HopeSmileDream Member Profile

Unable to Trust

7 Cups Online Therapy / by HopeSmileDream

August 1st, 2021

...See more A little bit about me, I have lived in 4 countries: Singapore, Taiwan, the United States, and China; for 6, 5, 5, and 1 years respectively. In total, I have moved more than 15 houses. The reason for most of the move was either for my younger brother and my education, and one other reason include that my father found a new job that he wanted to explore more. In more recent moves, my parents have always asked for my brother and my opinion on moving, and with our plan to move to another country, I just realized I had a very big problem. When my parents asked if we wanted to move, I didn't really think much before answering yes because who wouldn't want to travel to a new country? I wasn't afraid of being lonely at the new school because how bad could it be? I've moved before, and yes, the first few months are hard, but even if I didn't have friends, does it even matter? Now, most importantly, my friends here. I feel horrible that I don't feel bad leaving them. It's true that there's social media, and we could still talk, but the issue was that I realized that I never really trusted my friends, and it was the same the last time we moved. A while ago, someone asked me out, and I told him that I wasn't ready. At that time, I was already thinking about my trust issues, and I realized that even if I get into a relationship, I honestly wouldn't care if he did break up with me or if he cheated on me or whatever worst things he could do. Sure, part of it might be because I don't really love/like him, but then it brings me to my family. Because of our constant moving, our family is closer than most since we basically only have each other, and I do love them, and I trust them, but I can't fully commit myself to the familial relationship. I think part of the issue is that I'm afraid of making the connection and losing it, and maybe add in the mix that I don't really know myself enough to determine if I do make that connection, who/what about me am I supposed to reveal? Or basically, how much is trust? I'm not courageous enough to talk to my parents about having these cannot-trust-or-cannot-love issues, especially since my parents are already stressed about moving there (with the whole COVID-19, which caused us to have a lot of immigrating issues - paperwork, etc; it doesn't help that the US and China currently have a bad relationship, so it's hard to directly fly from one to another). My friends honestly barely know me, I wouldn't care enough in a relationship, and my family does not know much about me. And I dislike it. I really want to talk to someone about it in real life; yes, 7 cups helps, but I know I need more than the support I can get here; I need someone I can talk to in real life. Does anyone have any suggestions on this? *thank you so much for reading through everything too!

What is the best option for my dog?

Hobby Zone / by HopeSmileDream

June 17th, 2021

...See more Hello! I am seeking some suggestions on the situation I am in, and thoughts on what you might do if you were in my place ~ Long story short, our family is moving from the US to China. Because of travel restrictions, our dog cannot directly go from US to China, meaning she would have to fly to another country first and then go to China; in total, it would be 40 hours on airplane. My dog is super afraid of cars, and as of right now, we try to avoid bringing her on the car unless it is necessary. When I say afraid, I mean that my dog would start shaking the moment she sees that we are bringing her on the car, and on the car itself, she wouldn't stop shaking, start drooling a lot, and wouldn't move at all. It is already traumatizing for her to be on a car, much less an airplane. Most importantly, on the airplane, she would have to be in a cargo; in a place that is completely dark without us around her. Adding on to that, our family might move back to the US in 2 years, which means she might have to come back to America with us and go through the process of being on an airplane again. This time, we might be able to bring her with us as an emotional support dog (where she would be sitting next to us on the airplane), but because of the laws in China, it is unlikely that we could get a certificate for that (since she is a large-sized dog as well), so she would have to go through the cargo experience again. Now, this is all putting the costs aside, and right now, our family is trying to think of the best for our dog rather than the costs and risks associated with it. I suppose it is good to keep in mind that one of the main risks is that there are a lot of stories where dogs are lost during the process, accidentally killed, and whatnot during the process of transporting them from one country to another. On the other hand, another option we have is to give our dog to someone else. A friend of ours has always loved dogs, and I know they would treat her well. Perhaps even better because they are free to bring our dog on vacations, whereas I have school, so we barely have time to go out. Now, putting aside my personal emotional attachment to my dog, I feel like leaving her with our friend would have a negative impact on our dog as well because she has never been a day without us. She's also only 1 and 1/2 years old, still pretty much a kid. I really don't want to let her feel that we do not want her. I personally am wishing to bring her with us to China, but am I a bit selfish to do so? because in the process, she might be terrified for 40 hours in a dark cargo, when she has never left our side for one day since she was born. Putting my emotional thoughts aside, I really want to ask between the two traumatic events (airplane experience OR being separated from us) : what is the best option for her? Summary: Which is better for our dog? Option 1: Take her with us to China * Positive: she would be with us; not have to feel like we abandoned her * Negatives: * she would have to go through a 40 hour airplane flight (she would be absolutely terrified and might have nightmares about) * compared to leaving her in California, our new home in China will be a lot smaller (less space for her to run around) * a bit irrelevant but for context: cost (average $8,500), inconvenience (we do not have a house or car rented yet in China; and finding a house where dogs are allowed is a lot harder) risk (might disappear in the process); we will be trying to find the best, trustworthy organization to take her to China, but there are no guarantees that she would be safely transported Option 2: Leave her in California with a Friend * Positive: she might be happier with our friend because they can take her on vacations, etc * Negatives: * she might feel like we abandoned her, especially since we have never left her on her own for a day; she's only 1 and 1/2 years old, and we have taken care of her the moment she was born * a bit irrelevant but for context: If we end up choosing this, I would be sad but I would understand; gosh, I'm still slightly crying thinking about it. anyhow though, either way, I'm leaving for college next year, so no matter our decision now, I will be leaving her in a year to head to college, and she will remain with our family (parents + younger brother)

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