Uncertain
Hello 30s!
I am 36 years old but I'm feeling like a late bloomer. A lot of regrets, hang-ups, not financially stable, no own family yet. What am I doing in the past 2 decades since I graduated? A lot of questions comes into my mind when I'll be alone.
Now, I'm thinking starting an own family is good but will I be a good mother or wife inspite of my weaknesses and capacities?
People in my place keep telling I have to have a boyfriend and be married so I can have an own family. I said to myself it's too late.
@Uncertain20 nothing wrong with that. Not telling you how to feel. I am a late bloomer myself, so I can understand for sure. Hey, just love yourself for sure and things will work out.
@SpongeBob333 thanks for making me feel better, hope we can connect 1 on 1.
@Uncertain20 I'm sorry I had missed your post and of course
@Uncertain20 It is never too late to start a family of your own making. It can look like whatever you want it to look like. I waited til I was 44 to get married.
You’re absolutely not alone in feeling like this. I too am 36 and feel like i’ve succeeded at nothing in my life.
@Uncertain20 You feel like a late bloomer?! Try being all that in your 40s. =(
@reallyoverallofit If God will allow and can get that age, maybe I'll feel more pressured too but yeah accept the fact that being single is my forever 😂😅
@Uncertain20
I am sorry to hear that you feel this way. Yes people do put pressure on us from young ages to get married quickly and do things at a certsin age. Unfortunately some people have been led to suicide believing that if they have not done everything by 30 they are a failure...I even used to think the same way. Yet now I see people living their lives, getting married, vetting qualifications and so forth at over 60 years old. I even met a woman the other day who was 59 and regretted not marrying before, yet she is now getting proposals from older men and may marry now. I guess it's unlikely she will have children but at least it's still possible to marry at least. For these reasons I have realised that society does put too much emphasis on age and getting things done by certain ages. Most of us can't do that, so it just makes us more stressed. I have also noticed that women who are highly sensitive tend to be later maturers in general and often have read about women describing themselves as highly senstive and feeling like they were just starting out in their early forties and at this time getting married and having families. So I think it is probably better not to think about being late or early since there is no real appointment or deadline but thinking about what you really want and whether you yourself are ready for the things being offered to you. Some people marry early and go back to education or work later on and others do he opposite, so I think it's a life choice and not early or late
@quietlistener2023 Thanks, you have 100points score from what you have said haha. You're right, we're just being pressured by society's wants and always compare to other's timeline. But at the end of the day, it's us who will decide what's good for us. In my case, I won't care anymore, I will let God and go. Thank you so much for giving time in replying, hope you too will have a good life
@Uncertain20
Thank you you too. Happy if it helps. I think alot of ideas related to age are outdated and in need of revision. People were living shorter lives before. We live longer and have better health I think so we perhaps have more opportunities until a later time
@Uncertain20 Just wanted to chime in. I'm a single mother by choice and I had my daughter via IVF when I was 41. You may have more time than you think, but you should go to a doctor and really find out what your numbers are if you want bio kids.
@selfdisciplinedPenny281 wow,ivf is quite expensive but congrats
Sadly it depends on your state and your health insurance. I started the process when I was 35 in NJ and I needed to have several surgeries to allow me to carry to full term. All of that was covered. Then I had three heavily medicated IUIs and converted that last one to IVF. All of that was covered by insurance, including all of my injectable meds. The only thing I paid for out of pocket was the actual IVF procedure which was $9,000. I put it on my Amex, got mad points and I qualified for the child tax credit and the medical deduction that year so I was able to pay most of it off right away. I will add I did a ton of research to come up with that plan, but I was able to do that after I got a picture of what my reproductive status was from the doctor. It was also really motivating to get parts of my life in better shape and great that I had time to reframe what my expectations for my life would be.
It’s not too late. I’m 51 years old. I met my Fiance when I was 43. We are still not married. We both are trying to get better financially and health wise. We are taking care of our elderly mothers during the week and we meet up on the weekends. I work and she doesn't, You talk about being a good mother. If you love your child and do your absolute best job in raising him or her, you are a good mother. You need a man to be a partner in good and bad. Someone who will be there and not give up easily. I could have walked out many times but I had to understand that it’s not just me it’s us. You have to not only understand your partner but understand their needs and their feelings. It’s a compromise. I have many regrets in my past. Things I should have done. But with age comes wisdom. You will get there, just take one step at a time.
@Uncertain20 It's never too late to pursue what you want in life. Many people find that their 30s, and even beyond, are a time of significant personal growth and fulfillment. The experiences you've had over the past two decades, even if they weren't exactly what you envisioned, have shaped you into the person you are today, and that’s valuable.
As for the pressure from others, it’s okay to set boundaries and remind yourself that your path is your own. Making decisions based on what feels right for you, rather than external expectations, is key to finding peace and happiness.
Remember, it's never too late to create the life you want. Your journey is uniquely yours, and it's okay to take your time.
@Uncertain20Its never too late! Family doesn't just mean kids and adoption is always an option too. Marriage can happen at any age, please harbor your natural talents and passions while trying to financially get on track,find various resources like baby steps by Dave Ramsey and budgeting ideas and get credit score in check using credit building apps. You can still start life at any age. I am in the same boat financially but I have saved and finding ways to improve life to get ahead and make up for the time I lost. I am more motivated than ever and It's never too late. You will get married when right person comes your way. Keep living life meaningfully each day.
