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tryingtosurvive2024
1 30,513 M Determined Treads 1
PathStep 4 Compassion hearts3,874 Forum posts1,471 Forum upvotes3,506 Current upvotes3,506 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2025 Member sinceJanuary 22, 2024
Bio

I am a 45 year old single guy.  I like computers, model airplanes.  God is very important to me.  I'm trying to survive life.  I struggle with a learning disability.  I have other mental health problems, such as, OCD, Mixed Personality Disorder, Loneliness, Anxiety, and Depression sometimes.

I have been alone for so long, that I feel like something inside of me has broke.  When I try to talk to some people, I freeze up.












Recent forum posts
tryingtosurvive2024 profile picture
I feel lost for words.
Self-Esteem / by tryingtosurvive2024
Last post
 Monday
...See more Whenever I am talking to someone I feel scared.  I feel scared that I might say the wrong thing that will end whatever good is happening.  Lately my fear has gotten so strong that sometimes I'm afraid to even reply back.  My title says, "I feel lost for words."  When I was younger I tried to default to humor, but I don't think most people like my humor.  So my freedom of humor has pretty much disappeared.  Cause I don't want to offend anyone.  I'm just not good enough for conversation, I feel.  I didn't used to feel this way.  But now days I find myself feeling this way all the time.
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Why I Am Not A Member Of The Local Radio Control Airplane Club
Hobby Zone / by tryingtosurvive2024
Last post
 Sunday
...See more I've been wanting to write this, but I'm having trouble writing it.  On an emotional level I'm tired and feeling burned out.  But this subject came to me last night. It is hard to decide on how far back I want to start my story.  Cause I could go all the way back to when I got started in radio control.  That would take you all the way back to the late 1980's, and early 1990's.  I could talk about the first time I tried to fly R/C with my dad and how that was a complete failure.  Then I could talk about 13 year old model speed boat with an engine, and how trying to start that engine caused me to buy a book about model engines.  Then I could talk about the combination of studying that book and building our first speed boat inspired dad and I to try flying again.  Only this time we built a plane and joined a local airplane club. So yes, in the very beginning of flying R/C I was a member of a local airplane club. As playing member/student I was a part of the club.  But on a social level I was not.  There was two older individuals who kinda helped me get started.  But they didn't want to be involved with me.  They were old and just wanted to enjoy the few years they had left.  Finally I got a hold of a flight instructor and my instruction began.  He was very nice guy, and a very patient teacher.  But not long after He had taught me to fly his job caused him to take his family and move to another state.  I never saw him again.  Also after I graduated High School, the club dues went up.  Since my family own's 97 acre farm, my dad decided that we should drop the club and just fly at home.  That is what we have been doing ever since. As I have progressed in the hobby my airplanes got bigger.  Larger models are easier to see and fly.  However they are harder to transport unless you are willing to play the money for a truck and sometimes a trailer to haul such models.  You can take the wings off the airplanes, but depending on the model, that isn't always easy.  My Biplane takes me about 30 minutes to put the two wings on it.  And that would be working at it as fast as I can do it.  There are a lot of little screws and nuts and washers involved. I don't own a truck and trailer for transportation. My dad and I came up with the idea of going out to the club and see if we could get anyone interested in flying from our field.  Not as a way to take them away from the club, just as some place they could come and fly when they wanted something a little different.  When we went there and offered this idea, nobody we talked too was interested. The last I heard the local club has moved to another field.  I asked the local hobby shop owner, where they moved too.  He tried to give me a map.  My dad looked at it and He couldn't understand where that location is.  My dad is actually good at reading maps, and used to plot out our family vacations.  But in this case He couldn't understand this one.  I also tried finding it with my GPS, and that didn't work either.  So currently I don't even know where they are flying now. Our local hobby shop is not in good condition.  The person who runs the place is already retired, and He's talked about closing shop, so that him and his wife can travel more.  If that happens I might even be able to continue buying fuel for my planes anyways. In the next year or so, my parents are planning on moving.  Since I am not married, and they are the only family and friends I have, I will be moving with them.  After that I don't know if I'm going to continue in the hobby at all, or just a little bit with some of the smaller models that I already fly at the school, I clean. Anyways that should give you an overview of why I'm not apart of the local flying club.
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What is this error code mean?
General Support / by tryingtosurvive2024
Last post
 February 15th
...See more Uh oh! An error was encountered saving your post. (Code 064) I was trying to post something and I got this error code.  What does it mean?
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I am not joking. I'm not making this up. I can not connect with people.
General Support / by tryingtosurvive2024
Last post
 Saturday
...See more I can not connect with people.  Whenever I try I come up dry.  22 years of it, or longer is enough to tell me it can not be done.
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You Will Never Understand Me. I will never Understand you. (poem)
Poetry / by tryingtosurvive2024
Last post
 Sunday
...See more I am a fool, I am bad, I hope it made you glad, that I admit it. I'm stuck, right where I am... Nobody cares.  Why should you? You got your life and I got mine. I sorta got mine... It must be nice to be like you.  Things working like they should... Nothing works for me like they should.  I'm stuck... You don't understand, and nor do you care. One thing is true, Life isn't fair.
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More Pain (Poem)
Poetry / by tryingtosurvive2024
Last post
 February 8th
...See more The pain never stops, It just keeps coming. No matter what I do, It will find me again. It is as if I sinned. The people in my online life? They always want to get rid of me... The people in my real life.  Always want to get rid of me. Don't you see, people don't want me.... What is wrong with me? I probably will never know... Melt down. Wear a frown. Doesn't matter they never want me around. Drowning in my own self pity,   Find one more thing wrong with me? You can always find something to blame... Something to name... Is there no escape? Is there no way to feel complete? I pray but my words seem to go nowhere. I try my best to be kind, and love you as if you were mine. But that don't matter either. I'm going to bed sad. Why must I feel so bad?
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Does anyone ever feel like they get into trouble for all the wrong reasons?
General Support / by tryingtosurvive2024
Last post
 February 10th
...See more I was raised in a family that taught me to follow the rules.  For as long as I can remember I always tried my best to stay out of trouble  But no matter how hard I try to be good and follow the rules, I still find myself in trouble.  Mostly I'm referring to the internet, and some stuff at work. I don't really want to talk about what happens at work.  But for now, I feel like saying something about the internet.  In 22 years I couldn't even begin to tell you how many different social networking sites I've been to.  I can't tell you how many different chat rooms I've been too.  I can't tell you how many forums I've been too.  But one common thing that really troubles me is this.  Not matter how hard I try to follow the rules and find a place to fit in.  As soon as I find something to do on a site that I think is good, someone will put the squash on it.  Many times I have had to leave a site due to someone in authority who just didn't like one thing I did.  It could be adding too many people.  Sending too many messages.  It could be writing in a thread that for some reason they don't think I should be writing in.  Even if I had done so for a couple of years!  BTW that really did happen!  They might not like my writing style.  You don't split up your paragraphs enough.  BTW that complaint happened.  When it comes to email, I recently ran into a situation where I am not allowed to send file attachments cause it supposedly crashes their email.  All I'm trying to say is, constantly little things here and there, that I stumble across.  After a while I start to feel like I'm not allowed to do anything! This one was funny.  I was sitting in a dead chat room.  Nobody was saying anything.  I was so lonely I started writing in the third person.  That woke up a moderator.  "you are not allowed to write in the third person."  I remember even being in some Chat rooms that would kick you out if you told them that you were feeling depressed.  Sadly I was feeling depressed, and yes I got kicked out for letting them know that. I don't understand how it is that I'm someone that seems to trip over something that gets himself into trouble.  Sometimes I'll even read the long terms and conditions in hopes that I won't get into trouble.  And yet something once again will come up and soon I find myself having an issue.  It is like no matter what I do, I can't be good enough.
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