Weekly Prompt #30: What would you tell a friend who is experiencing self-doubt?

This is easy since I only have one friend so I can tailor the answer specifically to him.

A note: He has never in the 40+ years we have know each other expressed self doubt. He is tall, hansom, athletic, good with people and has the passion and drive of a 20 year old. 

I would say to him "Nothing has stopped you yet, why would it now?"

I would assure him by analyzing what the best option is. Using logic and arguments. And add to it that it is always easier to see the bigger picture from above or a distance, and that is exactly why he should do it, because if the situation was reversed, he would say the same thing.

That's an interesting thing about doubting right? It is always easier to decide or analyze for someone else or a situation that you're not involved in yourself...

I would ask, "Are you being too hard on yourself? Are you setting your expectations too high to reach? Are you being fair to yourself?"

What would you tell a friend who is experiencing self-doubt? 

My best friend is my partner so...I would tell him he's been through worse things in life, so he can definitely make it through what he's currently dealing with. He's always managed to perserve and is very resilient. He manages to get himself back on his feet. I'll be there every step of the way to help and support him. 🌟

It's OK, normal, and human, to sometimes feel a lack of confidence. Or to have self-doubt. Or to not trust yourself. Or to feel unsure and confused about yourself.

We should accept whatever we are feeling, and allow ourselves to feel it fully, in an open space of self-acceptance. Whatever it is. Including self-doubt. This will help the feeling, and the thoughts linked to the feeling, to unfold, or unpack. It will help to prevent thwarting that unfolding.

When we maintain an open space of acceptance, internally, of whatever is going on inside, it nurtures self-awareness. A kind of attention or concentration that isn't constantly disturbed by trying to block out feelings, or distract ourselves.

With self-awareness, or just with attention, we can then observe where this problem is coming from in the past. What this problem is doing in the present. And what we ought to do about it, to head in the direction we want to go in the future, vs where this problem is taking us.

Well, in a way, doubt is useful. Doubt in a way is really just questioning something. So why not question the doubt?

Where is this coming from? When did I first start to doubt myself in this way? How far back can I recall, when this doubt started? What added to it? Etc.

This will pull the first leg out from under your self-doubt, because when you see where it started, and how it built up over time, it doesn't take the appearance of truth. But as a belief that you acquired about yourself, because of some set of past experiences. Failures. Humiliations. Disappointments. Regrets. Etc.

But don't just stop there. Be as relentless, or more, as your self-doubt as been on you. Ask yourself, what effect does this self-doubt have? Or what does it achieve? Is there any previously unseen, or unconscious convenience that my self-doubt affords me, which I may have overlooked or been slow to notice? Does it re-enforce any habit, or dysfunction I'm dealing with? Does it give me a reason to do [fill in the blank]? Does it give me a reason not to do [fill in the blank]? Does it help to make me feel [fill in the blank]? Does it help distract me from feeling [fill in the blank]?

This will pull the second leg out from under your self-doubt. Now not only do you see how it formed. But now you see the role that it has assumed in the shadows of your attention. The residency it has taken up in your mind.

But again, don't be so kind, be as relentless as it has been on you. Ask yourself, where has this self-doubt been leading me? What has it gotten me? Has it really kept me safe, or has it put my life or my sanity in danger overall? Has it really kept me comfortable? And do I want to be comfortable, or do I want change? Am I comfortable? And is change optional?

Ponder each of these questions on their own, sincerely. And next time you brain starts to question your ability, or your worthiness, take the reigns, and question it.

@ASilentObserver 

Hey there, I can sense that you're going through a tough time right now, and I want you to know that it's okay to feel this way. Self-doubt is something many of us experience at some point in our lives, and it can feel overwhelming. But please remember, you are not alone in this. 

First and foremost, I want you to know how incredibly strong and capable you are. Sometimes, our minds can play tricks on us, making us question our worth and abilities. But trust me when I say that you are worthy, and you have so much potential within you.

It's important to be kind to yourself during moments of self-doubt. Treat yourself with the same compassion and understanding that you would offer to a dear friend. Remember to celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small they may seem, and recognize the unique strengths and qualities that make you who you are.

If you're comfortable, I'm here to listen whenever you need to talk. Sometimes, just having someone to share your thoughts and feelings with can make a world of difference. And if you ever need a reminder of how amazing you truly are, don't hesitate to reach out. 

You have so much resilience and inner strength, my friend. Believe in yourself, even when it feels difficult. And always remember that I believe in you, too.

@ASilentObserver I would most likely join him/ her because I feel the same, no matter how many things I've done or achieved, I still believe that I'm good for nothing.

@ASilentObserver when it comes to self-doubt, I do not have any struggles with this department because I have some self-help books that create a healthy bond with myself to remind myself, that no one has to agree with the emotions I feel, the boundaries I place and the way I handle things

Not my channel i just found out helpful

https://youtube.com/shorts/K9IT8DzajQ8?si=bprWx1sEZxAQI-xT

https://youtube.com/shorts/tVdaU5pE6w4?si=bOY0IjXbPUXzcdvc

https://youtu.be/o9AEPKn4MMI?si=bso_GPkODmEQh7J5

I think self-doubt is something many of us experience, and it is sometimes very difficult to get over the reasons why we doubt ourselves in the first place. Often, it results in losing confidence for the things that we are facing. I think a lot of the times, self-doubt is when we are unsure of what is happening to us, as there are always two sides of a situation.

So, I think it helps when we let ourselves calm down, and try and look at the matter in a neutral state of mind. Then look at the good and bad, the pros and the cons. Also, we need to have more confident in ourselves, even in moments of self-doubt, believing that we have the abilities and capabilities to achieve the task is just as important.

It would also help if there is someone we can receive guidance and support from during these tough times. I think the best way to deal with it is to not dwell on it and during the self-doubting phase, don't make any big decisions.