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Psychologist
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Top Rated Answers
I think it's important to have an honest conversation with yourself, before you have one with your boyfriend. It maybe valuable to you to have some clarity about the nature of your feelings.
If you know you're feeling unhappy, do you know what might be contributing to these feelings? Do you feel that your boyfriend's behaviour or personality is contributing to to your unhappiness?
The clearer you can be when you tell your boyfriend about your feelings, the more likely it is that your boyfriend will understand, and try to empathize with you and look for way to help you feel better.
Also note that it is entirely possible that your boyfriend has already noticed some signs or symptoms of your unhappiness, and because of that, he may already have made some conclusions of his own for the reason of your unhappiness. So this may complicate the conversation a little bit, if he already has some preconceived notions. So it's important to be a ware of that possibility, before you start the conversation.
Anonymous
May 1st, 2019 6:23am
Be honest and say it nicely. Tell him why you’re not happy and come up with solutions on how to solve your reason why your not happy together. Also ask him if he’s happy. And make sure to address those issues too. Be very trusting and communicate with him. If there’s something you don’t like tell him. If there’s someone you don’t like tell him it will make him trust you more and it will built your relationship. Always trust your partner. If you see that you are losing trust address it right away because it’s very important I’m a relationship
before you tell him think about what has made you unhappy and prepare yourself how he will react. Meet him face to face so you can see his reactions when you tell him, make sure it is in a place you are comfortable to be open to him. Communication is always a key in a relationship. Once you tell him listen to what he has to say openly. He may be upset about what you've said but you need to keep in mind that you have feelings about how he has made you feel and your feelings deserve to be acknowledged.
Anonymous
June 22nd, 2019 3:07pm
Letting someone know your feelings is tough. They might be just as confused or unhappy about the situation as you are so it’s important to pick a comfortable time and place to have a discussion as to why you are feeling this way. It might not be just a straight out I’m not happy because that can leave your significant other overwhelmed and can bring out some reactions or emotions that aren’t beneficial to the situation. It’s shouldn’t be a time to blame but to just respectfully converse about all aspects of what is causing you to be unhappy. Once you are ready at a stage where you feel safe you should let them know how you feel.
It is inevitable that we will experience some unhappiness in relationships, being hurt or disappointed is a natural part of being human. The most loving way to express this is to do so vulnerably. Avoid criticising anything that he does or saying anything about him, as this may cause him to try to defend himself or his behaviour. Instead, always use statements beginning with the word "I" to openly share how YOU feel about an aspect of the relationship. You can never go wrong expressing how you feel, because when our partners tell us genuinely that they are unhappy, we have a natural striving to satisfy them, because we love them.
This is something I have struggled with for a very long time. In the end, the relationship completely fell apart just because there was a lack of communication, I didn’t know how to communicate those feelings to him, because I feared he wouldn’t understand. I think it’s important that you do let your boyfriend know that you’re unhappy, and not just imply it, but communicate it loud and clear. Even if he doesn’t understand or is confused about it, you know that you have expressed yourself and have been open with the way you’re feeling. That is always a key to everything in a relationship- communication.
Anonymous
July 17th, 2019 9:59am
Simply by saying it. Try to open a conversation without trying to accuse him or put any guilt on either of you. Try to have an honest conversations about how you feel and how you would like to work together on this. Don't try to just give subtle hints, they might not catch on and will leave you both frustrated.
If you feel talking isn't as easy, try to prepare by talking to some friends or family first. Don't be afraid, if you're in a loving relationship this there should be room for this and only make your relationship stronger.
You can do it!
this can be hard, especially if it's hard to describe what's making you unhappy. the first thing is: there should be no pressure for you to be happy if your needs aren't being met. you don't need to adjust your standards!
I would take a couple steps to make sure you're both in a conversational space that's relaxed, uninterrupted, and sincere. It can also help to make a list of things you need to talk about. It could be as simple as a list of your needs that are not being met. Be open to their response, but also make sure that you are being validated, heard, and taken seriously. I don't think it's possible to hurt someone by telling them that you have needs that are not being met. it's your responsibility to meet those needs, not theirs, and having an honest conversation like this one is a good, proactive way to look out for your self!
Anonymous
August 3rd, 2019 2:45pm
Tell him that you need to talk to him privately. And let him know how you are feeling, if it’s the relationship itself that you are unhappy with, let him know, or on the flip side, if it’s him that makes you unhappy, let him know. If you tell him in a manner that’s explaining and not blaming that’s a good way to tell him your feelings and thoughts. Good communication is key to be in a relationship that you want to be in. Also if he has concerns let him talk as well. When you talk to him, let him wait till you are completely done telling him how you feel.
Anonymous
June 10th, 2021 7:52am
Your boyfriend obviously cares about you. That's why the two of you are together, in a relationship. Your boyfriend must respect you as a person as well as your decisions. In terms of what you should do, how you should tell him, it depends on the reason you're not happy. If it has to do with your boyfriend you have no choice but to tell him. Otherwise, the situation will never get better and you'll only feel worse. It's hard, but sometimes there's nothing else but to rip that bandaid off and tell him. Tell him you're not happy and be direct in what you want from him in return. If he's worth having, he'll understand.
Anonymous
October 30th, 2020 2:31pm
I am very straight forward with my answers. My answers come across only when I am sure that I won't be able to continue any longer. If I am not happy then boyfriend will also not be happy in the relationship. So I guess I will say it directly to his face rather than beating around the Bush. That way it will not make one fall prey to pretentiousness. And sooner or later words will define your state of mind. So without further consoling myself, I would opt for a one to one conversation to clear the air of misconception.
Be honest with him. He should be understanding of your feelings. Do not sugar coat how you feel to make him feel better. It is okay to not be happy. That just means you have to voice your opinion and get things off your chest. That may make you guys' bond stronger by being honest. You know him, so figure out a way to be respectful and not angry. You should talk to him when you're in a clear headspace. That way you are not saying things you do not mean out of anger. I wish you nothing but the best!
Anonymous
November 28th, 2020 2:29pm
I will understand my emotions clearly first like whether I am really unhappy or not before deciding to tell him. Then I will meet with him tell him that I am not contented and happy with the relationship and the reason behind it. If he understands, we will talk things out and try to find solutions to the problem. If he tries to deny and argue, I will give him some time to think about it. If i continue feel like I am really happy with what is happening , then I can't help it and talk things out with him again.
its actually great that you show the signs of communicating and not just ending things on bad terms.
To achieve your goal , you need to plan the timing, dont delay it too much.
plan the time, tell your partner that you have important to discuss, make a comfortable environment for both of you and start telling how have you been feeling lately about the relationship, directing towards you not being happy, indicating the causes of it.
explain all the reasons and possible causes of it.
if you think you can work on it with the help of your partner then Ask for the help.
incase you think you cant help it, make things clear to your partner and ask them to give your time to reevaluate things again?
Anonymous
December 16th, 2020 10:18pm
I would try to write a letter. Often times this can be very effective because you’re getting your words out and can reflect back on it. Re-read it a few times and give it to him when ready. Also, try talking in person. Remember to stay calm and try to be as empathetic as possible. Explain why you are not happy and what could possibly change. Be open about everything and try to listen to what your boyfriend says about the situation. Make a plan together and decide on how you both can “win†in the relationship. Good luck!
Why is it that you feel unhappy? Perhaps you should open up the conversation with the reasons you feel the way you do. Use of "I" statements is also really important in these cases. A good start might be to consider writing it all down for yourself in order to get your thoughts straight and this alone may also be helpful. You may also want to consider beforehand what your goals are in having the conversation. What do you want to get out of it? Opening up/beginning the conversation can be the hardest part, but don't overthink it, simply be direct and honest.
Anonymous
January 1st, 2021 4:55pm
I belive the best way of how to tell your boyfriend that you aren't happy in your relationship is with an open and honest conversation with him! The crucial part of it is that you stay genuine and honest and truly explain to him of how you really feel. I know you might be afraid of perhaps hurting his feelings or something but at the same time you are hurting yourself by not telling him of how you truly feel about this whole relationship. You can tell him the truth yet still be gentle about it but make sure to not let any of the important parts out thats the only way of making peace with your consciousness and your boyfriend at the same time..who knows you might be even able to come to a conclussion where you both can be happy and work things out in the end :)!!!
Anonymous
January 7th, 2021 1:54am
Try to find a calm moment when you're both together in person. Think about what makes you unhappy and try to tell him what you can in the moment. You dont have to say it all, just one point that you can share with him at the moment. Then you can both think together how to solve the situation you're feeling in general or in the relationship. It can become a moment where you can explain what you're going through and your needs. You can think of what to say before, maybe the most important point, or what is hurting the most.
Anonymous
January 14th, 2021 9:12pm
The best thing to do is to tell them directly. An essential part of a relationship is communication. Make sure to explain your feelings thoroughly to them, what's making you unhappy, why do you feel this way, etc. Making these feelings known to your partner prevents further complications in your relationship. You need to let them know, so that they have a chance to help and understand you. When you choose to bottle up these emotions, suspicions and misunderstandings can arise between the two of you. In my experience, it's always best to tell them directly instead of hinting it to them. There is a chance of disapproval or misunderstanding when telling them, but the most important part is putting it out there.
Communication is critical to any relationship. It is important to trust your significant other with your feelings no matter how difficult it may seem. Choose what you feel is the best time and also the earliest time to tell your partner that you have not been happy and ask if now would be a good time to have a discussion about it. Otherwise, ask your partner when might be a better time for discussion so that you can get the most attentive response. Problems should never wait long to be addressed because they can increase in severity and become much greater problems in the future. All situations are unique and require a different level of attention based on the circumstances and the people involved.
Anonymous
January 28th, 2021 7:21pm
Communication is the key to nurture any sort of relationship in life. If you believe in your relationship and know that you and your partner share an intimate bond, then it's worth expressing your true and authentic feelings and thoughts with your partner. Taking this step can seem a bit scary because there's always a risk that what if our partner doesn't take it in the way we want them to, however trust in your partner, they would understand. If conversation seems hard to initiate, try to engage in activities that you both mutually enjoy doing and which give you shared happiness.
Honestly I was in a similar situation recently and how I choose to approach it to wait for a time when we were alone and it was peaceful and told him I wanted to talk. Even though it took me time to build the courage, he waited for me to be ready and I just said and right now I feel much better about it now and he didn't expect me to explain myself but it can be different for everyone. Overall, I think it's great you want to be honest about your feelings, go on, its gonna be okay
The most important thing in a healthy relationship is having good communication. If you are unhappy, tell them what's making you feel that way and what you want them to do differently. Not expressing your feelings will only worsen the problem! If no changes are made after the conversation or if they dismiss your feelings and concerns, it may indicate a bigger problem in the relationship. It is best if you are able to have this conversation in person so that your emotions and his reactions are clear. You have to love yourself before you can love someone else and if he's not treating you as you should, drop him!
Sitting down with him and having a conversation in person is always the best way - communication within relationships is an incredibly important thing. Put yourself in a situation where you're both comfy and in the right headspace and just let the words come out.
If he knows you well enough, he might already know and he might be willing to help you get through things. If you're not happy in your relationship though - you've gotta find a way of talking this through with him, again in a situation where you feel safe and comfortable. He might be upset that you don't feel happy but then this way together you can work through why you're unhappy and potentially fix things.
I hope things work out :)
Just doing it straight is almost always the best strategy. Do it in a structured and direct manner. Men and boys tend to understand things liturally, so if you go around the bush or do it in some indirect manner, there is a chance he will misunderstand.
That having been said, it is important to not say it in an accusing manner. Say it like you would open up to a good friend, showing your vurnurability. This will, in turn, invite him to do what he can to help out in the situation.
When all of this is considered, you should get to the reason why things aren't making you happy, if you are so lucky as to know it. If you dont know, then consider that there could be a load of factors contributing to your unhappiness, all of these factors definently synergize on one another.
I wish you all the best and hope for the best! Cheers to you!
There is nothing better than being direct and clear. Do not complicate yourself. Just go to him and tell him how you feel. A boyfriend is like your bestfriend, he is there to listen to you as well as he wants to be heard by you. So just communicate clearly and avoid being indirect as it just makes the situation confusing. You can mention him how you are not feeling as happy or as motivated, maybe talk about the reasons behind it, about what you can do to improve this. And he will be there to listen and support you.
Having a serious conversation with someone that you care about can create anxiety especially if you've experienced a negative response in the past. It's important to identify what's making you unhappy so you can be clear when you speak to your boyfriend. Understanding any fears you have and finding support from a trusted friend or Listener is a good step. It's a good idea to find a time when you both are free of any distractions, and in a calm moment. I may be helpful to write key points down and use "I" statements to avoid him becoming defensive. If you see him becoming defensive, stop and try the statement again letting him know that you've noticed you were starting to blame and that wasn't your intention. You may need to take a break and try again.
If you aren't happy in a relationship, sometimes it's the best for both people to be honest about it. Being in a one-sided relationship doesn't benefit either partner in the long run and bottling it up and not telling him can slowly fester into resentment because you feel like you're trapped in a relationship you're not happy in. Be honest with him and tell him how you're feeling, because that lets him know right off the bat and makes you feel better for being open about how you're feeling. Especially if you feel like you don't want the relationship to continue long-term, it's best to get it out in the open sooner rather than later
Clear communication is the best way to give someone the opportunity to meet your needs, and also for you to understand what expectations others might have from you to meet theirs. Pick a time and place that feels neutral, where you can both focus on each other. You could try framing it like, "Lately I have been feeling unhappy in our relationship, and I'd like to discuss it with you. Is now a good time?". Make sure that your partner is in a place to receive information before you dump it on them so that there is opportunity to discuss it together. Then, just be honest! What are you feeling? Why do you think you might be feeling this way? You could try, "When you do/say/dont do _________, I feel ______________.". If its not because of something they have done/said/haven't done, then simply share the feelings that are coming up for you. You could even try to include the solutions you have in mind, or offer space for your partner to give solutions that come to their mind.
Honesty is the best policy. Clear, calm, direct communication is the best way to express your needs and give others the opportunity to meet them.
Good luck :)
Anonymous
March 23rd, 2022 10:55pm
Just tell him straight away. Be direct. If you feel like the relationship is not going forward, you do not feel satisfied in many areas of your life, nothing is changing than sure as hell it's time to let go of someone. The "+-+" technique seems like a good starting point in situation like this. You can always start by saying the good things about the relationship you're in and about your partner, but then you say stuff that makes you unhappy and uncomfortable and such and then finish it with something good and hopeful so that your partner can see that you are willing to work on a relationship if some things change.
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