Is this rape? Trigger Warning, Proceed with caution, take care of you!!
Warning: this post mentions rape, emotional abuse, and threesomes.
I was in an abusive relationship a few years back. In this post, I will focus on one of many issues that arose from that relationship. He insisted that I owed him a threesome because I had had a threesome with someone else before we met. I made it quite clear that I wasn't interested in having a threesome ever again, but he told me that he needed one to feel fulfilled in life - a sort of bucket list item. I said no. Then I said yes. Then I said no again. I never once changed the fact that I didn't want to do it. He found a woman who was willing to have a threesome if she "tried him out" first. I reluctantly let him do it, crying at home the entire time. She ultimately decided against having a threesome with us because she developed feelings for him. Again, I told him I didn't want to do it. He then told me he knew of twins who were in the country for the week who would be willing to do it, then he would come back to me. I said no and he got angry at me for preventing him from having something he craved so badly. After a couple years of me fighting him over this issue, I agreed to do it and found a woman who was willing. I had a couple rules, one being that he couldn't come inside her. That night, I got as drunk as I could, hoping that I would black out all memory of the event, but I failed. I remember it perfectly. I was completely incapable of getting aroused... [continued in next post]
...[continued] He argued that, because I was not aroused, he had every right to come inside her.
Is this considered rape? I made it quite clear I didn't want to do it, but I conceded after years of pressure. I even drank so I would black out (even though I failed).
I no longer speak to this person, but understanding the traumatic experience will help me recover.
@Iloveparis
From what I read, you weren't forced into sexual activities - you were pressured and guilt-tripped, which is bad enough, even though it may not be called rape. If he'd come inside her against her rules, then that would probably be rape at least in some places (I'm not a lawyer, though). Doing it against your rules was more like him being a jerk and breaking your trust. That whole thing sounds very messed up and wrong, and I can see it being traumatising for you. Have you read up on emotional abuse topics and on recovering from traumatic experiences?
@curiosityofnature
I forgot to mention that he also repeatedly told me if I did not give him a threesome, he would find it someplace else.
According to va.gov, emotional manipulation into sexual acts constitutes as sexual assault.
@Iloveparis
Yes. It does. Consent under duress (physical or emotional) is not consent.
