My counsellor doesn
Ive been going to a sexual abuse/assault counsellor for 3 weeks now and its been helpful up until yesterdays session. I get the feeling she thinks I was raped and I wasnt. I havent told her exactly what happened but now it feels like I cant tell her because shell see it as not a big deal.
️ trigger warning ️
I was molested as a child by my brother. It happened once, as far as I can remember. On the second occasion, we were teenagers. I was 13 so he wouldve been 15/16. He forced himself on top of me, held my wrists down and said it was time to practice sex. It didnt go any further than that because I said if he didnt get off, Id scream and tell our mum.
because I wasnt raped, Ive always had an issue with it not being a big deal. And now that my counsellor thinks I was, I dont know how to tell her different because I dont want her to say what Ive thought. I dont want to lie and go along with what she thinks but I also dont want to tell her. My current thought (however irrational it may be) is that shell tell me it wasnt sexual assault/abuse and that we cant continue with counselling...
@asheroo92 Have you ever thought about telling her that your brother threatened to rape you by jumping on top of you and grabbing your wrists even though he didn't actually go through with the act? What he did to was still a form of abuse and I think it's best if you tell your counselor that.
@Summershy that was really helpful, thank you! It
I know what you mean, but what you went through is definitely valid. It was traumatic, and with you have all the reasons in the world to feel how you do. She isnt going to be disappointed because to you, it was scarey and wrong. Dont rush into telling her, they are very good at not making assumptions and she of all people will know that you dont have to be raped to experience trauma. Even if she did make that assumption, she will adjust. But in the end it doesnt matter what she thinks, its about you, and getting what you need. And she knows that. If she is any type of decent counselor she isnt going to invalidate what youve been through. So go easy on yourself. If you think it would make it easier to tell her, do that. Of course she cant know what happened for sure until it comes from you. But dont feel rushed. She wont go anywhere. I know a lot of times when i feel like shes assuming something (even tho she usually isnt), ill just blurt out something like "its not what youre thinking, but im not ready to talk about it yet." Maybe something like that could work. Its your therapy so its important for you to feel comfortable and get what you need from it.
@asheroo92
Also good luck! Let me know if youd like to talk more about it. Im a few months into seeing a new counselor so i know what a struggle it can be at the beginning to get used to each other
@Npepsicola that's a really good tip to say "It's not what you're thinking but I'm not ready to talk about it yet" - that's something I could definitely use in a future session, so thank you! Everything else with her has been great. She's really given me a different perspective on things and seeing her view is really helpful. It also helps when she challenges my irrational logic. Say something minor like a friend reading a message but not replying for hours, my mind will immediately go to "something is wrong, I've done something wrong and they're annoyed with me" however she takes that and says things like "is it possible that your friend could have left her phone unlocked whilst busy?" and that helps me to not automatically think negatively.
I also agree with you that it's difficult at the start. Unfortunately, the sessions will only last for 18 weeks but I will make the most of it.
