CLOSED to new questions AMA September 14-16th with therapists Rory and Stacy
Hi there. My name is soulsings, the ambassador liaison with 7cups therapy program. I am thrilled to introduce an AMA [Ask Me Anything] thread that can help you better understand how 7cups online therapy can help you cope with mental health issues that you experience in your life. Rory Boutilier and Stacy Overton are licensed therapists that provide online therapy services for 7 Cups. They can answer your questions about different mental health challenges in your life. See their bio's at the end of this post!
This format gives you 3 days Sept 14th to 16th (EDT time GMT-5) to ask your question and give them time to answer them. So post your questions now and they will answer them as quickly as they can. Remember this is a 3 day thread, so get your questions in early. They will answer questions in the order received.
Sometimes people ask the same or similar questions, so please read through the questions in this thread before submitting your questions so you can benefit from all the answers presented here and we can limit duplicate questions from happening.
Thanks for participating in this AMA thread. I look forward to your questions and the therapist's answers. If you want to ask a particular therapist to answer your question, start your thread with for Stacy or for Rory
Stacy Overton: Here is a Link to their therapy page https://www.7cups.com/therapists/profiles/Stacy-Overton-StacyOvertonPhD/
BIO: Counseling is about making changes you seek in your life. It is a place that feels safe and is free from any judgment to work through almost any problem. Healing is a process and there are no quick fixes but change is absolutely obtainable with time and motivation. Dr. Stacy has a style that is authentic, direct, and compassionate. She helps individuals identify their values in order to develop skills and discover strengths to lead meaningful, balanced lives. She has over 20 years experience with a variety of populations that include; persons with chronic/acute illness, depression, anxiety, mood disorder, addiction, relationship challenges, divorce, grief/loss, trauma and womens issues. For more of their bio, see link to therapy page above.
Rory Boutilier: Here is a Link to their therapy page https://www.7cups.com/therapists/profiles/Rory-Boutilier-RoryBoutilierRPC/
BIO: Hello! I take a unique approach to helping you reach your goals and I fully believe that therapy is a collaborative process - your success is my success. My focus is on you and your progress in therapy. I have training in short-term/dynamic, cognitive-behavioral, existential, client-centered, and solution-focused therapy models. Whether you are struggling with depression, anxiety, self-harm, life changes, or anything else, my goal is to help you achieve the changes you want to see in your life. I am here to help you in the process by being non-judgemental and unbiased in our work. For more of their bio, see link to therapy page above.
Hello.
I've been having the same conversation for several decades with a person in my life. Perhaps you can shed some light on it!?
Her: It's in the past why don't you forgive like Jesus and move on? Now let me tell you about my social calendar as well as what I'm doing this weekend and when I'm taking the next trip etc
Me: I would be delighted to move on but I don't feel like we've adequately addressed or clarifief what happened. You've mentioned before that you think it's no big deal what he did to me as a minor so I want clarity on how you view that event before I introduce you into my small children's lives.
Her: Please get over it and stop being so immature. I'm going to send you some presents please give them to your kids and say they're from me.
Me: I don't need presents or money from you what I need is an understanding and an acknowledgement that what happened between me and him was inappropriate and wrong. Why do you think the solution to this issue is by buying presents and sending us money?
Hi @pioneeringPear33
It sounds like you are feeling unheard by this person and are having a hard time finding resolution. Consider what it is that you need from her to be able to move on and even more importantly consider what you can do for yourself to find some resolution. We often look to others to help with "closure" or "forgiveness" or whatever it is we are looking for and sadly may never get our needs met from them.. or they may give it a try and we find it doesn't really satisfy what we wanted. Consider what you can do without her validation or confirmation about what happened.
Stacy
@soulsings
My therapist is a gaslighter. I have lost all hope in therapy. How do I move on?
Hi @MermaidHelene
It might be something you can talk to your therapist about (feeling unheard) and/or if you can't find resolution you could always explore working with someone different. Don't forget that we are consumers when it comes to therapy so if you aren't getting your needs met you can always research and interview someone that might be a better fit.
Stacy
Hi,
I have a question about life changes. I often find myself in despair that life changes are unreacheable in short term. Is it somehow possible to find a little success for life change that I would be sure that my life will indeed change?
@windSpirit
Sometimes it can feel like you're 'stuck' and not making progress on your life goals, even if you have short-term goals. Try writing your goals down on a list for a set time period, for example write down your goals for the next 30 days or 3 months. When you have them written down try to put a timeline on them, how long will it take you to accomplish them? What are the steps you need to take to get there?
Quite often one of the biggest challenges with meeting life changes or goals is that we can get stuck along the way and it can feel very discouraging. Breaking down your goals into smaller goals can help with managing them as you work toward completion. Be sure to set realistic, achieveable goals for yourself too, this helps keep a focused outlook and plan for what you want to unfold.
Be open to changes from every direction in your life. There may be things that come up along the path to your ultimate goals, and some will be good and some will be not-so-great. Embracing those changes and surprises when you can may lead to some unexpected findings.
For Stacy: I noticed in your bio that you have worked with people with chronic/acute illness. What kind of therapy can help those of us (myself included) who are struggling due to health problems? Thank you
Hi @adventurousBranch3786,
Generally with chronic illness or disability we focus on stress management, anxiety and depression and stigma. It really depends on what the client wants to work on. I have worked with disabled athletes for a long time so that has been a primary focus.
Stacy
I am suffering from relationship stress. My boyfriend ghosts me in every few days. Everytime he has different reasons, but this time he disappeared without any big reason. We talked happily. When he comes back, he mostly talk abou sex and then he disappears. He was no like this in the beginning. He has changed with time. I want to know the reason why he ghosts me and I want to know what should I do with this guy.
@EnthusiastikCat786
Without knowing what your boyfriend is thinking it is impossible for us to say why he is ghosting you, but having that conversation with him will likely reveal more about what is going on. You can open a conversation with him by bringing up the topic gently and use 'I feel..' statement. For example, 'I feel like you have been distant lately. Is everything okay?'.
Having these kinds of conversations can be difficult and anxiety-provoking, and it is important to keep in mind that these types of conversations help us gain understanding in our relationships. Without asking him or without having the conversation with him, chances are you may not get the answer you need. If you are not sure how to approach this topic with your partner, talk to a friend or a therapist here on 7 Cups for some extra advice and to come up an action plan.
@RoryBoutilierRPC Thank you so much for your reply. I will try ask him this time.
I am getting more down everyday. I can't seem to pick myself up anymore. I have been fighting with my husband almost all the time for the past 5 years. Mostly about my son who has ADHD. Situation doesn't permit us to live separately and the whole family is affected. I cannot seem to move on, I am short tempered and always fatigue with lots of brain fog. What can I do?
How do you have time for self--care when it is hard to balance your basic survival needs with care giving and multiple other responsibilities and still achieve a
stable and balanced mental health? I'm having on-going struggle trying to decide what to try. @soulsings
@Lolowise475
'Self-care is a priority, not a luxury, in the work that we do.'
I read that quote a few years ago and it really spoke to me, and my hope is that it will speak to you in the same way. Self-care truly is one of the most worthwhile investments we can make in our lives, both physically and emotionally. To take care of others, first we have to be in a good place ourselves. If not, we are more likely to get frustrated or be short tempered, or even make mistakes. Having a break from your work and regular responsibilities helps disconnect from the 'rat race' of life and allows you do to something that we don't do a lot of - focus on yourself. It's okay to say 'This is all about me!' for a little while.
A tip for making sure you are taking care of yourself is to actually schedule time into your day, even just for a few minutes, to do something that you enjoy and that takes your mind off of things. If could be at 12:00pm every day, or in the early evening. Some people play video games, watch comedy shows, read, exercise, or spend time with pets. These are just examples. Whatever you do for relaxation, it should be something that is not related to work. For example, if you are a student and you take a break from studying to read a self-help book for managing anxiety, that's pretty close to what you were already doing. Instead, take a break from studying and take a quick walk around the block, if you live in an apartment you can try going up and down the stairs a few times, or even if it is watching funny cat videos online. For most people self-care involves a disconnect from their everyday life where they don't have to think about what they are doing, others like to be engaged and do puzzles or watch documentaries. Whatever your self-care is, make yourself a priority and set aside a few minutes a day to do something you enjoy. If you cannot do something every day, make a longer plan for the end of the week - yoga, for example.
How do you safely relearn how to be social after abusive friendships from an early age? Quarantine complicates things even more and I find myself completely isolated except for my family, thankfully they are loving and support me. I'm learning more about narcissistic abuse and believe that describes what I have faced.
Any resources you can recommend?
Thank you!
@TealTempest27
Take your time there is not wrong or right way take baby steps
@TealTempest27
Being around friends who turn out to not actually be your friends can leave you feeling hesitant to meet other people, and it can also leave you feel isolated. Meeting new people after you have had bad experiences with others can be difficult, but it is definitely possible.
As one other user said, give yourself time and be patient with yourself. Keep in mind you don't have to rush into things from the beginning, meeting new people takes time and forming friendships is a process, not a short-term thing. Use your best judgement when meeting people.
Try searching for activities or hobbies that you enjoy and meeting people through those activities. Meeting potential friends who have similar interests is a way to have an icebreaker in the conversation and also have common ground to talk about.
Finding some strategies to manage social anxiety can help too, check out the Social Anxiety Brief Guide right here on 7 Cups.
@soulsings There's not much talk/mention about sexual mental health during these periods of isolation and lockdown on 7Cups or other outlets to discuss it, so maybe this is an appropriate place and people to ask these questions.
Isolation and lack of sex for singles who are looking to date but don't or never did have casual encounters feels challening.
Any suggestions for single people looking for a partner virtually (not seeing people in person or social distance dating yet) and giong through perimenopause with hormones and libido that are skyrocketing so I feel better about self-care/self-pleasure efforts and they don't lead to addictive behaviors or get out of control? How to balance the need for social, touch, intimacy, self-care, and "staying safe at home" with my desire to find a committed monogamous partner but not finding a partner I can trust yet to meet in person - while I look? Comments?
Hello, thanks for helping people here. I would like to ask how can one stop your mind from checking for danger and seeing potential threats, knowing secretly that it's paranoid in a way, and having to hide it because you know others around you don't think that way, and at the same time knowing that these thing actually do happen, have happened, so they are actually also a reality, not just paranoid thoughts, so they are valid also?
And how do you get past the disconnected feeling, not feeling connected to even the people you should feel connected to.
I'm very tired of living each day in a stressful maintenance mode and not knowing when that mode will stop.
How do you make these things stop please.
