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Johanna Liasides, MSc, PhDc
Psychologist
I work with youth and young adults to help them improve depressive symptoms and self-esteem as well as effectively address family, relationship and peer conflicts.
Top Rated Answers
Sitting down with him and having a conversation in person is always the best way - communication within relationships is an incredibly important thing. Put yourself in a situation where you're both comfy and in the right headspace and just let the words come out.
If he knows you well enough, he might already know and he might be willing to help you get through things. If you're not happy in your relationship though - you've gotta find a way of talking this through with him, again in a situation where you feel safe and comfortable. He might be upset that you don't feel happy but then this way together you can work through why you're unhappy and potentially fix things.
I hope things work out :)
The most important thing in a healthy relationship is having good communication. If you are unhappy, tell them what's making you feel that way and what you want them to do differently. Not expressing your feelings will only worsen the problem! If no changes are made after the conversation or if they dismiss your feelings and concerns, it may indicate a bigger problem in the relationship. It is best if you are able to have this conversation in person so that your emotions and his reactions are clear. You have to love yourself before you can love someone else and if he's not treating you as you should, drop him!
Honestly I was in a similar situation recently and how I choose to approach it to wait for a time when we were alone and it was peaceful and told him I wanted to talk. Even though it took me time to build the courage, he waited for me to be ready and I just said and right now I feel much better about it now and he didn't expect me to explain myself but it can be different for everyone. Overall, I think it's great you want to be honest about your feelings, go on, its gonna be okay
Anonymous
January 28th, 2021 7:21pm
Communication is the key to nurture any sort of relationship in life. If you believe in your relationship and know that you and your partner share an intimate bond, then it's worth expressing your true and authentic feelings and thoughts with your partner. Taking this step can seem a bit scary because there's always a risk that what if our partner doesn't take it in the way we want them to, however trust in your partner, they would understand. If conversation seems hard to initiate, try to engage in activities that you both mutually enjoy doing and which give you shared happiness.
Communication is critical to any relationship. It is important to trust your significant other with your feelings no matter how difficult it may seem. Choose what you feel is the best time and also the earliest time to tell your partner that you have not been happy and ask if now would be a good time to have a discussion about it. Otherwise, ask your partner when might be a better time for discussion so that you can get the most attentive response. Problems should never wait long to be addressed because they can increase in severity and become much greater problems in the future. All situations are unique and require a different level of attention based on the circumstances and the people involved.
Anonymous
January 14th, 2021 9:12pm
The best thing to do is to tell them directly. An essential part of a relationship is communication. Make sure to explain your feelings thoroughly to them, what's making you unhappy, why do you feel this way, etc. Making these feelings known to your partner prevents further complications in your relationship. You need to let them know, so that they have a chance to help and understand you. When you choose to bottle up these emotions, suspicions and misunderstandings can arise between the two of you. In my experience, it's always best to tell them directly instead of hinting it to them. There is a chance of disapproval or misunderstanding when telling them, but the most important part is putting it out there.
Anonymous
January 7th, 2021 1:54am
Try to find a calm moment when you're both together in person. Think about what makes you unhappy and try to tell him what you can in the moment. You dont have to say it all, just one point that you can share with him at the moment. Then you can both think together how to solve the situation you're feeling in general or in the relationship. It can become a moment where you can explain what you're going through and your needs. You can think of what to say before, maybe the most important point, or what is hurting the most.
Anonymous
January 1st, 2021 4:55pm
I belive the best way of how to tell your boyfriend that you aren't happy in your relationship is with an open and honest conversation with him! The crucial part of it is that you stay genuine and honest and truly explain to him of how you really feel. I know you might be afraid of perhaps hurting his feelings or something but at the same time you are hurting yourself by not telling him of how you truly feel about this whole relationship. You can tell him the truth yet still be gentle about it but make sure to not let any of the important parts out thats the only way of making peace with your consciousness and your boyfriend at the same time..who knows you might be even able to come to a conclussion where you both can be happy and work things out in the end :)!!!
Why is it that you feel unhappy? Perhaps you should open up the conversation with the reasons you feel the way you do. Use of "I" statements is also really important in these cases. A good start might be to consider writing it all down for yourself in order to get your thoughts straight and this alone may also be helpful. You may also want to consider beforehand what your goals are in having the conversation. What do you want to get out of it? Opening up/beginning the conversation can be the hardest part, but don't overthink it, simply be direct and honest.
Anonymous
December 16th, 2020 10:18pm
I would try to write a letter. Often times this can be very effective because you’re getting your words out and can reflect back on it. Re-read it a few times and give it to him when ready. Also, try talking in person. Remember to stay calm and try to be as empathetic as possible. Explain why you are not happy and what could possibly change. Be open about everything and try to listen to what your boyfriend says about the situation. Make a plan together and decide on how you both can “win†in the relationship. Good luck!
its actually great that you show the signs of communicating and not just ending things on bad terms.
To achieve your goal , you need to plan the timing, dont delay it too much.
plan the time, tell your partner that you have important to discuss, make a comfortable environment for both of you and start telling how have you been feeling lately about the relationship, directing towards you not being happy, indicating the causes of it.
explain all the reasons and possible causes of it.
if you think you can work on it with the help of your partner then Ask for the help.
incase you think you cant help it, make things clear to your partner and ask them to give your time to reevaluate things again?
Anonymous
November 28th, 2020 2:29pm
I will understand my emotions clearly first like whether I am really unhappy or not before deciding to tell him. Then I will meet with him tell him that I am not contented and happy with the relationship and the reason behind it. If he understands, we will talk things out and try to find solutions to the problem. If he tries to deny and argue, I will give him some time to think about it. If i continue feel like I am really happy with what is happening , then I can't help it and talk things out with him again.
Be honest with him. He should be understanding of your feelings. Do not sugar coat how you feel to make him feel better. It is okay to not be happy. That just means you have to voice your opinion and get things off your chest. That may make you guys' bond stronger by being honest. You know him, so figure out a way to be respectful and not angry. You should talk to him when you're in a clear headspace. That way you are not saying things you do not mean out of anger. I wish you nothing but the best!
Anonymous
October 30th, 2020 2:31pm
I am very straight forward with my answers. My answers come across only when I am sure that I won't be able to continue any longer. If I am not happy then boyfriend will also not be happy in the relationship. So I guess I will say it directly to his face rather than beating around the Bush. That way it will not make one fall prey to pretentiousness. And sooner or later words will define your state of mind. So without further consoling myself, I would opt for a one to one conversation to clear the air of misconception.
Send him a long or short text (I'm a text person and conversations like this aren't easy in person) and be honest about how you feel. Don't beat around the bush.
List the reasons why you are not happy, nobody will sue you for speaking your mind. If you want to tall him in person and you feel you can then set a time and let him know. When you meet, talk to him about your feelings and the reasons. In both cases, when you are done, try to suggest ways you problem can be helped. Ask him for his opinions too.
I'm so sorry you're needing to address this. Can you think about how you would like to be approached if you were in his shoes? Sometimes it's easier to put yourself there to be able to see what he may need. I've found that instead of focusing on myself and how miserable I feel about needing to talk to him that if I honor what he might need it relieves my own anxiety. What would this look like if you were to approach it in this manner? It could turn out to be a good conversation for both of you.
Telling your boyfriend that you are not happy it’s a difficult thing because you hold in your hands the other person’s feelings and you have to be careful. Obviously if you are not happy he deserves to know it and telling him that you are not happy it’s not a reason for a breakup, talk through it, tell him what will make you happier and be optimistic. In a relationship communication is the key. Also think about the reasons and ask yourself if these specific reasons don’t make so there will be no misunderstanding. People deserve a second chance so don’t be afraid to give one.
In my experience, it is best to start the talk while you're both calm and not under stress or tension. So, don't do it, for example, as soon as he gets home from work. Wait until the right moment, unless there could happen an unnecessary fight. Avoid starting with the sentence "We need to talk", that one momentarily causes anxiety and makes another person start acting defensive. The speech itself isn't easy. Try to be short and concise, but also detailed about your feelings. Do not start sentences with "You did" or "You think", rather start with "I feel" and "I think". Be gentle and listen to what he has to say. It should go normal after.
Anonymous
March 29th, 2020 9:28pm
Expressing oneself is very important in a relationship. I would suggest to find a moment where you can both give each other the attention you deserve (not when you are busy). This might be when you are both calm at home. In my relationship I see that transparency helps a lot, and that sometimes the other wants to help but cannot do so because of a lack of information. Therefore, once you are both sitting down calmly, tell your partner exactly how you are feeling and suggest a way he can support you (if you want). Sometimes we hide how we are doing because we feel pressured to be happy and good all the time, but it is completely normal to go through some hard things sometimes and be unhappy.
The easiest way, as I like to put it, is "trust the process". Having someone that understands your emotions as well as you as a person is super important. If you are unhappy, bring it up at a time when there aren't many distractions, be super mild about it and just bring it up in a calm manner. Your calm way of bringing it out will ensure that he has a decently calm reaction to it. If your partner isn't able to talk to you about your emotions, I would say its better to bring it up to him in a more serious manner.
Anonymous
March 27th, 2020 6:02am
Communication and location is key, if you are unhappy with the relationship or with your boyfriend, find a good place where you are comfortable and this conversation can continue, I would avoid texting as your boyfriend might not get the seriousness of your tone of voice. I recommend in person but if that is too hard for you, a phone call should suffice. Being able to express how one feels in a relationship can be hard and although there are challenges that push out of our comfort zone. These are steps that much be taken that can ensure a healthy relationship now and in the future.
Sit down together and start and honest but caring conversation telling him how you feel and what is the reason for you feel that way. Be open and honest. He is on your side and you are on his. Being open and vulnerable with someone you are close with helps both of you to navigate through hard times. It can be a painful and sad conversation but it might be freeing and a first step to being happy again. It's good start to be honest with yourself why you are unhappy and then tell your partner the truth. You can always start with - i need to tell you something and it might be hard to listen but I am not happy because... I hope this helps
You must find time where both of you can talk with no interruptions ,This is really important .
If you are unhappy with the way your relationship is going . Or if something else is making you unhappy. Then its important that you handle the situation with sensitivity .explain that you need to say your part first ..then he can talk and you listen to his thoughts too. make sure that you both get heard and if things get heated then make the decision for you both to have time to think about what has been said .then you both will be able to think clearly.
I hope all goes well for you both
Anonymous
November 17th, 2019 6:20pm
It's not an easy thing to tell someone when you feel this horrible emotion. There is no right or wrong way to say it. In my opinion, I would just say that you should say that currently you aren't happy in the relationship and express how you want things to change between you two. The best thing to do in this situation is to explore why you might not be happy in the relationship and see what you both can do to change how things currently are. It's a horrible and uncomfortable feeling to bare on your shoulders but as always, if you need to share these feelings but you can't tell your boyfriend yet- then we are always here to listen on 7 cups. We want to support you and make you feel that you can be heard when it's so hard to speak.
Anonymous
September 11th, 2019 6:16pm
just be straight up. honesty is the best policy. they will probably want to talk about it all so figure out what it is that has made you not happy and help them to understand. If you are wanting to break up with them then make sure not to put any blame on them and just apologise. Its nobodies fault this has happened, it just has. just be gentle and keep the conversation calm and civil. it will be a lot easier that way to be able to talk together about it properly. As this is very important. they will thank you for being honest in the long run. and you will also be glad for being honest
Go with him to a place were he is feeling comfortable. Tell him your Problem without criticizing him. Be Honestly even if its hard to tell him. Think about what you want to tell him before. Even if only 10% of what you think about before comes out of your mouth while you talk to him. Its always good to think about what you want to tell him before. When he is a nice person to you he will understand and you can work on it. And if not you will feel free after that. You only live once so don't waste time on People who don't want to work out things with you.
Be as gentle as possible, the likelihood is that it’s as difficult a time for him as it is for you. With patient discussion I’m sure you’ll both come to the agreement that a relationship is not appropriate where both parties are not benefiting, and separating will help you grow and mature as individuals better than if you remained together. I’m sure you’re going to be okay, it takes a lot of strength to admit that your situation isn’t ideal, considering how easy it would be to just remain in the same cycle constantly, but you know that change is inevitable and that is a very healthy outlook on life. I wish you a very happy life and I hope both of you will overcome this with minimal heartache, but if you do, just remember that moving on now will save you from future pain. Best of luck!
Anonymous
January 11th, 2020 7:10pm
you tell your boyfriend that you are not happy by your actions and words. but try to communicate and try to express your feelings as best as possible so that your bf could understand and not make him confused. Try not to confuse him because it could make him mad or something like that.Try talking to him as a friend and try to specify the reason or reasons you are unhappy. But i know what may work for some may not work for others. But if you were in his position how would you like him to describe to you his unhappiness?
Anonymous
February 8th, 2020 3:43pm
Think about what exactly makes you unhappy and what he could do to change that. Then tell him, theres something bothering you and you would need him to sort things through. Tell him about your concerns, do not once blame him, but explain your feelings. Hopefully he can understand! You can ask him, if he can think of anything to change the situation, if he cannot you have already made up your minde before and can present you possible solution. Ask him what he thinks about it, if he can imagine doing that or behaving that way. Be open to alterations from his side! Remember, you dont have to sort it out in that exact moment, its ok to have a good nights sleep and rediscuss the next day.
Being unhappy can mean many things, either way, it is important to share with those close to us.
Approach the conversation with as much empathy as you can. Be certain you are heard, but also encourage your boyfriend to be open as well.
A loving relationship is a team. All parts matter equally.
If you find you have difficulty voicing your concerns, do not be afraid to write down a short list and bring it with you into the conversation. Having even just a few blurbs on a napkin can serve as emotional support in hard conversation.
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