Recognizing and Leaving Unhealthy Relationships
Hello Women's Issues Community,
I hope this message finds you well. Today, I want to address a crucial topic that affects many women but is often difficult to discuss: recognizing and leaving unhealthy relationships. Everyone deserves to feel safe and respected in their relationships, and it's important to be aware of the signs of an unhealthy relationship.
What makes a relationship unhealthy?
Sure, no relationship is perfect, and people make mistakes. However, if you feel like you're being treated badly, it's crucial to listen to your gut. Healthy relationships should make you feel good about yourself, while unhealthy relationships might involve lying, cheating, jealousy, disrespect, or attempts to control a partner. Signs of control include:
- Keeping track of their whereabouts and social circles.
- Checking their phone or email without permission.
- Isolating them from friends or family.
- Imposing restrictions on certain activities.
- Controlling their access to money.
Signs of an abusive relationship:
Abuse can take various forms, and it's not limited to physical violence. It can include:
- Physical abuse: Hitting, kicking, pushing, or any form of physical harm.
- Sexual abuse: Forcing your partner into sexual activities without consent, from kissing to having sex.
- Verbal abuse: Name-calling, put-downs, and using words to hurt someone.
- Emotional abuse: Hurting feelings intentionally, jealousy, blaming, cheating, or constant criticism.
- Reproductive control: Pressuring decisions about pregnancy and parenting.
- Threats and intimidation: Using threats of violence or abuse
- to control behaviour.
- Isolation: Controlling who you see, what you do, and limiting access to support.
How to know if your relationship is unhealthy?
Each relationship is unique, but if you've been feeling devalued, afraid, or controlled, it's essential to seek help. Abusive behaviours can start slowly and escalate over time. If you're experiencing abuse, remember that you deserve to be in a relationship where both partners feel safe, respected, trusted, and loved.
How to leave an abusive relationship?
Leaving an abusive relationship is challenging, but it's crucial to remember that you're not alone, and you deserve better. If you're in immediate danger, call 911. For support and advice, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or check out their safety plan. High school and college students may find the safety plan at Love Is Respect helpful.
How to help someone in an abusive relationship?
Supporting a loved one in an abusive relationship is vital. It takes an average of 7 tries for someone to leave an abusive partner for good. Here are some tips:
- Be supportive and patient: Your presence and support can make a significant difference.
- Help them recognize abuse: Assure them that abuse is not normal, and they don't deserve it.
- Encourage them to leave: If they're open to leaving, develop a safety plan together and identify resources. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is a valuable anonymous online and phone service.
@Mya000 Thank you. This is so so so important for women to talk about.
@Mya000 Also, I never really thought of infidelity as abuse. It makes you think!
@LovingPeacefulHeart You're welcome, it's indeed crucial to discuss these topics. Infidelity can indeed be a form of emotional or psychological abuse, as it involves a breach of trust and can have profound effects on one's emotional well-being. If you have any more thoughts or questions on this topic, feel free to share 💜
Thank you for the information!
It reminds me of a past colleague, several years ago. She would come to work all emotional and often cried when I asked her what happened. Her husband was definitely the controlling type. Not allowing her to meet up with her friends without his presence, not giving her any freedom. And when they do go out, it's to meet up with his friends. But they have sweet times, they go out for dates once a week. Have nice dinner or watch a movie. Back then, all their kids are grown up, and after I left the company, she had quit shortly after too. So, not sure what happened with her and her husband. But when we were working together, a few of us told her to leave him, but she was scared that he'd become even more aggressive towards her.
I hope she's okay now, or went for counseling. That was another option we suggested to her, couples counseling.
@Jaeteuk Thank you for sharing your this with us. It's concerning to hear about your past colleague's situation. It's very difficult for someone in such a controlling and restrictive relationship to make decisions, and I hope she found the support she needed, whether through counselling or other means. Wishing you and her the best 💙
@Mya000 i Wish someone would have told me about it when I was younger. When we hear abuse, we often think of it in physical terms so we tend to think "but they didn't hit me..." thank you for sharing this post with us. It may be a lifesaver for someone
@sadcat13 I'm truly sorry to hear that you didn't receive the support you needed when you were younger. It's true that societal perceptions downplay forms of abuse beyond the physical, but your words shed light on the importance of acknowledging and addressing all aspects of abuse. Thank you so much for your supportive words. It means a lot to me that my post has resonated with you, and I hope that it reaches those who may need it 💚
@Mya000 yes. People need to hear this to recognize abuse when it is happening and stay safe.
how would you navigate a situation where you can't really leave a (not necessarily romantic) relationship because it means that you would not be able to achieve what you wanted in your career? but you don't enjoy the relationship and the other side does not enjoy it either..
@plumJet3535 I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a challenging situation. It is very tough when you feel stuck between your career goals and personal well-being. It might be helpful to have an open and honest conversation with the other person about your feelings and concerns. Finding a compromise or exploring alternative solutions could potentially make the situation more manageable. Wishing you the best of luck as you navigate through this, and feel free to reach out whenever you need someone to talk to.
Thank you @Mya000
We need room for these type of discussions!
Isolation is a type of abuse I had never thought of because it's not verbal or physical. I now see it can take many forms, even just constantly asking what was this or that man telling you, checking who are you chating with on whatsapp or boycoting any atempts to have a social life outside that relationship. And these subtle things, when constant and persitent make one feel really isolated and undermined... We need reeducation and open our eyes.
@Suen00 I'm really glad you're opening up about this. Indeed, it's essential to create space for these discussions to raise awareness about different forms of abuse, including the subtle and insidious ones like isolation. You're absolutely right, re-education and awareness are key. It takes strength to open up about such experiences, and I appreciate your courage. If there's anything specific you'd like to talk about or share, I'm here to listen and support you 💜
Thank you @Mya00, this is really nice of you.
The subtle persitance makes damage and because it's subtle and gradual it's hard to spot. It's not outrageous and therefore it's not obvious and you sort of believe it... and with time you believe it. For the same reasons your sorroundings don't see any issues with the relationship, which makes it even harder for you to see there's something wrong.
There are certainly much worse situations of abuse, and I don't wish any kind to anyone.
@Mya000 Something that I needed to hear today! been in a very unhealthy relationship and it was truly hard to leave but I am happy to be out of there and I do feel like everybody needs to know what's unhealthy in a relationship! Spreading awareness about this is important. Thank you for this <3
@Mya000 very good post mya - I like that you have structured it in a concise way and its readable. Good work!
"Abusive behaviours can start slowly and escalate over time" - This is very important to address; sometimes it can just feel like a critique (whether it be criticising fashion sense - I dont like you wearing this colour) and then you may not expect things to explode.
Thank you for your post!