Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Checkin - Wednesday June 13 2018
Good morning/afternoon/evening everyone!!! If you saw my response to Ravens checkin on Sunday, then what youre about to read may seem familiar...because Im literally copying and pasting my post from Sunday. I think its something important. Ready? Here we go...
Have you ever found yourself overwhelmed by how bad a situation has gotten, but you dont even know how it got that bad to begin with? Questioning things like How did I end up in this position? or How did things get so messy?
Well, I did a lot of cleaning this weekend...and I have no idea how my apartment got as bad as it did. But it was bad. Really bad. Realistically it still is bad, but its getting better. Heres the thing...stuff happens so slowly sometimes that you dont even realize it. I had gotten so used to just tossing my clothes at the end of my bed when I changed into my pajamas, that I hadnt even realized just how much bed Id covered!! I got so used to sleeping curled up because that was all the space I had, but theres practically a whole mattress that I was missing out on! It happened so gradually that I didnt even notice. I lost a tiny bit of my bed at a time, so it was nearly indistinguishable day to day. Now I have my bed back and its incredible to me just how big it really is. I think a lot of things happen like that. It starts off small and just gradually builds until you find yourself wondering how you let it get so bad. But thats not what happened. You didnt let anything get bad. It was tiny changes day to day that ultimately came together into this one big change or mess or whatever.
Just think for a second about abusive situations. Abuse is an ongoing thing. When its mentioned in the news, youll always see at least one person asking why the person stayed/why they didnt leave/why they let it happen. Its really important to remember that it happens gradually. It starts off fine. Then maybe a few months in, they hurt you, but you brush it off because theyve been so nice until then. Surely it was a one time thing...right? I guess not. Cuz it happens again. And again. And again. And soon enough its happening so consistently you never get a break. But you cant even remember what it used to be like before by that point. Because it happened so slowly and gradually that you couldnt even tell.
Feel free to pop in and share as much or as little as youd like! 😊💜
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@BeeLeigh
Good morning bee!
Nice post!
@BeeLeigh
Hi,
I how I am doing!!
I have a lot on my mind!! 😲😲😲😲!!
I can't get my mind to be quiet!!!!😲😲😲😲!!!!
@BeeLeigh
I am really touched by the picture that says "you are NOT the person your abuser tried to make you".
I find it hard to come from under that. Convincing myself I am not that person. Maybe because I am not so sure who I am anymore. Makes it hard to replace the lie with a truth.
In a way it is encouraging but also sad.
Heya bee 
the 3. picture really touched me today. I often put myself down and tell myself i am not strong even though on the inside i know i am.
Today s a magical day somehow. Like, its raining outside, i can relax, my mental health is getting a lot better, i am really grateful for a friend of mine that supports me through anything, and for my family and loved ones, and am just happy to be 
I found the rain super relaxing somehow today.
Wishing everyone a looovely day!
Hi Bee
Thank you for the quotes you shared, especially "Stronger than you think" It is definitely true for all of us. Everyone here is strong, we are still alive and kicking!
I completely understand things just slowly getting worse, this is very common in my family. And people say "just ignore them" about people abusive who are not a romantic partner. This annoys me so much because it allows things to get worse and worse with no one helping to get you out of situations.
Love and hugs
@FloweringBunny hey there i totally agree with you, we are stronger than we think and alive and,like you said, kicking!!!! 
I am sorry to hear that this is common in your family, and no matter if its an abusive relationship, friendship or family, it matters the same and shouldnt be ignored! I totally get why this would be annoying for you, but please believe me when i say that we all are on your side and abuse is abuse, period, and no one should tell you otherwise or things like " just ignore them".
Sending you lots of safe hugs & support, and wishing you a lovely rest of the day!
@Hope3729 Thank you Hope
It helped to hear from someone who is experiencing health issues and PTSD from a situation similar than mine. I didn't like to hear of their suffering but it gave validation to my emotions and experiences..
@BeeLeigh great post, I guess I try to look at it as if I was made into an amazing strong woman, because someone tried to destroy me, and they won the fight, but I won the war!
Made from love, the treasured child
A little girl who meant the world
What went wrong along the years
To mark the way her life unfurled
A cruel word here, a hard slap there
The value of that child just shrank
And so she lost her vibrancy
As all her self worth slowly sank
Then others viewed her in that way
A worthless child, just there for kicks
And she believed that as her truth
And took whatever life inflicts
That treasured child made from love
Such potential to do well
Hurt by life along the way
Now here she is, an empty shell
@BestIcanbe
Wow, im really falling in love with your sad, raw touching poems. You really know how to conway the pain. Im so sorry you have been feeling like this and I really hope things are better for you now.
@BeeLeigh
Hi,
Today I am sick!!😷😷😷😷😷😷!!!
I have to get this out:this is about/at a guy who I use to love but now I'm scared and disgusted I did
This is what a traumatic life in addition to an emotional abusive ex does to a girl
He may not have my keys and I may not have his jacket or anything But he has my words goddamn it he has my words. I even taught him words in Yiddish. (Ofc I told him them incorrectly so he looks like a dummkoph in case he betrayed me but I didn't think he would)
He has the last few years of my life where we did this mess. Of caring and being our messed up selves but honestly I was broken and he took advantage of that. He doesn't care abt much but he thinks he cares abt me and yet he uses me & hurts me. He fucking has what I looked like every year when I was young and broken and even when I was loving and alive. I hate that we almost had sex.
He took my trust. The v little of it I had left. He took my kindness. I don't care about anything anymore. I feel nothing. My body is decaying (anorexia) and I feel nothing.
That genuinly kind strong girl that nvr hurt anyone. That you think was beautiful and yours even when I didn't say yes. Partially thanks to you she's gone. Dear God who are you?? What are you??
I regret all of it. I regret you. Everything charming and gentle abt you is a poison. I spent so long defending your good parts. But as far as I'm concerned your meaningless. Life isn't about deserve or good or bad but it's abt feeling. And you feel nothing. And if you do you put it in ppl & experiment on them. You feel nothing.
And now I do too.
(Not gonna explain all of it but found out my ex person turned me into a side chick, and took my friends phone and pretended to be them to make me excuse him being awful to me..NVR told me for months, will never admit it. Did a lot of other stuff manipulated me a whole lot)
