My daily ramblings
I am finally going to follow the lead and try and avoid posting in multiple different places. I am going to try and do most of my rambling in this thread.
My cognitive issues are making it harder and harder for me to focus on multiple things. That combined with my laundry list of other issues, makes functioning at all near impossible.
Having to go through medication experimentation again is going to make it even harder.
Whenever I have to refocus because I literally can’t remember blocks of time or where I am and why I’m here kinds of things , I’m usually able to come here and figure out through my posts and profile etc.
That has proven to not work very well at times. I wondered if I centralized my thoughts here that maybe that might work better.
That also keeps me from being a distraction from those who are more deserving than I.
Trigger warning. … talk of suicide
I have had a recurring vision, varying in details but ending is the same. I’m tied to a chair and can’t move or speak and am forced to watch my stepson kill himself. He does this in a different way each time but his last words spoken to me are very much alike….”It’s your fault “
Every vision I have had has a basis in reality, Why do I have to keep reliving this stuff. It was bad enough the first time but to repeatedly have to experience them over and over plus whatever games my brain is playing to shuffle them up and play them out together.
Growth paths …. Why does everything have to revolve around meditation or videos of some kind. I can’t meditate, my brain doesn’t cooperate.
I am still 100% depressed and anxiety. In case someone needs to record that again
I’m extremely irritable on top of everything else.
Caring is never wasted….. it is on me.
I never told anybody who to care for, I just said to not waste it on me.
Whatever time I have left here I just want to be left alone I just want to ramble without feeling like I’m under a microscope when I have laid it all out in the open.
I don’t want support, kindness , compassion and caring when my mind/heart doesn’t recognize and/or feel anything. It is wasted when it is cast into a black hole, a deep dark void.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami you might be interested in starting a diary that only you write in and no one else you could easily turn this thread into a no reply diary just contact the editor in this community and they can edit it at the top to say no replies please or you could always start one yourself and just leave this as it is. I think about half of the diaries here are closed diaries not open to comments at all and if i ever do start a diary here that would definately be what i would want just a place to write without being reminded anyones reading so just something to think about.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
I am sorry if I made you feel that way, it was not intentional❤️
@scarletPear1945
??? You did nothing wrong….nothing. I’m the one who’s trying to push everyone away from my extreme negativity. Especially now when everyone should be in a world of positivity and …happiness.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
Thanks, I just don't want to make you uncomfortable at all. I care too much about you my friend.
I have been having trouble with my internet and have not got to post your tree yet but I am still going to give it a shot😊👌
https://www.7cups.com/@juliak1968
@juliak1968
That is a wonderful poem. Thank you for sharing.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami hey, no shame in rambling, if it helps you with stress, go for it. I normally just talk to my friend when I'm mad of frustrated, or just simply play some video games to forget about it. We're all here to help, and feel free to speak up, when you need someone to talk to