even some working relationships I've had, I've always been one to be the open book, and I believe I was always the one that was a little too open. Some things truly are better left unsaid. And some things, you do just have to keep to yourself, unless the other person or party sets an open boundary to where you can express certain things that would be taboo or unorthodox. I feel the older I've gotten, I've learned to try to establish more clear boundaries and try to honor them. Of course, I'm human, so it's still very much a work in progress. But I am truly happy with myself with how far I've come, not only as a person, but with establishing boundaries, and respecting them, not just for myself, but for others involved. 

1 reply
ASilentObserver OP April 24th

@janewayalpha1 Hi Jane, Good to see you and thank you for opening up about your thoughts on this topic. I am glad you have made significant progress in setting healthy boundaries. Establishing limits and respecting them is essential for maintaining healthy relationships. You are determined to prioritize your own needs and well-being, which is nice. Keep taking your small steps and know you have all of us here with you. 

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Heather225 April 24th

(haha that's my favorite character from that show. his lines are so reaction-worthy)

i do find it challenging to set boundaries at times with friendships without shaking them or limiting their growth. it has required me to be more assertive in my communication which can be tough but it gets better the more experience you gain and trust you build.

2 replies
ASilentObserver OP April 25th
@Heather225 I hear you H and can relate how at times it can be challenging to set boundaries in friendship. But I am glad you have grown and learned through setting boundaries with friends. How did you feel when you were able to set those boundaries?

1 reply
Heather225 April 25th

@ASilentObserver

I'd say a sense of freedom in relief and an even stronger sense of safety in trusting I can look out for myself!

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Sonicmario2002 May 15th

@ASilentObserver it's really very hard, I kept spamming messages and tried commenting so many times, and ive alienated everyone i know

2 replies
ASilentObserver OP May 16th

@Sonicmario2002 I am sorry you have been trying hard to connect with others online but have ended up pushing people away. It feel isolating. How has it made you feel?


1 reply
Sonicmario2002 May 16th

@ASilentObserver it made me feel pretty horrible, I should have given them space instead, because all i do is make things worse

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@ASilentObserver setting boundaries used to be really hard. i would feel guilty, because in the past i'd been told my emotions were too big for others to deal with, i was too intense, too sensitive. now? well, i was betrayed by a friend last year, and i don't trust that 1) everyone has good intentions anymore, and 2) that good intentions are 'enough' (enough to excuse the harm, or enough to make me feel guilty for daring to be hurt, or both) anymore. it's almost too easy. i've lost trust in other people. i don't like it when people compliment me, now. i don't trust words. only actions, and only after quite some time.

4 replies
ASilentObserver OP May 23rd

@shoutingintoether  you have worked through a lot of growth and learned what works best for you. Trusting takes time and sometimes we need to go through difficult experiences to learn what healthy boundaries look like. What makes you feel safe right now?


3 replies

honestly? i don’t know yet. i guess i feel safe when i’m alone. i’m kinda put off of people right now, but maybe that’ll change. who knows? all i know is, i have trouble letting people in, and if you try to change who i am in any way; if you try and diminish me, you’re getting booted back out.

2 replies
ASilentObserver OP May 24th

@shoutingintoether hmm, I get it. Feeling alone seems to provide some sense of comfort currently. How do you think you can work on building trust with others while maintaining your sense of self?


1 reply

again, i…don’t know. in the past, it was either/or. i don’t have much practice with doing both.

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LostGirl92 May 18th

It's very hard. I never know when I am setting a boundary or being "difficult." 

3 replies
ASilentObserver OP May 23rd

@LostGirl92 Setting boundaries can be tricky. What makes you feel uncertain about whether you're being too demanding?


2 replies
LostGirl92 May 23rd

@ASilentObserver

I've been told a lot I expect too much or reciprocation. 

1 reply
ASilentObserver OP May 24th

@LostGirl92 sounds like those comments has caused you to question your expectations. Please know everyone see things differently, and sometimes it is needed to assess whether it helping you with your needs or not and take your steps to get there. I believe in you and here with you to support. 


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It use to be difficult to set boundaries but I've been good at it since 2020 I stand up for myself and my kids and setting boundaries is necessary and once I realize my boundaries were accurate I feel less anxious about my decision

1 reply
ASilentObserver OP May 23rd

@compassionateCar7091 I am glad to hear that you have made progress in setting boundaries in your relationships! What helped you get more comfortable with setting them?


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My34shoes May 19th

@ASilentObserver

i tend to bend over backwards to make other people feel comfortable. One person I have been doing this with is my mother. Our roles are kind of reversed. I have been the emotional support even though I have bipolar. Whenever I try to say my point of view, she says that I’m seeing things one sided.

1 reply
ASilentObserver OP May 23rd

@My34shoes you have found it challenging to express yourself in this relationship without feeling heard. It can be difficult when we are used to being the one supporting others but struggle to receive support ourselves. What thoughts go through your mind when your mom dismisses your perspective?


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Setting boundaries is exceedingly difficult for me and I frequently give far more than I should or can to people and things that more or less take advantage of me. As I really look at these things it is very depressing. I have also gotten myself entangled in relationships with people who abuse those faults and I am pondering my future at the moment.

2 replies
ASilentObserver OP May 29th

@warmheartedTriangle709 setting boundaries can be challenging in general and I understand how it can be for you as well, leading to situations where you feel taken advantage of. Reflecting on this now, what emotions come up for you?


1 reply

Mainly strong feelings of shame and depression. It’s a mess and has made a mess out of my personal relationships. To be honest I have no idea how to process and

deal with those emotions. I have gone to therapy and it has given me some insights but it’s a very deeply rooted issue.

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