November 2019 Community Update: A Return to Community
I will be writing a series of monthly posts titled Community Update throughout this year and into 2020. This is the first in the series.
When we first started 7 Cups, we were primarily focused on our community. All we cared about was building a tribe of people that deliberately cared for one another. We were able to maintain this focus from 2013-2016. Then we started running out of money and had to find ways to sustain ourselves. We were successful in that, but it also caused us to lose sight of the importance of our community. We are now, finally, in a spot where we can return to community.
There have been a number of recent changes. I know that it has been difficult. The opportunity in going through change is that it allows you to re-set - or start again - in a new direction that ultimately ends up impacting the trajectory of where you go. Think about this like raising a child. The right teacher or mentor, at the right time, can make a big impact and change the future life of that child as a teen and adult. Knowing that change is an opportunity to re-set does not make it easier, but it does provide a frame to better understand the picture of what is happening.
The first thing we want to do is conduct a deep assessment of our community strengths and weaknesses. What are the things that come natural to us? Where do we excel? What are we uniquely good at? We need answers from all of you on these questions so we can better amplify our strengths.
You typically make much more progress in life by building on your strengths. For example - if you are just okay at playing an instrument, but you are great at writing, then it makes a lot of sense to build up your writing skill, because that will help them get a lot further in life.
We also want to assess our weaknesses. Where are we not performing as well as we need to perform? What are our biggest limitations? What are we unaware of ? The key point of asking these questions is so that we can better understand them so we can then deliberately address them.
How do we address them?
We do it through a system called OKRs or Objectives and Key Results. For example, lets say we want to increase the quality of our emotional support chats. Wed create the following OKR:
Objective: Significantly increase the quality of emotional support chats.
Key Result 1: Increase helpful chats by 5% each month
Key Result 2: Decrease dropped chats - chats where the member or listener stops engaging - by 5% each month.
We have used an OKR system for the last several years. We, by working more closely with the community and community leadership, have an opportunity to align on our objectives to make more progress and better help people. Ill be thinking on how we can best do that in the coming weeks.
In the past times of transition, and in this recent transition, there have been several of you that have been encouraging. You have said things like: I know this has been tough. I appreciate the hard work and know that you and the team are trying. We are getting there one step at a time :). This means a lot to me and to everyone on the team. It fills up our love tank and gives us fuel to keep moving ahead. Thank you!
Throughout 7 Cups history, particularly during transitions, there have also been smaller groups of people that provide feedback in less helpful ways. I believe that they have good intentions, but the style makes it difficult to hear the feedback. I want to step back and provide guidance here on how to best provide feedback so it can be better heard, understood, and acted upon. This is called the sandwich approach:
-Bread - say something positive
-Meat - address the negative issue/item
-Bread - say something positive
When difficult feedback is provided in this way, it makes it much more easier to metabolize (pun intended).
Think of a time when someone has given you feedback. When it comes off as judgemental or angry it is much harder to hear; when it comes off as - I am here to help you, we are on the same team, here are some things you are doing good and here are some items you can do better - then it is much more effective.
Here are a number of things you can do to immediately help:
1. Complete this survey on our strengths and weaknesses. Please take your time and answer thoughtfully.
2. Commit to telling community leaders (community managers, ambassadors, mentors, mentor leaders, peer support, mods etc.) that you appreciate them and the hard work they are doing. I am committing to doing this several times a week and am going to work to make it a habit. We have hundreds of volunteer leaders in our community that work very hard to make 7 Cups a supportive environment. It would be great for them to hear how much they matter to all of us. (and though I'm mentioning different community leaders here; please also be sure to also express appreciation to our kind-hearted listeners. They are also showing a tremendous amount of compassion and service to provide care to all of us.)
3. Post in the 3 key things thread - many of you are doing a tremendous amount of work on 7 Cups and very little people can see it. If you post in this thread, then you can begin to see all the work that is being done AND you can find people to better support in their efforts. This can be 3 key things you did in a day, week, or month. It is meant as a simple way to share what you are doing. For example, today I posted:
-met with community leadership team
-drafted a return to community post
-created survey to better understand community strengths and weaknesses
We will be releasing details on badges soon that will be related to 3 key things.
4. 7 Cups is not going anywhere AND we welcome your beams! Leading 7 Cups all these years has been extraordinarily rewarding. It has also been really tough. There have been a lot of painful bumps in the road. The past is the best predictor of the future, so my guess is that it will continue to be rewarding and, at times, it will also continue to be painful. This has been true for me, for my wife, for our team, for our community leaders, and for our community. If you think, meditate, send good vibes, pray, send beams, and/or well wishes, then we will gladly take any and all of them! I believe this helps and we would collectively welcome the support!
To close this November update, community is a top priority for the remainder of this year and all of 2020. We are focused. We need your help to build on our strengths and shore up our weaknesses. We have come very far since we launched in 2013. We have a long ways to go!
Thank you for being on this journey with me!
@GlenM Like I said from the beginning... I am with you and 7 Cups ALL THE WAY! This community and everyone apart of it has changed my enitre life. I am able to stay sober and on my positive path because of the friendships and support I have on here! Thank you so much Glen! You have such a beautiful heart.
@lavenderpeach1107, thank you lavender for those very kind words! Thank you also for your commitment. And BIG congrats on sobriety and for building a strong social network. That is exactly what we are all about. Thank you!
@GlenM Thank you very much! And you're welcome!
@GlenM
Thank you for this post! I'm new around here and I for one enjoy communicating. It's a good feeling to know that someone is telling us of their vision for moving forward. I just kind of showed up and it seems like the time that I did, there were some hiccups around here and a great deal of confusion. But, at least I had the listener support room to go to, to get questions answered for me and for my members that were asking some of the questions. The people in the rooms are really nice and helpful. I try to say yes, please and thank you and will continue to do so.
I noticed that the OKR that you mentioned squarely rests on the shoulders of the listener. The listener should give praise to the leaders here. I don't have a problem with that myself. I practice gratitude and often, even in the most creative of ways. I imagine it's a trickle down concept and they are the ones that help to "feed" us (pun not intended but cute none the less).
So, just wondering, is there a program to say kind things to listeners as well if the OKR's kind of start with us?
Anyway, looking forward to future posts. Thanks for giving us a space to help others.
I must say, again, Im disappointed. This hasnt been the return to community. This has been a takedown of communities. Even the ones that were working hard on creating a supportive safe space. Communities that had a strong sense of purpose among the core mods, listeners, and members. And while the tone of the responses has varied, dismissing the meat because no buns were offered is frankly troubling.
The one bun that I can offer for now is the use of KSPs. I question however to what extent the community has really been involved. I dont see how even the supportive ones were taken down if communities really are the driving force here.
So there, meat, a crumb of bun, meat.
@lilmango I agree completely. So now we're all supposed to praise the leaders who bully everyone else? This has to be a joke.
@GlenM Thank you for continuing for making this place possible! I'm sorry you've receaved such negative and meanspirited comments from people here. People are used to things being a certain way and naturally lash out but there's a better way of addressing change when you're upset about it. I have faith in you and the rest of the staff who have made adjustments and I'm excited what's next to come. Keep up the good work. :)
@GretasRebel Says the one who called me (and others) a "Snowcone" . How hypocritical of a person on a "support site!! ❤️
Snowflake is a term about some people in our generation who show entitlement and consider themselves super importantetc. it's not meant to be personal rather than an observation and your selfdenial is great. I'm not a hypocrite, I'm offering my thanks to creators of this site and I'm excited for what's in stpore for us here.
@GretasRebel Stop making assumptions about members you dont even know. Stop calling people names. This is supposed to be a support site yet YOU are the one who's calling people names.
@Figgy50 [edited by Anomalia for unsupportive content] Things changed here because things were clearly bad. Try to accept that instead of being insulted by everyone and everything.
@GretasRebel
Feel like I want to express that something is rubbing me the wrong way about this exchange. This is basically what I'm seeing happen:
1: You are an idiot.
2: Please don't call people names on a support site.
1: Calling you an idiot isn't meant to be taken personally. It's just a word I use to describe people who are objectively stupid and have inferior intelligence.
2: Please don't make assumptions about people. Please don't call people names on a support site.
1: I'm not making assumptions. I'm being truthful based on my observations. Your behavior shows that you really are an idiot, as is the rest of your generation. You're just in denial about the truth that I'm communicating. (Unfortunately, it's a defining characteristic of idiots that they tend to be in denial about how idiotic they are.) Try not to feel so insulted when I call you an idiot.
***
This may be one of those "agree to disagree" issues where we are a bit too far away in our values or emotional responses to reach a middle ground. But, my reactions are:
1) The mock exchange I've written above isn't too far from what's happening.
I think "snowflake" is an epithet/insult that's at least as offensive or provocative as "idiot".
There's room for disagreement on this though, and I suspect some of the conflict may be because you and other people have different impressions as far as how aggressive this word is.
2) My own impression is that "snowflake" is a personal attack.
In my own experience, "snowflake" is a word that is commonly used to target, bully, and insult people (with or without mental illness) for being too emotionally reactive. People tend to have a strong negative response to it. When someone uses this word, usually the goal is not so much to offer balanced/constructive criticism but rather to launch a malicious/global attack on someone as a human being with the aim of "triggering" (i.e. hurting) that person.
I won't make assumptions about the quality of your intentions, but I will state that this has been my experience of this word and the people who use it in other contexts.
3) My impression is that this exchange has abusive undertones.
To use a word that by its nature and common usage tends to provoke powerful emotional responses--and then turn around and imply that anyone who responds negatively to this word is hypersensitive, and that your behavior has no contribution or causation in stimulating that response--is arguably a form of gaslighting and likely to be experienced by other people as abusive.
4) This is a mental health site.
Insofar as this is a mental health website that attracts and explicitly aims to be safe/hospitable for people who suffer from mental/emotional distress, the points I have mentioned above are probably multiplied by x10 in their strength or importance.
If these points might still be broadly relevant and applicable even in a normal community, they are much more substantive/significant in a mental health community. (Best practice is to not call people on the internet "snowflakes" even if they aren't suffering from mental health issues. But if they do suffer from mental health issues, then it's even more important.)
In terms of the safety vs. freedom dichotomy, a site like this is going to lean much more strongly toward safety in both its rules and its culture. Things that would be normal (or even prized) on other sites might not be acceptable on this site. I completely understand and accept that if I were to go on Reddit and chastise someone for using the word "snowflake", I would probably be aggressively downvoted and ridiculed. People would pile on me (in much the same way that people here are piling on you) to tell me how absurd it is for me to be policing behavior or white-knighting or being a SJW or whatever else.
I would disagree with those critiques, but within that culture/space I would be the one who is out-of-step. Right now, we are on 7Cups. The culture here prioritizes certain values/truths higher than others, and that context matters a great deal. The threshold for what might be considered 'bullying' or 'personal attacks' on this site is probably going to be much lower or more expansive than on a normal/general-use site.
5) This site has rules/guidelines.
Calling another person a "snowflake" risks violating the forum posting guidelines. (Rule #2 prohibits attacking other users.) To borrow some of the language of that rule, I don't consider "snowflake" to be a "constructive" word that "moves the conversation forward".
Note: I will say that I don't approve of people attacking *you* either though. Your experiences, feelings, and thoughts are worthy of consideration as well. I assume you're trying your best and possibly you're experiencing negative reactions to being criticized by so many people. And I imagine you absolutely have your own side that you'd like people to understand and connect with.
It is definitely a matter of subjective interpretation/evaluation as to when criticism goes too far below the belt and becomes 'attacking'. It is something that is always going to be a bit difficult and ambiguous. So, I definitely don't want to pretend as though this is something clear or straightforward to me. (And as I mentioned, if I were to go onto Reddit, my values are probably out of step with those of the general population.)
Validating your perspective
I'm reading your posts as expressing the following:
"I want to bring other people around to a way of thinking that eases their distress and reduces the overall tension/conflict on this site. I don't want people to suffer needlessly. If there's an alternative perspective where people might not feel as hurt/wounded or be as intensely affected, I hope that I can offer that. It feels counterproductive or wasteful to me for people to be hurting if they don't need to and there's an alternative.
This site is only possible because of the work of many people who volunteer and put forth a great deal of effort to try to maintain it. It is difficult to maintain a site like this and people are trying their best and working very hard. (E.g. look at Glen's "3 Key Things" thread listing all of the things that people are doing to make this site possible.) The changes that are occurring are trying to address known problems with the site.
Comments that approach this issue in a way that malign, demonize, or harshly criticize the people who maintain this site are "biting the hand that feeds". There is no obligation for anybody to do anything on this site. Everything is free and offered out of generosity and altruism. If there are shortcomings, areas for critique, or ways in which site changes are harming people, those are valid criticisms. But I'd prefer it if people approached this site in the following spirit: 'This site is being provided by people who if they wanted to could choose not to give me anything. I absolutely dislike things that are happening and have strong feelings about it, but I understand that on a certain level, the people who have created this site don't owe anyone anything. They are offering this site as a free service. If they decided to take down the site or turn it into a trash heap, yes it would be destructive and hurt a lot of people. But from a certain perspective, ultimately it's their site and it's their right to do whatever they want with it.' When I speak of certain perspectives as involving 'entitlement', this is sort of what I'm trying to express."
I feel like your goals are worthwhile. I just don't consider "snowflake" to be a word that has the desired effects relative to those goals. I feel that avoiding that word and acknowledging that other people may feel hurt by it would go a long way toward helping people feel more open/responsive to some of the other thoughts/ideas that you're sharing.
***
Note: to other people reading this, I know I am largely failing to acknowledge the other perspective that is critical of how recent site changes have been handled, and of the extent to which site management has/hasn't empathized with or validated those concerns in this thread. But this post is already long, and other people have written amazing posts in this thread that have expressed those types of feelings, so I feel okay holding off on that.
@frigidstars27 - Regardless of the person's reply, you have done a beautiful job detailing why this exchange is bothersome. Thank you.
@melonMeloncholy
@frigidstars27 I agree with melon. You have beautiful empathy, balance, and thoughtfulness in your words.
@melonMeloncholy @wizeakre
Thank you both very much for the support. <3
@GretasRebel So what's this better way? Just suck it up and let it go?
I'm sorry but I'm at a loss - NOW our opinions matter?
Where were the questions of what we thought earlier?
@mytwistedsoul I'm at a loss of what you're trying to ask me? Can you rephrase. Btw I'm not interested in continung the argument I somehow got into on another post about this topic. I will just say this. I love 7 cups, I got a few friends here and I'm a long term listener i don't wish to spoil any of what we've all built. Some of those rooms were the most toxic online places I've ever seen it was appalling. And nobody did a thing about it and finally I see someone going in a more positive direction. Sometimes drastic change is necessary even if it hurts. It's like when you're a kid and your parents refused to give you access to more candy or play station. You yell and make a tantrum but they only did it because they care about you. But we never see it in the moment, we resent them because they denied us what gave us comfort.
@GretasRebel You said there's a better way of addressing change when you're upset about it. I was just wondering what it was. I am uncomfortable with change. Which is why I asked.
I'm not looking to start an arguement. Tbh - I don't do the chat rooms so don't care about them.
Although as a victim of severe child abuse - I'm probably not the one to talk to about parents.
@GretasRebel Change is necessary and not always pleasant, you are right about that.
It is not the changes that are bothering me necessarily but the way they are implemented. There is not space to provide feedback or even discuss the situation beforehand and as it is usually presented as a decision that has been already made and going to go live very soon. This can really take away the feeling ot control and safety, since you do not know what may be also changed the other day and what new post you will just find about necessary changes that has been already decided and or made.
For me 7Cups is amazing because of the community, because of all of the awesome people putting so much hard work into this place and it is really tough for me to see how this community seems to remain unheard more and more lately - or, actually, not even given a chance to really give an opinion or real feedback in any way since the decision is already made and there is no way to appeal or change it.
@GretasRebel
Are you really comparing people being annoyed because their support network has been lost forever to a child throwing a tantrum over not getting enough sweets? Do you know how many people relied on those rooms for support?
That is not only incredibly dismissive of people's mental health issues (you know, what this site was built around) but borderline offensive.
How dare you.
@TheMadQueen420 I relied on those support rooms too [edited by Anomalia for unsupportive content] I realize businesses change and we have to adjust. Or at least come up with an alternative, engage yourself, come up with creative ideas for this site rather than just giving up!
@GretasRebel
Except our ideas and grievances aren't listened to at all by the admin team.
Even if you mention the changes in any of the remaining rooms (when they're open) you get a warning.
@GretasRebel thank you for those kind words and for the encouragment!
@GlenM
This response actually confirms how disconnected you truly are from the community. You'd rather engage with a bully than with direct people as long as they are sweet talking to you.
@lilmango
Good morning,
I know it's easy to get frustrated during these changes as many things aren't yet figured out. I believe Glen is trying to engauge with all of us to try to explain to us his vision without alienating anybody. It takes efforts from us all to try being patient (I know, ive lost mine a few times) but let's all give Glen some room to figure this all out, and our ideas, encouragement and support. Together with kindness and mutual respect I think we will have a much better out come. Glen told me he is reading all of our messages again today and has a meeting planned where all of our ideas will be considered. Its really quite promising that some good will come from all this. Think about what you like about 7cups, and also try to think of ways to improve the site. If we all pitch in now and support eachother 7cups can only get easier to use, and have improved communications.
😊
@lilmango this just shows how offended yu are by direct talk maybe you're used to being sugar coated and when you see someone taling straight you get incredibly defensive. I get it. Someone dared to have a different view than you and it's upsetting. I'm not 'sweet talking'' I'm thanking Glen because he has the guts to actually do something constructively. The fact he wrote a big post about this also shows that he cares. I am a bully because I praise the work the 7 cups staff do and because I tell you to give more constructive feedback rather than ''you have ruined everything''? Okay if that makes you feel better. But than again I'm not surprised, I've been called all sorts here just because I told the truth.
@GlenM
Glen. You wouldnt close 7 cups without warning would you? I just had a thought of waking up one day and it not being here anymore. You know how important it is for people dont you?
Im not pretending I understand anything about running something like this. Im sure its extremely demanding and challenging.
Im just anxious and worried as a member here.
@warmheartedTurtle6662 working with you all to create this site has been the hardest thing I've ever done. It is also the most beautiful and the most rewarding thing I've ever had the honor of being a part of - I love our community. You have my word that I will never let this site close. It is much too important to me and to many of you. I'd give my last penny to keep it going. As long as I'm alive and functioning I'll keep this site going.
@GlenM
Thank you. I just dont know where Id be without this site. But I can imagine the work involved in keeping it going too
Hi @glen,
Im so glad you found the time to come back and start the process of listening to all the constructive thoughts about the changes you see fit to make and have made thus far. I respect that you want to be addressed first with a compliment, then any thoughts you may be uncomfortable hearing, and end with a compliment, in a way to keep the process respectful constructive, and productive.
I'd like to begin by saying your idea to create a website where we can all come to free and freely short and long term was a brilliant idea, and it has many positive attributes.
I went on a search when i was on the brink of seld-demise and I found your site.
The first thing I began to notice is that 95% of the listeners have their off-line red light on so they can work at the pace they feel comfortable with and have no accountability or pressure. It's volunteer work so I understand, and I quickly learned to do the same thing on my listener account.
It took me quite a while to find a good listener but i can honestly say only one named Peter followed the rules to the letter.
Some rules need to be broken in order for a member to make a connection, but It's a balancing act, to say the least.
Some listenets are so poor that I left with my perception being that the whole world is dysfunctional.
The site is very good, but not good at all for a person who is depressed and feeling lost because find out how to use it takes time that some people may not have left. The rules are not clear so at times a mod may appear with a badly timed warning.
I would like to reccomend that you read the more than 500 posts on the thread called Room Announcement, because many people had many good ideas and at the time this was the place to post them at. They all should feel like they did not waste their time.
Forum, Site Updates, Glen's Nook - Community, Room Announcement
I reccomend that at the point of creating a new thread, if the catagory has any specific rules ( Create a pop-up window) for rules or trigger warnings; such as (Please do not post gifs in this catagory) or (No complicated gifs due to the potential of the potential triggering of or causing some diagnosis any harm).
The most from all of the complaints I've read was most of the recent changes came on the same day they were implimented.
Even today some people are returning to 7cups to find their feed and everything they held dear is gone forever.
Many people liked chatrooms but now cannot get in and still have no clue why because the announcments must be searched for.
I reccomend any and all announcement go directly to the chat of each member with the notification bell on so we can all not have to wonder. You can end each message by saying "Please do not respond to these informational announcements due to the entire community getting them all at the same time.
There are many good ideas you really should go read and consider that could ease the suffering that these sudden basically unannounced changes are still causing.
You have a great site and we all look forward to better communication in our future here with you.
Thank you, Reed
FuturesRise (Listener)
@FuturesRise / Reed, thank you for this thoughtful message and post. I appreciate you using the sandwich approach and recommend that we all use it when providing anyone feedback moving forward.
And, most importantly, I'm very glad to hear that you connected with good people on this site and they helped you through a tough spot. That is 100% why we exist. We exist to help people like you - and people like me - who have been in pain and have not had other places to turn. That is the heart of 7 Cups.
I know there has been a lot of pain and unnecessary frustration with the rooms. I'm connecting with Heather tomorrow to review several things and find ways to iterate on the current model we are following. I have reviewed that post and will do again prior to my meeting with Heather.
Thank you again for the thoughful feedback Reed!
@GlenM
Hi Glen,
It really means so much to so many having this wonderful site you created. I recently have been feeling much better, so much so that Im looking for my fit on 7cups. Im sorry for all my spelling errors in my message; I'm not sure which is worse, the unexpected spellchecker changes or my to large of a finger wandering in error lol I'm a disable veteran on a fixed income so low that i'm deeply challenged in many ways, and I've isolated completely other than food shopping, the bank on rent day, and monthly doctor visit. I have major trust issues combined with very bad PSTD, depression, and recently idiation subsided. But i visit 7cups every day and I'm so glad I found it when I did. Please let me know if you could use my help. Thank you very much. Keep at it! Your dream of a site to help in a world full of so much suffering was a priceless and brilliant idea worth every effort.
Best wishes, Reed
@FuturesRise / Reed, Thank you for your warm words and optimistic spirit! That kind of energy is exactly what we need to keep things moving forward, to continue to work together, and make sense (as much sense as possible) for all involved. And I'm delighted that you are feeling better and wanting to get more plugged in. Thank you for your service both in the military and on 7 Cups!
@GlenM
Thank you for creating a safe pleasant space we can all come share and grow together in. I've witnessed this site working, and giving purpose and direction to many like myself. It is an honor to serve! Best regards, Reed
@GlenM Thanks so much for coming in LSR and answering questions many of us asked and I will say once again for anyone reading this Post, The site does cost money to run and it does take people to help run this size..
Glen you have done an amazing Job setting up a FREE SITE for many to come join in for Free... it does show that you do care and Mental Health does matter to you. 
I am thankful and grateful for you setting up a Mental Health site that also does address Physical health also..
I have seen some positive things happen from the changes and some negatives like some people leaving the site that had roles but that was their way of dealing with the changes I believe and maybe they could not take the changes . We volunteer no one forces us to be here...
Thanks again and best wishes . 
@Tyedyedbutterfly65 appreciate this context and perspective! WE have built a free site to help people. We have collectively figured out so many things. A lot longer to go on this journey, but we should be proud of how far we've come in what we have figured out. And we will keep at it!
@GlenM You are most welcome and what you have said is so True !
Good vibes to all!
@ifyouknowtocountcountwithme got them! and right back at you :)
@GlenM =D
@GlenM thankyou for the update glen beautifully written i recently got a new role QML for VL team so im excited with the stuff im to do for the programme
@CaringBrit I love the VL program; it helps so many listeners up their skills. Thank you for doing this work!