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Summershy
3 129,641 M Soaring Heights 5
PathStep 668 Compassion hearts6,307 Forum posts1,161 Forum upvotes1,045 Current upvotes1,045 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2024 Member sinceJune 3, 2014
Recent forum posts
Discovering red flags in newer friendship
Relationship Stress / by Summershy
Last post
 November 7th
...See more Last Friday, I had a get together at my place with some friends of mine and for the most part had a great time.   Of the people who came was a newer friend of mine and happened to see several red flags.  🚩. * When he showed up, he didn't seem like he was that excited to be there * He told me that he was tired * He kept asking me when we were going to open gifts because he got me one * When I asked him about a friend of his, he told me that he did not want to talk about it and not to ask him about her anymore because they fell out * He didn't really interact with anyone * After he left before everyone, he sent me a very rude text in which in criticized me by not only giving unsolicited advice but also told me that I had to change * He told me that he was only telling me this because he is my friend and cared about me * During an exchange in text messages, I attempted to set boundaries -He minimized what I said with "Happy Birthday and Goodnight." -He also wanted to keep having the last say -He gave me a fake apology -He wanted to have the last say and argue back  At that point, I didn't even say goodnight, I just stopped responding and then unfriended him and deleted his contact information. 8. Then after I unfriended him, I noticed that he and this woman, who he said that he fell out were still friends on FB.    -Though I don't want to gossip, I do question him on what he told me. 🚩
I feel like I had the wind knocked out of me
Grief & Loss / by Summershy
Last post
 October 18th
...See more Hi everyone: While attempting to reach out and reconcile with someone who I once close with between my middle childhood to young adulthood.  The main reasons was because my relationships with my friend and her mom were incredibly toxic.  After we fell out, I ended up holding a grudge against them for many years. When looking up her contact information today, I found out some obiturary information about her mom who had died back in August.  Believe me, I am feeling very sad and I am kicking myself for ever holding a grudge against her.   In fact, I am trying to look for her contact information so I can reach out.  
Feeling good about walking away from 25 year friendship
Relationship Stress / by Summershy
Last post
 May 20th
...See more After 25 years, I decided to walk away from what I thought was a close friend.  As I said, I feel really good about it.   This is also the first time that I have re-evaluated the situation For one thing, I had been going through a serious situation in my own life.  At first, she was able to talk to me about it.  Then the next, she suddenly had her crisis and needed to take care of herself and didn't have time to talk to me on the phone.  This was at the end of last summer.  Since I had been leaving her alone while attempting to reach out now and then.   She has mostly been ignoring my calls, while I have been moving on and keeping busy in my own life. However, yesterday was the straw that broke the camel's back when she very rude.  "I can't talk right now, I am dealing with an emergency."   Click.   At that point, I reached the end of my limit with her and decided not to call her anymore.    Second, I realized that things were very one-sided with her.  I would be the one doing all the calling and reaching out while she never reciprocated Third, she would always dump her problems on me  from day 1 and it was always everything and everyone's fault Fourth - She has always been paranoid that her local government was out to get her Fifth - She seemed to compete with me by telling me these stories that I now have to question Sixth- She made some false promises to me Seventh - She could not keep her stories straight  Eighth - Her stories were questionable So while I was sad yesterday, I am ok if we don't ever talk to her again.  However, this is the second friend who dumped me when I needed her the most.  However, I feel like we have been drifting apart after our last conversation. 
I can't admit that she betrayed me
Relationship Stress / by Summershy
Last post
 April 28th
...See more Hi: For the past week, I have been very angry and hurt about how I was treated by a "Friend."   The last time we reconnected, she completely ignored a very serious situation that I had been facing. Rather, she was more concerned about hearing herself talk and didn't like what I had to say.   Additionally to that, she completely disappeared from me for a year and a half.   As stated in my last post, she told me that she "Forgot" about my situation and that her problems seemed to be more important. She  also tried to cover things up by stating that she "Lost her phone."  Anyway, I am having a hard time accepting that this woman betrayed me by disappearing like that.  I think the main reason is because I thought that she was my friend.  
This feels like emotional blackmail
Relationship Stress / by Summershy
Last post
 May 6th
...See more I have been discussing this in the sharing sessions and with some friends.... Over a year and a half ago, a friend disappeared from me for a whole year and a half.    This was not only after I mentioned that  I had an emergency with some tough decisions ahead.  This friend also didn't seem to like what I had to say but was very rude to me by being passive-aggressive.  Being that I was bothered by it, I confronted her in an email a few months ago.  However, I didn't hear anything back until today.  This was when she tried to re-add me as a friend on her social media.   However, not only did I turn down the request but I said no.  When she responded, her apology was not very sincere and she gave the "I'll make it up to you" line.  At that point, I set a few more boundaries which she completely dismissed.   Instead, she gave me a few excuses about how she "Lost her phone" and "I guess that I was too focused on my problems. However, I have never considered myself to be a self-centered person."  Again, I put my foot down and said that she had the option to reach out to social media.  I also said "A bad friend is a bad friend" and a few other things. Again, she wrote back and apologized by offering to meet me in person.  Believe me, I am down for that.  However, this is where it felt like emotional blackmail and probably gaslighting.  "From what I am hearing, you think that I am a bad person and you don't like me anymore.  You are also saying that you don't have time for me." At that point, I acknowledged her apology and agreed that it was a good idea to meet in person.   I also said that I didn't have time.   Then I blocked her. 
Holding onto grudges
Autism Support / by Summershy
Last post
 May 16th
...See more I am a woman living on the autism spectrum and I have been working through a healing journey.  As I have been praying and doing positive affirmations, I came to this realization.   I have been carrying a lot of grudges against other people.  Some of the reasons 1. Over condescending remarks or actions that they said from years ago 2. Being overlooked, ignored, or left out 
Letting go of resently
Relationship Stress / by Summershy
Last post
 April 20th
...See more I could not find the check-in section so I am going to post this here.   I have been known to hold grudges and resentment towards people and they are over silly things that people said or did.   I have also been holding onto resentment over betrayal and over other falling outs.  I have been working on letting go by 1. Throwing away old gifts and deleting photos of these people from social media and my phone 2. Whenever, I feel really angry I started listening to positive affirmations on letting go.  I am finding that they help when I am in the moment
Ways that I am letting go
Healthy Living / by Summershy
Last post
 April 11th
...See more Several years back, I was completely rejected and betrayed by someone who turned out to be a frenemy.   As I have been working through this,  I have been throwing things out that she once gave me.  I have also been deleting a lot of photos of her on my phone and social media.   Additionally to that, I have been deleting photos of other people who were also toxic friends.  In the meantime, I am accepting that I have been carrying lots of grudges and resentment.  So, every time, I feel angry and have some time, I listen to some positive affirmations. 
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