CLOSED to new questions AMA September 14-16th with therapists Rory and Stacy
Hi there. My name is soulsings, the ambassador liaison with 7cups therapy program. I am thrilled to introduce an AMA [Ask Me Anything] thread that can help you better understand how 7cups online therapy can help you cope with mental health issues that you experience in your life. Rory Boutilier and Stacy Overton are licensed therapists that provide online therapy services for 7 Cups. They can answer your questions about different mental health challenges in your life. See their bio's at the end of this post!
This format gives you 3 days Sept 14th to 16th (EDT time GMT-5) to ask your question and give them time to answer them. So post your questions now and they will answer them as quickly as they can. Remember this is a 3 day thread, so get your questions in early. They will answer questions in the order received.
Sometimes people ask the same or similar questions, so please read through the questions in this thread before submitting your questions so you can benefit from all the answers presented here and we can limit duplicate questions from happening.
Thanks for participating in this AMA thread. I look forward to your questions and the therapist's answers. If you want to ask a particular therapist to answer your question, start your thread with for Stacy or for Rory
Stacy Overton: Here is a Link to their therapy page https://www.7cups.com/therapists/profiles/Stacy-Overton-StacyOvertonPhD/
BIO: Counseling is about making changes you seek in your life. It is a place that feels safe and is free from any judgment to work through almost any problem. Healing is a process and there are no quick fixes but change is absolutely obtainable with time and motivation. Dr. Stacy has a style that is authentic, direct, and compassionate. She helps individuals identify their values in order to develop skills and discover strengths to lead meaningful, balanced lives. She has over 20 years experience with a variety of populations that include; persons with chronic/acute illness, depression, anxiety, mood disorder, addiction, relationship challenges, divorce, grief/loss, trauma and womens issues. For more of their bio, see link to therapy page above.
Rory Boutilier: Here is a Link to their therapy page https://www.7cups.com/therapists/profiles/Rory-Boutilier-RoryBoutilierRPC/
BIO: Hello! I take a unique approach to helping you reach your goals and I fully believe that therapy is a collaborative process - your success is my success. My focus is on you and your progress in therapy. I have training in short-term/dynamic, cognitive-behavioral, existential, client-centered, and solution-focused therapy models. Whether you are struggling with depression, anxiety, self-harm, life changes, or anything else, my goal is to help you achieve the changes you want to see in your life. I am here to help you in the process by being non-judgemental and unbiased in our work. For more of their bio, see link to therapy page above.
I'm at college, about 1000 miles away from my parents. I'm fully an adult (have been for a few years but don't want to give away my age), but both my mom and my dad are continuing to micromanage my life from a completely different state, up to the point that they're constantly monitoring my location using life360 and not letting me disable or delete the app. It's causing me daily anxiety. I've tried to compromise on some of the things they don't want me doing (staying at my boyfriend's house on the weekends, leaving campus, etc) but they make no effort to listen to anything I have to say. How do I bring up the fact that they're hurting me, mentally, without it coming off as extremely rude or disobedient?
@anyonymouscollegestudent
I'm gonna be honest you need to cut free before it destroys you the way it did me and my siblings the only power they have ie what you give them
@anyonymouscollegestudent
Becoming independent from your parents is a big transition in life and it sounds like you are comfortable doing so, kudos! But having parents who are reluctant to let you be an independent as you need to be or want to be can feel downright smothering at times. That's where personal boundaries come in.
A lot times we think of personal boundaries as limits we set for the behavior we will tolerate from other people or for the things we will do with others; spending the day together with friends vs spending a weekend away with friends, for example. Boundaries with family members, especially parents, are really important as you start to carve you own path in life.
Having that conversation with your parents about what is important to you as an adult and what you need in your life, that is a necessary conversation to have because it lets you know how you want the situation to unfold. When you communicate your feelings to anyone, parents included, state the facts and try to avoid blaming. Use 'I feel' statements to get your point across (e.g., 'I feel like I cannot be myself when I am not allowed to do the things that make me happy.' or 'I don't feel like you hear how this is hurting me.').
It can feel rude or disobedient when you start to set those boundaries with others, and that is natural, because you are attempting to change a pattern that has been in place for a long time and it might feel like you are being selfish. That's not the case. It is important to consider the negative effect this has on you and your life, and how you want things to change. Talking to someone you trust, a friend, partner, or a therapist, can help manage your anxiety around the situation and prepare yourself for how you want to approach the subject with your parents.
@RoryBoutilierRPC
Thank you. I'll see if they're willing to have a conversation with me within the next few days, and if not I'm probably gonna force it anyway
I find it hard to forgive. I honestly try however I find hard to even forgive myself. I'd rather shame that forgive.
Hello Stacy and Rory,
Thank you for offering your time to help people on this thread! I hope that my question is brief.
Do you have any tips for an individual who "worries too much" about how to minimize this general behavior, in order to make clearer and more confident milestone decisions? Or do you think that it is more affective/practicable to address individual fears instead? (Treating all fears under one umbrella would be so much faster.)
I have read that whether a person worries a lot depends to some extent on the individual's temperament. But I hope it isn't set in stone. Worrying so much about big decisions is paralyzing.
Thanks in advance. 
@SeaOfFireflies
Hi SeaOfFireflies,
This is a really important question. I think some people can be more prone to anxiety but I certainly think you can still find ways to manage it. When I work with people who are struggling with symptoms of anxiety we look at both the individual fears (if they are aware of them) in addition to the overall anxiety and how it affects you. I know it's easy to feel overwhelmed and frustrated when anxiety creeps in but with some work it can be managable. A lot of times it's more about learning to tolerate it than getting rid of it completely (sometimes anxiety can help with motivation etc.). Does that help?
Stacy
@StacyOvertonPhD
That most definitely helps. I hadn't thought about it as anxiety, since no physical symptoms have presented themselves. But I see what you are saying.
Looks like there's some work to do. Thank you!
How can I deal with my adult daugther and her husband fighting?
They put me in the middle and it makes me physically sick. It's been going on for a long time and I'm losing weight ( and hair ) over it.
It causes me great anxiety and I cry a lot. Idk what to do. I need a way to handle it better I guess. Please help!
I've been to a therapist because my husband wont talk to me about it anymore. All she said to do was breathe.
I really don't think that is helping. I've been dealing with this off and on for seven years now.
@imaginativeNest9383
Hi imagineativeNest9383,
I can imagine how difficult this is for you as you likely just want them to quit fighting. It might be a matter of setting some really healthy boundaries and refusing to get caught up in it (I know! Easier said than done!). I would encourage you to think about how you can walk away when there is a fight and just try not to engage. It's hard to know because I don't know much about the relationships (yours or theirs) but you can make choices around what you engage in and what you walk away from.
Stacy
Hello, any tips on how to calm down faster and have more positive thoughts? I try meditating and exercising but it doesn't always help. Thank you
@Margot777
Hi Margot777,
This is a great question. I've found that meditation and mindfulnes can help with calming down but it does take a lot of practice. From my experience the more you practice the better you will get until it becomes sort of second nature. It's also helpful to combat negative thoughts with positive ones or to challenge them (is this true?). Again, this can seem really clunky when you first start trying it but it will get easier and easier!!
Stacy
Hi. I tend to shut down emotionally when I get too overwhelmed as a defensive mechanism so I wouldn't go into a full panic attack. But it takes me so long to get myself out of that state where I have numbed myself out. What is a better coping strategy when I get too overwhelmed? And how can I stop myself from spiralling into an emotionally numb state once I've started?
@Invisibility101
That's a very tricky question the brain numbs emotions as a form of protection and also I find petting or hugging something really soft and listening to music helps a lot
@Invisibility101
Instead of shutting down can you find a healthy way to deal with the issues at hand? Going numb is just a temporary state of mind and the issues will still be there after you come back from being numb. Maybe find small solutions to the things that are bothering you. Also, breathing can help or counting backwards from say 50 or 100 to 1. I can't always do 2 things at once so distraction can help sometimes, take a walk, read a book, clean up, pray even.
@Invisibility101
Hi Invisibility101! I think numbing out is a pretty common reaction to stress. When we feel overwhelmed or threatened then it's a pretty normal response. One thing to consider is talking to a counselor on an ongoing basis and also working with some meditation and mindfulness. First instinct are often to shut out difficult feelings instead of feeling them. They are usually there for a reason and learning to tolerate them can be key to reducing anxiety and panic.
Stacy
How do you cope with severe depression, which drives you to extremes, for instance, thinking a certain way everytime you cross a bridge, or think about how certain utensils could be used in the wrong harmful manner. I'm just wondering what one would do should the thoughts arrive at unexpected times.
@limegreenMelon4537
Honestly get a therapist and tell them this is happening be open and honest they are able to help and manage and teach you better how to eeal with it
@limegreenMelon4537
Hi LimegreenMelon4537,
It sounds like you are really struggling with a lot of different symptoms resulting from depression. Have you ever talked to someone about this ongoing (regularly?). Symptoms of depression are incredibly difficult but they can often be successfully treated with the right person to talk to.
Stacy
What do you do when multiple people (including his own sibling) point out that your husband treats you poorly? He has chronic health issues, admits to being codependent, but justifies his verbal abuse when I call him out. I don't feel emotionally safe sleeping next to him because he gets offended if I sleep better than him; then he will insult me in my sleep. He's not affectionate, but needs me physically close to him at all times. I'm already in therapy but it feels like I'm not doing enough. I'm torn between wanting to save our marriage and leaving to save my sanity.
Do you have any advice for someone struggling to manage their emotions? I am a very easy crier and its been worse than usual lately as I deal with a lot of stress and I've been processing a lot of trauma in my counseling sessions. I feel like people either take me less seriously or they assume that I am struggling more than I actually am. I know people have told me in the past that it's ok to cry and I truly believe that. But I feel like I am crying excessively and inappropriately. It's just plain embarrassing when I tear up at the beginning of conversations. If I start a conversation already feeling stressed and they ask how I've been, that's all it takes sometimes.
I would like to feel like I have some more control over my emotions but I honestly don't know where to start. Whenever I bring it up in counseling, I'm just told that "expressing emotion is not something that you should be ashamed of" or "that's an understandable reaction considering what you have gone through". I'm not looking to surpress, just for a little more control.
@SecretlyMe
Managing emotions can feel like it is a big task sometimes, especially if you feel your emotions are easily prompted, but there are some difference strategies you can do. It sounds like you have heard that emotions are normal and that they are not something to try and suppress, and it also sounds like you don't want to suppress them but just some more control over them.
Mindfulness strategies are a good starting point to manage your emotions because it can help you with regaining control when things start to get intense. There is also a great self-help guide here on 7 Cups called Help Managing Emotions.
Hello, thank you for doing this.
This might be a bit of a strange question, but how do I seek help when I know I have an issue but am not really the expressive type?
I've tried going to a psychiatrist before, but my thoughts and feelings were all over the place, I felt discouraged to go back because I couldn't really "talk", and couldn't help but feel that they didn't really get me.
And now, when I feel like I should give it another try, I just don't know where to start. I'm having a really hard time putting my thoughts into words. So any tips for this?
@seethroughdreams Hello :) I'm not an expert but I have found journaling to be really helpful for me to practice expressing myself. At first, your journal entries might seem incoherent, messy, and all over the place. But for me, the more I wrote things down, the more I began to notice patterns in my thoughts. I started piecing together the chain of logic I was TRYING to say from the beginning and that made all the difference when I first started meeting with a counselor. I still don't explain my thoughts and feelings 100% perfectly the first time I try. It's ok to take "a few stabs" at it before you find the right wording. Sometimes my counselor makes connections I haven't noticed myself, and many times he has an idea of what I am attempting to say even when I am not expressing it as eloquently as I could be. When he doesn't, he's patient.
If you feel like your last therapist wasn't understanding you, it could always be that you two are not compatible with one another. It doesn't mean they are a bad therapist and it doesn't mean you are a bad client. It just means that you are both meant to be communicating with someone else instead. Don't get discouraged after one poor match. Sort of like dating, it's normal to have to meet a few people before you find someone you connect with enough to want to open up.
@seethroughdreams
It is completely okay if your thoughts are all over the place, that's what we are in therapy for. Especially at the beginning, therapy can be disorganized and seem a bit scrambled until you find your footing and your and your therapist come up with a plan of action. Here is my approach when I meet someone who feels they cannot get their thoughts together about therapy, or feel like their thoughts are all over the place.
Think of your reason for going to therapy in the beginning; what are you hoping to accomplish by talking to the therapist? What do you want them to help you with? Honestly, this can be the most difficult question to answer because you may not know right away. A lot of people say they 'just feel off' or 'just want to talk to someone', but once we get talking there is more that comes out and we start to see a task list. We call this the therapeutic goal.
Talk to your therapist about whatever is on your mind, it doesn't have to make sense right away - we will get to that later.
Once you get it all out, consider what you want to be different.
Working with your therapist, make a priority list of the things that are bothering you the most and what you want to work on first.
Another aspect of therapy is that many therapists are actually trained to help people put their feelings into words and work on being able to express themselves in therapy. It can feel like everything freezes up as soon as you get in front of your therapist, but try not to worry about it too much. Just talk naturally, don't be afraid of repeating yourself or filling in details as you go along.
The relationship with your therapist has differences and similarities to other relationships. Different in that you talk about very personal things. But it's the same as others in that sometimes people just don't 'click' and there is nothing wrong with that, it can take a bit of time to find a therapist you really like and who you feel understands you.
Here is a Link to their therapy page https://www.7cups.com/therapists/profiles/Rory-Boutilier-RoryBoutilierRPC/