Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in Sunday, 25 March 2018
Staying present, being grounded, focusing on the moment or being mindful:
All of these are phrases that we hear quite often. We know that they can be helpful in countless ways. Whether we are focused on healing from traumatic events, have desire to slow down and pay attention to the beauty of a hike along the shore, cherishing the moments with our children, closest friends or a even during a special event with a loved one we inherently understand our lives can be enriched through this practise.
Yet often as I glance at the latest research or pick up a casual publication, I have found that staying present (being mindful) can mean many different things to different people.
So today, I thought it may be enlightening to discuss what it means to each of you by sharing our unique perspectives. Feel free to:
1) Express what being present (or mindful) means to you in your daily lives
2) Tell us how has the practice been beneficial to you as you heal or stay focused on the events of the day
3) Talk about what the challenges are as we try to engage in this practise
Or
Please stop in just to say hello and let us know how your day is going. I love to hearing from you as I watch this community thrive into a wonderful, supportive place where we unite to celebrate our successes and receive the compassion we need when facing some of life's challenges.
It is wonderful to be back as I am consistently inspired by the individuals who have come together to form this safe haven. 
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@Compassionatelistener108
idk I got tired of meditation...
listening music and some expetialy for anexaity
@conscientiousPineapple1782 Ya meditation can get boring sometymes, but music is always there and can craft a mood really quiick.
Hope you are well today, nie to see you. 
@conscientiousPineapple1782
Hi,
It is truly about what makes you feel alive, present and give you the ability to focus on those things that make you feel at peace with your thoughts. I am happy that you find that with music.
There is never a single path that works for everyone. I am thrilled that you found your unique way of healing.
Thank you for sharing! 💛🌻
@Compassionatelistener108
It seems like I am getting more and more restless. I never really payed much attention to what was happening inside. So it it feels kinda double. The exercises do work sometimes but I feel very exposed somehow. It is probably part of healing but I don't know if I really want this. it is so much easier to just shut the whole thing up.
I don't want to be all negative. I want to share something cool that I learned here. I think it was @LifeIsMyCanvas who shared something in a video about getting stickers to keep the small ones happy. I have this guy, he can be really cool but has a lot to deal with. I don't know why he shows up, I don't know what his deal is but he does not like the showergels I use. I have an all girls home so.... When I am overwhelmed I like taking showers to calm down. But lately it has been annoying that there is just sweet smelling showergels. After I saw the video I wrote neutral showergel on my shopping list. He does not do the shopping so I never think about it when I am in the shop. Yesterday I went shopping and bought the neutral showergel.
After I wrote the post up here I got upset. So I went to take a shower and found the showergel. It sounds really dumb but it felt really good. He was happy, I was happy.
@MaschaV woooooooo awesome job. We got to take care of those insiders that helped us survive. We all need care and attention to feel content in life <3
@LifeIsMyCanvas yeah.... it still feels a little strange to treat parts as regular people. I have always either ignored them to the best of my abilities or hurt them and scare them off. I never experienced a happy feeling from parts before. It was nice. I am glad I found this forum and that I can be part of the book group. It really helps a lot. 
@MaschaV
It really is a gift to be able to gather support and ideas from those who can truly appreciate your experiences. I wish such specialized groups were more prevalent at the time I was in therapy. They are wonderful, creative and healing such beautiful ways.
I am so happy that you feel supported as we move through the workbook together. I am thrilled to be back as it is such an inspiration to be a small part of the process.
@rain45
@raveninthelabyrinth
@Compassionatelistener108
@Raveninthelabrynth
I am so sorry about the spelling above, Raven ~ I am happy to be leading again with with you and Rain. It means a great deal to be confident one can step away during a difficult, unanticipated time in my family and know the individuals in the group are in great hands. Thank you for stepping in and easing my journey 💛
@MaschaV
I wanted to let you know that this is a safe place for you to be honest about how you are feeling. I think you brought up a wonderful point about trying to be present when we may have one foot in trauma time. It can feel like an extremely vulnerable place and I am not certain I have heard it expressed so well in recent months.
In many ways, we have to move forward as things that we try to push aside end up resurfacing. So, your post is enlightening as there are things we can do to feel less vulnerable. It is still very courageous and often challenging work.
I am glad you pointed this out so well as it is a great topic for feedback from others who are experiencing the same emotions.
Safe hugs, Mascha 🌺
@saltydog68
@BeeLee
@Compassionatelistener108 I am speechless and a little overwhelmed with all this attention. 
I am having a bit of a rough start this morning. I am going back to work after a couple of weeks recovering from surgery. I am not really excited about that yet. My eldest daughter is excited about buying her own home. I am trying to be supportive and enthousiastic with her.
It is hard because I would normally just shut all the emotions up and just act. But I am paralized.... I had to be at work almost 2,5 hours ago....
@MaschaV
Hi Mashcha,
I am glad you are healing well physically. It sounds like you have a tremendous amount going on with all of the changes adding to the stress of surgery.
I hope that you will be able to take a little bit more time to work with healing before you have to go to work full-time. It is very difficult to get out of the freeze mode for me too. I have been known to flee as well (moved quite a bit when I was young) 😬
Please let us know how we can be a positive force as you work so hard to prepare to go back to your schedule.
Many safe hugs,
Compassionate 💛🌻
@Compassionatelistener108 They were mostly just really happy to see me. My office was decorated with strings and balloons and signs that said welcome! We love you. It felt good to be there for a while. I left after 3 hours. Mainly because they made me. And it was okay, because I would probably just force myself to much.
It might sound strange but I never really experience physical pain. So it is easy to go over limits. So it is good that they pay attention to that. I do get tired and you can definitely tell when I do.
For a long time I felt like I could not be missed at work but they are doing a great job without me, I am really proud of them. It is a relieve not to be needed......
Today I have therapy. I am not looking forward to it. I don't know what I want to share with her and she waits for me to talk... It is awkward.
It was actualy good to talk my therapist. I feel better :)
Hey hey everyone!
Today is a great day. The sun is shining here for the first time this year and i am enjoying every second outside :)
Also am i really happy - i ve officially accepted my past. On Friday I saw my abuser again - and didnt have a flashback and didnt even feel sad. That means a lot to me and my recovery path.
I hope you are all having an amazing day - and if not, were here for you!
Take care everyone.
@Hope3729 That's Awesome to hear, Well Done!
Do enjoy your beautiful day.
@Hope3729
Hope,
I wanted to fully take in your tremendous accomplishment before I replied. What a wonderful and courageous step. Telling you that I am proud of you simply doesnt feel like it is enough.
I believe I realize how hard you must have worked to get to this juncture. It is an amazing step. Please keep us updated so we may be inspired by your courage 😎
It you have the time and feel comfortable, please do keep us posted on how things are going.
I wish you all of best that life has to offer.
Much love and many safe hugs!
Comp
@Compassionatelistener108 - For me, being mindful to me is a way of exploring and accepting how I am doing and what I am doing in the present passing moment. Mindfulness is more than meditation, it's an awareness and an acceptance of what is right now. Whatever that is, bad feelings and all. The acceptance doesn't mean it's okay, just that we acknowledge it exists as it is, and we acknowledge it may not be like this for all days. I have said this on other places in the site but Thich Naht Hahn says we are only ever truly alive in this one passing moment, that the past is the past and the future has yet to come, and that when we think about the past or future we are really missing out on our lives, which are passing before us in this moment right now. That is very meaningful to me. Having said that, of course I get caught up in my past frequently and my worries about the future are immense and far-reaching. Often mindfulness does help me a lot, to collect my thoughts and feelings and say hello to them, to remember to return to my breathing which is always with me. However sometimes when my depressive episodes are really severe, I forget entirely about mindfulness and other coping techniques.
I had a conversation with my father yesterday about how awful I have been doing lately, emotionally, mentally, and how messed up my finances right now and everything. My birthday is in a couple weeks and I feel like a completely failure. He said: "No judgments." He said don't compare where you are now to where you were before. He said just exist right now. He said I'm doing great bearing everything and if I put judgments on myself or compare myself to some kind of success scale - even one of my own making - that I'm just allowing my brain to tear me apart. No judgments. No judgments. It almost made me cry. Now I am desperately trying to achieve this No Judgments mindset and just exist. It is extremely challenging, but I can't deny that he has a point. He's absolutely right. No judgments.
@wontsleepwontwake Well spoken as always Sleep.
The past def creeps back in. You're on the right path there, ye re-visit it, ye nurture it a moment, an ye let it go again.
And your Father is most wise and absolutely correct! No Worries hon. 
@Raveninthelabrynth *hug*
@wontsleepwontwake Hugs and Brownies hon
@wontsleepwontwake ye know hon, it alle is simple. Truly.
Just almost never easy.
@Raveninthelabrynth - True words.
@wontsleepwontwake What an awesome dad you have!
@MaschaV - Thank you. He's truly my hero. He lives very far away so I rarely see him, and he is getting on in years. I try to talk to him at least once a week. A few years ago, I finally told him about the traumas he didn't know about and how bad my depression truly is. It has brought us closer together. He's survived a lot of traumatic events himself, struggles with general anxiety and wavering self-esteem, yet he is also this wealth of inspiration and knowledge for me. We don't have any other relatives we can count on except each other, so I try to really listen to everything he has to say and learn from him as much as I can while I have the opportunity. When I tell him how important he is to me, he disregards it. One day I hope he will embrace how amazing he is. <3
@wontsleepwontwake That is special! It can imagine it being hard for him to hear life was tough on you. Maybe he even feels guilty. But I think if you tell or show someone often enough they are special, they will eventualy believe it. I hope he will be there for a long time. For the time being, love on each other for as much as you can, it is so precious!
ok so I have been making phosts to remind those in the UK that they're back on standard tyme. I suddenly feel antiquated in the fact I was telling folks to change their clocks.
Think onnit a sec lol
Ive often felt like being present is somewhat of an elusive term for someone with DID. If i am present then another part of me is not. And Im just a part like the others so its hard for me to really even know what being present is. Sometimes I can feel a switch coming on. It want to stay and Ive been able to delay it but mostly if I switch its an auto pilot kind of thing with no thought involved. I suppose I will get better at knowing what this means and how to accomplish it.
@copingwithtrauma Hey hon Beautiful day it is, amd I am happy you are in it.
I don't have DID myself and feel for those whom do, but I do Disociate wycked. You and the others in the group have taught me so much as I sit in the background modding. You are one of MY HERO'S!
Much Love my Friend, an (((HUGE HUGS)))
@Raveninthelabrynth
thanks raven! Been a rough run lately but Im glad to be back today. 😊 thanks for the kind words and for your commitment to help in the group!
@copingwithtrauma Hugs ;)
@Compassionatelistener108
I really wasn't enjoying myself getting up early after not sleeping again, I feel so tired but I made a promise to my brother so I dragged myself up and out the house. I decided to get him lunch so I went on a trip and when I got back he told me he bought me a present that has been on my wishlist for months but I couldn't afford to buy because of the dentist bills. He's so sweet, I almost got teary. I'm anxious about counselling tomorrow so I think I need to take my meds to sleep or I'll be awake again :/
@LifeIsMyCanvas Hugs hon, take a brownie. No worries on the Therapy, remember you are in control and alle is by your will.
@LifeIsMyCanvas
Hi Life,
You are such a kind person. I am happy that your brother surprised you with such a wonderful gift.
I am sorry that you are having a difficult time sleeping. It makes things difficult in my experience as I have never been a consistent sleeper. I hope
you are having a restful night as I am typing this.
Bee wrote a beautiful check-in not to long ago about feeling anxious prior to the day she has her appointment. It was incredibly insightful as many of us have similar experiences.
I know therapy means hard and often painful work that ultimately leads us to a place that allows us to heal. I will be thinking of you as you go to and take time to process after your appointment.
Please let us know if we can ever provide you with a little extra support during these times. I cannot begin to tell you what a gift your videos have been.
They are at the top of my appreciation list. They have been an incredible resource. ✨💜🌻💜✨
Many safe hugs,
Compassionate
@Compassionatelistener108
@ BeeLee
Bee, I wanted to share this with you after your beautiful check-in recently.
@Compassionatelistener108
Aww you are so sweet love all you guys!!!
It wasn't the therapy side that was making me anxious, I think we 'us' had a therapy interfering program triggered. I know it was rubbish but it feels so 'real' in the moment it's hard to ignore it's lies.
@LifeIsMyCanvas Hugs
@LifeIsMyCanvas But you made it, that is awesome!
If you don't mind me asking, how do you distinguish between lies and truth? Or how do you know who speaks the truth or what you need to listen to? Does it come with feelings or is it just voices or both?
@MaschaV
Feelings, emotions and body sensations. If it is my parts, I hear their voices so that is more clear to me. I think I'm different to most with DID because I was mind control programmed. It took me a long time to learn about the programs and recognise them. I had to spend some time thinking about my identity. What I value, what my characteristics are and such and now when things come up if it's not something I previously related to me I analyse it. Occasionally it's something I didn't know about myself but for the most part it is usually a program or another insider. Hope that makes sense?
@LifeIsMyCanvas I am trying to understand. I will look into mind control, I don't think I have heard about that. I saw it mentioned somewhere so I will find it.
I hear voices but it is mostly feelings. Unfortunately I can't differentiate between emotions so I panic. I am glad I'm learning grounding techniques. They actualy work sometimes and I am learning to not dissapear every time emotions pop up.
Voices don't scare me so much because we can communicate if I want to.
@MaschaV If you are a mind control abuse survivor there are some links I put in the resources section of the DID forum Threads. If your not then no need to look it up as it only applies if you have been programmed <3 Warning though it might trigger you if you do look it up so make sure you are grounded first and check in with your therapist
@LifeIsMyCanvas Thanks, I'll leave it for now....
Ok folks it's that time for me again. You alle are really awesome. Be well one an alle.
*The door goes screetching open, She walks into the evening aire. She dissappears in the darkness, alle thats left the faint smell of her hair...
So today, I thought it may be enlightening to discuss what it means to each of you by sharing our unique perspectives. Feel free to:
1) Express what being present (or mindful) means to you in your daily lives
2) Tell us how has the practice been beneficial to you as you heal or stay focused on the events of the day
3) Talk about what the challenges are as we try to engage in this practise
Staying present and remembering is hard when get spacy like now. Tried before and never got it to work. One therapist tried grounding exercise and Trigger warning told us to imagine being tied up with rope so we couldn't move and would be grounded and said other things can't put here that made it so much worse wher his words felt like and hurt some so next time I try is in mindfulness and trauma chat room many years later. Stil hard on my own and easier being led by safe people so started borrowng words from chat and imagine being asked to do it and trying to practice. Grounding still fels unsafe, scary but want it to work and be present. Mindful is bieng present and accepting things i don't want to accept, like being sent to a pain place to learn to accept hurting rathre than them work out whats wrong and helping.
(sorry not sure on triger warning or if thats too much)
@Sparky1 Hej Sparky, sorry we missed you in our responses yesterday. Taking concepts and terms from our discussions and groups and playing with them in your mind is a great way to integrate these techniques and ideas into your life.
Iffin yer gonna visualize me, I have long red hair, and try to make me pretty in your mind if ye could lol.
In my own reflection I guess I do similar, though I suppose it's hard to visualize people you have never seen. You're doing great hon, and we're glad to have you with us in our family here.
if you need or wish, please feel free to phost me anityme
@Raveninthelabrynth long red hair and really pretty put in head and animals near. Thanks so much raven
@Sparky1 lol
I will have to get back on the taglist... I have missed the trauma support family.:). I apologize for leaving, but I had to learn to practice the skills we are talking about like mindfulness and grounding before I could come back to the community. It was hard, I didn't know if I would ever cope with day to day life. But through counseling and therapy I feel much more hopeful. Love you guys!
@philosophicalShip9444
Hi Ship,
It is wonderful to have you back. I am so happy you are feeling better. I admire your courage and tenacity. 🎉
Never apologize for taking time away in order to heal. Self-care is critical as is following through with what is the best choice for you.
We are thrilled to have you back with open arms!
Much love and safe hugs 💛😀
@Compassionatelistener108 💛
@philosophicalShip9444 Welcome Back Ship! 
No worries, we alle need to take off from time to time. Just click that add button on the tag list and fill out the form, we'll be sure to add you
