My daily ramblings
I am finally going to follow the lead and try and avoid posting in multiple different places. I am going to try and do most of my rambling in this thread.
My cognitive issues are making it harder and harder for me to focus on multiple things. That combined with my laundry list of other issues, makes functioning at all near impossible.
Having to go through medication experimentation again is going to make it even harder.
Whenever I have to refocus because I literally can’t remember blocks of time or where I am and why I’m here kinds of things , I’m usually able to come here and figure out through my posts and profile etc.
That has proven to not work very well at times. I wondered if I centralized my thoughts here that maybe that might work better.
That also keeps me from being a distraction from those who are more deserving than I.
I just woke up from an old age nap. I all of a sudden gelt so drained and tired I closed my eyes and just woke up , feeling like I haven’t slept in days.
I tried to work on the tree thing for awhile. Made a big mess. Tried to “fluff” the branches and the white stuff they sprayed on tree falling off everywhere. Finally gave up.
I just feel so buried underneath multiple issues at once. Of course the depression, that is always there. Anxiety, trauma flashes, brain failures, loneliness, shame, guilt ….
I try not to expect anything out of a day/night, that way I don’t add more disappointment to my life.
I know I seem to wallow in self pity during my ramblings, it is not intended to come across that way . I am just stating the exact facts and thoughts presently running my life.
Motivation is not improving at all. My give a darn is long gone.
I am afraid…,scared….trembling….of not finding the light again. I fear I don’t have the time left to invest in finding it again.
I want it so badly that I know I won’t get it back. I suppose I should just accept that and get on with it.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami When we are in a panic it is hard to find anything. Perhaps sitting down and taking some deep slow breaths may help calm your mind a little. I find it helpful to focus on something like my breath and keep my attention on the current moment rather than thinking or worrying about the future. The mind will protest of course. It may insist that it must worry about the future. When that happens I gently remind my mind that it is free to think all it wants when I am done with this simple exercise. I’m good at worrying - all humans are. The future will be what it will, with or without our consent and with or without our worry. It isn’t easy for humans to focus on the present moment, but focusing on something like the breath can help and give our minds a mini vacation, and just a few minutes vacation can be really helpful.