CLOSED to new questions AMA September 14-16th with therapists Rory and Stacy
Hi there. My name is soulsings, the ambassador liaison with 7cups therapy program. I am thrilled to introduce an AMA [Ask Me Anything] thread that can help you better understand how 7cups online therapy can help you cope with mental health issues that you experience in your life. Rory Boutilier and Stacy Overton are licensed therapists that provide online therapy services for 7 Cups. They can answer your questions about different mental health challenges in your life. See their bio's at the end of this post!
This format gives you 3 days Sept 14th to 16th (EDT time GMT-5) to ask your question and give them time to answer them. So post your questions now and they will answer them as quickly as they can. Remember this is a 3 day thread, so get your questions in early. They will answer questions in the order received.
Sometimes people ask the same or similar questions, so please read through the questions in this thread before submitting your questions so you can benefit from all the answers presented here and we can limit duplicate questions from happening.
Thanks for participating in this AMA thread. I look forward to your questions and the therapist's answers. If you want to ask a particular therapist to answer your question, start your thread with for Stacy or for Rory
Stacy Overton: Here is a Link to their therapy page https://www.7cups.com/therapists/profiles/Stacy-Overton-StacyOvertonPhD/
BIO: Counseling is about making changes you seek in your life. It is a place that feels safe and is free from any judgment to work through almost any problem. Healing is a process and there are no quick fixes but change is absolutely obtainable with time and motivation. Dr. Stacy has a style that is authentic, direct, and compassionate. She helps individuals identify their values in order to develop skills and discover strengths to lead meaningful, balanced lives. She has over 20 years experience with a variety of populations that include; persons with chronic/acute illness, depression, anxiety, mood disorder, addiction, relationship challenges, divorce, grief/loss, trauma and womens issues. For more of their bio, see link to therapy page above.
Rory Boutilier: Here is a Link to their therapy page https://www.7cups.com/therapists/profiles/Rory-Boutilier-RoryBoutilierRPC/
BIO: Hello! I take a unique approach to helping you reach your goals and I fully believe that therapy is a collaborative process - your success is my success. My focus is on you and your progress in therapy. I have training in short-term/dynamic, cognitive-behavioral, existential, client-centered, and solution-focused therapy models. Whether you are struggling with depression, anxiety, self-harm, life changes, or anything else, my goal is to help you achieve the changes you want to see in your life. I am here to help you in the process by being non-judgemental and unbiased in our work. For more of their bio, see link to therapy page above.
Hi, it looks like I made it in time for the AMA, on the last day.
<trigger warning for SH> I've been struggling with thoughts on self-harm, inability to focus, and sleeping problems. For the past few months, I've tried to have a positive outlook in life, but I still feel this pain inside of me, and I don't even know where it's coming from. And I recently recovered from self harm about like half an year ago, and I'm trying not to go back to the same process, but it's hard not to when all I can feel is that feeling inside of me, and thoughts that self harm might get rid of it. Adding on to that, I can't seem to focus on anything any more; it's all kind of hazy. When I do one thing, I oftentimes want to do another, and then I get nothing done. As for sleeping problems, I'm not even sure what is causing that, and it just kind of happens. Every time I sleep and I wake up, it's like I never slept. It's not that I feel tired, no, it's more of like it was all blank? I'm not sure how to explain this. And it's really been bothering me a lot. I've also been pretty anxious and worried all the time. I'm worried my friends would leave me (more like drift away), worried about school, and I think I'm just a whole mess. It would be great to have some advice?
Hi @HopeSmileDream
I'm very concerned about you having thoughts of self harm. We aren't able to work with emergencies on 7 cups so I would encourage you to reach out to someone in your community to get additional support. In regard to sleeping and feeling exhausted.. those could all be symptoms of stress, depression or anxiety. It might be a good idea to consider working with someone (either a listener or therapist) for a short period of time to be able to talk more in depth about what is going on and get support. My guess is if you had someone to speak with regularly you likely could improve symptoms pretty quickly
Stacy
@StacyOvertonPhD
I see, thank you! I was wondering though that I thought 7 cups's crisis policy does not include having self-harm thoughts. and it only includes if we are currently self-harming, having suicidal thoughts, homicidal, or others? (just to clarify?)
My long term girlfriend of three and a half years broke up with me a few weeks ago. I am still sad about it and love her, but one of the many reasons she broke up with me was because she said I don't undrstand people. She said I don't understand other's point of view and I do not try to understand others. I thought I understood her and other people's feelings, but apperantly she said I didn't and don't. My question: how does one become socailly aware and not take life so seriously?
Hi @courteousTree3763,
Thank you so much for reaching out! I can imagine you are feeling sad and hurt after a breakup and then having someone give you negative feedback. One thing I would caution against.. it's a great idea to try to objectively look at who you are and want to improve areas (we should ALL do that at times!), but hearing negative feedback from one person doesn't always make it true. If you truly feel that you aren't able to interact or convey emotion and you want to work on that; it's a great idea but consider that it might have been said in anger or resentment and you might be doing a GREAT job of conveying your feelings!
Stacy
@courteousTree3763
So sorry that must be hard I would say take one day at a time. I would also say one step in the right direction may be to be a good and active listener. Also, try to see stuff from other people's point of view or side by trying to imagine how you would feel about the issue or topic if you were the person having to deal with whatever the issue may be.
@soulsings
for Stacy
Hello, I'd like to ask you a brief question. I was hoping you could message me privately.
Thank you for your service here and for your consideration.
Hi @themainjane
If you could post your question to the AMA forum I would greatly appreciate it! This is a safe place where you can ask anything
Stacy
Hello, I have attachment issues when it comes to romantic relationships, I have recently walked away from a toxic relationship for the second time in 2 months. However, I am very tempted to go back because I feel like I can't do better. How do I fix this?
Hi @Orangeheart
Sometimes we return to toxic relationships over and over because we don't feel confident in ourselves. At times we might believe that type of relationship is what we deserve or that we might not be able to find better. I think at times toxic relationships have a lot of ups an downs which can also reel you back in. The best thing to do is to work on yourself and find confidence in who you are and then make a decision about if you want to continue in a relationship that might not be the healthiest.
Stacy
After splitting on my favorite person (my best friend) I decided to take a break from her so that I can learn how to get by without relying on her for validation and support. The problem is I just experienced trauma and I want nothing more than to tell her what happened. How can I learn how to be okay without her support? I've tried distress tolerance skills but they aren't the same as having a favorite person listening to me. She always knows exactly the right thing to say.
Hello @miscgeckos
Breakups can be so difficult and I recognize how important it is for you to have her support. It might be helpful to identify another person to be part of your support system. They might not now exactly the right thing to say but it would be great if you had someone there for you (family? friends?) Sometimes you long for someone who knows you really well in times like this and only you can make the decision to reach our to her or not.
Stacy
@miscgeckos
Maybe you can repair the relationship somehow try to find out if this is possible. She sounds like a good person to have in your life but I don't know, I don't know her or you. It is ok to have her as support as long as you don't overwhelm her or any person for that matter. You can also find another person to talk to, you can also write about your issues and problems and see if that helps some. Maybe also depending on what you are dealing with you may want to reach out to a professional therapist or something. Also maybe trying to do things that will build up your self-esteem so that you will not have to look for anyone else to make you feel good, worthwhile, happy, etc. You are beautiful, you are enough and you matter to this world. Will say a prayer for you both.
@soulsings
hi. my parents make very bad things with me. with a word, I am hurt. my daddy very much. makes a prohibited thing with me. I try to behave well, but this does not help, because he causes all problems for my parents. I try to be cheerful before my friends in order for it not to be seen on me, as my parents treat me at home. but I do not manage to conceal the injuries many times on myself. I find something out always at this time, what happened to me how. so, I do not call true one my friends. this is very unpleasant for me. I try to be cheerful in my friends' company, but many times after all for depressed one and I feel sad. I cannot handle my mood. it does not succeed sometimes, that let me be regarded as cheerful. this very bad, but I find something out always, but I do not relate the truth. I thought about it not being good on a long distance already, how I do not relate it the truth. my parents forbad me to relate it on the other hand, we everything happens at home. I feel that my soul wastes away entirely already sometimes. what should I do, that let me be cheerful always? how I shall make it, that let me be able to conceal the home things actually? thank you for the answer.
@Lollyttaa
Are you saying someone is hurting you? I am not sure if I am understanding but if this is what you are saying this is not good and no one has the right to hurt you not even your parents. I will pray for you but I would say tell someone you can trust if you are being hurt or abused in some form or fashion. I would also say hiding it will only cause many issues in your life. I was abused a lot growing- up beat, raped, and some more by my birth Father and some even by my mom verbally and once in a while we would fight. All the lying and hiding just made things worse. I still have issues like 25 plus years later. I would say try and use wisdom if you feel you need to flee and you can do it safely then do so. You are beautiful and God loves you. I hope you will be okay. I will say a prayer for you.
Hello!
First of all thanks for going through and answering our questions patiently! Appreciate it!
Ive got a some questions for you both.
Why all the people that go through traumatic experiences dont get PTSD, and why others get symptoms and flashback not immediately but like decades later? Is some people prone to depression and PTSD more than others? Is it possible to cure both permanently without getting relapses later? Why do relapses happen in some even after finishing a structured therapy process, especially a recurring chronic depression? Is there a better way than life long symptom management? What are the options for treating PTSD?
Could you also give insights on how a perfect therapy program should be? Because there are too many options and each therapist seems to have got their own method,its very confusing! What should a first time client expect out of therapy, what should be the goals, how should it be planned and how to choose the right type of therapy for various mental issues? How would one know whether therapy is working or not, how much time it would take to see the results?
Sorry if it seems like too many questions but its essentially about 2 topics, to put it as one short question- how to deal with PTSD-depression and therapy! I really didn't know how to condense and put it simpler!
Thanks and Regards.
AMA is Closed for further questions after this post.
Thank you all for your questions. The therapists are working on answering them, but this was twice as many questions as usual so it may take longer than expected.
Take care and thanks for your participation.
@soulsings
Thank you for organising this and thank you so much to the therapists. A humble suggestion, if I may. If it is not possible to reply to posts following their chronological order, it may be better to avoid saying that this is what will happen, or perhaps add something like 'according to therapists' areas of expertise' or whatever the reason is behind the fact that later posts are getting replied sooner. I hope this makes sense 
weve been on and off for 4 years, but at the beginning of august we decided to be serious again. the argument that ended the relationship was when i tried to take his nike flip flops from him without him knowing, and when he was putting my clothes in my bag, he saw them. he said "why are my shoes in your bag" and i told him why "because Cash ate mine and i was just gonna take yours because you dont wear them." he said "do you know how disrespectful that is Leigh? all you had to do was ask me and i wouldve gave them to you." i said "i dont care" he said "instead if you trynna steal them." i said "i dont care" he said "youre my girlfriend you can have whatever you want dude" i said "DONT CARE."
i was home from school this past weekend, which is when it happened. Cash is one of our dogs. So, he made me so mad because then he started posting our business on social media. I got my stuff together and i started getting an attitude with him. i said "you really got the nerve to talk about respect? you didnt have any respect for me when you was sitting there cheating on me" I walked out at 3:45am and drove all the way back down to college. & we dont argue like THAT often, but there's small things that we bicker about then get over very quickly.
i feel emotionally reactive whenever we argue because he's hurt me soooooooooo much in the past but i always stood by his side. I never stood up for myself and my feelings back then like I do now. but now, i feel more closed off to him. i feel like he made me that way. 2 years ago, he didnt care about my feelings, he was out doing whatever. this year, hes so vulnerable with me. he didnt care in the past, he just cinstantly cheated, he didnt care about my feelings or anyones feelings. he did shit for the benefit of him. but i still stood by his side because i saw something in him. i think hes changed because he shows me he cares sooo much, hes so open and vulnerable with me, something he never really was before, and i just keep hurting him with my words when we argue and with my actions like trying to steal from him. i make him cry. he feels. he actually feels with me this time. he puts in so much effort and i just dont appreciate him enough for it because i feel like thats what he should do regularly. i expect too much from him, so he feels like everything he does isnt enough for me. but thats how i felt 2 years ago
technically, we are split up. he said that he needs time for himself to make himself happy again and when hes done doing that then if he still wants me then he'll come back. theres a chance to fix things. we love each other so much. like so much. before he decided to go on his quest for happiness yesterday, like the afternoon time he told me "once you get your shit together and your priorities straight, you can text me"
i dont know how to change. i want to change the way i am in my relationships, i wanna better myself. me and my boyfriend just split up because when we argue we belittle eachother and it just gets outta hand. i dont listen to how he feels, i always put my feelings first and i dont know how to change that no matter how hard i try. i always flip arguments on him, or bring up things from the past to argue about to go away from the real topic that is the problem. i expect too much from him. i dont know how to change on my own and i need help.