Weekly Prompt #35: How hard is it for you to set boundaries in your relationships?
Hello all, I hope you are all being easy on yourself this week.
Last week we discussed: What is one difficult life situation you are facing right now? Thank you to all who participated and shared their thoughts and questions for discussion. They were thought-provoking questions and thoughts. I hope you all did too. If you didn't share yours, please share them here and I look forward to reading and discussing them with you
This week's prompt: How hard is it for you to set boundaries in your relationships?
Setting boundaries in relationships can be a challenging task, and when you are also depressed, it can become even more daunting. The struggle to prioritize your own needs and well-being while navigating the complexities of interpersonal connections can feel overwhelming. So please share the challenges and difficulties that you encounter in your relationships while navigating depression.
I truly struggle with boundaries because it seems even if you set boundaries and know what they are, other people don't always care, and they can walk all over you.
@charmingSky5972 That sounds like you've had difficult experiences with setting boundaries in the past. How did those experiences make you feel?
@ASilentObserver
not being good with boundaries has very negatively impacted me because then you feel like you are not respecting yourself
I have a hard time setting boundaries because I’m constantly thinking about the other person. I try my best not to cross someone else’s boundary for their sake, but when they cross mine I don’t say a word. This is mostly because I don’t want to embarrass them or make them feel uncomfortable or less valuable or something. So I just hope they don’t do it again. And if they consistently keep doing it then I have a bad habit of ghosting them. Do y’all know how to help me with situations like this? I know I should confront them but I don’t want to hurt their feelings….
@LovleyStarDust107 I hear you, Star. I can understand how you struggle with setting boundaries due to a fear of hurting others' feelings. You want to avoid causing discomfort, so you often keep quiet or ghost people. How does this approach make you feel?
relationships tend to not last long since I avoid conflict.
@LovleyStarDust107 i used to relate to this. and then i got so...twisted around inside by someone who revealed they agreed with me that i meant very little & my feelings meant very little, and i realized, i deserve to trust myself.
@ASilentObserver
To be very honest, I think it's very challenging for me to set boundaries within a relationship. I've never had a intimate relationship with anyone in the romantic sense, so I can't share anything regarding that, but as far as platonic relationships, friendships, even some working relationships I've had, I've always been one to be the open book, and I believe I was always the one that was a little too open. Some things truly are better left unsaid. And some things, you do just have to keep to yourself, unless the other person or party sets an open boundary to where you can express certain things that would be taboo or unorthodox. I feel the older I've gotten, I've learned to try to establish more clear boundaries and try to honor them. Of course, I'm human, so it's still very much a work in progress. But I am truly happy with myself with how far I've come, not only as a person, but with establishing boundaries, and respecting them, not just for myself, but for others involved.
@janewayalpha1 Hi Jane, Good to see you and thank you for opening up about your thoughts on this topic. I am glad you have made significant progress in setting healthy boundaries. Establishing limits and respecting them is essential for maintaining healthy relationships. You are determined to prioritize your own needs and well-being, which is nice. Keep taking your small steps and know you have all of us here with you.
(haha that's my favorite character from that show. his lines are so reaction-worthy)
i do find it challenging to set boundaries at times with friendships without shaking them or limiting their growth. it has required me to be more assertive in my communication which can be tough but it gets better the more experience you gain and trust you build.
@ASilentObserver
I'd say a sense of freedom in relief and an even stronger sense of safety in trusting I can look out for myself!
@ASilentObserver it's really very hard, I kept spamming messages and tried commenting so many times, and ive alienated everyone i know
@Sonicmario2002 I am sorry you have been trying hard to connect with others online but have ended up pushing people away. It feel isolating. How has it made you feel?
@ASilentObserver it made me feel pretty horrible, I should have given them space instead, because all i do is make things worse
@ASilentObserver setting boundaries used to be really hard. i would feel guilty, because in the past i'd been told my emotions were too big for others to deal with, i was too intense, too sensitive. now? well, i was betrayed by a friend last year, and i don't trust that 1) everyone has good intentions anymore, and 2) that good intentions are 'enough' (enough to excuse the harm, or enough to make me feel guilty for daring to be hurt, or both) anymore. it's almost too easy. i've lost trust in other people. i don't like it when people compliment me, now. i don't trust words. only actions, and only after quite some time.
@shoutingintoether you have worked through a lot of growth and learned what works best for you. Trusting takes time and sometimes we need to go through difficult experiences to learn what healthy boundaries look like. What makes you feel safe right now?
honestly? i don’t know yet. i guess i feel safe when i’m alone. i’m kinda put off of people right now, but maybe that’ll change. who knows? all i know is, i have trouble letting people in, and if you try to change who i am in any way; if you try and diminish me, you’re getting booted back out.
@shoutingintoether hmm, I get it. Feeling alone seems to provide some sense of comfort currently. How do you think you can work on building trust with others while maintaining your sense of self?
again, i…don’t know. in the past, it was either/or. i don’t have much practice with doing both.
It's very hard. I never know when I am setting a boundary or being "difficult."
@LostGirl92 Setting boundaries can be tricky. What makes you feel uncertain about whether you're being too demanding?
@ASilentObserver
I've been told a lot I expect too much or reciprocation.
It use to be difficult to set boundaries but I've been good at it since 2020 I stand up for myself and my kids and setting boundaries is necessary and once I realize my boundaries were accurate I feel less anxious about my decision
@ASilentObserver
i tend to bend over backwards to make other people feel comfortable. One person I have been doing this with is my mother. Our roles are kind of reversed. I have been the emotional support even though I have bipolar. Whenever I try to say my point of view, she says that I’m seeing things one sided.
Setting boundaries is exceedingly difficult for me and I frequently give far more than I should or can to people and things that more or less take advantage of me. As I really look at these things it is very depressing. I have also gotten myself entangled in relationships with people who abuse those faults and I am pondering my future at the moment.
@warmheartedTriangle709 setting boundaries can be challenging in general and I understand how it can be for you as well, leading to situations where you feel taken advantage of. Reflecting on this now, what emotions come up for you?
Mainly strong feelings of shame and depression. It’s a mess and has made a mess out of my personal relationships. To be honest I have no idea how to process and
deal with those emotions. I have gone to therapy and it has given me some insights but it’s a very deeply rooted issue.