Letting Go of What Is Gone...

@soulsings

I very much agree with you about getting our feelings of resentment and ill out soul. For a longer time, I carried negative feelings about an acquaintance who took advantage of me and hurt me over and over again and I felt bitterness inside. Recently I let those feelings out in a conversation with another acquaintance and heard they felt the same about the same person. It was very freeing, and I felt validated. I think it does not need to come that far. In future I will write down such feelings if they occur again. I love the idea of writing a letter (with/without sending)

@amiablePeace77 yes it is amazingly freeing to not have people I am hating and angry with. 

@soulsings I've been working on letting go of my ex. I don't want to share the details of the abuse here but I'm slowly realizing and accepting that closure is up to me. I can give myself closure. I can choose to let go and free myself of wondering what I did wrong, if I deserved it, if I can get him back, anything. I have a lot of other (productive) things to worry about like my career, my healing journey (especially with chronic illnesses and disability that I can and already have been making improvements on), and my loving partner and our two cats. :') It's really bittersweet sometimes but I simply don't have time to dwell on resentment anymore.

@StrawberryShaken I agree that holding onto grudges does nothing to help me. It only hurts me. 

I had so many feelings about my ex that it was almost paralyzing. It really made me reassess who I am and what I want in life. 

Thanks for sharing.

@soulsings

I think I might be holding resentment still in some ways without realizing it. I might not feel direct anger or hurt toward those people anymore, but I can still get resentful thinking about how I’m different now because of those experiences. Maybe I need to write another letter.

I have written letters and not sent them, but instead burned or shredded them. It is a lot more freeing than I thought it would be. I’ve tired myself out writing them, to the point that I no longer felt the desire for them to read it. It just felt good to get off my mind and onto paper.

i think some of it is also experience. I’ve written letters that I have actually sent to the people. And you know, I can’t think of a single one that resulted in anything good or me feeling better. It was always something worse, like they’d only pick out parts of it they could argue and not listen to the whole story, or they’d completely misunderstand the point, or worse they’d give me the silent treatment after. I’d just end up feeling even more minimized. I started to realize if I’m hurt to that point by someone, it’s likely because they already rejected my attempts to communicate so many times already. That’s what would make me resentful in the first place. So somehow, it’s ended up being better for me to get my feelings out and just let go of that person.

@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas The changes we go through because of various experiences in life don't replace something in us but just adds to it. All that you've been through might have added some negatives but they also have added so much positives in form of growth, love and strength<3 It's like you are still you but with badges for being brave enough to participate in all the adventures you've been a part of.

@BlueDarkAurora You’re very wise in your perspectives. Thank you. ❤️

@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas Hope you're doing alright<3

@soulsings true, so little space left for love when we're holding space in form of hate or anger. Why give up the space that could occupy so much positivity for someone who don't even mean a thing. Out of sight, out of mind :) I hope anyone how needs to let go be able to find the peace and love to do so<3

@BlueDarkAurora right I agree. And the irony of the situation is that the person we are angry at is not suffering because of our anger, we are!!!!!!!!

This is a really timely topic and something I personally struggle with. I was just today reading about radical acceptance. I have a lot of hatred towards particular people that hurt me in the past. The intensity of the feeling is something I am uncomfortable with but I don't yet feel able to let it go. The problem is the hatred and resentment doesn't hurt them. Instead it hurts and frustrates me because I can't act on it against them but on the other hand it almost feels like letting them off too easy to let it go.  I wrote a letter once but it didn't feel very cathartic. What are your thoughts on the empty chair exercise? 

@blueLemon6419 What I have done is turn on the audio recorder app on my phone and start talking and see what comes out. I try to avoid focusing on the negative. Gratitude makes me feel better. I sometimes discover things I did not know.

@soulsings the feelings I would like to release is pain sadness anger 

@dhabib those are great things to let go of.

@soulsings

i forgave my childhood bully even if i can not forget him and still want to punich him for old timessake

but i can not forgive the system for breakng me down hard when i trusted it wholly 

i still miss the confident atheletic me from way back before i fot depression 

@scorpionpolktanktree I hear you. 

The bullies I think were the ones who were bullied at home. I came to see that they were victims of bullying also.

@soulsings to my owners, 

I forgive you for keeping me for 18 years in captivity, for all the stuff you did, for making me disabled, for never really leaving me much chance of a good life, even if I did survive

@Tinywhisper11 trigger warning, death.

But I do not forgive you for the murder of my son, even if it was half my fault🙁 I didn't know I was a child, under your control like the little robots little lifeless creatures you wanted us to be. I do not forgive you for the deaths of all the others you've caused, and for the lives you took from the other lucky ones who was rescued with me, the ones you've already tracked down 

@Tinywhisper11 ok yeah I don't know what I'm worrying here, just ignore this

@Tinywhisper11 I think you identified what you need to let go of. That is a first step. It takes many steps to let go.

One of the steps is to understand that everyone wants to be happy but many people are creating the causes for suffering of themselves and others. People who do those things are not happy. Happy people do not do those things.

And another step is to realize that my anger is only hurting me. So I do not condone what happened to me and the ones I love, but I let go because being angry only deprives me of the happiness that I can share with others who need their day to be brightened. 

Hugs. This does not happen quickly. The more traumatic the event, the longer it might take. We are with you. Hugs.

@soulsings This is very helpful advice. Thank you.

@brightDime6765 you are welcome.