My Diary place

ROB HOUCHEN - Empty Chairs at Empty Tables

This year has been quite horrible, I sadly lost my Papa to cancer and the Covid-19 has scared me so much. Still, thank you to people on 7cups helping me get through it. Thank you to my school where I made two new friends despite now being the shortest person in my class [again] and masks making it difficult for me to understand them. Thank you to the people on the street I live on, where we have all looked after each other and with the scary next-door people I have exchanged pictures for candy. They still scare me a little and sometimes too much candy has hurt my tummy [But I kept drawing pictures]. Thank you to my family both biological or adopted for always loving me and letting me just be me. Thank you for my baby God Sister who is so cute and always happy. Thank you to all medical people, that have looked after people during such a horrible year. My brother who is a medical doctor asks people to stop giving him wine because he is running out of room, you lovely Italian people. Even though I and perhaps you have also had a horrible year, lost someone you still love, I am so grateful for all that I have. So, as I head back home to Spain under very strict procedures, I just wanted to say the world has some truly amazing people in it, thank you and have a nice safe Christmas.

@Avaray @Avaray @Avaray @Avaray @Avaray @Avaray @Avaray @Avaray @Avaray

My hands where a bit shaky when I did this but it mostly came out right. Happy Birthday

@Avaray @Avaray @Avaray @Avaray @Avaray @Avaray @Avaray @Avaray @Avaray

I know that recently many people have really suffered because of the Covid virus and in many different ways but hey… this is my diary so it has to be about me, sorry! I hate that I cannot do things, normal things, even to be scared of things that are kind of ‘lessons’ in life. Like finding me a handsome boy to kiss, and yes, that makes my face go a little bit red with embarrassment. Still, one can dream of things and perhaps I am not quite ready just yet. I am almost an adult, which is very scary and I have no idea how to do things, with no confidence in me, to commit to being one… yet! Perhaps I will never be able to live alone or drive a car but who cares, if I added up all the things, I cannot do then I would be forgetting the things I can. If I could be bold to suggest that everyone reaches my age and feels the same, they just fail to share that it felt pretty scary at the time to them as well. So, recently things have been scary, strange, weird and the rest and that is not how I want things to be. Perhaps most people did not at my age have a pandemic going on but hey to hell with it, this Ame needs to dream. I want to be thrown out of a casino for counting cards, to be so drunk I sing songs which strangers, to trespass in Area 51, to tell really rude jokes not just because they are things that will get me in trouble but because they would be fun. Plus, I want to see them aliens! So, if you will excuse me, I have to take all this heavy crappy nasty stuff off me and kick it in the bottom. Sod off… see my inner Lincolnshire girl is alongside my Catalonian need to kick things. Sometimes you need to say the F word and have a good shake. Let me dream…

“In this new world, I can be bold.
Show me Adventure and I will grab hold
I am a warrior, challenge me and I will scream
For I dare to Dream” – Michael Mott

So, Listen Up we are going to do some history right now. Sit down unless you are already sitting down in which case, stand up! Why you ask? Because I am currently The Boss Lady so if you mess with me, then you will regret it. [I have the feeling I am being too confident but I am hoping to make it work somehow.] People think we discover history but that is simply not true, we create it but not like that. This is the very short tale of Easter [egg] Island and I have heard a whole lot of nonsense so you better listen up and get it right…

Easter Island: No Nonsense Edition
It is NOT a mystery; we know what happened so stop making stuff up and before you ask no it has nothing to do with aliens. Again, STOP MAKING STUFF UP. The Egyptians built the pyramids so you are being so silly by suggesting anything else. When I was little, I thought that if you went north through the arctic you would appear in Antarctica but I happened to be little at the time. And to be honest that works on the East-West axis so perhaps it was not too silly to think it works in the north-south axis. Ok… that is out now. I feel much better. Moving on, Easter [egg] Island is located somewhere in the Pacific Ocean, in fact it was rather a miracle that the first Polynesians found it and then called it home. In 1722 on Easter Sunday the explorer Roggeveen was called to the main deck because the crew had spotted what was until then, in Europe, a mystical place. From the histories of Easter Island, Clive Ponting wrote that around 3000 people living in hunts and caves, engaged in warfare and then finally cannibalism which ended their own civilisation. Not only did they built strange heads made of stone but they pushed themselves to destruction by doing so. It was believed that since the 10th Century a small group had somehow found the island, built a society albeit a rudimentary one, that cut down all the trees which resulted in a lack of food and warmth. By the time Roggeveen in 1722 only a few thousand inhabitants remained and they were eating each other. This is a typical 18th century picture that any European would hold, to fail to see a rich culture but it is not actually true.

One of the most bizarre cultural examples is the islander’s language, the direction of writing is from left to right, the same as in English. However, when you finish the line you had to turned the thing you are reading it from upside-down, then read left to right, then at the end again turn it upside-down to continue and so on… This is called ‘Reverse Boustrophedon’ and you can read the Rongo-rongo by visiting Rome (when things get back to normal). The Dutch, Spanish and British from Captain James Cook, never reported encountering the Rongo-rongo or written Rapanui, the language of the Easter Islanders. Then again, European explorers had the very bad habit of not paying much attention and assuming that our, certainly my, culture was just superior despite evidence against this notion. So, let’s return to Easter Sunday in 1722, on approaching the Island one of the Easter Islanders got into a canoe and set off to inspect the funny looking Europeans. Once aboard, Bolton Corney said, the Islander was amazed at the great high masks, went around exploring this strange ship and then poured brandy into his eyes. I am not sure if this one individual represented all of the Islanders. Roggeveen and his crew did, however, get into their rowboats to return interest.

The crew saw a crowd gathering on the beach as they approached the island. Still, something was weird the Moai or stone heads could not really be understood. Actually, in Roggeveen’s logbook1 he wrote “we could not understand”. See I told you! Further adding “how it was [it] possible… [that] without construction gear, had [they] been able to erect them”. Kind of sounds like the same approach people have to the great pyramids of Egypt. By the time Katherine Routledge came to Easter Island in 1914 not a single Moai, stone head, remained standing complete or undamaged. So, what happened on Easter Island? It is thought that Polynesians did find the island sixteen hundred miles away from South America, in canoes around the 10th century. This is where it becomes again a very European story. When Roggeveen and 134 of his men landed on Easter Island, some got into a battle formation and without warning fired five or so musket shots, after some panic thirty more before they accepted the order to stop. As the islanders fled further inland ten people were dead, including the man who poured brandy into his eyes. Roggeveen was really mad but none of his men suffered any punishment, though later he and the other funny looking Europeans had a party with the islanders. It is not known if the brandy helped the situation or not, though I am guessing it might have been.

Spanish Galleons visited and claimed Easter Island for the king of Spain, later they dropped that claim as more pressing stuff was going on back home. Four years later an English expedition once again discovered the island, led by one Captain James Cook despite the whole expedition being based on the assumption Easter Island was just a myth. Cook did report that the Moai, the stone heads, had left to weather with many of the foundations were in decay2. A Russian sailor’s account in 1804 reported that most of the Moai had fallen over or perhaps been knocked over on purpose. Later several researchers wrote in the Journal of World Archaeology cited the idea of ‘cargo cults’ as perhaps what happened3. The name comes from mainly the USA setting up in areas and regions around the world during the Second World War, this altered the culture and beliefs of those that had lived there. Although this happened with other World War Two powers, the locals had no context and saw the army as ‘god-like’. In short, they dropped their customs and imitated the newcomers. This is what is believed to happen to the Easter Islanders, the Europeans successfully undermined local beliefs and changed long held behaviours. It was around the same time the island’s inhabitants started building European style houses.

But that is not the sad part; one day in 1862 the first slave ship arrived at the island, Peruvian slave merchants with 16 ships took 1407 of the islanders. Many of these kidnapped people died in either mines or through diseases that they had not been exposed to before. Half a world away the ideals of morality had been changing and, in the end, this paved the way for the end of slavery as it had been known for centuries and the deadliest revolution in France. By 1863 the Peruvian government after receiving pressure both internally and from the rest of the world agreed to return the islanders. The remaining 470 islanders were gathered in the port of Callao and then bored an American whaling ship. Unfortunately, one of the crew had small pox and by the time the former slaves got home, only 15 of the 470 had survived small pox and the lack of food. These 15 people who by now had been exposed to small pox sealed the fate for everyone living on Easter Island, by 1877 the pox killed all but 100 or so of the Easter Islanders. This marked the end of their culture and Easter Island became a mythical place that once existed4. A culture had been destroyed not by themselves but ‘us’ Europeans.

No aliens, no starving from cutting all the trees down, no cannibalism just plain and simple destruction. As for the Aztecs they definitely had alien help!

1. https://www.easterisland.travel/easter-island-facts-and-info/history/ship-logs-and-journals/jacob-roggeveen-1722/
2. https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/A_Voyage_Towards_the_South_pole_and_Around_the_World/Volume_II/Chapter_VIII
3. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00438243.2010.517670
4. https://www.archaeology.org/news/1649-131216-easter-island-never-collapsed

Yummy and chilli Marmite is amazing. Thank you Granny and Granddad

I had a high temperature when I wrote this, it is perhaps more abstract than needs to be

The Real Ending
Hello, is the standard welcome but I’m sure that what comes after that are many questions which I can answer in time. I know you might be fearful since I stand in front of you, not as a biological entity nor a technological one. You might say that I am here, or rather it is possible for me to be here due to thought or to be more precise pure energy. Shall we start again? Welcome to 4,745 and it is almost Christmas, and yes, that is correct we are now in the 48th century perhaps you can start to understand why this is the real ending. It might seem unreal, trust me if I were a biological or technological entity, I would slap you so at least you would know that you are not dreaming. My name is Doctor Apgar although that is a name that I picked. The real Doctor Apgar helped children to live. In essence, she gave newborn babies a chance at living, a chance at loving, a chance to become themselves. Hopefully, the name, in time, will seem fitting. Do you know I am here on the chance that you might be here rather than a certainty that you would be? No one expected you too ever be here. We are here very much alone, by ourselves in a universe that will suddenly turn itself off. The stars themselves will stop illuminating the skies. It should not scare you, but across our universe, there are but a handful of species, billions of light-years apart, that once had a chance to be here. Rather, here you stand. And, in a real sense, they are here, but, in another sense, or viewpoint, the one that you will know and trust, you are still alone.

You are the last of what you know to be human. Your name is not important, but the reason why you are is that the stronghold that was once life, as you know it, is ending. Again, this should not scare you, but there are always rules. Some rules can be bent somewhat, never broken, and perhaps you should not trust them either. Would you like a brief history of time or just than explanation of what is happening to you now? You see, it’s that sort of thinking which will be your undoing. If you consider yourself alone, or a voice in a crowd of millions, then you are wrong from your perspective, you are very much alone. Apart from me, I am here waiting, as I will always be and always have been. It might seem that the things I say to you are contradictions, but that is the challenge. It is completely up to you what happens next. If I am being honest, I cannot tell you the challenge, but what awaits you is and has already happened. It’s not a trick, it is a choice which by design you fail, unless you are meant to fail in which case you have already faced the challenged. Let’s not be any more confusing because you have it or you do not. My name is Doctor Apgar and as I have already said, my job is to give you the chance to become yourself.

No, I am not God or at least I hope I am not, that would be very concerning since I tend to spend my time here just waiting. Careful though, the universe’s expiration is very near, soon, as you humans say, the lights will turn off and the curtains will close. So many calculations and deductions thought it would be billions of years, but no, it is today. I hoped, or it was hoped, tenses are so confusing to me, that it would be just more than you. Then again, it was assumed either you would or would not make it here. I used to be a human as well; it was a long time ago; the experience felt limiting. The physical existence was disturbing, it could be enjoyable but as energy, truly existing free from such burdens of biology, now that is worthier. So here is the choice. I know what has happened or again from your viewpoint will happen. You can follow my confusing advice or you can decide to ignore me. There is perhaps one important thing you should know; I am going to lie but only once and it will be a distant lie. Rather, a half-truth because to be honest, what you do has to be up to you. Here is your choice, you can stand here and watch the last moments of what you know or you can surrender to my authority. I am going to watch the universe rip apart then fold in on itself, you can watch it with me. Can you live the last moments knowing that your boundaries are already written or can you see the other possibilities?

I said that we had time to answer all of your questions, that was the lie or perhaps not. Something bothers me. Did the children that the real Doctor Apgar helped to live, fear the end of their own existence? Perhaps that is something people learn rather than something that people are born with. To be honest, it has been so long since I were a human, I am not sure if I can remember. I’ve just told you that the universe and all the things you know are about to end, the very thing you are will end moments just before it. You, in a very real sense, should be fearful even perhaps terrified, but if I have to remind you again, what happens next will always be your choice. There is nothing to be done about it, but that is all I can say about the challenge you are about to face. I hope that what I have said will have not shattered too many of your illusions. Will you be with me and watch all things end? It will be beautiful that I can promise at least. I am not Doctor Apgar. The lie is that I’ve never even been human, but you do know me; you know me very well. The one thing that is not a lie is something I once heard; when there is infinity everything that could happen will happen. The only problem is humans have never been any good at knowing infinity. My existence has but one goal and it is very simple, to end. The choice is, of course, yours. It always has been.

The Attack of Freedoms
I say this in a position of real privilege and a person who has spent more than 8 months trying to define freedom, to only find it was in front of me. Freedom is not the right to do something, but to be free from those others who believe they have the right to control, own and determine your body and thoughts. The history of the suffragettes is one that is not about asking for control of their own body and thoughts, it is a history of it being taken. Sadly, our fellow humans across the world are in danger, there are girls & women who are not allowed an education. There are girls & women who are seen as objects to which are used as if they were not sentient or capable. In North America and Europe, like many other places in the world, girls & women are being told they do not have the right to control themselves, in absolute terms, and to determine what happens to their own bodies. I assure you it belongs to them, in complete and unforgiving terms. The history of the suffragettes is not a history that is closed.

I do not care what your rights are, but I care that your rights should never overrule the rights of others to be free. I demand the right to be free from fear, the right to be free from violence and the right to be free from other’s religions. I demand them not only for myself, but for every one of my fellow humans. If you are an adult and you wish to submit yourself to any religion, that is your choice, and it is one that I might never agree with, but I must learn to respect your decision. However much I disagree with Benjamin Franklin on his religious beliefs, I respect that he viewed it simply that one’s own religion must make the world a more enlightened and civilized place. The world is not made more enlightened or civilized by punishing those that teach girls to read, those aggressors that blame girls & women for their violent acts and certainly it is not made more civilized by the state or church to be the owner of every womb.

Here are our demands, if you do not allow us to be free from your oppression, religion or frankly disgusting ideals that tell us what to do with our bodies and minds, the message is clear. And it should be said loud, Fuck you. It is not an intelligible position to use such language, and it is not acceptable to use violence. We all must be defined by who we want to be, not dictated by the actions of others. I declare here that it is my belief violence is wrong and it is not part of being me that I want. No matter the situation, if I succumb to violence, that must be seen as a failure of myself. I would like to define myself as compassionate, passionate and someone who does their best. I have failed in the past in my non-violence since I knew nothing more than that in my mind as a child and perhaps, I will fail tomorrow despite almost being an adult. Still, the power is that I can define myself and learn from experience. It seems so pathetic that 1st century beliefs and ideals on girls & women persist today. So, there is no other debate or compromise, and there is no other answer than fuck you. Let’s make something important it is clear that hate can destroy.

Hate is a powerful emotion; it is one that can destroy both you and the object of hate. So, this is my intention to challenge myself as I hope I always have. To come to understand those other humans who do not look like me, who do not sound like me and whose culture differs greatly from my own. I will fail, but as history shows us, a history half understood and with many contradictions, if you meet those that are different from you then your ability to hate them is rendered less harmful. While in your own mind you can have the hate within it, after all, it is natural to us all, we must be enlightened or civilized enough to keep away from such attitudes about things which do not belong to you. If your beliefs truly fear the education of girls & women, that they belong to an owner or that they in part should be nothing more than akin to womb slavery. Then this is the challenge to that part of yourself, it is a pathetic part of you and knowing that is a line you must not cross is important. As the late Christopher Hitchens said, your religion is your toy, I do not wish to play with it, keep it to yourself.

As the psychologist Gordon Allport wrote: “People who are aware of, and ashamed of, their prejudices are well on [the] road to eliminating them”. I feel anger towards those that would subvert and seek to control the bodies and minds of girls & women. If you agree with my position, then it is not beaten with hate towards those that disagree with us. We must get to know them and them to know us. To know our limits and what is completely unacceptable to us, to face their attitudes with our ability to show our compassionate and passion about how we see the world differently. Once they are faced with us achieving things their minds cannot begin to understand, we can with hope, start the process of challenging them. It is our duty to be the people that we define ourselves to be, not to define ourselves as they wish or force us to be seen. This is our challenge, and it is a difficult challenge to be sure.

As the suffragettes did across the world, both in the past and today, we must demand things to be different. They can be different, and I am very sure of that. To return to my privileged position, it has never been a better time to be me. I have the choice to reject the religions I happened to have been born into and to do so without consequence or fear. I have access to an education, but there are those that wish to claim parts of me in servitude. This is my body and I am the one who decides what happens to it. There is no discussion or compromise. It belongs to me and I demand this be true for every girl & woman across the world. We demand the freedom from fear, freedom from violence and the absolute right to be free from your religion. This is no other answer than fuck you, this is not a position of which any dispute can be allowed. However, I must also respect the choices adults have made in regard to their own religious belief. If you as an adult submit yourself to a, any religion [or the other], since they all treat girls & women as less than equal*, that is your right. But that has to be a decision made free from harmful consequences and fear. If you are a parent, it is your duty to make that right known to your child, as it has been to me.

The suffragettes faced violence and, in some cases, even found death, both in the past and today, they pay the price so that I could write this. It is a debt that I owe now; it is also not over, and to the best of my abilities; I will stand up and declare the rights girls & women have. Not what they should have but do have. Freedom must be won; our bodies and minds belong to us and if you take them, then you should fear your own shame. No group of people, no government, no religion or regime has the right to take what is ours. We demand to be free not only for ourselves, but for each other, this is the good fight and I believe in my heart that the suffragettes will rise again to remind the world this is what is demanded. Shame on those who dare to think to take it from us, shame on who you are if you dare to think in such a way.


* There are some out there, albeit historically to the best of my knowledge.
** N.B. You can be a suffragette regardless of your gender