The Story of You
We love stories. Be it a book that you can’t put down or a movie that has you on the edge of your seat, stories are great because we don’t have to do anything but experience them. They pull you in and you follow the flow as the narrative unfolds.
Our brains are wired for stories, and storytelling. Most of our history has been passed on through spoken or written word. It is how our ancestors made sense of the world and found purpose in life. They would tell stories around campfires, a ritual still done today. These stories would be simplified and then shared with others, and on and on.
Stories have a way of saying
A) this is where we came from,
B) this is where we are now, and
C) this is where we are going.
They bring cohesion to life and help us find meaning.
Many of the larger groups that we are a part of tell stories too - companies, charities and even countries. Stories are powerful because they bind us together and help us work towards a future we all agree upon and want to see happen.
And when you think of 7 Cups, we are millions of people - millions of stories - that all get woven into the larger story that is 7 Cups. I see it as a book we are all writing together. We just celebrated our 10th birthday where we shared our story and told it in a deliberate manner. For this post though, I want us all to think of our individual stories.
There is a type of therapy called narrative therapy. The basic idea is to tell a story about your life. You are the hero of the story and the central character. Who are the supporting characters? What are the chapters in the story? Chapters often have to do with transitions like starting a new role or moving. There are natural chapter breaks in our lives.
Here is a simple outline for a 3 part story:
A) this is where I came from - here are the challenges I faced and how they impacted my life.
B) this is where I am now - this is how I am adapting and, if possible, overcoming the challenges I’m facing.
C) this is where I am going - I experienced this pain or went through these challenges and now I am giving back to others to redeem the suffering.
For example, my quick story might look like this.
A) Where I came from - My parents did their best, but faced a lot of challenges. They were not super equipped for managing life or emotional pain. I needed to step up to help learn how to manage pain, persevere, and find a path through for myself and those I love.
B) Where I am now - I have been through lots of therapy, have an amazing wife, have a lot of great people I work with, and an awesome support system of people on 7 Cups and off 7 Cups that support me and believe in me. I have healed from a lot of pain.
C) Where I am going - The lessons I learned early on, and all the healing that has happened, has given me a unique way to come alongside others and work with them to help find better ways of supporting people to reduce suffering. The work I do on 7 Cups redeems the pain that I have experienced throughout life. It brings me meaning, purpose, and joy. We have come far, but we have a long way to go.
When we face challenges in life, we develop defenses or coping mechanisms as a way of learning how to manage them. For example, for me, I learned how to take care of others. If I could take care of them and get them to a good spot, then there would be less pain for me and the overall family. This was adaptive and good, but I also overused this defense and ended up spending too much time worrying about others. Over time, and through lots of love and compassion, I’ve healed and now have better boundaries.
Sometimes we don’t like being in our story. It can be easy to think that our story will start when X happens. My story will start when I graduate, or get this job, or get in this relationship. There is something we look forward to that takes us out of the now and says our story will begin when X is accomplished. This often happens when we do not like the part of the story we are in now, usually because it is difficult or challenging.
But stories often are never-ending journeys, untapped talents or memories, all waiting to be told.
I like to think that most of the time life unfolds or provides us with tailored problems or personalized challenges that meet us where we are to take that next step on the journey. The problem IS the path is a saying you’ll hear often on 7 Cups. For these reasons and others, it is important to know that your story has been unfolding, is unfolding now, and will continue unfolding in the future. All of our stories are now. We are in them as we breathe, eat, play video games or even watch a show.
7 Cups is an emotional support service that works through sending messages. When you string those messages together they tell a story. It might be just one part of a story (eg., I'm uncertain and worried about my relationship with my partner; I’m struggling financially and I don’t know how to get enough money for these new expenses) - but it is still a story. And when someone listens, they validate us; they help us learn how to better see and articulate our story. We become more aware and can see our own life unfold - the narrative arc - and begin to hope for better futures.
This community is made up of remarkable people. I have been in tough spots and people have listened to me. I’ve shared my story and I have listened to others. There is always a warm bowl of soup and a spot by the campfire that is 7 Cups. Thank you for sharing your stories here and thank you for listening.
If you’d like to experiment with the above exercise here, then share your 3 part story below. The most important part here is to keep it high level, not to go too deep/painful or share anything identifiable or too personal (1:1 chat and group is great for this though). We are going for a sketch to show the throughline - this is where I came from, this is where I am and this is where I’m going. And if you are interested in learning more then you can also check out the hero’s journey.
What an insightful post, Glen! I am so glad you shared your story with us, as I believe all of our stories are what bring us together. I have really enjoyed reading your stories to those who have shared and it is so inspiring to see how you each support those around you.
Where I came from
I came from a difficult background, and it was challenging and hugely lacking in love, attention, and guidance. I grew up very quickly and had to experiment with life to figure out my path, which felt very unknown when I was growing up.
Where I am now
I am in a good place right now, and I try to give my family and those around me all the love and attention I didn’t feel I had growing up. I am so honoured to be part of 7 Cups because it brings me to my passion for helping others that are suffering through listening, serving, and supporting them. I know I am on the right path and surrounded by people who bring meaning into my life.
Where I am going
I am committed to being a lifelong learner and will continue my journey of ensuring people feel less alone, heard, and understood. The future is unknown, but taking steps toward meaning and that help me find purpose in life are good indicators of where the path will eventually lead.
@LisaMeighanMScGMBPsS Lisa, we are very fortunate to have you on the team supporting our community and clinicians. You are a source of positivity, compassion, and empathy. This is a little bit of a unique situation we have here at 7 Cups - trained active listeners + clinicians + technology - and you navigate it like a pro - leading with warmth and hope. Thank you! 💗
@GlenM
Fictional three-part Victory Narrative story in 7 minutes—the time that is given for shares in Sharing Circle:
♡🦁🌹 Where I came from: As a Lion Cub, I was born in a forest and given away at birth to my grandmother Lioness, who raised me of her free will, and who taught me her ways. I was a reader at age three and wore glasses at age 7. I read all of CS Lewis’s books, starting with “The Lion, the witch and the wardrobe,” but also all the tales of Narnia, collected letters of C.S. Lewis, as well as much other reading, tearing through most of the libraries. Focus on books that currently have been banned. Believed in a victory narrative even when things got tough. At some point, fighting Evil became a Mission.
♡🦁🌹Where I am now: Lioness, Wife, Mother, Author, Consultant, Ice Skater, working Crisis Lines, holding Preemie babies in the hospital, expat, harboring a homeless and undocumented tent family, providing room/board, computer access and jobs and access to studies for this family. I read the Bible these days, spend a lot of time writing, and way too much time on 7 cups trying to answer people’s pleas for help, also Mod and Community Leader. Passionate about Sharing Circles and Positivity Corner Gratitude Circles, as well as the history and origin of these Sharing Spaces from Indigenous Peoples.
♡🦁🌹Where I am going: Elder Lioness, hopeful for grandchildren cubs someday, my books will be translated into many languages and distributed around the world as an earthquake of illumination and knowledge in my professional field of expertise, my grave will be under a large thousands-of-years-old tree with strong roots that probably will crack the coffin open. I may or may not re-appear as a zombie, depending on whether this is also a horror story.
:24 sec left. Thank you for this opportunity to share. Please pray, or at least think warm and healing thoughts, for yourself and for the peoples of Hawaii that they are safe, fed and that the wildfires can be brought under control.
Love ♡ and Courage 🦁, Tas 🌹
@VioletVeritas love this story and well done in under 7 minutes! Thank you for all that you do here and how you are looking out for others locally. AWESOME! We need this kind of big hearted love that is also pragmatic to make change. Encouraging to see!
I'm a big fan of CS Lewis too :). I like the image of the tree and coffin, but hope you don't come back as a zombie.
To keep with the sharing circle theme: way to go!
@VioletVeritas we are a lot alike!!!
Thanks teammate loved this share!!
Thank you GlenM! The reason why your post immediately caught my eye was because I've fairly recently adapted a mantra "It's all about the story". It helped me through some really tough times, when I questioned whether I want to continue my story at all. But now I'm curious how it goes. Because really, you never know how it will end! Better stick out until the finale.
This is my first post as I haven't been on 7 Cups for too long. Please bear with me.
This is where I came from:
Early childhood is the happiest I've ever felt in my life. Until I turned 8. Combination of my parent's hardships and them struggling to fulfill parental duties ended up crashing and burning the "family" we once were, affecting them as well as everyone around them. While everyone managed to move on, me, the smallest of the family struggled many years past that.
This is where I am now:
After many years of being pushed away by people who are supposed to care about me I have developed a defence-mechanism that makes it hard for me to trust, be vulnerable and make healthy connections with other people. I have a more stable life around me, but inside I still feel lost, scared and alone. Yet, I still have an insatiable need to help others however I can, to make them feel heard and cared for.
This is where I'm going:
Through trials and tribulations of every day emotional and mental struggles, I still don't give up. I am working on being kinder to myself, setting healthier boundaries, learning new skills and opening my mind to other, better, possibilities.
Thank you.
@WhereIsHappiness welcome and so glad you posted! And good to hear that story idea resonates with you. I like your focus on curiosity; I also share that and am often surprised how things unfold. I think life is just more complicated than many of us can truly understand.
And way to persevere and continue to move forward through the challenges!
Glad you found us :)
You are so right! Life has become extremely complicated and not everyone is equipped with tools to swim through it successfully. Hardly anyone, if you really get to think about it.
Thank you for a warm welcome and a wonderful topic! It was an interesting experience to look into others' and my own life from a birds view perspective.
I'm glad I found you as well :)
- I was born with a scoop of the intellectual brilliance that runs in my father's family, &--as it turned out--some lack of physical stoutness, manifested in little health issues (that was typical of my mother). I was also sensitive as a child, which didn't help. I also had a drive to create, & enough coordination & visual acuity to make use of it. My childhood was hard at times; my late teens & young adulthood were much worse.
- After pulling free of my family my fortunes improved both financially & mentally. Life had its challenges; I dealt with some of them while others weren't worth my time. I went through a partying phase, too. All in all I had a good run. Then due to the area I was living in + my hereditary frailty mentioned earlier, my main chronic condition developed. Since then I've learned to live within limits set by it. I still do art & DIY projects when circumstances permit it.
- Let's be realistic: where I am going is the same place we're all going, sooner or later. The grass & flowers need to get their nutrients from something, after all... Short of that, my life's direction is something I've been thinking about lately. Are there things I should do while I still have some ability, before old age & decrepitude set in? Possibly... Is being an artist/craftsman good for the highest priority in my life? It has been for decades; now I'm wondering if I should wear other hats. The journey continues for as long as I breathe.
@slowdecline48
Quite poetically conveyed, thank you for sharing.
@VeeoStar -
I was never a poet; the garden, I had to h0e it; hope I don't blow it!... 🤪
@slowdecline48 thank you for sharing! remarkable that the arts have supported you for years and years. that is wonderful and a rare occurrence!
@GlenM Perhaps "supported" isn't quite the right word, if we're talking about finances... But seriously, art (& more recently, woodwork & occasionally macrame & other stuff) has been one of the few constants in my life up to now.
@slowdecline48 I feel much the same!!
Artist here.
Hey if you enjoy digital art, apply to be a smile spreader here!
@GlenM
Love to read stuff like this, knowing that we are not alone. Thank you GlenM
As for me:
Where I came from: Well I had a decent childhood, all monetary things were taken care of (basic needs) But the emotional side was never there. I grew up with the "glass half empty" mindset and never learned or was taught to express my feelings. Just bottle it up inside and pretend it was never there. But my parents were like that and I DO blame them but I DON'T in a way as well.
Where I am now: Its taken me 38 years to finally realize that I have to face my emotions and learn ways to cope with them. I have learned different coping strategies on 7 cups and off 7 cups which have helped tremendously with my uneasiness and nervousness over the last 38 years years. I am a work in progress and knowing that I am not alone eases my negative thoughts. I will not give up. We only live once and we got to make the most of it.
Where I'm going: I am an ambitious person and want to do multiple things for monetary reasons but also now spiritually and emotionally. I grew up thinking about physical things as that's all I knew, but now I am determined to look inside and let my emotional and spiritual being blossom like a cocoon turning into a butterfly. My priority right now is to be comfortable with myself and not live in the past and be more in the present and enjoy what life has to offer. Be more grateful :) with the simple things in life like taking a walk in nature, smiling at people who I pass by, maybe even say hi (you never know what they are gong through), taking in the sun and a deep breath of fresh air... you get the drift. Overall, I am focusing on my internal being to reflect what I know I can and will be externally and vice versa. Facing my demons after a long time will be tough but I am up for the challenge and accept everything that comes my way whether negative or positive. I am ready!!!
@Mozymad lots of wisdom here! i like the points that we are all a work in progress and we have a limited time here. and i thoroughly believe you are up for the challenge!
@Mozymad Your childhood is very similar to mine. I learned how to mask my emotions at a young age and was never taught how to express myself. Later I was accused of not having a personality. I am trying hard to stay positive in the face of negativity and I hope to be where you are in the future. That's why I joined 7 cups.
@GlenM
I beg to differ Glen, this is my story. How did you know?
A)
Where I came from - My parents did their best, but faced a lot of
challenges. They were not super equipped for managing life or emotional
pain. I needed to step up to help learn how to manage pain, persevere,
and find a path through for myself and those I love.
B)
Where I am now - I have been through lots of therapy, have an amazing
wife, have a lot of great people I work with, and an awesome support
system of people on 7 Cups and off 7 Cups that support me and believe in
me. I have healed from a lot of pain.
C)
Where I am going - The lessons I learned early on, and all the healing
that has happened, has given me a unique way to come alongside others
and work with them to help find better ways of supporting people to
reduce suffering. The work I do on 7 Cups redeems the pain that I have
experienced throughout life. It brings me meaning, purpose, and joy. We
have come far, but we have a long way to go.
❤
@GlenM hi I'm lola ❤
Where I came from- I was born into a christian cult. It was a big cult they own several places around America. Luckily the part I was in was a old farm land and not that big. Children born into the cult were either sold or kept for slaves. I was a slave for 18 years
where I am know - after the law enforcement rescued me and some other slaves. I had to move country were I could be safe and unde r government protection. I also needed to be put in a place were I could have 24 hour car e. So I ended up in a old folks nursing home. My spine was broken and half my fingers cut off, I ended up having to have my legs amputated after I was rescued. But now I'm safe and happy 😁 and I'm treated like a princess here ❤
where I'm going- one day I want to be a explorer😁 it might just seem a silly fantasy right now. But you never know. But honestly I'm really thankful, and grateful to be where I am. I have more than I ever could of imagined😁 I'm very very lucky ❤
@Tinywhisper11
Hi, Lola, This is just a girl exploring with her horse. Lotsa love, Tas
Thank you for sharing this... I'm so glad you are in a better place and feel yourself very lucky. My best wishes for your future adventures :)
@VeeoStar ❤❤ thankyou ❤❤
@Tinywhisper11
Again...what you have survived and gone through is utterly phenomenal.
You don't live to 18 unless you are special, and you are that, so much.
Keep sharing, Tiny!!!
Oh, my little love!! What a spirit you have with a heart and soul of wisdom and resillience!! And bravery in sharing your story! Speaking from experience, please be vigilant in protecting your heart and well-being as there are those in this world who look for our types, kind and empathic souls where their wonderful traits are exploited by rancid people. But you sound happy and healthy and SAFE and for that I am grateful!
I will leave you with a quote. It is actually a lyric from a song. It is bittersweet to me because it was something my brother gave me as a gift long ago, but he has since ostracized and abandoned me, so it has a sharp edge about it now. But I think of the quote often and it does direct me all the time, despite the events that have happened since I was originally given it. It applies always, in good times and bad, with loved ones or alone, it ALWAYS rings true:
💕 Fly high, my little love. With blessings from above. Now let the day begin! 💕
I send you much love and light! 🤗😊🥰💜
@GlenM
A) this is where I came from - like many others, I came from a childhood where I was provided well physically, but mental welfare was not just neglected but denied. I knew something was wrong and was convinced it was me.
B) this is where I am now - I'm angry that I not only missed out on the tools needed to be happy, but I was left feeling the lack was my fault. I'm learning how to move on from that anger. I'm learning the skills I find I'm missing.
C) this is where I am going - I want to continue filling in the gaps. I don't feel any need to give back to redeem the suffering. I just want to learn how to enjoy my life and not pass the suffering on. And if I help some people in the process, that's a bonus.
I'm impressed by the stories of people who have come from similar places to mine and have made it out the other side before resources like 7 cups existed. You inspire me.
@GlenM
this is where we came from, this is where we are and this is where we are going - i think that this statement can help anyone identify with who they are and why they are.
where you come from is your heritage, your upbringing and your values.
where you are is your current self and situation.
where you are going is the path of life that you decide to lead and/or follow.
