Weekly Prompt #35: How hard is it for you to set boundaries in your relationships?

@ASilentObserver

I'd say a sense of freedom in relief and an even stronger sense of safety in trusting I can look out for myself!

@ASilentObserver it's really very hard, I kept spamming messages and tried commenting so many times, and ive alienated everyone i know

@Sonicmario2002 I am sorry you have been trying hard to connect with others online but have ended up pushing people away. It feel isolating. How has it made you feel?

@ASilentObserver it made me feel pretty horrible, I should have given them space instead, because all i do is make things worse

@ASilentObserver setting boundaries used to be really hard. i would feel guilty, because in the past i'd been told my emotions were too big for others to deal with, i was too intense, too sensitive. now? well, i was betrayed by a friend last year, and i don't trust that 1) everyone has good intentions anymore, and 2) that good intentions are 'enough' (enough to excuse the harm, or enough to make me feel guilty for daring to be hurt, or both) anymore. it's almost too easy. i've lost trust in other people. i don't like it when people compliment me, now. i don't trust words. only actions, and only after quite some time.

@shoutingintoether  you have worked through a lot of growth and learned what works best for you. Trusting takes time and sometimes we need to go through difficult experiences to learn what healthy boundaries look like. What makes you feel safe right now?

honestly? i don’t know yet. i guess i feel safe when i’m alone. i’m kinda put off of people right now, but maybe that’ll change. who knows? all i know is, i have trouble letting people in, and if you try to change who i am in any way; if you try and diminish me, you’re getting booted back out.

@shoutingintoether hmm, I get it. Feeling alone seems to provide some sense of comfort currently. How do you think you can work on building trust with others while maintaining your sense of self?

again, i…don’t know. in the past, it was either/or. i don’t have much practice with doing both.

It's very hard. I never know when I am setting a boundary or being "difficult." 

@LostGirl92 Setting boundaries can be tricky. What makes you feel uncertain about whether you're being too demanding?

@ASilentObserver

I've been told a lot I expect too much or reciprocation. 

@LostGirl92 sounds like those comments has caused you to question your expectations. Please know everyone see things differently, and sometimes it is needed to assess whether it helping you with your needs or not and take your steps to get there. I believe in you and here with you to support. 

It use to be difficult to set boundaries but I've been good at it since 2020 I stand up for myself and my kids and setting boundaries is necessary and once I realize my boundaries were accurate I feel less anxious about my decision

@compassionateCar7091 I am glad to hear that you have made progress in setting boundaries in your relationships! What helped you get more comfortable with setting them?

@ASilentObserver

i tend to bend over backwards to make other people feel comfortable. One person I have been doing this with is my mother. Our roles are kind of reversed. I have been the emotional support even though I have bipolar. Whenever I try to say my point of view, she says that I’m seeing things one sided.

@My34shoes you have found it challenging to express yourself in this relationship without feeling heard. It can be difficult when we are used to being the one supporting others but struggle to receive support ourselves. What thoughts go through your mind when your mom dismisses your perspective?

Setting boundaries is exceedingly difficult for me and I frequently give far more than I should or can to people and things that more or less take advantage of me. As I really look at these things it is very depressing. I have also gotten myself entangled in relationships with people who abuse those faults and I am pondering my future at the moment.

@warmheartedTriangle709 setting boundaries can be challenging in general and I understand how it can be for you as well, leading to situations where you feel taken advantage of. Reflecting on this now, what emotions come up for you?

Mainly strong feelings of shame and depression. It’s a mess and has made a mess out of my personal relationships. To be honest I have no idea how to process and

deal with those emotions. I have gone to therapy and it has given me some insights but it’s a very deeply rooted issue.

it is very hard, i recently ended one due to this and the mental parish it had on me. I totally need interpersonal not only skills but literal intervention. People pleasing trauma is for real i swear. I need more therapy and mindfulness@ASilentObserver

@branbear88 I am sorry to hear that setting boundaries has been challenging for you in the past, leading to negative effects on your well-being. Ending a relationship can bring up difficult emotions. It is great that you have recognized the need for personal growth through therapy and mindfulness practices. What feelings come up for you when considering these changes?

Not very hard. In fact I feel like it pushes people away. Mainly the toxic people lol

@PopPunkPrincess17 Setting boundaries can be tricky, pop. What makes you think that setting boundaries pushes people away?