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It's Not Your Fault

Heather225 September 12th

It’s not your fault.

What has happened to you is not your fault.

The challenges and hardships you’ve endured at the hands of someone else are not a reflection of your character. The harm that’s been done is not a testament to your worth.

I can say this because I’ve been there, too.

I wrestled with self-loathing for years. I was raised in a toxic abusive environment by parents who were not equipped for the job. They fought relentlessly with the use of emotional warfare with no regard for what I heard and what they subjected me to. I was helpless to do anything to stop the hostility. It was over my head. They used threats I could not hope to understand until I was an adult.

Only after gaining distance from them both could I look back on that part of my life and piece together the puzzle I hadn't been able to see when I was stuck in the middle of it. Unfortunately, once I put it together and viewed the full picture, I started blaming myself for all the things that I believed that maybe, just maybe, I could have prevented, if I just said this, or did that.

What if I had just been more assertive? What if I had just said no?

What if, what if, what ifs ruled my thoughts, clouding my judgment, and instead of being the closest friend I needed to be, to the inner child relying on me, I was making an enemy out of myself.

I did quite a bit of soul-searching, but the reality is it took people around me—external voices—who heard my story to give me perspective and show me that I was hurting myself.

You were a child. How were you supposed to know? 

It hit home. I was a child. Accepting that was hard but in doing so, I took the first step to forgive myself for the pain I put myself through.

The sky opened, and a shower of catharsis washed over me. For the first time, I felt this wonderful freeing thing called validation. 

Feeling validated roused this sense of empowerment and ignited a newfound curiosity to find out if I was not as alone as I led myself to believe through my pain-driven isolation. I sought out to hear other stories. I listened to countless cases of similar suffering and as heartbreaking as it was to hear them, it was deeply soothing to realize that I am not alone. Not at all. I just needed to open up and talk.

By recognizing that I was a survivor, I could release the unnecessary burden of guilt, shame, and self-hatred.

I can’t begin to know what you’re going through, but what I do know is that you are not responsible for the actions others have taken.

For whoever needs to hear this: you did only what you knew how to do. You did the best you could with what you had.

Sometimes, bad things happen to good people, and there’s nothing you could have done to avoid it. It's okay to acknowledge that and to give yourself grace.

You can’t change your past, but as they say, “hindsight is 20/20.” You are accountable for one person: you. Let go of what you think you could have done, and focus on what you can do now, and you’ll find glimmers of hope where there weren’t before.

You may even find some of those glimmers right here in our community.

It’s not your fault. Don’t be afraid to break the cycle and cut yourself loose because you will not fall. We will be waiting here to catch you. It’s one of the bravest most empowering things you could ever do.

-

To those who are struggling, I hope reading this brings you comfort, and return to this post whenever you need a reminder to practice self-compassion. 💙

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Sunisshiningandsoareyou September 12th

@Heather225

This is so heart-felt, H.🥹❤

Ive kinda lost all words, this is just so beautiful and something everyone should hear and hear often. Thank youuu for being the brave one, and for sharing. Sending all the glitter sparkles of comfort and safe love to little-you.✨❤✨

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CrescentSkylar September 12th

@Heather225

Thank you for this

1 reply
Heather225 OP September 16th

@CrescentSkylar

you're very welcome 🥰

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Conflicts September 12th

@Heather225, I'm sorry but it is my fault, it's always my fault

2 replies
eternalHeart2708 September 16th

I don’t know what happened but remember we’re humans and we’re bound to make mistakes. It might take a while to learn from them but hey we’re human. I hope you get better ❤️

1 reply
Conflicts September 16th

@eternalHeart2708 thank you, but I make terrible mistakes and I don't think all humans bound to it

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FamilyMan242 September 12th

@Heather225 thank you for sharing, to your point, persons in similar situations tend to think they are the only ones, I have struggled with this illusion, however I am actively working to get out of it, thanks to those who are around me.

1 reply
Heather225 OP September 16th

@FamilyMan242

i am glad to hear you're actively trying to break the illusion and that you seem to have a support system to help! i am also pulling for you!

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hi66666 September 12th

@Heather225

thank u u don't know how much this means to me 

1 reply
Heather225 OP September 12th

@hi66666

I'm so glad to hear it. 🥰

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LittleBirdie30 September 12th

@Heather225 Proud of you, H ❤️

AnnaSilverberg September 13th
@Heather225

It takes a lot of strength to show our vulnerability,
but here, you do so in such a compassionate and 
genuine way, as well as bringing such a strong
and supportive message at the same time. 

Thank you so much for sharing your story,
I know how it feels to blame ourselves,
to rather focus on the fault being ours,
when it truly never wasn't to begin with.
You deserve all the wonderful magic
that can be found within this world.
You are a kind, caring and a truly
wonderful person, you are magic!
✨💙✨
✨ 
reliableeagle6670 September 13th

@Heather225

Well said! Thank you!

1 reply
Heather225 OP September 16th

@reliableeagle6670

thank you so much! means a lot ❤️

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tryingtosurvive2024 September 13th

Life is not a tame animal.  Really, all you can do in life is the best you can.  Thank you for writing this.

2 replies
Heather225 OP September 16th

@tryingtosurvive2024

life is not a tame animal - that's such a truth. thanks for sharing and for reading

1 reply
tryingtosurvive2024 September 17th

@Heather225  There is a saying that hurting people, hurt people.  It takes someone who can break the circle.  Your post sounds like you broke the circle of pain in your life.  :)

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YourCaringConfidant September 13th

@Heather225 I'm 6 hours late reading this, but I'm so glad I seen this. Reading your story really touched my heart. ♡ I applaud you for being brave and sharing that with all of us here. I'm sure it's something many of us can relate to. Looking at you, I see someone who is strong and inspiring. I wholeheartedly believe everything happens for a reason and everything we go through contributes to us being the person we are. You are truly a remarkable person and I'm happy you broke the cycle. I'm happy you were able to learn to forgive so your life can blossom. I'm proud of you and I want you to always know how amazing you are. Sending you the biggest hug your way! ♡

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