A family member thinks I am lying about where I am going but I'm not, what should I do?
252 Answers
Last Updated: 05/29/2022 at 6:19pm
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Sarah Robb, LISW-S (Licensed Independent Social Worker, Supervisor Designation) and LICDC (Licenced Chemical Dependency Counselor)
Clinical Social Work/Therapist
Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations. Life poses many challenges. Learning to face, cope with, and resolve these challenges can increase our resilience.
Top Rated Answers
If it's important for this family member to actually know where you are going then I think taking reasonable steps to prove to them that you are in fact going to where you say as a matter of trust and safety, is the best course of action. If however it is of no need for them to know, make sure someone else knows where you are going at least and then work on building a stronger relationship with the original member. Sometimes there can be an imbalance of trust. I encourage you to reflect on your past experiences with this member and how you can work to mend whatever disconnect there is. It will take time but if it's worth it then please do. Family is everything. Wishing you the best outcome!
Explain to your family member that you are an honest person and you have no reason to lie. If you have a history of lying maybe you should find a way to prove to them that you are in fact telling the truth.
Anonymous
August 12th, 2018 11:26am
Let the person think what they want .
That’s stress on them not you .
Just remain honest and true to yourself ✨✨
Anonymous
August 12th, 2018 10:11pm
Speak to them honestly and tell them that them not trusting you hurts your feelings, be honest with them
Find a way to prove to them that you are not lying. It hurts when people don't trust you but don't get angry or defensive when they bring the subject up as that won't help gain their trust. Try to keep a cool head when talking about it and be rational. Tell them in detail what you are doing to make it sound as viable as possible. Could you ask them to take part in some way eg drop you off/ pick you up? Or even agree to text or ring them while you are out. Hope this helps.
Anonymous
September 5th, 2018 3:34pm
You should continue to tell them the truth. you could record where you are going to show them later to prove this it is what you are doing, there are also gps tracking apps if they still don't believe you, there are a lot of things to do. As of right now you should sit down with your family member and talk to them about why they think you are lying and you should ask them where it is they think you are going. If they don't believe you even after all that you could change your habit of when you go. you could instead of leaving at night leave in the day.
Anonymous
November 4th, 2018 3:13pm
It sounds like they don't trust you. That must be very frustrating for you to feel like your family doesn't believe what you say. One way to resolve this would be to sit down with your family and initiate a conversation about this. Come from a place love, and be willing to listen to all the reasons why they don't trust you. After you have listened to their reasons, ask them for feedback on how you can build their trust in you again. You will have the opportunity to explain yourself, if you feel they have misunderstood your actions in the past. And you can learn how you deepen your connection and trust with them. They key is to have the conversation from a place of love and openness, and avoid defensiveness.
Anonymous
March 6th, 2022 12:40pm
I understand that you feel anxious about the family member thinking that you are lying where you are going when you are not. Also, I understand that you may feel uncomfortable and upset about why you are not gaining their trust.
I get you and I would feel uncomfortable and upset too if I were in your situation.
Have you thought about why you are lacking this family member's trust? Have you thought of why this family member thinks that you are lying?
Also, how would you feel about talking and confronting this family member.
What is the worst that can happen about talking and confronting this family member, and what is the best that can happen about doing this?
Find a good time and space to talk to them and explain properly where you are going and why you have decided to go there. Ask them about why they think you are lying, and try to understand where they are coming from. You can also give a reasoned response back to explain the answer to their queories.
When you are talking to this family member, try to avoid arguing / shouting / escalating the situation. Instead, talk to them politely and respectfully. Try to understand the situation from their point of view and reassure any concerns that they may have.
When a family member doesn't believe something you have told them the first step is to have a conversation about it with them. Ask the family member what you can do to prove where you are going. Find out by asking the family member why they do not trust what you say and how best you can work together to trust each other. Approach your family member with a motivation to understand why they don't believe you instead of approaching them with anger or pain at not being believed. The end result is to be able to be taken at your word.
Anonymous
February 7th, 2019 11:16pm
Why do they think you are lying? Have you confronted them about how you feel about this in a calm and respectful manner? In a way that they might understand.
Does it bother you that they think you are lying?
In order to gain clarity one must understand how one feels.
Focusing on the issue, gaining clarity, respect, mutual understanding, is the key to most of the issues one might have.
To listen is to understand.
Have you put yourself in their shoes? Same goes to them.
I recommend talking to one of the listeners here at 7 cups if it doesn’t get solved.
Anonymous
March 29th, 2019 1:20am
Try your best to remain calm with them and express that you are being honest and have no reason or motive to deceive them. Ask why they feel this way and see if, together, you can work through the issue and absence of trust. Remember to try to stay calm and be patient and empathetic towards them, because it sounds like an underlying trust issue or a simple worry. And with that, they themselves might not be aware that that is even the underlying issue and will need the empathy to work through it, as well as the current situation between both of you.
I've had a family member do the same to me. I obviously don't know your specific situation, but sometimes trying to think from the other person's perspective helps you to start a conversation with them. For example, my mom used to think I was lying even when I wasn't, and it was difficult to communicate with her because of that. It took a while but I later came to realize (through trying to see stuff through her eyes) that it wasn't that I was doing anything wrong, it was that she was very anxious at the time and it made her question me a lot more.
In today's day and age, technology is all around us. There are numerous apps that you can use to "check in" to let your loved ones know that you are safe and where you say you are.
As a long distance runner, several of my family members worry about me when I am on a longer run. I use Road ID to let them know where I am.
You may feel like using an app to allow your loved ones to check on your location is an invasion of privacy, but if you really are where you say you are, then there is no need to worry. Also, depending on the activity, you may invite them along.
Anonymous
June 13th, 2019 10:14pm
I think you should talk to them and explain where you are going. If they still do not believe you tell them you will send them picture of where you are so they know you are there. If you are going with other people you can text those people and have them fully confirm where you are going. If the person thinking you are lying is a parent make sure they know you will be safe. If the person is not a parent then do not worry about it too much because they are not your parents and can not do anything about it.
You should sit down with them and have an honest conversation with them about where and why you are going somewhere and if you are comfortable with doing this you can share your location when you arrive at your destination to help calm them down. Remember they only think your lying because they care and want whats best for you. Family cares about family and you should be proud to have a family that cares so much about your safety. If you talk to them about there concerns and offer to send your location or an "arrived" text when you get there it should calm them down.
Well in my experience, you cant be to safe, so never lie about where you are going if something was to happen to you someone needs to know who you are with, now sorry that's the parent in me, really if it's a friends house or somewhere like a event, you could video call you could get someone to call them an verify you are there, it's just to reassure them that you are safe an okay an that's all a family member really wants to know now be safe out there an have a good day friend
Anonymous
September 11th, 2019 6:12pm
prove it to them. if you really are going where you say you are, facetime them or something just to show them, build up the trust but after a while gradually stop facetiming them as you dont want it to become a controlling habit. build up the trust, build up the relationship. go out with whoever they are, talk about the things you do wherever it is you are going. build up that confidence between being able to openly communicate with eachother. it will help you in life trust me. relationships with family/friends/ partners who care about you are important. and after a while they will trust that you are going where you say you are because they feel more comfortable with the situation
I believe you in a situation like you need to ask that family member if you guys can have a conversation. Than when that request is approved start by asking that family member what makes them think that you are lying about where you are going. Maybe also ask if they trust you or not. Once you've got your answers to any of you questions you felt needed to be asked than you can simply let the family know that they don't have worry if your lying or not. Let them know that they can trust you. By doing this will allow them to think better when you want to do something.
Anonymous
October 24th, 2019 5:16pm
I think family members do and eventually they get concerned if you are not engaging. Family members often get so confused or think that telling eatchother everything is the key. Sometimes not. I have to admit that family's do not usually listen until a significant part of your life has fallen apart! Family's don't normally get involved unless it's something serious or damaging to the family. I recommend you would take help and allow the process to begin. Families can take complete control. It's up to you to be able to rise and overcome it. If you admit the situation you can work towards recovery of your family. Have talks and be able to move on.
Unfortunately, I cannot give personal advise on this topic however I understand how this may be stressful and upsetting for you. Try to understand why they they think that you are lying to them. Think about what you could do in order for them to trust you and not think that you are lying. Do you think that they are mistrusting of you for a reason? If not, what do you think would be the best way for you to show that you are telling the truth. Is there any way that you could show that you are telling the truth when you are going somewhere?
I sit them down and tell them I love them, and to ask me about where I'm going. When they start to express doubt, I ask them to elaborate and ask them why they think I am lying about something so important.
The most important thing is to make sure that they know they are loved and that you want to be trusted. I wouldn't take a confrontational attitude and would do my best to see why they feel the way that they feel. It could be some sort of miscommunication, or based off of things that aren't true.
The biggest thing, I think, would be to just show that you love the family member and be honest about where you are going, and why.
You need to gain the trust, sit with them, spend time with your family. You need to be expressive some times. Not rudely, but calmly try to explain where you actually go. Sometime being accountable is also good to gain their trust so tell them where do you go, with whom you spend most of the time and you care about what the person thinks about you either it is where you go or any thing else and if the person is not understanding then explain again and again you'll see gradually the person is going to trust you the most.
Does it cause any trouble for you? If yes, do whatever you have to do to justify yourself, confront them, talk to your family.... But if it doesn’t cause any trouble for you except disturbing your peace of mind, then ask yourself why would you want to stay in a bad feeling?
Anonymous
February 18th, 2022 1:33pm
If best in your situation, give them some way to reach you while out so they have reassurance your alright when needed. Usually they are aware of some friend your with. If they happen to not believe and follow you. Then they will see your exact where you meant to be. Possibly this will ease the tension when your going out alone. It can feel uncomfortable like your being judged sure. Overprotective family members usually think they are doing the right for you. If its pushing you away. Id suggest taking time to reassure them youd take all precautions to satisy them. Maybe will eliminate future doubts
Explain to the family member that you have nothing to hide and you are being transparent and honest when giving them the courtesy of letting them know of your movements. If they continue to believe you are lying there is not much you can do about it except carry on with what you are doing and keep moving forward. If it still bothers you that they don’t believe you then you may like to have a conversation about what you have done to make them doubt and disbelieve what you are saying. If they are unwilling to have the conversation then maybe you need to question them further about why they are feeling this way.
Usually, parents think their child is lying about some place they're going because they have in the past. I was guilty of being a compulsive liar as a kid as well, it would be best to ease their mind by assuring them you are indeed going where you say you are and ensure to them, you're going to provide proof once you arrive. I know it can be frustrating to not be believed when you are telling the truth, but trust is to be earned. I'm sure you will earn their's eventually. The frustration you feel is very much temporary and remind yourself your parents are only looking out for you.
Try to explain to them that you are being completely honest and that there is no need for you to lie about it. Explain your plan, who all are going to be there and when you would be back. Ask them to talk to a friend's parent if they want to actually confirm and give a fellow friend's phone number just in case you won't be able to pick up your phone. In the end just calmly explain how them not trusting you makes you feel, it could be sadness or disappointment or anything, but let them know how it makes you feel, communication is key.
Anonymous
May 29th, 2021 2:01am
I'm sorry to hear that your family member thinks that you are lying about what is going on. You need to understand that you are doing the right thing by speaking the truth. You can't be yourself up by doing the right thing it is not your fault how other people perceive you. As long as you tell the truth that's all that matters. You have to put yourself first and know that you are being truthful. Maybe you need to find out what is going on with that family member because they may have it on issues going on
Anonymous
August 5th, 2021 5:57am
If you have done something in the past which made them feel like that then please clear it out. Explain them that you are actually going to where you said you were and that you aren't lying about it. A good face-to-face talk always helps! You can tell them about where you're going and what is the reason you are going there. I'm sure they will understand. Although if you haven't done anything like that in the past then ask that family member, why they think so and communicate with them more about this issue. I hope this helps!
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